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RE: Zero Tolerance for 6 year old - 10/13/2009 10:33:27 PM   
pahunkboy


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Look  on the bright side.


He wasn't tazed.

(in reply to OrionTheWolf)
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RE: Zero Tolerance for 6 year old - 10/14/2009 4:32:01 AM   
barelynangel


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Sorry but the boy is 6 years old, its the PARENTS RESPONSIBILITY to make sure he follows the RULES and UNDERSTANDS the rules. IF a 6 year old doesn't and doesn't understand what he did was wrong based on the rules, then to me, the parents ARE responsible. So they should face the consequences -- NOT the child at that age. If the parents are going to make the excuse of well we can't ALWAYS know, then no wonder there has to be a zero tolerance policy with no recourse. The parents aren't willing to take the responsibility and the consequences so they have no other choice but make the child the responsible one even if they are too young to understand. You can't have it both ways, you can't say well the school shouldn't have this policy and then the parents saying well we can't always KNOW what the child is bringing to school. If the parents aren't willing to take the responsibility and consequences then the school has no choice of zero tolerance with no appeal. SOMEONE has to be responsible. IF the parents aren't then the school has too.

Honestly, i don't agree with the school here BUT i do believe that someone other than the child is responsible.
I also believe the school is also responsible IF they did not and do not go over the rules such as this i mean its ZERO TOLERANCE so the school should be teaching this in an age appropriate way.

IF your child breaks something in a store and the store has a you break it you buy it policy, they don't say okay child give me the money, they hold the parent responsible for the actions of the child even if the parent didn't know what the child was doing for A MOMENT in time

angel

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What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us.
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RE: Zero Tolerance for 6 year old - 10/14/2009 4:42:02 AM   
OrionTheWolf


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quote:

ORIGINAL: barelynangel

Honestly, i don't agree with the school here BUT i do believe that someone other than the child is responsible.
I also believe the school is also responsible IF they did not and do not go over the rules such as this i mean its ZERO TOLERANCE so the school should be teaching this in an age appropriate way.


Accountable maybe by the law, but if all reasonable measures are taken, then intent or neglect is removed. You should know that. Also, it is your feeling that someone should be responsible, is the reason why they came up with these zero tolerance rules.

quote:


IF your child breaks something in a store and the store has a you break it you buy it policy, they don't say okay child give me the money, they hold the parent responsible for the actions of the child even if the parent didn't know what the child was doing for A MOMENT in time

angel


So theft is in line with taking a metal spork to school. I see some of the problem now. Probably many of those that created the zero tolerance rule, felt the same way. Also, one is a policy of a school board and the other a law. Not to mention there would be mitigating circumstances that a judge and/or prosecutor would like work through, so the situations of application of a zero tolerance idiocy, to a basic law are not the same.

The policy needs to be changed, and that is the solution.

There is reasonable, and then there is lunacy.

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RE: Zero Tolerance for 6 year old - 10/14/2009 5:34:54 AM   
barelynangel


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Orion, its a RULE --- if you don't agree with the rules you don't just gloss over them and say well its the rules fault. I don't agree with this rule but to me as long as its inacted PARENTS and the SCHOOLS are responsible for making sure the kids know what it is. And in cases like this -- the PARENTS should be held responsible until such time the school uses common sense -- not the child. I am NOT saying the school shouldn't reconsider, but until such time, i don't think the CHILD at this age and showing he really has no clue what is happening and why, shouldn't be facing the consequences, his parents should be.


Who said anything about theft? I said if a child BREAKS something IN A STORE -- the parent is the one who faces the consequences of the store's RULES. Breaking something in a store isn't theft its an accident. And yet, Parents are held responsible. How did you get THEFT from that? The stores don't go all haywire if something is broke and call the cops and have people much less children arrested last time i checked, they simply expect the parent to pay for it. If they don't, its a CIVIL matter, not a criminal one. YOu can't charge someone with theft who doesn't steal something.

I agree there should be zero tolerance for WEAPONS USED TO HARM being brought into schools, i agree there should be zero tolerance for ILLEGAL DRUGS being brought into schools. That has always been the unspoken RULES and yes written rules even when we were kids. So ZERO tolerance has always been around nowadays its simply over different things than when we were kids. Just as rules for us were different than our parents. However, it was also balanced by PARENTS being far more responsible for their childs behavior, it was balanced with PARENTS actively being a part of their child's schooling etc. Nowadays the MINORITY is of parents being interactive in many cases.

