RE: Too Picky???

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windchymes -> RE: Too Picky??? (9/20/2009 4:48:20 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: theRose4U quote: I'm just taking his profile at face value. I don't get a vibe of him wanting anymore more than a fuckdoll. His life is very full and enriching for him..... And a beautiful, perfect fuckdoll would make it complete. At least until he bites her on the neck where she suddenly farts and flies out the window!! Maybe he should look for one with a patch kit? LMAO!!! [:D]

Bimtrain -> RE: Too Picky??? (9/20/2009 4:49:21 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: DesFIP You can have everything on the lists in common yet still get an incompatible feeling from an opening email or a profile. Having just looked at yours, I'm guessing it's her paying tens of thousand for cosmetic surgery, being helpless and entirely dependent on you with the major risk of being kicked out at any time with a body that can't return to normal, out of date career skills and no money. That's a red flag to most of us. Did she really say fuck off? Or just thanks but no thanks. I've got to tell you though, you've just gone way down in the estimation of every sub who read this post. Complaining about being told no is a serious turn off. Especially when you aren't looking for a relationship, just a build it yourself Barbie, you ought to expect huge numbers of rejections. First of all, all procedures are at my expense. Second of all, I'm looking for a slave who wants this as well, not just willing to do it because I want it. And yes, I realize this disqualifies 98% of sub/slaves out there. I'm not trying to fit any round pegs into and square holes here. Thirdly, I have no problem with rejection. I've always been a big risk taker in all aspects of my life and dealing with rejection and failure are a part of that package (as are big successes). But when I am rejected it grinds my gears when people can't at the very least sprinkle in some respect that people should show another fellow human being. Something like "You know what, I just don't really see it working between us. Sorry. Good luck" is perfectly fine Just saying "bye" or totally going silent is not. It's disrespectful. And I don't mean disrespectful because I expect her to respect me since she's a sub and I'm a Dom (I don't expect that off the bat) but disrespectful because no two human beings who are engaged in a conversation that has not offended wither party should end a conversation like that.

windchymes -> RE: Too Picky??? (9/20/2009 4:50:19 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: FawneTwo quote: ORIGINAL: windchymes His life is very full and enriching for him..... And a beautiful, perfect fuckdoll would make it complete. Exactly! [:)] Well, if a girl comes along who wants nothing more out of her life than what he proposes, then more power to them, and I'll be glad they both have found each other.

AnimusRex -> RE: Too Picky??? (9/20/2009 4:51:13 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: OrionAndi You come off very self obsessed with no thought/care of a woman's integrity. She will be treated as an object, nothing more. Without passing any judgement on the Op's desires, I have seen a couple profiles of women who beg for exactly that,to be treated as an object, a fuckdoll, etc. But the point is, only a couple...broadly speaking, the more extreme your kink is (dogs, shit, body modification, etc.) the smaller your pool of candidates. And I might add, the higher the percentage who are in that pool out of bad motivators, like abuse and instability. So yeah, if your kink is to modify a woman's body and treat her as an object, you will find a few...if you are looking for one who is all that AND is emotionally stable, and willing to be reasonable on your 20 items.... you will be looking not for a unicorn, but a unicorn with wings. Who does dishes.

porcelaine -> RE: Too Picky??? (9/20/2009 5:04:19 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Bimtrain I'm sure I'm not the first person on here to post about this but I feel like I keep encountering the same situation. In short it goes like this: 1. Sub lists twenty things she desires for/from her Dom and life as a sub/slave. 2. Dom says 19 of those are what he's looking for as well. 3. Sub basically tells Dom to fuck off. many people that have supposed lists have never taken the time to actually write down what they want. there's a bunch of loosely related thoughts that flows inside their head. importance is attached to things that may really be unimportant when other preferences are considered. i recently reviewed my own and have a defined list of ten must have's for a prospective partner. the first five are pretty non-negotiable unless the person is in process of acquiring it or capable of doing so at a future time. i utilized a specific formula that i might post at some point. it was very eye opening for me. what i once attached importance to was very inconsequential when other factors were considered. the numerical limitation imposed forced to see the big picture. i believe i'm better for having done so. as for your profile, as odd as this might sound i wasn't bothered by it. i don't know what that says about my sanity or maybe i just believe that people should live as they please. i understand what you're seeking and there are quite a few women that would love that lifestyle. they may not be found on a fetish site though. i usually encountered them during my social networking days. women of this nature are typically aspiring socialites or entertainers. [;)] porcelaine

