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New to the lifestyle - 2/25/2006 8:18:27 AM   
september


Posts: 26
Joined: 1/17/2006
Status: offline 		I am new to the lifestyle but know this is where I belong. I had my first Dom experience last week and found it intoxicating. I am basically looking for a submissive for total control. What I find most inviting is the voluntary submission of power. For me, this is more a lifestyle. I am very assertive in the vanilla world and enjoy power situations there also. While I know the Dom-Sub life is a bit more magical, I don't really have an on and off switch. I don't feel ashamed or anything. I just like it and have shared my feelings with a few friends, including my roommate.

In addition, I am kind of feeling my way around this BDSM. I am not into as much pain as are the submissives that have contacted me. I am amazed at how far they ask me to go without knowing me. I mean I want to explore a lot but slapping and spitting, which seems to be a crowd pleaser, is out for me. I know I am in control but I guess I just want to say to someone who understands tht it gives me pause. I have been honest with the submissives who have asked but they all keep hinting. And some of this is just thinking out loud.

My question is, I'm just a regular gal, no dungeon, I share an apartment with a roommate, etc. I think my big intimidation is that I am not all leather slicked out with a lot of toys and suspension machines. I don't present the great force to be reckoned with facade. I'm just looking for a servant boy to live for my every whim. Counsel me great Doms, I appreciate your wisdom and generosity.
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: New to the lifestyle - 2/25/2006 8:52:37 AM   
Real0ne


Posts: 21189
Joined: 10/25/2004
Status: offline 		there arent any rules. its really whatever suits you at whatever level suits you.

i think its incorrect to think leather must be part of it. domme in its pure sense is just a leader or someone who has people following nothing more.

so you will run across people that are way heavier into it than you and way lighter and anywhere between.

just find someone who fits you thats all that is important

_____________________________

"We the Borg" of the us imperialists....resistance is futile

Democracy; The 'People' voted on 'which' amendment?

Yesterdays tinfoil is today's reality!

"No man's life, liberty, or property is safe while the legislature is in session

(in reply to september)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: New to the lifestyle - 2/25/2006 8:56:34 AM   
september


Posts: 26
Joined: 1/17/2006
Status: offline 		Thank you for your wisdom. In reading your words, I am more confident. I am a leader and that is, excuse the pun, how I will attack it. I am a strong person and I know what I want. Thank you for the support.

(in reply to Real0ne)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: New to the lifestyle - 2/25/2006 9:12:58 AM   
yourMissTress


Posts: 1665
Joined: 6/14/2005
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline
quote:

My question is, I'm just a regular gal, no dungeon, I share an apartment with a roommate, etc. I think my big intimidation is that I am not all leather slicked out with a lot of toys and suspension machines. I don't present the great force to be reckoned with facade. I'm just looking for a servant boy to live for my every whim. Counsel me great Doms, I appreciate your wisdom and generosity.


Hello september and welcome to the boards!

None of us started out with a fully equipped dungeon and all the fetishwear we could want. We all started just like you, with a knowledge that this was something we wanted and we all had to find our own way down the path. I have a few suggestions for you, take what you need and leave the rest:

1) Read everything you can find on the subject of BDSM. Fictional stories are nice because they can give you some good ideas, but read some non-fiction as well. There are lots of books out there.

2) Get to know yourself who you are and what you want from life. Know your core values and how they fit into BDSM. Know what you want from a sub/slave before you take responsibility for one.

3) Get out into your local BDSM community, attend some munches and meet people that are practicing and living the lifestyle so that you have a realistic idea of what to expect.

4) Find a person (that would not be in your dating pool) whom you trust and respect to be a mentor.

5) Follow those gut instincts and have fun.

_____________________________

Tress


"If you have to tell people that you are a lady, you are not." My Grandmother


(in reply to september)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: New to the lifestyle - 2/25/2006 10:31:46 AM   
PWillow


Posts: 5
Joined: 2/11/2006
From: Maine (Now in Philadelphia)
Status: offline 		As a sub who dose not have a lot of experiance with pain, or all the toys, you are at the beginning of a grand adventure, and the D.C. area has a lot to offer.