I don't think the policy needs to be changed, i think common sense needs to be inacted but also, yeah i think the parents need to face the consequences, BUT as i have also said, i believe the school is partly responsible IF they don't TEACH about zero tolerance in age appropriate manner. But i also asked in my initial statement -- when should the LINE be drawn, when does a child become responsible due to their comprehension and simply blowing off a rule knowing what they are doing is wrong.

Perhaps part of the reason zero tolerance is such a big issues now instead of like ut was with us is because there is the excuse of well i can't ALWAYS know what my kid is doing. If the parents maybe looked at it differently while still admitting that and agreeing to be responsible. Again, i am not agreeing with the school, i just believe the child shouldn't be the one taking all the consequences.

Until the policy is changed i don't believe a 6 year old should be taking the consequences.

angel

< Message edited by barelynangel -- 10/14/2009 5:46:32 AM >


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What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us.
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RE: Zero Tolerance for 6 year old - 10/14/2009 6:18:01 AM   
housesub4you


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Well it seems some people have changed there minds
http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20091014/ap_on_re_us/us_zero_tolerance_boy

It looks like he is back in class


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Profile   Post #: 65
RE: Zero Tolerance for 6 year old - 10/14/2009 6:21:11 AM   
lovingpet


Posts: 4270
Joined: 6/19/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: barelynangel

Sorry but the boy is 6 years old, its the PARENTS RESPONSIBILITY to make sure he follows the RULES and UNDERSTANDS the rules. IF a 6 year old doesn't and doesn't understand what he did was wrong based on the rules, then to me, the parents ARE responsible. So they should face the consequences -- NOT the child at that age. If the parents are going to make the excuse of well we can't ALWAYS know, then no wonder there has to be a zero tolerance policy with no recourse. The parents aren't willing to take the responsibility and the consequences so they have no other choice but make the child the responsible one even if they are too young to understand. You can't have it both ways, you can't say well the school shouldn't have this policy and then the parents saying well we can't always KNOW what the child is bringing to school. If the parents aren't willing to take the responsibility and consequences then the school has no choice of zero tolerance with no appeal. SOMEONE has to be responsible. IF the parents aren't then the school has too.

Honestly, i don't agree with the school here BUT i do believe that someone other than the child is responsible.
I also believe the school is also responsible IF they did not and do not go over the rules such as this i mean its ZERO TOLERANCE so the school should be teaching this in an age appropriate way.

IF your child breaks something in a store and the store has a you break it you buy it policy, they don't say okay child give me the money, they hold the parent responsible for the actions of the child even if the parent didn't know what the child was doing for A MOMENT in time

angel


I'm sorry, but this is completely unrealistic. I am a big proponent of both personal and parental responsibility, but honestly, there is a limit to how much a person can possibly do to prevent such occurances. Further, if I read and explained that entire handbook to my child, he would be terrified to go to school at all. To the mind of a kid that age, if a rule exists, it is because people actually do that stuff and they are in danger from those behaviors. I am not going to scare the crap out of my kid.

To further expand upon each of these, it simply is not possible or practical for me to do the entire strip search, pockets all turned inside out, and back pack hunt the moments prior to them going out the door. I do go through their back packs each evening to make sure all homework is done and make sure they didn't take anything with them to school they should not have. I also do the same in the morning to make sure they have their homework and that nothing got slipped in there overnight. I watch over them while they get ready for school, but it only takes a few seconds of my eye not being upon them for them to slip something into a pocket or pouch and be out the door with it. Oh, and I check pockets on all clothing at the end of the day (laundry, yanno). The bottom line is that a blanket policy is wrong no matter who it is applied to. You are simply going to have to make a distinction between the parents and kids who manage to slip a pocket knife, Ipod, etc into school and those who have managed to smuggle in rifles and pipe bombs. At the end of the day, administrators and school boards are going to have to quit being lazy and actually use things such as common sense, good judgement, and some sense of actual justice in these cases. One size has NEVER fit all.