Bimtrain -> RE: Too Picky??? (9/20/2009 5:06:30 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: AnimusRex quote: ORIGINAL: OrionAndi You come off very self obsessed with no thought/care of a woman's integrity. She will be treated as an object, nothing more. Without passing any judgement on the Op's desires, I have seen a couple profiles of women who beg for exactly that,to be treated as an object, a fuckdoll, etc. But the point is, only a couple...broadly speaking, the more extreme your kink is (dogs, shit, body modification, etc.) the smaller your pool of candidates. And I might add, the higher the percentage who are in that pool out of bad motivators, like abuse and instability. So yeah, if your kink is to modify a woman's body and treat her as an object, you will find a few...if you are looking for one who is all that AND is emotionally stable, and willing to be reasonable on your 20 items.... you will be looking not for a unicorn, but a unicorn with wings. Who does dishes. Exactly. I'm only approaching sub/slaves who say they want exactly this as as well. I'm pretty sure objectification is a recognized fetish, right? I'm fully aware of how this diminishes the possibilities. You have a good point about the emotional instability. I thought of this myself and have made it a point to pay extra attention to this. For those who have commented on my own profile, only a few things are true deal breakers. I'm not ridiculously picky and am very open minded. For instance, there are tons of fetishes that do nothing for me and I have no desire for but I would be more than willing to do them if it fulfills my sub/slave. I want my sub/slave to be completely fulfilled and happy in their life. This is more important than anything! I think about my desires like going to a negotiation with a list of demands. If you leave with 70%-80% of them being met, you've done a hell of a job. I figure being vague when I want a fairly rare type of sub/slave is a big way to waste a lot of time.

candisa -> RE: Too Picky??? (9/20/2009 5:09:47 PM)
Perhaps the one thing he failed to have from her desired list was the one thing she could not live with or without. example, personally, You could have all nineteen, wonderful traits or qualities..but if you smoke.. sorry no thank you, next please. quote: ORIGINAL: Bimtrain I'm sure I'm not the first person on here to post about this but I feel like I keep encountering the same situation. In short it goes like this: 1. Sub lists twenty things she desires for/from her Dom and life as a sub/slave. 2. Dom says 19 of those are what he's looking for as well. 3. Sub basically tells Dom to fuck off. I'm over simplifying but still... I know if I expected every condition of every situation I go into to be met I'd be living a very miserable and unfulfilling life. And spare me the "everyone has a right to require what they want" speech. We're still talking about relationships here and no relationship in the history of this planet has ever been 100% perfect. Whether D/s, vanilla or otherwise, they ALL require compromise to one degree or another! P.S. I've posted on the boards under my other profile before.

kyraofMists -> RE: Too Picky??? (9/20/2009 5:11:37 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Bimtrain I'm sure I'm not the first person on here to post about this but I feel like I keep encountering the same situation. The one thing all these situations have in common is you. So what is it about your approach that isn't working? What is it that you are doing that is attracting this type of situation? In short, how is this working for you? From your post it doesn't seem to be working out so well. Maybe you need to look at yourself and change what you are doing if you want a different outcome. Knight's Kyra

LadyPact -> RE: Too Picky??? (9/20/2009 5:18:38 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Bimtrain Something like "You know what, I just don't really see it working between us. Sorry. Good luck" is perfectly fine Just saying "bye" or totally going silent is not. It's disrespectful. And I don't mean disrespectful because I expect her to respect me since she's a sub and I'm a Dom (I don't expect that off the bat) but disrespectful because no two human beings who are engaged in a conversation that has not offended wither party should end a conversation like that. Just one quick comment. It's the net, Dear. No one owes you respect.

