LaTigresse
Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006 Status: offline
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quote:
ORIGINAL: aldompdx For me, the threshold is one's expression of feeling. What I term "I speak." Asking a question -- interrogating me -- is often a manipulation, because it is a scheme to evade directly expressing the real feeling. The vast majority of supposed questions are more directly expressed by stating the real and core feeling. "Sir, may I please have a spanking?" That is not direct and up front. "Sir, I feel very receptive to sharing the experience of your spanking." That is a much more direct expression. It demands respect, and includes an affirmative choice from the strength of self will. Asking a passive question, in order to evade affirmative surrender, is sharing less not more. While it may not be intentionally manipulative, it manipulates by witholding an even more open, present, and surrendered heart. When a BDSM "sub/slave" learns to start most verbal expression with "I feel...," the entire interaction changes. I agree with the statement of others in saying that the above is more passive aggressive than submissive, to ME. It screams of being taught to walk on eggshells, because of a dominant with an ego so fragile he/she cannot stand a straight forward request. It is, in fact, teaching the s-type to be manipulative. For me and mine, I want those that serve me to feel free to say anything they want, to me. My goal is always transparency. If they are worrying more about how to say it, they are going to be focused more on the how than the what. The what is most important to me. If somone is trying to manipulate me, I get a nasty little feeling in the pit of my stomach and want nothing more than to push them away. I communicate that quite clearly from the very beginning. Constantly it is "Just tell me. Just ask me. What's on your mind?" Or I get questions in the beginning like "Can I tell you something? Can I ask you something?" or "I need to tell/ask you something and I am scared/not sure how." I make it safe for them to do so. Consistancy is also vital. I cannot do the above most of the time, then, occasionally, just because I am in a particular mood, punish them, push them away, or shut them out, for it another time. I did this for myself, because I need to know they know they can. An unexpected benefit is that it also inspires a deeper commitment and loyalty from them.
< Message edited by LaTigresse -- 8/29/2009 6:00:48 AM >
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My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one! Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!
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