As for the other part, I tried doing it your way with my first um. We went over the whole darn handbook so that he would know "the rules". The first thing that happened was he had nightmares for two weeks straight (it was still summer). The next step was a refusal and all out panic attacks when it was time to go to those first days of school. He was hypervigalent and wary of every child in the school. He wound up a target for bullies. This brought on a whole other level and layer to this discussion that I will not post on a public forum, but suffice to say the whole effort backfired. I will not do things that way ever again. If I discover my child is trying to take something to school that isn't allowed, then I will remove it and explain that particular rule. If they catch it, I expect them to use their heads instead of falling back on some lazy policy that serves no one properly. I expect rules to be followed too. I may or may not agree with said rules, but compliance in this particular setting is not that big a deal (ie: it won't damage their ability to be proactive in life). Just follow the rules as they are laid out. If my child is in violation of a school rule I expect the same kinds of protects to apply to their treatment as applies to anyone who violates a law out here in the real world. Last I checked, we didn't jail people for being double parked. There was some kind of graduated scale for such things as speeding and drunk driving. So the kid with the pocket knife and the kid with the rifle and the pipe bombs are the same? I don't think so.

lovingpet

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RE: Zero Tolerance for 6 year old - 10/14/2009 6:21:33 AM   
barelynangel


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lol i just saw that also and was about to post it. Thanks!

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What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us.
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RE: Zero Tolerance for 6 year old - 10/14/2009 6:33:03 AM   
barelynangel


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Then loving pet, if YOU aren't willing to take the consequences do to your childs actions breaking the rules, then your child will. I can't blame the school if they parents aren't willing to step up to the plate and take some responsibility. It seems you are making excuses, instead of seeing what i am saying. What i am seeing from you is --- oh well gee golly i am not responsible for what my child does.

Whether or not YOU AGREE with the absolute -- which i don't --- IF consequences must be give, i would rather the PARENTS take their responsibility and therefor the consequences. I don't agree with what you are saying, if i were a school board i would probably have t have the same attitude, if parents are unwilling to accept the consequences of their childs (NOTE HERE -- when a child is incapable of understanding) actions.

The fact of the matter is and MY focus is that the CHILD is the one who is taking on consequences of a rule he doesn't understand and didn't understand. THE RULE IS ALREADY APPLICABLE. The debate is not whether the rule should be changed its whether the CHILD should be the one facing consequences instead of the parents. You are saying, yes he should, if consequences must be given. I am saying, the parents should be held responsible.

How is it scaring the crap out of your kid? I have seen people teach children about adult concepts in very age appropriate manner, and they reinforce tha teaching periodically. Sorry but i don't get your scaring the crap out of your kid idea. ANd from what you have said THEN YOU SHOULD BE THE ONE TAKING THE CONSEQUENCES if you refuse to help the child fully understand the rules in an age appropriate manner.

Sorry, i don't think its unrealistic --- you don't see these stories often so the percentage of parents who would be required to take the consequences is very low. I don't think the child should be the one facing the consequences.

All i am saying is the child shouldn't have to take consequences over something he doesn't understand -- so until the rule is changed the parents should, and i have also not stated that the parents can't fight it as they do when its the kid getting the consequences.

I don't think people are seeing what i am saying, all they see is PARENTS should be responsible and take the consequences and all of a sudden there are all these excuses of i can't, or the rule shouldn't be.

That's probably true, but if the child can take the consequences, to me, the parents should in this type of situation until the rule is changed or the child knows and understands enough to take the consequences.

angel

< Message edited by barelynangel -- 10/14/2009 6:37:39 AM >


_____________________________


What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us.
R.W. Emerson


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RE: Zero Tolerance for 6 year old - 10/14/2009 6:39:24 AM   
lovingpet


Posts: 4270
Joined: 6/19/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: barelynangel

Orion, its a RULE --- if you don't agree with the rules you don't just gloss over them and say well its the rules fault. I don't agree with this rule but to me as long as its inacted PARENTS and the SCHOOLS are responsible for making sure the kids know what it is. And in cases like this -- the PARENTS should be held responsible until such time the school uses common sense -- not the child. I am NOT saying the school shouldn't reconsider, but until such time, i don't think the CHILD at this age and showing he really has no clue what is happening and why, shouldn't be facing the consequences, his parents should be.


Who said anything about theft? I said if a child BREAKS something IN A STORE -- the parent is the one who faces the consequences of the store's RULES. Breaking something in a store isn't theft its an accident. And yet, Parents are held responsible. How did you get THEFT from that? The stores don't go all haywire if something is broke and call the cops and have people much less children arrested last time i checked, they simply expect the parent to pay for it. If they don't, its a CIVIL matter, not a criminal one. YOu can't charge someone with theft who doesn't steal something.