Bimtrain -> RE: Too Picky??? (9/20/2009 5:28:07 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: kyraofMists quote: ORIGINAL: Bimtrain I'm sure I'm not the first person on here to post about this but I feel like I keep encountering the same situation. The one thing all these situations have in common is you. So what is it about your approach that isn't working? What is it that you are doing that is attracting this type of situation? In short, how is this working for you? From your post it doesn't seem to be working out so well. Maybe you need to look at yourself and change what you are doing if you want a different outcome. Knight's Kyra Ya know, I'd be totally inclined to agree with you. I occasionally help some friends out who have a successful dating coaching company as a guest instructor and that's usually the first thing we teach. So yes, in a sense, you're correct. The only issue is that we're dealing with a very small pool of people here. There are only a couple handfuls of subs actively looking for this on this and other similar sites. Most of them have themselves been looking unsuccessfully for a Dom who wants this for quite some time, sometimes for years. I would think that would lead to a sub being a little more forgiving of a not so perfect approach. In the vanilla world if you're out and you botch an approach, no big deal. There are a hundred other women to approach. You shake it off and keep plugging away. That's just not the case here being so few looking for this.

CarrieO -> RE: Too Picky??? (9/20/2009 5:29:53 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Bimtrain Just saying "bye" or totally going silent is not. It's disrespectful. And I don't mean disrespectful because I expect her to respect me since she's a sub and I'm a Dom (I don't expect that off the bat) but disrespectful because no two human beings who are engaged in a conversation that has not offended wither party should end a conversation like that. Bimtrain, I'm not going to comment on your profile except to say that while I have zero interest in what you're looking for, I appreciate your ability to be honest and upfront about it. What I do want to comment on is the quoted words above. The mistake you're making, in my opinion, is expecting that other people feel the same as you in regards to expressing a lack of interest. There are many things that "should" happen during the course of conversation, based upon a person's expectations. When things don't go as planned or as they "should", of course there will be disappointment. But, you have to remember, the disappointment/disrespect you feel is based on your expectations and assumptions only...no one else's. "Climate is what we expect, weather is what we get."

Bimtrain -> RE: Too Picky??? (9/20/2009 5:33:00 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LadyPact quote: ORIGINAL: Bimtrain Something like "You know what, I just don't really see it working between us. Sorry. Good luck" is perfectly fine Just saying "bye" or totally going silent is not. It's disrespectful. And I don't mean disrespectful because I expect her to respect me since she's a sub and I'm a Dom (I don't expect that off the bat) but disrespectful because no two human beings who are engaged in a conversation that has not offended wither party should end a conversation like that. Just one quick comment. It's the net, Dear. No one owes you respect. I'm a human being and unless I ask people not to respect me as such (which is the case with some), I ask to to be payed that very basic level of respect all human beings should show each other, regardless of the communication medium. The idea that nobody owes anybody any respect is what leads to the breakdown of society and mass murderers.

Lockit -> RE: Too Picky??? (9/20/2009 5:36:13 PM)
Your dating coaching doesn't make sense. What would the people who do date coaching say to... if you can't find the one you want... be desperate enough to settle for less? I would never give that advice! That leads to eventually not being so desperate for a warm body and desperate for a break from them. Putting a time frame on finding a life partner is more of desperation and that is not always the best place to come from. I find your thinking on this faulty for a healthy and long term relationship. There is nothing wrong with reasonable expectations and waiting to meet them. Who wants to hear... well babe, I couldn't find my ideal fit so I picked you? It doesn't make sense. How about we ask you to take a woman, thin... no boobs... not the beauty and maybe more like the beast and ask that you settle without modifying the poor dear?

