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Angeni -> RE: One Dominants controversial thought on d/s (3/19/2006 11:27:46 AM)
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First a d/s relationship is just that, a relationship, it can begin and fail just like any other relationship and for much the same reasons.
I agree.
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It takes a dominant that understands the d/s dynamic and comes to understand his submissive to make it work.
This I do not agree with it. It takes BOTH parties to understand and WANT a particular dynamic to make it work. Both must have a basic understanding to begin with.
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Her motivations are more important than her likes or dislikes of the moment, what does she really want out of the relationship? Is it just the kinky sex or a relationship that includes kinky sex? Understanding the submissives mind will enable the dominant to fulfill his desires and use her to the fullest extent possible.
To only try and understand your partner so that YOU can fulfill your own desires seems one-sided to me and not much of a relationship at all.
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Compromises are a key determinant in the success or failure of any relationship. The question is who makes the greatest compromise
Why does ONE person have to compromise more? There are two people in the relationship ( sometimes more if Poly is involved ). Compromise should come from all ends equally. Otherwise, you run the risk of harboring resentment.
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Which is not to say there is no compromise on his part but rather that his primary desires remain intact. After all we’re dealing with real life here. Some seem to not realize that.
Yes, we are dealing with real life. And in real life, all parties compromise equally somewhere along the line.
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it is much the same way for submissive women, to enjoy having been made to do something more than the act itself, a real sign of submissiveness.
I disagree. There is no submission in being FORCED to do something that is against your values or own ideas. For me, the act becomes one of submission when I can approach it myself, without being forced.
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Would I tell a women I would respect her limits, “no”. Would I ever force something on her that I felt she really couldn’t handle, “no”.
This I am having problems with. In one sentence you state that you will NOT respect her limits, yet in the next, you state that you would not force her past those limits. Seems contradictory to me.
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Would I try to get her to the point that she could, “absolutely”.
Who is to make the determination that pushing her past certain limits would not be determental to her health?
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To me d/s is what we are, not what we do. What we do is sometimes kinky sex, sometimes not. Even in our most relaxed moments we are still d/s. D/s is primarily a state of mind.
This I completly agree with.
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If submission is surrender then she should surrender to his desires and put her desires aside.
If taken literally, then my desire to submit should be put aside?
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that if I’m in control that I’m morally responsible for what I desire and she is blameless for her actions while under my control.
This is wrong. Everyone should be held accountable for their own actions. When things go wrong, it's too easy to place blame on others, why make it even easier?
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After all a good dominant does take advantage of her desire to please
A good dominant never takes ADVANTAGE. He/she understands the desire, but should never take advantage of that desire.
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Safety in a d/s relationship is primarily the dominants responsibility as he is in control.
Safety should fall on the shoulders of ALL involved, not just one.
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Maturity and caring in a dominant are more important than so called years of experience and all the safe words that can be imagined.
I disagree. BOTH are important when safety is concerned.
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If the dream is to be taken control of then what good is her list?
As a guide, as a memento of what he/she MAY be looking for. What good would a dominant's list be for?
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would a very submissive woman really want a dominant that didn’t push her to fulfill his most cherished desires
Again, there is that reference that it is only the dominant that matters. Are you serious in thinking that ANY submissive would give up their own desires simply because a dominant decided that they were not necessary? Again, this is real life, not some fantasy. In real life, relationships of ANY KIND take compromise and work on the sides of ALL involved.
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Early on the submissive woman should realize that she will have to sacrifice her body to the desires of her dominant
Sacrifice? So, you are not looking for a submissive that would willingly give you her body for your use? You would rather have one that felt she had to 'PAY' you?
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The first intimacy is the physical intimacy. The unrestricted access and use by the dominant of his submissives body for his enjoyment. That is one of the reasons the submissive is there. She should be prepared at all times to submit to his touch, inspection and use and to posture herself to his desires. He may reenforce this state of her being by often having her assume poses and postures that open her up to his view and touch. He should do so without undue ridicule of her body, making her uncomfortable at opening herself up. This is not to say that she may not be humiliated but that personal mean spirited attacks should be avoided.
That's a wonderful fantasy if you live in a dream world. Unfortunatly, many of us live in the real world where unexpected visits, children, family, household chores all can happen at a moments notice.
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The second and ultimate intimacy is that of thought and emotion, the seeing inside her. The thoughts and emotions of the very submissive woman yearn to be set free and absorbed by her dominant. She wants to keep no secrets from him, she wants to be completely open to him, for him to know her better than she knows herself
Since you are not concerned with the desires of the submissive, why would you care about her emotions?
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For the dominant to extract his desires from his submissive he cant be overly concerned with displaying respect for her
Very rarely will you find anyone in a HAPPY relationship, of any kind, that does not respect their partner.
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After all he’s going to use her in ways he would never try with women to whom he had to socially show respect. The submissive woman doesn’t want an overly hesitant dominant always afraid he’s hurting her feelings.
Hesitancy over the thought of doing harm should never be compared to that of showing respect. The two are vastly different. .
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The fear of losing the d/s relationship and being set adrift helps drive her to obedience. It is one of the most powerful weapons that her dominant has over her.
Any dominant that feels the need to evoke fear in his submissive to this degree is unstable.
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