I agree there should be zero tolerance for WEAPONS USED TO HARM being brought into schools, i agree there should be zero tolerance for ILLEGAL DRUGS being brought into schools. That has always been the unspoken RULES and yes written rules even when we were kids. So ZERO tolerance has always been around nowadays its simply over different things than when we were kids. Just as rules for us were different than our parents. However, it was also balanced by PARENTS being far more responsible for their childs behavior, it was balanced with PARENTS actively being a part of their child's schooling etc. Nowadays the MINORITY is of parents being interactive in many cases.

I don't think the policy needs to be changed, i think common sense needs to be inacted but also, yeah i think the parents need to face the consequences, BUT as i have also said, i believe the school is partly responsible IF they don't TEACH about zero tolerance in age appropriate manner. But i also asked in my initial statement -- when should the LINE be drawn, when does a child become responsible due to their comprehension and simply blowing off a rule knowing what they are doing is wrong.

Perhaps part of the reason zero tolerance is such a big issues now instead of like ut was with us is because there is the excuse of well i can't ALWAYS know what my kid is doing. If the parents maybe looked at it differently while still admitting that and agreeing to be responsible. Again, i am not agreeing with the school, i just believe the child shouldn't be the one taking all the consequences.

Until the policy is changed i don't believe a 6 year old should be taking the consequences.

angel


Actually, sometimes it is the rule's fault. Even our great Constitution has been amended a few times. At some point we realized that the slaves running away wasn't the issue. It was the fact that there were legally allowed to BE slaves in the first place that was at the root of the issue. Just because there is a policy or code for something doesn't mean that it is automatically fair or appropriate.

Breaking something in a store is technically theft because it is causing an equivalent loss to the store. My kids are under threat of their life or simply not brought into stores where this will be an issue. I may be the one who pays the clerk at that moment, but my kid owes allowance equal to the price if I ever have to do that and that allowance is earned through chores and other work. They still pay the consequences themselves even if I am the public face who does so.

I am an incredible and even considered by the schools occasionally as overbearingly involved with my kids and their education. I hold everyone, including myself to high standards. It doesn't mean that there can't still be an "incident". Even good kids and good parents can find themselves on the horns of these kinds of extremist policies.

Sorry, no matter who takes the consequences or how it is taught, zero tolerance is a deeply and irreparably flawed concept. The policy is the issue, not the school administration, kids, or parents. There are better ways, but they are harder and require a lot more out of everybody involved. Zero tolerance is easy and requires no real thought or effort at all.

I would state that if a child does something wrong, they still must bear the lion's share of the consequences. That is how they learn. I, for one, never debated that point. I will take responsibility if and only if I was the one who TOLD them to take the item to school. Then I deserve whatever the policy or law wishes to meet out. I deal with issues as they arise. My children have consequences both at school and at home for something that occurs at school. Teachers are made aware of issues going on at home. I don't, however, accept that a consequence is appropriate just because it is policy. Last I checked, there was something about "cruel and unusual punishment" in our Constitution. That also covers, based on case law, excessive punishments for nominal offenses. The Constitution doesn't apply within the walls of the school? In this case, it has not been established otherwise and I would also say that even where it has been, those rulings were unconstitutional as well. Students have legally protected rights just like any other citizen.

lovingpet

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RE: Zero Tolerance for 6 year old - 10/14/2009 6:53:43 AM   
lovingpet


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quote:

ORIGINAL: barelynangel

Then loving pet, if YOU aren't willing to take the consequences do to your childs actions breaking the rules, then your child will. I can't blame the school if they parents aren't willing to step up to the plate and take some responsibility. It seems you are making excuses, instead of seeing what i am saying. What i am seeing from you is --- oh well gee golly i am not responsible for what my child does.

Whether or not YOU AGREE with the absolute -- which i don't --- IF consequences must be give, i would rather the PARENTS take their responsibility and therefor the consequences. I don't agree with what you are saying, if i were a school board i would probably have t have the same attitude, if parents are unwilling to accept the consequences of their childs (NOTE HERE -- when a child is incapable of understanding) actions.

The fact of the matter is and MY focus is that the CHILD is the one who is taking on consequences of a rule he doesn't understand and didn't understand. THE RULE IS ALREADY APPLICABLE. The debate is not whether the rule should be changed its whether the CHILD should be the one facing consequences instead of the parents. You are saying, yes he should, if consequences must be given. I am saying, the parents should be held responsible.

How is it scaring the crap out of your kid? I have seen people teach children about adult concepts in very age appropriate manner, and they reinforce tha teaching periodically. Sorry but i don't get your scaring the crap out of your kid idea. ANd from what you have said THEN YOU SHOULD BE THE ONE TAKING THE CONSEQUENCES if you refuse to help the child fully understand the rules in an age appropriate manner.