Bimtrain -> RE: Too Picky??? (9/20/2009 5:39:34 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: CarrieO quote: ORIGINAL: Bimtrain Just saying "bye" or totally going silent is not. It's disrespectful. And I don't mean disrespectful because I expect her to respect me since she's a sub and I'm a Dom (I don't expect that off the bat) but disrespectful because no two human beings who are engaged in a conversation that has not offended wither party should end a conversation like that. Bimtrain, I'm not going to comment on your profile except to say that while I have zero interest in what you're looking for, I appreciate your ability to be honest and upfront about it. What I do want to comment on is the quoted words above. The mistake you're making, in my opinion, is expecting that other people feel the same as you in regards to expressing a lack of interest. There are many things that "should" happen during the course of conversation, based upon a person's expectations. When things don't go as planned or as they "should", of course there will be disappointment. But, you have to remember, the disappointment/disrespect you feel is based on your expectations and assumptions only...no one else's. "Climate is what we expect, weather is what we get." You raise an excellent point that has been debated since the dawn of civilization. To what extent do people have the right to be rude and disrespectful. One the one hand, we, especially as free Americans, have the right to do and say whatever we want within the law. On the other hand if EVERYONE decided that being respectful was a waste of time and that they should be rude to everyone it would diminish or society and civilization to a pure animalistic state. Some balance must be intact. How much tolerance should we show to those you choose to ignore basic human decency... The debate rages on!

porcelaine -> RE: Too Picky??? (9/20/2009 5:39:37 PM)
in all fairness to the op, while his methods might seem odd for the results desired, it isn't unheard of either. i had this conversation with someone yesterday that is seeking something similar, though not along the lines of the op. although one never knows where it can go either. his niche involved extreme physical and verbal restrictions and all sorts of other niceties geared to reduce a person to an objective state. debasing her to the point where she becomes his thing. i raised a question as to whether the emotional connection would suffer or change if he instituted this. he was uncertain and admitted that he was a caring person. i'm uncertain if that is important to the op at all. but i do give him kudos for being honest enough to admit what he's seeking. many don't, particularly if it is considered more/too extreme. porcelaine

CarrieO -> RE: Too Picky??? (9/20/2009 5:44:54 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Bimtrain quote: ORIGINAL: CarrieO quote: ORIGINAL: Bimtrain Just saying "bye" or totally going silent is not. It's disrespectful. And I don't mean disrespectful because I expect her to respect me since she's a sub and I'm a Dom (I don't expect that off the bat) but disrespectful because no two human beings who are engaged in a conversation that has not offended wither party should end a conversation like that. Bimtrain, I'm not going to comment on your profile except to say that while I have zero interest in what you're looking for, I appreciate your ability to be honest and upfront about it. What I do want to comment on is the quoted words above. The mistake you're making, in my opinion, is expecting that other people feel the same as you in regards to expressing a lack of interest. There are many things that "should" happen during the course of conversation, based upon a person's expectations. When things don't go as planned or as they "should", of course there will be disappointment. But, you have to remember, the disappointment/disrespect you feel is based on your expectations and assumptions only...no one else's. "Climate is what we expect, weather is what we get." You raise an excellent point that has been debated since the dawn of civilization. To what extent do people have the right to be rude and disrespectful. One the one hand, we, especially as free Americans, have the right to do and say whatever we want within the law. On the other hand if EVERYONE decided that being respectful was a waste of time and that they should be rude to everyone it would diminish or society and civilization to a pure animalistic state. Some balance must be intact. How much tolerance should we show to those you choose to ignore basic human decency... The debate rages on! While I agree, manners in today's society may leave much to be desired...there is no law stating anyone must treat you (or me) with respect. If there is such a law, I would love to know. edited to add....You have no control over how people act with you, only the way you react to them.