_____________________________

Pain must be understood, and first impressions digested.
An open mind is a wounderful thing to find and explore ;)

(in reply to yourMissTress)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: New to the lifestyle - 2/25/2006 3:02:56 PM   
september


Posts: 26
Joined: 1/17/2006
Status: offline 		thank you for your kind words TRESS. And pwillow, I am pretty stoked for the journey. I am a little frustrated with these subs who just beg me to humiliate them. And I understand that is all they want. If that is all I wanted I could just go to McDonalds and torture the person at the front counter. I mostly want the sweet surrender of another and that fantastic connection that goes with it.

(in reply to PWillow)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: New to the lifestyle - 2/25/2006 3:20:51 PM   
theRose4U


Posts: 3403
Joined: 8/22/2005
Status: offline
quote:

My question is, I'm just a regular gal, no dungeon, I share an apartment with a roommate, etc. I think my big intimidation is that I am not all leather slicked out with a lot of toys and suspension machines. I don't present the great force to be reckoned with facade. I'm just looking for a servant boy to live for my every whim. Counsel me great Doms, I appreciate your wisdom and generosity.


Even with a boy in tow if we walked past each other in the costco you'd never have any idea either...unless you happened to secretly catch me trying pervables out
My first suggestion is to garage sale, thrift store whatever and find a really nice trunk that matches your normal surroundings and has the ability to be locked.
READ, READ and read some more. Technique is something that is safer learned solo with some impliments. For "tools" start with pervables...innocent easily denyable products with kinky uses.

www.frugaldomme.com is one of my favorite place for ideas. MANY of my favorite toys began their life in the bargain bin of housewares.

http://www.geocities.com/Wellesley/Garden/8396/introduction.html
this is another of my fave femmeDomme sites.

Learning yourself and harnessing that energy is important. What goes on behind closed doors is no one elses business. Roommates are a little more difficult to deal with at first but they will also be the first to notice the changes in you. Kink 101 with someone new is probably better done in private.


*edited to add* Pervs, whack offs and do-me boys abound. It sounds like you can already sort the wankers from those that are at all desirable.


< Message edited by theRose4U -- 2/25/2006 3:23:52 PM >

(in reply to september)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: New to the lifestyle - 2/25/2006 4:28:33 PM   
september


Posts: 26
Joined: 1/17/2006
Status: offline 		yes, yes, I am more confident with every post. Tonight I have a little submissive coming over just for a little fun. I am trying some mini-no strings (and of course no sex) practice Domming to get my sea legs. I hope you will not mine me sharing my reaction to the night. I know for you all this is old hat but the newness has me wet.

(in reply to theRose4U)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: New to the lifestyle - 2/25/2006 4:39:10 PM   
MistressOfGa


Posts: 2929
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: september



My question is, I'm just a regular gal, no dungeon, I share an apartment with a roommate, etc. I think my big intimidation is that I am not all leather slicked out with a lot of toys and suspension machines. I don't present the great force to be reckoned with facade. I'm just looking for a servant boy to live for my every whim. Counsel me great Doms, I appreciate your wisdom and generosity.

Hi September, welcome to the boards <s>

I will share with you what I tell subs before I meet them in real life. "If you are expecting me to show up with a flogger in one hand and a strap-on in the other, you will be sadly disappointed". With these words I am telling them that I am just a regular woman who will be as natural as I please on our first meet. However, don't under-estimate my power <s> I may be short, but I carry a long stick (or cane) lol

_____________________________





(in reply to september)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: New to the lifestyle - 2/25/2006 4:39:40 PM   
jamesthehumanrug


Posts: 668
Joined: 10/21/2005
Status: offline 		greetings, september,
oh how i will,always need you ,can i see you is all my eyes can say....,but, anyway,
.....if i have your permission, to add my inferior comment, to your gracious post, see my words ,ALWAYS ,under you;
....
quote:

ORIGINAL: september

I am new to the lifestyle but know this is where I belong. I had my first Dom experience last week and found it intoxicating. I am basically looking for a submissive for total control. What I find most inviting is the voluntary submission of power. For me, this is more a lifestyle. I am very assertive in the vanilla world and enjoy power situations there also. While I know the Dom-Sub life is a bit more magical, I don't really have an on and off switch. I don't feel ashamed or anything. I just like it and have shared my feelings with a few friends, including my roommate.

In addition, I am kind of feeling my way around this BDSM. I am not into as much pain as are the submissives that have contacted me. I am amazed at how far they ask me to go without knowing me. I mean I want to explore a lot but slapping and spitting, which seems to be a crowd pleaser, is out for me. I know I am in control but I guess I just want to say to someone who understands tht it gives me pause. I have been honest with the submissives who have asked but they all keep hinting. And some of this is just thinking out loud.