Sorry, i don't think its unrealistic --- you don't see these stories often so the percentage of parents who would be required to take the consequences is very low. I don't think the child should be the one facing the consequences.

All i am saying is the child shouldn't have to take consequences over something he doesn't understand -- so until the rule is changed the parents should, and i have also not stated that the parents can't fight it as they do when its the kid getting the consequences.

I don't think people are seeing what i am saying, all they see is PARENTS should be responsible and take the consequences and all of a sudden there are all these excuses of i can't, or the rule shouldn't be.

That's probably true, but if the child can take the consequences, to me, the parents should in this type of situation until the rule is changed or the child knows and understands enough to take the consequences.

angel


I'm not... entirely. My child is mostly responisble for his own actions. I WANT him to take up the consequences for his own actions. That is appropriate. I DO NOT believe in excessive penalties based on flawed policies.

I happen to believe children are capable of understanding and responding to far more than most give them credit for. A child of this age will NEVER, however, be able to make these fine, grey area distiguishing calls. It was an eating utensil to him. He didn't see it as a weapon. He didn't see it as a knife even. I doubt that it wasn't that he didn't understand the rule, but he did not view it as applicable to what he was doing because he did not view thing item as a weapon in the first place. You, me, the school, nor anyone else can cover every eventuality that a child's mind could come up with. You have to handle each one on a case by case basis with an understanding of child development, the individual child, the home environment, and the overall intent of the action. Blanket policies do not work. Period.

I approach the rules that my child needs clarification of based on his actions. I did all the dotting of the i's and crossing of the t's you suggested with my first child. He has been unable to function appropriately in a public school because of it. He's afraid of his own shadow inside the walls of the school. He is perfectly functional elsewhere. I chose not to do this with my second child. I explained to him that, if the teacher or his mother did not put it in his backpack or pocket, he was not to take it to school. I have caught him with the odd thing here and there, but it was handled at that time. So far it hasn't been anything as "serious" as a pocket knife, but we will cross that bridge IF we get to it.

Okay, the child did the action, so why aren't they taking the consequences? One of the basics of life in this world is that ignorance of the law is no excuse right? That is a great lesson to learn early on. Parents DO get various consequences handed down indirectly already. Who do you think is out of work, therefore losing income, to be home with a suspended kid? Who do you think will be getting a kid from point a to point b if they are sent to an alternative school? On and on it goes, but to hell with all that! Let's crucify them some more for being human. Yes, the percentages are low, but just because these folks are in a minority doesn't mean that what happens to them doesn't matter. Does the injustice have to come knocking on your own front door before it bothers you?

lovingpet

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RE: Zero Tolerance for 6 year old - 10/14/2009 7:00:12 AM   
DomImus


Posts: 2004
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quote:

ORIGINAL: pahunkboy

Look  on the bright side.


He wasn't tazed.


Best post of the thread. I laughed out loud.




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RE: Zero Tolerance for 6 year old - 10/14/2009 7:11:00 AM   
OrionTheWolf


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Good argument angel. I agree. Fry the parents for the kid taking a metal spork to school, that will teach them. Also, just because a rule is in place, does not automatically make it right. There are actually several things written that explain why many schools have went to zero tolerance rules, it has to do with public feel good and liability. Damn those lawyers again.

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RE: Zero Tolerance for 6 year old - 10/14/2009 7:12:51 AM   
lovingpet


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Joined: 6/19/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: OrionTheWolf

Good argument angel. I agree. Fry the parents for the kid taking a metal spork to school, that will teach them. Also, just because a rule is in place, does not automatically make it right. There are actually several things written that explain why many schools have went to zero tolerance rules, it has to do with public feel good and liability. Damn those lawyers again.


Amen

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RE: Zero Tolerance for 6 year old - 10/14/2009 7:12:59 AM   
Muad_Dib


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From: The Great State of Confusion
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quote:

ORIGINAL: barelynangel

Sorry but the boy is 6 years old, its the PARENTS RESPONSIBILITY to make sure he follows the RULES and UNDERSTANDS the rules. IF a 6 year old doesn't and doesn't understand what he did was wrong based on the rules, then to me, the parents ARE responsible. So they should face the consequences -- NOT the child at that age. If the parents are going to make the excuse of well we can't ALWAYS know, then no wonder there has to be a zero tolerance policy with no recourse. The parents aren't willing to take the responsibility and the consequences so they have no other choice but make the child the responsible one even if they are too young to understand. You can't have it both ways, you can't say well the school shouldn't have this policy and then the parents saying well we can't always KNOW what the child is bringing to school. If the parents aren't willing to take the responsibility and consequences then the school has no choice of zero tolerance with no appeal. SOMEONE has to be responsible. IF the parents aren't then the school has too.

