RE: sex with a submissive

Collarspace Discussion Forums

Home Login Search

RE: sex with a submissive

View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Mistress >> RE: sex with a submissive

Page: << < prev 1 [2] 3 next > >>

Message

<< Older Topic Newer Topic >>

RE: sex with a submissive - 9/13/2009 3:00:30 PM

gentlemanprince

Posts: 127
Joined: 5/19/2008
Status: offline

I would never be in a D/s relationship which did not have a strong sexual element. For me, submission is sexual.

(in reply to AlexandraLynch)

Profile

Post #: 21

RE: sex with a submissive - 9/13/2009 4:55:13 PM

subslut2409

Posts: 5
Joined: 3/8/2009
Status: offline

Hello again. thanks to everyone for your points of view. I think I was unintentionally vague and unclear in my original message. What I meant by vanilla sex was traditional sex with penetration as a vanilla couple might have, where the man is on top or bottom, and the female is getting penetrated by the male.

(in reply to subslut2409)

Profile

Post #: 22

RE: sex with a submissive - 9/13/2009 5:02:33 PM

Lockit

Posts: 11292
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline

Okay... vanilla sex can be in many positions just as sex within a d/s relationship. A man being inside a woman on top or under her isn't a dominant act. It is a sexual act. There are many sexual acts that we can do that has nothing to do with submission or domination. No matter what I am doing to a submissive, I am dominant and it has nothing to do with what I am doing.

_____________________________

No matter how old a woman gets, some men will think she was born yesterday! ROFL... I love this place!

(in reply to subslut2409)

Profile

Post #: 23

RE: sex with a submissive - 9/13/2009 8:00:27 PM

sweetsub1957

Posts: 2201
Joined: 4/28/2009
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: RavenMuse

The thing that springs to My attention is WTF is "vanilla sex"? The Dynamic is the way My girl and I interact, how We relate to one another, the result of a Dominant person and a submissive person who find chemistry with each other, it comes from who We are...... it doesn't turn on and off, It is there when I have her on a cross in a club flogging her, it is there when We are in bed and I am doing nothing more than holding her in My arms, it is there when We are at the store getting the grocerys..... and yes, it is there when We are fucking, regardless of it is rough and hard or gentle and slow. We are still the same people, the Dynamic is still there, there is no "vanilla time" and "M/s time"... There is just Us.

Wonderfully said.

_____________________________

Member: Lance's Fag Hags.

"That's not just a chip on her shoulder, that's the whole potato!" ~Lady Angelika~

In lowering yourself to talking behind my back, you're perfectly positioned to kiss my ass.

An it harm none, do what ye wilt.

(in reply to RavenMuse)

Profile

Post #: 24

RE: sex with a submissive - 9/13/2009 11:38:38 PM

ShaktiSama

Posts: 1674
Joined: 8/13/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: subslut2409

Hello again. thanks to everyone for your points of view. I think I was unintentionally vague and unclear in my original message. What I meant by vanilla sex was traditional sex with penetration as a vanilla couple might have, where the man is on top or bottom, and the female is getting penetrated by the male.

It's amazing how many submissive men think they have a Get Out of Sex Free card if they submit to a woman. "She's dominant, so I never ever have to be on top or deliver any traditional satisfaction to her sexually. She'll be perfectly happy and satisfied just endlessly pouring energy into me as a top. I'll never have to give anything back or get off my lazy ass in bed. Yay submission!"

Speaking for myself only: no man will EVER serve as my primary partner unless he is a satisfying lover. A submissive whose cock cannot be used for anything other than a door stop or a pincushion is not my cuppa tea. And a man who expects the dynamic to be nothing but me endlessly topping him is just plain selfish and selfish-involved. I do enjoy topping; I also enjoy being able to receive pleasure and desire/energy from him in return. If things only flow in one direction, I'm going to end up feeling very drained and VERY unhappy and unsatisfied, in very short order.

If a man just wants to serve me and understands and expects me to have another lover or lovers, the lack of sex is not a big problem. But there's no way I will deceive myself or him that all my needs are being met by his bottoming alone. They absolutely are not.