My question is, I'm just a regular gal, no dungeon, I share an apartment with a roommate, etc. I think my big intimidation is that I am not all leather slicked out with a lot of toys and suspension machines. I don't present the great force to be reckoned with facade. I'm just looking for a servant boy to live for my every whim. Counsel me great Doms, I appreciate your wisdom and generosity.

a. - you find out opposits dont attract is the reality ,esp. , with "roomates"; the more info. you give someone; the more ammo,they have ,to use ,against you later.
IE: you wouldnt want to dominate a king, in royal-circles, and ,then; have a caveman be able to walk up to you later and say, to you; hey!;i know you ! did'nt you tell me you can do that dominant kink ,to a so and so!....
like attracts like,
vanilla has potential,but,
there are simians, in ,both social/intimate-cultures.

b. - i hope you pause ,over me; i'm dreamin ' it ; please; do pause a long time; stop ,and,pause long ,and,hard,over me anytime.....(sorry;lost my mind ,for a moment,but ,only,for a moment,tho...)

c. - ,when space is,not accomodating,enuff,for you ,Goddess;why comprimize? ;use an ,under the bed secreted-slave;,or ,upside-down,in your closet slavey?it's your porogative(don't ask;yes: i got plagiarized ,and,so ripped on that big-hit-song ,too, misstress ,would i lie,to you? ,woops; O.K.; I did ,THAT;one,too; &,lost ,on ,that GIANT-mega-hit-song ,also....)

< Message edited by jamesthehumanrug -- 2/25/2006 4:51:28 PM >

_____________________________

I REMAIN RESPECTFULLY SUBMITTED
,LOVEles,
jamesthehumanrug

(in reply to september)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: New to the lifestyle - 2/25/2006 4:41:18 PM   
MistressOfGa


Posts: 2929
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: september

yes, yes, I am more confident with every post. Tonight I have a little submissive coming over just for a little fun. I am trying some mini-no strings (and of course no sex) practice Domming to get my sea legs. I hope you will not mine me sharing my reaction to the night. I know for you all this is old hat but the newness has me wet.

Oh boy, the day that this stops being new for me, is the day I hang up my old hat <g>
Let us know how it goes!


_____________________________





(in reply to september)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: New to the lifestyle - 2/25/2006 6:00:45 PM   
september


Posts: 26
Joined: 1/17/2006
Status: offline 		In response to jamesthehumanrug, I don't live in any sense of fear that my roommate will use anything against me. I don't live in the world of facade that I have to hide any part of myself from anyone. While I have not shared this new lifestyle with my mother, eventually I will if it becomes a great part of my life. I will share it because she is my mother and I want her to know all parts of seed. Sometimes it takes her aback to know all of me but my mother is, as she says, "A St. Louis Woman" and is strong. What my mother made sure I knew as a child was that there was no way she would ever stop loving me. She did not give me riches but she gave me what she had. So to live in fear of what anyone could use against me is a voyage into futile banter.

I do not concern myself with what people think. I just want to get what I need from whoemver I ask of it. That is why I am concerned with perception. I want to know the best way in to get the most desireable results. I want to know what is the "industry" standard. Thank you

(in reply to MistressOfGa)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: New to the lifestyle - 2/25/2006 10:47:13 PM   
september


Posts: 26
Joined: 1/17/2006
Status: offline 		well, here it is . The Sub, who had been pursuing me, crap out. He just wanted to keep it virutal. He just wanted to look at my pictures, nothing that woud not appear in a high school yearbook, and fataisize at home. I got played. He even had the nerve to say he was coming by cell phone, 45 minutes ahead of time. On the phone he said he was afraid. So I have a lot to learn about honesty. But it is all good, he was practice. He was not aware of how unimportant he was. I am glad for him but said about his lying.

(in reply to september)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: New to the lifestyle - 2/25/2006 11:51:34 PM   
MistressSassy66


Posts: 1675
Joined: 11/5/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: september

I am new to the lifestyle but know this is where I belong. I had my first Dom experience last week and found it intoxicating. I am basically looking for a submissive for total control. What I find most inviting is the voluntary submission of power. For me, this is more a lifestyle. I am very assertive in the vanilla world and enjoy power situations there also. While I know the Dom-Sub life is a bit more magical, I don't really have an on and off switch. I don't feel ashamed or anything. I just like it and have shared my feelings with a few friends, including my roommate.