Honestly, i don't agree with the school here BUT i do believe that someone other than the child is responsible.
I also believe the school is also responsible IF they did not and do not go over the rules such as this i mean its ZERO TOLERANCE so the school should be teaching this in an age appropriate way.

IF your child breaks something in a store and the store has a you break it you buy it policy, they don't say okay child give me the money, they hold the parent responsible for the actions of the child even if the parent didn't know what the child was doing for A MOMENT in time

angel

So with this rational that the parents should be responsible what is the punishment for them.  Jail, huge fine when they are barely making ends meet, take the kids to foster care because obviously they don't know how to raise them.  For the school what would be their punishment, overcrowd them even more, cut off their funding, mark them a failing school in the wonderful "No Child Left Behind" grading.

I am a parent and if you are able to frisk your kids down each day, if you have them, then my hats off to you.  But in reality kids will do things like this I did, my 3 kids have and unless all weapons are taken from us by then their kids will as well.  As well I don’t feel the need to be a warden in my house.  True my children, knock on wood, have not brought any of the myriad of weapons in our house to school.  Know why?  I taught them that it is wrong to and they ask me if they can bring certain items to school.  Why cause I taught them to.  We have let lawyers, congress, and crack pot lobbyist groups run our lives for too long now.  This would have been solved in two seconds, let me see that and if was really dangerous I’m taking this and calling your mother/father.  Unfortunately there are too many “parents”, and I use that loosely, that should not be parents and want the government or anybody else raise their kids because they are too stupid or scared to do so themselves.   I raise my kids, not to the everyone is a winner or I’m your friend crap that is poisoning our youth.  I take offence to the government telling me how to raise my kids and fight it at every opportunity. 


Just this year I went to pick up my daughter for a doctor’s appointment and while I was waiting for her I saw that my son was in the nurses’ station bleeding from the head like a stuck pig.   Come to find out a student had thrown a rock and hit him in the head and it wasn’t a small one.  Now the principal assured me that the youth in question would be dealt with harshly and more than likely expelled since they have a zero tolerance to violence.  I asked the principal what had happened and she said that this student without provocation picked up a rock and threw it as hard as he could at the back of my kids head.  I asked the principal if she had seen this herself, she replied no.  I asked her if any of the 8 teachers watching the playground saw this and she again said no.   So I asked her how the hell did she know what had happened and she said that is what a 5 year old student had said.  So I then asked my child what had happened and he said that the boy threw a rock and hit him in the head.  I asked him if he had been throwing rocks and he said yes.  Come to find out they were being kids throwing rocks and the other student would not make a good pitcher since he could not hit the broad side of a barn and was a wild pitch and my son was unfortunate enough to be one step ahead of him.  Even with knowing the truth the principal had the nerve to say the child was to be expelled and is where as the parent I am just like this kids parents started fighting for our rights and got this child the proper punishment for his infraction.  If I had been one of the “pseudo parents” that child would have been expelled I would have filled a lawsuit on the school the parents the rock company that placed the gravel there because of all the pain and suffering that it caused.  Instead I called at the time my wife to come pick him up and take him to the doctor while I took my daughter to her appointment and the kids had to go pick up rocks and trash out of the playground the next day.


Sorry for the rant but as a parent this fires me up every time and wish there were more like me in this country that would stand up and start raising their children.  Glad to here that the child was able to go back to the school and whoever made that decision my hats off to them for they are the select few left in this school system with some common sense.


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Muad'Dib

"Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I am not sure of the former" Albert Einstein

(in reply to barelynangel)
Profile   Post #: 74
RE: Zero Tolerance for 6 year old - 10/14/2009 7:24:08 AM   
lovingpet


Posts: 4270
Joined: 6/19/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Muad_Dib

I am a parent and if you are able to frisk your kids down each day, if you have them, then my hats off to you.  But in reality kids will do things like this I did, my 3 kids have and unless all weapons are taken from us by then their kids will as well.  As well I don’t feel the need to be a warden in my house.  True my children, knock on wood, have not brought any of the myriad of weapons in our house to school.  Know why?  I taught them that it is wrong to and they ask me if they can bring certain items to school.  Why cause I taught them to.  We have let lawyers, congress, and crack pot lobbyist groups run our lives for too long now.  This would have been solved in two seconds, let me see that and if was really dangerous I’m taking this and calling your mother/father.  Unfortunately there are too many “parents”, and I use that loosely, that should not be parents and want the government or anybody else raise their kids because they are too stupid or scared to do so themselves.   I raise my kids, not to the everyone is a winner or I’m your friend crap that is poisoning our youth.  I take offence to the government telling me how to raise my kids and fight it at every opportunity. 




