happylittlepet
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FR after read through
Cognitive therapy: Mind over Mood
You need to change your core beliefs.
You need to start living in the 'now', with what is, and not in the past/future.
Set realistic goals, achieve them, repeat. You might not end up where you wanted to go, but that's ok, because you will find yourself exactly where you are. And there is no value label attached to that.
If your imbalance still allows you to write, like you do here, start with writing down an emotion you experience but that is not pleasant, the thought/event that causes that emotion, where that thought came from, things that support that your thought is realistic, and things that support that your thought is not based on reality, and decide then if your thought is worth it to stay in your head or not. If not, what will you replace it with? How does that new thought influence your emotion. If you do this long enough, with every emotion/thought that comes in your head and that throws you off balance, over time you will see that your thoughts/emotions start to become more balanced and more based on reality (this is off the top of my head, I am not an expert). That is why I recommend that book/workbook Mind over Mood. My family doctor says that intelligent people can work through it themselves without a therapist. He recommends it to a lot of people in his practice.
I have a lot more to say, been there, done that, same Calvinistic stuff etc. In the end it's up to you, just as it was up to me, and only me, to make changes in my life that led me to where I am today.
About that predestination stuff, it's debated if Calvin did not create that more or less, based on his own ideas, and on some things Paul said, so based on a few verses. The predestined become the 'special' ones, and the rest goes to hell... right. Been there, done that too, got no t-shirt. This was one of the reasons why I was depressed a lot as a teenager/young adult. I couldn't live like that, it was destroying me: the discrepancy between wanting to live free/with purpose and being taught that 'I was only able to do evil things, because we are born sinners'. Believing that I was evil did not lead to success... how can an evil person do good things, makes no sense when I expect the opposite. So I had to let that belief go, and start to adopt the opposite: that I am good, and able to do good/successful things. Makes a world of a difference.
Scripture says 'a broken spirit, who can bear it?'. We can debate that if one still wants healing, the brokeness is not complete. Sorry, broken doesn't mean the pieces still don't cry out. Putting them back together takes years, if not forever. But even that can be accepted as part of reality.
Whatever other people want to put into my life stops when I make it stop, if that means they don't like me any more, nothing lost, they didn't like/respect me in the first place.
When my son was in trouble in elementary school, with a very rigid teacher who tried to crush his spirit, I had many meetings with the principal to get him out of that class. After getting him out, the vice-principal told me that I was a good advocate for my child. I realized that the only one who would be that advocate for him was me, because to me, he is special.
Same when we become adults: I am the best advocate for my well-being. I cannot expect that from someone else, nor can I expect respect, interest, or approval. It does not matter, I am special to me. In the grand scheme of things though, I don't matter... or do I? If I make a difference in someone else's life? If I teach my kids important life skills?
A man I admire is Henry Nouwen, RC priest, I think he was a professor at Harvard, yet he chose to work with physically/mentally handicapped people. He found that way more rewarding than being a professor/scholar.
Edit: it's the 'special'/priviliged kids in my daughter's high school who run me off the road when I come to pick her up. People often behave differently when not in the lime light.
About a partner: when I tried to grasp it, it eluded me. I learned to be able to live contentedly as a single adult (although that is lonely sometimes). When that one person shows up, it's a surprise, and often comes from a least expected direction.
< Message edited by happylittlepet -- 9/24/2009 11:10:40 AM >
_____________________________
There are no rules, there is only compassion.
Simple religion:
There is no need for temples,
No need for complicated philosophies
My brain and my heart are my temples
My philosophy is kindness (DL)
'There's a fire burning in my heart'
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RE: Not "Feeling Special" at all - 
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