_____________________________

"Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea."
-- Robert A. Heinlein

(in reply to subslut2409)

Profile

Post #: 25

RE: sex with a submissive - 9/14/2009 5:56:02 AM

malloves69

Posts: 913
Joined: 9/15/2006
Status: offline

boy you got that all wrong ...well at least as far as im concerned

i think a submissive male will go out of his way to keep his lady happy sex wise in bed

i love when my lady cums ..i love watching her body and feeling her pussy orgasm from my touch ..of either my cock ...lips ...mouth ..fingers or all the above

i love being oral with her licking her pussy and ass as much as she can stand ..to keep her happy is my number 1 goal while she is here or she wont cum and be with me if i cant satisfy her in bed ...gawd i would be lost without her

love her fucking me with her strapons too and she shows me how wet she gets when she does so

love when she fists me too ...i know its NOT all about me when she is here ..we would not have lasted this long if that was the case ..you might have had poor times with submissive males ...im NOT one of those guys

love her being the dominant lady when she is but she also loves me being a man and being able and willing to please her the best i can

good day mal

(in reply to ShaktiSama)

Profile

Post #: 26

RE: sex with a submissive - 9/14/2009 7:16:56 AM

MsStarlett

Posts: 1879
Joined: 12/23/2007
Status: offline

Personally, I only have sex, vanilla or otherwise, with my husband or Best Boy, and I currently do not have a best boy. This does not mean that there is not a strong sexual element to my relationships. I can't 'play' with a man that I don't find sexually attractive on some level. If the boy doesn't return that desire, it just doesn't work.

Although, like any normal relationship, one does not rush into sexual contact... or at least if you are a smart female you don't. It cuts down on the "He only wants one thing" factor. If a boy is pushing for sexual intimacy before anything else, he gets kicked to the curb.

I do have one net-mostly boy who visits about once a year. I would say that Wall-e gets more sexual contact than others do partly because HIS hard limit is 'no sex with his penis'. Have to admit, the first time we got together, that was the most fun trying to get him to do that. Of course, he would not, but the teasing is always so hot.

My new guy is local and we see eachother about 3 times a month. (Almost once a week.) We might get to sex, we might not. That's part of the fun. The sexual tention helps keep the excitement level up when we are together. If we were to just skip straight to 'vanilla' type sex, that entire dimention would be gone.

_____________________________

It is by caffeine alone I set my mind in motion.
It is by the beans of Java that thoughts acquire speed,
the hands acquire shakes, the shakes become a warning,
It is by caffeine alone I set my mind in motion.

(in reply to malloves69)

Profile

Post #: 27

RE: sex with a submissive - 9/14/2009 7:40:54 AM

nephandi

Posts: 4470
Joined: 9/23/2005
From: Cold and magickal Norway in a town near Bergen!
Status: offline

Greetings

quote:

I have a question that may be strange, but here it goes. If a submissive guy is lucky enough to find a dominant woman to serve exclusively, does that couple engage in vanilla sexual acts. I'm sure that this varies greatly from relationship to relationship, I'm looking for generalizations or personal examples if you don't mind.

You are in luck my dear. Step right into Madame Nephandi's fortune telling wagon right here and have a cup of tea while I fire up my crystal ball. You see I have the rare ability to see what pepole do in their bedrooms, all pepole. And I will tell you the law on this, on which type of relationships have sex with one another and when and why. Look into the crystal ball, look at the swirling colors, the answer will come any moment now, just wait for it. What is this, error it says, stupid question, no divination is possible.

Ok sorry for my sarcasm, I just could not help myself. There are no rules with this, there are no generalizations that can be made. It is a personal choice. Some Dom/sub couples have sex, others do not. The closest I could give you where statistics. There are no law that says it is normal for female Dominants to have vanilla sex with sub guys if so and so situation is present. It is completely a personal choice for the pepole involved with a given relationship. What are you really asking here my friend? Your chances to getting lucky if you hook up with a Dominant lady?

quote:

I'm still in the search for a Domme, and I don't really know what's expected.

Why not ask the women that you will potentially hook up with, not generally on a forum. Because we have no way of knowing what your potential new Dom will want or expect. Talk with the lady.

quote:

I myself am not looking for a sexual relationship, but if I didn't engage in sex with the person I'm with, would they be unsatisfied even if they enjoyed being dominant all the time.?

Stop for a moment and think about your question, you are asking if a unknown woman you might serve as a sub some time in the future that even you do not know yet will be unsatisfied if she do not have sex with you? How the hell am I or any on this forum supposed to know that?!? You will have to ask the lady when you meet her. In the meantime Madame Nephandi the great fortune teller will be happy to look into her crystal ball for you. But that is about all I can do to answer your question.

I wish you well

_____________________________

Whatever you think you can do or believe you can do, begin it. Action has magic, grace and power in it.--Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

Futon torpedoes, make love not war!--Aswad

(in reply to subslut2409)

Profile

Post #: 28

RE: sex with a submissive - 9/14/2009 10:11:34 AM

PeonForHer

Posts: 19612
Joined: 9/27/2008
Status: offline

There are no rules with this.

