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SomethingCatchy -> RE: Are you 'into' older men? (10/30/2009 8:27:18 AM)
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quote:
ORIGINAL: hardbodysub
quote:
ORIGINAL: SomethingCatchy
I keep getting that question. My question is, why should it matter? If I don't find you attractive, that has nothing to do with your age and everything to do with your physical looks and a personality I don't mesh with.
When a man asks me this question when he's old enough to be my father, I wonder if he's trying to put pressure or expectations on me. "You said you didn't care about age, so why don't you like *ME*?!"
What is your take on the age question?
Why do men insist on asking this question?
Do gay men ask this question of younger men?
Do women ask this question of younger men/women?
Maybe it's just poorly worded, but from what's written above, they're not asking "the age question". They're specifically accepting your assertion that age doesn't matter, so they're asking what else might be the problem.
In regard to the age issue, it's pretty much a non-issue for me. Yes, it's a little frustrating when someone seems like a virtually perfect fit for you except that they've set an arbitrary age limit that excludes you. I don't set such arbitrary limits, because I recognize that individuals of any given age can be extremely different from each other; there are 50-year-olds that seem more like 30, and vice versa. If I set such an arbitrary limit, I'm excluding some people who might be great matches for me. On the other hand, there aren't many 85-year-olds who appear to be 30, so I'm probably not missing too many good opportunities if I exclude the over 80 group.
It does make some sense to focus one's attention and energy on age groups that are more likely to yield a higher number of compatible people. But it's silly to completely ignore someone purely because of age, when everything else seems like a good fit. Since I'm not interested in people who make such silly, irrational decisions, it doesn't matter to me if they exclude me because of age.
In my search, I don't specify or care about age. I recognize that I'm unlikely to find a good fit with someone who's a LOT older or younger than me, but that doesn't mean that it's impossible. If she's physically attractive to me, seems intelligent, and has compatible interests, then age is a pretty meaningless number (as long as she feels the same way about me).
When the whining comes in, I just assume it's because they didn't get their way. People in general whine when they don't get what they want from time to time. I have never thought about it being a specific question of 'what is the problem if it isn't age' though. I'll keep that in mind if I'm ever in this position again.
I agree with everything else you wrote. While I don't generally find men 20 years older than me attractive physically or emotionally, I have never cut someone out of the running just based on a number.
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