Thank you!

This is the same reason my kids will not (more than likely anyway) bring a weapon or other unapproved items to school. Some items I have flat out banned based on OUR OWN judgement (included in that the knowledge that some of them are not permitted at school according to policy). Anything outside of basic school items must be met with my approval before they go out the door. It is not a perfect system, but it works at least 90% of the time. For the other 10%, they get the consequences because they did know better based on MY rules. I don't really need the school's rules. Mine are far stricter. Further, if I were on the receiving end of these policies, I would stand and fight just like the parents of this boy did. Win or not, I will be heard. Man, I need some civil disobedience! LOL Just kidding.... maybe......

lovingpet

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RE: Zero Tolerance for 6 year old - 10/14/2009 7:40:33 AM   
barelynangel


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Orion, lol, i guess you are of the notion to fry the child, yeah that will teach them also.  Again, listen carefully now -- i am not debating the RULE's right or wrong -- i am saying IF THE CONSEQUENCES ARE COMING DOWN AND THERE IS NO REVERSAL, the child shouldn't have to take consequences because he didn't understand ADULT RESPONSIBILITIES he cannot comprehend.  So who should?  The parents.    So yeah, what the hell, let a couple kids fry.  What's a few sacrifices in the world of bad rules.

Muid'dib, i do understand your frustration. 

You are saying oh but the poor parents but you can deal with YOUR CHILD having to be suspended, go through all that this child has confused and not having a clue what's going on.....  This kid could have spent 45 days IN A REFORM SCHOOL if this was pushed to the limit, is that what you would want for your child who has no clue what the ADULT concept of all this is.   I am not trying to make the parents the scapegoats here but i would rather the PARENTS be than the children if push comes to shove.  Because the PARENTS have the power to DO something, the child does not.

I don't know the answers other than have an ongoing fight to remove the zero tolerance policy and have different language in same BEFORE something like this happens, not BECAUSE something like this happens.    Do i believe at some age they should be held accountible when they should know and understand, yes, but not at 6 years old - as this child has shown he has no clue what the adults are all up in arms for (sorry pun not intended lol) -- this should NOT have been HIS issue to deal with at all beyond a age appropriate explanation about what he did and why he shouldn't do it again.  We already make our children grow up to fast, making them face consequences of this monumental proportions and getting suspended from school and possibility of reform school to me IS monumental when he doesn't understand what the issue is, to me is wrong.  The parents should take the responsibility -- as well as -- as i have said -- the school should also.

Again, all schools have the zero tolerance policy, i am curious how many parents are currently fighting having it the school and school district handbook?  Something tells me not many i bet. 

You are not any different than many if not all parents.

angel

< Message edited by barelynangel -- 10/14/2009 7:42:53 AM >


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(in reply to lovingpet)
Profile   Post #: 76
RE: Zero Tolerance for 6 year old - 10/14/2009 7:56:47 AM   
Louve00


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I think ultimately all parents take responsibility for their children.  In the case of this 6 yr old, the parents were willing to home-school him, in place of allowing him the punishment of going to a disciplinary school.  In any case a parent will be responsible for a minor child.  How they take that responsibility is matter that could have different outcomes depending on the family.

Every child, like every adult, has a personality and demeanor of his/her very own.  To some children, rules mean not a thing at all.  To others rules mean everything.  To some bad grades mean nothing, just like to some good grades do.  I think that is where the school needs to come in and determine the degree of the punishment or discipline.  Doing that will make the 'no tolerance' rule a safer and better and more consistent place for all children to learn.

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(in reply to barelynangel)
Profile   Post #: 77
RE: Zero Tolerance for 6 year old - 10/14/2009 7:57:04 AM   
lovingpet


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I, for one, fought it from its inception as an idea, much less as it has become general policy.