In addition, I am kind of feeling my way around this BDSM. I am not into as much pain as are the submissives that have contacted me. I am amazed at how far they ask me to go without knowing me. I mean I want to explore a lot but slapping and spitting, which seems to be a crowd pleaser, is out for me. I know I am in control but I guess I just want to say to someone who understands tht it gives me pause. I have been honest with the submissives who have asked but they all keep hinting. And some of this is just thinking out loud.

My question is, I'm just a regular gal, no dungeon, I share an apartment with a roommate, etc. I think my big intimidation is that I am not all leather slicked out with a lot of toys and suspension machines. I don't present the great force to be reckoned with facade. I'm just looking for a servant boy to live for my every whim. Counsel me great Doms, I appreciate your wisdom and generosity.




While I do have a "dungeon space" NOW,its just a spare room completely dedicated to BDSM.
I started small doing scenes at home with what I had.When I couldnt be at home I would go to others homes or hotels(not always a good idea,in hindsight).
My first Domme outfit was a Tank top style,knee-length black dress and a pair of leather boots.I bought a cheap novelty "whip kit".I also brought a great imagination,for using everyday stuff,like ripped up sheet strips for gags,wooden spoons...etc

Its not so much the costume(well it is sometimes,I know when I put My(fav) vinyl one on,I feel evil,more evil than when I wear My white Goddess outfit.) For Me I dont have to really get in character,sort of that way all the time.
But there are times when a special scene requires prep work and getting in character,for instance an inerrogation scene...props and clothing could make it a good scene or a great scene,your abilities can do the same.

Dont sell Yourself short...I dont think anyone here became a succuss overnight.

Welcome to CM,I'm sure You'll find it a great source of help.


_____________________________

Mistress Sassy

http://www.mistresssassy.com

In the Immortal Words of Bob....Fuck the dumb shit.

"I love you not only for what you are,But for what I am when I'm with you."- Opening line from a poem by Roy Croft

(in reply to september)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: New to the lifestyle - 2/25/2006 11:55:43 PM   
Real0ne


Posts: 21189
Joined: 10/25/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MistressSassy66
Its not so much the costume(well it is sometimes,I know when I put My(fav) vinyl one on,I feel evil,more evil than when I wear My white Goddess outfit.)



yeh its amazing how a certain outfit can stir the blood into ne mode or another :)

_____________________________

"We the Borg" of the us imperialists....resistance is futile

Democracy; The 'People' voted on 'which' amendment?

Yesterdays tinfoil is today's reality!

"No man's life, liberty, or property is safe while the legislature is in session

(in reply to MistressSassy66)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: New to the lifestyle - 2/26/2006 12:26:40 AM   
MistressSassy66


Posts: 1675
Joined: 11/5/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Real0ne

quote:

ORIGINAL: MistressSassy66
Its not so much the costume(well it is sometimes,I know when I put My(fav) vinyl one on,I feel evil,more evil than when I wear My white Goddess outfit.)



yeh its amazing how a certain outfit can stir the blood into ne mode or another :)




YES...I love it.
The feeling of transformation form one to other.
The items used also have an amazing affect.
Rope I like,but chain I love...hearing it 'clink' as they walk to the kitchen and get My coffee,which is served on a tray and they have to bring a fresh glass of water...AND remember no spilling it...lol

*note* I awlays make sure they cant trip and are able to walk safely.
My motto is a Hurt submissive...is a no help to Me,and since I want help,they dont get hurt.

_____________________________

Mistress Sassy

http://www.mistresssassy.com

In the Immortal Words of Bob....Fuck the dumb shit.

"I love you not only for what you are,But for what I am when I'm with you."- Opening line from a poem by Roy Croft

(in reply to Real0ne)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: New to the lifestyle - 2/26/2006 1:28:01 AM   
dincubus


Posts: 231
Joined: 10/22/2005
From: South Dakota
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: september

I am new to the lifestyle but know this is where I belong. I had my first Dom experience last week and found it intoxicating. I am basically looking for a submissive for total control. What I find most inviting is the voluntary submission of power. For me, this is more a lifestyle. I am very assertive in the vanilla world and enjoy power situations there also. While I know the Dom-Sub life is a bit more magical, I don't really have an on and off switch. I don't feel ashamed or anything. I just like it and have shared my feelings with a few friends, including my roommate.