Bimtrain -> RE: Too Picky??? (9/20/2009 5:47:05 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Lockit Your dating coaching doesn't make sense. What would the people who do date coaching say to... if you can't find the one you want... be desperate enough to settle for less? I would never give that advice! That leads to eventually not being so desperate for a warm body and desperate for a break from them. Putting a time frame on finding a life partner is more of desperation and that is not always the best place to come from. I find your thinking on this faulty for a healthy and long term relationship. There is nothing wrong with reasonable expectations and waiting to meet them. Who wants to hear... well babe, I couldn't find my ideal fit so I picked you? It doesn't make sense. How about we ask you to take a woman, thin... no boobs... not the beauty and maybe more like the beast and ask that you settle without modifying the poor dear? I have no idea where you're coming from here. As far as what I said about advice given while date coaching, I said we start with getting the person to realize that the common denominator is them. Settling wasn't a part of it of my statement. If you're referring to my OP, than I don't expect to settle or anyone else to. But there are such things as reasonable expectations and non reasonable expectations. Requiring that they be tall, caring, caucasian, successful, etc are fine. Requiring that there favorite band be Led Zepplin, that they be left handed and have no fewer than four but nor more than seven moles on there body plain ridiculous.

roughleather -> RE: Too Picky??? (9/20/2009 5:51:14 PM)
quote: "Fuckdoll" is a weekend fantasy, not a way of life. Sorry. Right. The "24/7 slave" thing is mostly a fantasy. It doesn't work well in real life. On the other hand, being used as a sex slave for a night or a weekend is a common female desire. Your job as a dominant is to make that happen. When it comes off right, it's a great experience for both partners.

Bimtrain -> RE: Too Picky??? (9/20/2009 5:52:37 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: CarrieO quote: ORIGINAL: Bimtrain quote: ORIGINAL: CarrieO quote: ORIGINAL: Bimtrain Just saying "bye" or totally going silent is not. It's disrespectful. And I don't mean disrespectful because I expect her to respect me since she's a sub and I'm a Dom (I don't expect that off the bat) but disrespectful because no two human beings who are engaged in a conversation that has not offended wither party should end a conversation like that. Bimtrain, I'm not going to comment on your profile except to say that while I have zero interest in what you're looking for, I appreciate your ability to be honest and upfront about it. What I do want to comment on is the quoted words above. The mistake you're making, in my opinion, is expecting that other people feel the same as you in regards to expressing a lack of interest. There are many things that "should" happen during the course of conversation, based upon a person's expectations. When things don't go as planned or as they "should", of course there will be disappointment. But, you have to remember, the disappointment/disrespect you feel is based on your expectations and assumptions only...no one else's. "Climate is what we expect, weather is what we get." You raise an excellent point that has been debated since the dawn of civilization. To what extent do people have the right to be rude and disrespectful. One the one hand, we, especially as free Americans, have the right to do and say whatever we want within the law. On the other hand if EVERYONE decided that being respectful was a waste of time and that they should be rude to everyone it would diminish or society and civilization to a pure animalistic state. Some balance must be intact. How much tolerance should we show to those you choose to ignore basic human decency... The debate rages on! While I agree, manners in today's society may leave much to be desired...there is no law stating anyone must treat you (or me) with respect. If there is such a law, I would love to know. edited to add....You have no control over how people act with you, only the way you react to them. While I again agree to an extent, to not hold people accountable for their actions is to condone them. To condone them is to encourage them and if we all went around encouraging a lack of basic human respect than this society would sink into utter darkness. There is no law requiring me to dive in and save a child f I see one drowning in a pool. I'm legally allowed to abstain from doing that. But it is my duty as a human being to save that child and I would without question every time.

CarrieO -> RE: Too Picky??? (9/20/2009 5:58:47 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Bimtrain While I again agree to an extent, to not hold people accountable for their actions is to condone them. To condone them is to encourage them and if we all went around encouraging a lack of basic human respect than this society would sink into utter darkness. There is no law requiring me to dive in and save a child f I see one drowning in a pool. I'm legally allowed to abstain from doing that. But it is my duty as a human being to save that child and I would without question every time. I've yet to see anyone die from lack of social grace [;)] I wasn't saying it is right to condone lack of manners. Instead, I was suggesting that you examine how you react to a person's lack of grace. I'm curious, how do you purpose we hold people accountable for their lack of manners?

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