See, that's just too discomfiting, Nephandi. What the entire world of BDSM needs is a Moses - a Lawgiver - so that we can all feel comfortable that we're conducting our relationships the right and proper Way. Who amongst us shall lead us to the Light?

< Message edited by PeonForHer -- 9/14/2009 10:12:12 AM >

_____________________________

http://www.domme-chronicles.com

(in reply to nephandi)

Profile

Post #: 29

RE: sex with a submissive - 9/14/2009 10:59:49 AM

pyroaquatic

Posts: 1535
Joined: 12/4/2006
From: Pyroaquatica
Status: offline

Control of my penis is a given within the context of the relationship. This is a given. If I am told to not ejaculate while milady is deriving pleasure from whatever I am told to do then so be it.

It is not my body any longer.

:D

Accidents happen though. For some reason my previous training had conditioned me to only feel pleasure/orgasm if my partner orgasms. This was not done on purpose... just an after effect.

Yup, Mal has got it right..... or at least how I see it.

hyperactive as he is....

< Message edited by pyroaquatic -- 9/14/2009 11:04:46 AM >

_____________________________

You are what your deep, driving desire is.
As your desire is, so is your will.
As your will is, so is your deed.
As your deed is, so is your destiny.
-Brihadaranyaka Upanishad IV.4.5

(in reply to PeonForHer)

Profile

Post #: 30

RE: sex with a submissive - 9/14/2009 11:40:34 AM

ShaktiSama

Posts: 1674
Joined: 8/13/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MsStarlett

Personally, I only have sex, vanilla or otherwise, with my husband or Best Boy, and I currently do not have a best boy. This does not mean that there is not a strong sexual element to my relationships.

"Sexual" but no "sex" is an arrangement that I see repeated over and over again with other dominant women, actually. The kinky tastes and the expectations they have from their submissives can differ very widely, but one thing is constant: any time I see posts or get into a conversation with a heterosexual domme who doesn't have sex, vanilla or otherwise, with her submissive men? She is ALWAYS getting it somewhere else.

"Right and proper" and "rules" aside, most heterosexual women seem to want and enjoy having access to a healthy functioning penis once in a while. And if a submissive partner does not put out, then 9 times out of 10 the domme seems to be getting her "vanilla" on with someone else.

Sorry to disappoint the guys whose consumption of "fem-dom" porn has led them to believe that reproductively viable sex is only for vanillas and male dominant/femme sub relationships, and that Twue Dommes don't want this sort of thing. From what I've seen, buying into these cliches is a ticket straight to Second Fiddle City: do not pass go, do not collect 200 dollars.

_____________________________

"Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea."
-- Robert A. Heinlein

(in reply to MsStarlett)

Profile

Post #: 31

RE: sex with a submissive - 9/14/2009 11:51:23 AM

Lockit

Posts: 11292
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline

I ran into a submissive who actually said... I hate when someone tell's me to fuck them... fuck me now! That one surprised me a bit. I asked a bit more about this and he said... I get tired of being used for sex and if any woman tells me to fuck them now... it pisses me off. I won't do it.

Okay... needless to say... we never talked again! lol

I don't just want someone cleaning or helping or someone to bind and play on... I want it all! No sex submissive... not in my world. To me everything else leads to the goodies!

_____________________________

No matter how old a woman gets, some men will think she was born yesterday! ROFL... I love this place!

(in reply to ShaktiSama)

Profile

Post #: 32

RE: sex with a submissive - 9/14/2009 12:03:03 PM

PeonForHer

Posts: 19612
Joined: 9/27/2008
Status: offline

I ran into a submissive who actually said... I hate when someone tell's me to fuck them... fuck me now! That one surprised me a bit. I asked a bit more about this and he said... I get tired of being used for sex and if any woman tells me to fuck them now... it pisses me off. I won't do it.

Sounds like the man had a couple of rough experiences, Lockit. I don't know how rife it is in the D/s community, but there does seem to be a belief that a man's erotic drive can be made instantly ready for action at any given moment. A thorny old problem and the cause of many an irksome problem between partners under the sheets . . .

Me, I learnt the hard way. (Or, rather, the entirely soft way, if you take my meaning.) If the old stormtrooper won't stand to attention, the hands, lips and tongue have to get moving till he wakes up . . .

_____________________________

http://www.domme-chronicles.com

(in reply to Lockit)

Profile

Post #: 33

RE: sex with a submissive - 9/14/2009 12:08:50 PM

DemonKia

Posts: 5521
Joined: 10/13/2007
From: Chico, Nor-Cali
Status: offline

FR, after read thru

Communication. Definitions. Communication about definitions. As Martha might say, it's a good thing.