In addition, I am kind of feeling my way around this BDSM. I am not into as much pain as are the submissives that have contacted me. I am amazed at how far they ask me to go without knowing me. I mean I want to explore a lot but slapping and spitting, which seems to be a crowd pleaser, is out for me. I know I am in control but I guess I just want to say to someone who understands tht it gives me pause. I have been honest with the submissives who have asked but they all keep hinting. And some of this is just thinking out loud.

My question is, I'm just a regular gal, no dungeon, I share an apartment with a roommate, etc. I think my big intimidation is that I am not all leather slicked out with a lot of toys and suspension machines. I don't present the great force to be reckoned with facade. I'm just looking for a servant boy to live for my every whim. Counsel me great Doms, I appreciate your wisdom and generosity.


september, i am not all of that either, i just have myself, some rope and a few clothespins. lol i am myself basically and if it happens it does, if not.. oh well. just relax be yourself and possibly get in touch with your local scene and see what is there.

(in reply to september)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: New to the lifestyle - 2/26/2006 5:43:01 AM   
MsSonnetMarwood


Posts: 1898
Joined: 2/10/2005
From: Eastern Shore, Maryland
Status: offline
quote:

well, here it is . The Sub, who had been pursuing me, crap out. He just wanted to keep it virutal. He just wanted to look at my pictures, nothing that woud not appear in a high school yearbook, and fataisize at home. I got played. He even had the nerve to say he was coming by cell phone, 45 minutes ahead of time. On the phone he said he was afraid. So I have a lot to learn about honesty. But it is all good, he was practice. He was not aware of how unimportant he was. I am glad for him but said about his lying.



Unfortunately that's how it goes a lot of the time. I rarely meet subs online because I'm not willing to play the games - either the conversation stays fairly vanilla AND we move to meeting for coffee fairly quickly, or I cut off contact pretty quickly.

I also tend to only meet those that have gotten out and about in the local scene to some degree. While there are no guarantees that makes them a "good" person, it DOES tell me that they've gotten off their computer and gone out to meet real people. It is amazing how many have issues about that whole "real" thing.

There's a good Femdom oriented munch in the Laurel, MD area that you may be interested in attending; if you'd like info, drop me an email on here. It was just this past Monday, so it'll be another month be another month before it rolls around.

Just a note about meeting people - it sounds as if you were planning on playing first meet? Generally not a good idea, and not terribly safe. I usually meet a couple times in a social setting (coffee, dinner, movie) before I'd consider playing with them, so I get a decent feel for who they are as a person.

_____________________________

~Ms. Sonnet Marwood~

Deja Moo: The feeling you've heard this bull somewhere before.

(in reply to september)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: New to the lifestyle - 2/26/2006 6:13:19 AM   
september


Posts: 26
Joined: 1/17/2006
Status: offline 		You are right about the first meet. I had been talking to this guy a long time on the computer. He was really into me. Yes, I was being very ravenous. Yes, I was taking a chance, a big chance.

(in reply to MsSonnetMarwood)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: New to the lifestyle - 2/26/2006 5:48:56 PM   
Real0ne


Posts: 21189
Joined: 10/25/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MistressSassy66


quote:

ORIGINAL: Real0ne

quote:

ORIGINAL: MistressSassy66
Its not so much the costume(well it is sometimes,I know when I put My(fav) vinyl one on,I feel evil,more evil than when I wear My white Goddess outfit.)



yeh its amazing how a certain outfit can stir the blood into ne mode or another :)




YES...I love it.
The feeling of transformation form one to other.
The items used also have an amazing affect.
Rope I like,but chain I love...hearing it 'clink' as they walk to the kitchen and get My coffee,which is served on a tray and they have to bring a fresh glass of water...AND remember no spilling it...lol

*note* I awlays make sure they cant trip and are able to walk safely.
My motto is a Hurt submissive...is a no help to Me,and since I want help,they dont get hurt.


yes and you know it works for both people too. after a while i can gauge the mood by what she wears and wants me to wear and i sort of slip into a complimenting frame of mind from it.

_____________________________

"We the Borg" of the us imperialists....resistance is futile

Democracy; The 'People' voted on 'which' amendment?

Yesterdays tinfoil is today's reality!

"No man's life, liberty, or property is safe while the legislature is in session

(in reply to MistressSassy66)
Profile   Post #: 20
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