I will put it this way, angel. There is no good party to lay the excessive consequences of a bad policy upon. I would die for my kids if need be, but the problem is me falling on my sword isn't going to do much in the way of teaching them about the way the world actually works. I will fight unfair and extreme penalties with and for my children, but I also will accept a final ruling with grace and fulfill the requirements to the extent I believe will not irreparably harm my child. I would agree, for instance, to set him on a homebound or homeschooled program for the time the school board was committing him to a reform school based on my belief that the reform school environment would be detrimental to my child. If this was not acceptable, we would simply move so that he could attend in another school district. Kids have to learn that rules apply to them, that there are consequences for their actions, and they are responsible for the rules even when they are not aware of them. They also have to learn life isn't fair. It isn't fair in the small things like getting sick on Halloween night and it isn't fair in the big things like zero tolerance policies. It doesn't make it any less a part of life because it is unpleasant.

I don't believe in coddling and sheltering children. I do believe in helping to protect their basic human rights, as I would anyone regardless of age. Children remain immature as long as they do because we as a society have chosen to coocoon them instead of letting them deal with reality. I provide a secure, loving environment tempered with expectations, responsibility, and discipline. I should hope to produce mature, responsible adults at a far younger age than my cohorts. I will also expect them to be of the best possible character. As far as I'm concerned, the issue at hand isn't about child rearing...for me anyway. It is about how we treat children and young adults when it comes to their constitutionally protected rights. We have made laws and policies to the point of nullifying the rights and attendant responsibility of the very segment of our society that will one day be trying to enforce them. These kids are our future. If we do not teach them to value their freedoms and to use them wisely, then what does our future look like?

lovingpet

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Profile   Post #: 78
RE: Zero Tolerance for 6 year old - 10/14/2009 8:04:32 AM   
lovingpet


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quote:

ORIGINAL: Louve00

I think ultimately all parents take responsibility for their children.  In the case of this 6 yr old, the parents were willing to home-school him, in place of allowing him the punishment of going to a disciplinary school.  In any case a parent will be responsible for a minor child.  How they take that responsibility is matter that could have different outcomes depending on the family.

Every child, like every adult, has a personality and demeanor of his/her very own.  To some children, rules mean not a thing at all.  To others rules mean everything.  To some bad grades mean nothing, just like to some good grades do.  I think that is where the school needs to come in and determine the degree of the punishment or discipline.  Doing that will make the 'no tolerance' rule a safer and better and more consistent place for all children to learn.


I tend to agree. It is not that I mind there being zero tolerance for certain actions, but it is this fanatical extremist way of enforcing it that is bothersome. The kid screwed up, intentionally or unintentionally it doesn't matter. There are, therefore, consequences. Reform school though???? That's more than a bit much given the circumstances. Had this been a hunting knife he brandished and threatened a student or teacher with it, then all bets are off and I'd say 45 days is lenient at best.

I also agree that the parents take part of the fall one way or another. People who aren't parents don't always seem to realize this. Someone's got to pick the kid up from school after the fight and they need stitches. Someone's got to stay home with a suspended child. Someone's got to be the "teacher" if homeschooling is enacted. Someone's got to drive the kid to the reform school (most places do not offer bussing as PART of the punishment). On and on it goes, but people don't see it. Time, money, energy, and more that parents invest either of their own volition or by force to handle their child is there whether it is obvious and codified or not.

lovingpet

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Profile   Post #: 79
RE: Zero Tolerance for 6 year old - 10/14/2009 8:13:27 AM   
barelynangel


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To me, a suspension on a child's record is a concept that follows him through school and in this day and age, the competition is fierce out there, so to have a suspension on a child's school record when a fine could be assessed to the parents (i highly doubt they would prosecute this kind of case so it being criminal is low) or maybe a parent having to do school community service etc or perhaps the parents and child attending an age appropriate weapon safety class etc.  SOMETHING that will not scar the child's permanent record.  10 years down the road, all some stranger will read is suspended for bringing a weapon to class.  With a stack of 100s left to read, that statement could make all the difference between a NO and a Possible.  Even at 6, you want him in a top notch HS, and they have this stack and say well all these kids never had this kind of trouble at all, but this child was suspended.  You never know how people are going to perceive things.  Competition is what this world is about.

Maybe that record isn't all that important anymore, when i was a kid it was the threat of something going on your permanent record was significant, it was what put the fear of god in you lol.  Maybe its not that significant anymore -- i don't know.

I just see the child having to face these consequences as a possible obstacle that could be avoided if the consequences were on the parents because of the concept to me is beyond the scope of a child's understanding.

angel

< Message edited by barelynangel -- 10/14/2009 8:26:18 AM >


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