'Vanilla sex'. To me 'vanilla' sex (contextually from this space) is plain sexual acts chosen from a limited menu, without overt / explicit power-&-control dynamics, without bondage, without pain & sensation play, without costumes or food or toys or role-playing or other accoutrement . . . . . .

The 'vanilla' sexual act of note to this thread might more usefully be referenced as 'penile-vaginal intercourse', FYI . . . . . . See, that gives it a nice detachment from much of the power dynamics inherent in a phrase like 'A fucked B' . . . . . Like so much of life there's what gets done, & there's how it gets done . . . . The how's the thing . . . . .

Hmmmmm. Personally, I prefer subs who are comfortable doing service topping of their doms, cuz if that's me-as-dom, I like to bottom as well as top. Contemplate the notion, if you will, of Dominant bottoming . . . . . . I do . . . . .

ETA: Oh, yeah. Those frail, fallible biological penises. Luckily they come in these detachable versions, made out of a plethora of materials. Yeah. Your arm still works . . . . . . *snicker*

< Message edited by DemonKia -- 9/14/2009 12:12:57 PM >

_____________________________

Snarko ergo sum.

The Verbossinator

(in reply to Lockit)

Profile

Post #: 34

RE: sex with a submissive - 9/14/2009 12:16:19 PM

pyroaquatic

Posts: 1535
Joined: 12/4/2006
From: Pyroaquatica
Status: offline

Booty calls.... no. Women do not like it when they are used for such things... why would I like to be in the same predicament?

I am more than just a booty.... DAMNIT.

I can see where your subbie contact is upset, Lockit. I can see your side as well.

Sex is ONE part of the relationship. Out of many.

_____________________________

You are what your deep, driving desire is.
As your desire is, so is your will.
As your will is, so is your deed.
As your deed is, so is your destiny.
-Brihadaranyaka Upanishad IV.4.5

(in reply to Lockit)

Profile

Post #: 35

RE: sex with a submissive - 9/14/2009 12:23:14 PM

Lockit

Posts: 11292
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline

I think there was more to his problems and it wasn't just 'use' he was afraid of. That was just the thing he gave as his reason. I did some extensive background on him... hell you just google his name and all sorts of things come up. He does his fair share of using in his past, believe me! lol

I can understand how someone doesn't want to be used for a booty call, but inside a relationship, to give instructions for your woman or dominant not to ever say that... signifies someone who has some serious issues, not just the fear of being used.

_____________________________

No matter how old a woman gets, some men will think she was born yesterday! ROFL... I love this place!

(in reply to pyroaquatic)

Profile

Post #: 36

RE: sex with a submissive - 9/14/2009 12:26:22 PM

pyroaquatic

Posts: 1535
Joined: 12/4/2006
From: Pyroaquatica
Status: offline

Ah, thanks for the clarification.

^_^

_____________________________

You are what your deep, driving desire is.
As your desire is, so is your will.
As your will is, so is your deed.
As your deed is, so is your destiny.
-Brihadaranyaka Upanishad IV.4.5

(in reply to Lockit)

Profile

Post #: 37

RE: sex with a submissive - 9/14/2009 12:41:23 PM

PeonForHer

Posts: 19612
Joined: 9/27/2008
Status: offline

Luckily they come in these detachable versions, made out of a plethora of materials. Yeah. Your arm still works . . . . . . *snicker*

. . . And those dildos that are strapped to a guy's mouth. They look like a hell of a lot of fun to me. Can't wait. Yowser!

_____________________________

http://www.domme-chronicles.com

(in reply to DemonKia)

Profile

Post #: 38

RE: sex with a submissive - 9/14/2009 12:54:45 PM

DemonKia

Posts: 5521
Joined: 10/13/2007
From: Chico, Nor-Cali
Status: offline

Hehehe . . . . . There are all those oh-so-utilitarian strappy things (the mouth / gag & / or chin-strap ones being just some options) . . . . & then there's that I'm a rather ingenious rope top . . . . . & I can just picture any given person covered in artificial phalli . . . . Dozens sticking out at all angles . . . . All useful . . . . .

Hell, tie 'em to a pillar or some such, rig the ropes right, & the dom can puppet-control the tied sub such that they become an automatron, if you get my drift . . .. . & then the dom can cause the tied sub to top in the requisite manner . . . . .

There are so many ways Dominant bottoming can work . . . . .

*snicker* &