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RE: Help me. I'm trapped ! - 3/9/2006 7:09:02 AM   
Mercnbeth


Posts: 11766
Status: offline
quote:

coffs: enjoying talking freely about bdsm again. That alone is worth a lot to me.

Coffs,
Appreciate your difficult situation.
Why would telling your wife you need D/s end your "marital happiness". As a side question - Do you have "marital happiness"? It seems you don't, at least as far as this desire. You would be communicating and opening up to your wife. Why couldn't you do that? You're discussing not requiring.

Dollbecky offers a good idea of getting involved with local groups. There are some "baby steps" that can precede that. Show her this site and others like it for one. Consider showing her this thread for another. If talking about the lifestyle satisfies you participating in a chat-room may be a good idea. It only becomes a problem when on-line fantasy becomes a false reality.

Active participation in the lifestyle requires a mental commitment along with the physical activity. It takes integrity, it REQUIRES trust. Sneaking around to fulfill your needs conflicts with these important aspects. Looking in the eyes of your wife won't be the same. Thinking only about you - do you want to know that feeling? Would any experience you take part in be worth it?

Communicate with her. Start by telling her about your past lifestyle experience, if you haven't already done so. Tell her ideally you want her to join you. Open up and try with her. Your next step depends on her reaction. Can you really lose her over a discussion? You really aren't "trapped", you are at a crossroad. You say a couple of times you only want to be part of the "culture" without the necessity of being "physically active". Why would she hate you for disclosing that?

This is your wife! Consider the words behind the vows. The ones that talked about "good times and bad" "sickness and health". She's required and should be commited to making your relationship work as much as you. You should have at least the same ability to talk about your relationship and personal desires as couples in a un-legally bound Master/slave relationship.

Good Luck! Be Strong!

quote:

Texas Maam: You're going to get a lot of self righteous flack on this thread for wanting something outside of your marriage.


Texas Maam,
Pointing out that breaking a legally recognized contractual vow is "self righteous"?

(in reply to TexasMaam)
Profile   Post #: 21
RE: Help me. I'm trapped ! - 3/9/2006 7:26:55 AM   
Arpig


Posts: 9930
Joined: 1/3/2006
From: Increasingly further from reality
Status: offline
quote:

Whether sex is involved or not would depend upon whatever the two of you decide; it's just not anybody else's business.

Excuse me? Not anybody else's business? What about the man's wife, I may be a little old fashioned, but I am of the opinion that it IS her business as well.

To the OP, well I agree that you have 3 options, but the 3 options you listed are not them. Those options are, in descending order of "rightness":
1. Tell your wife what you want and need & take whatever comes. maybe she will play kinky games in bed, maybe she will allow you a platonic (or mostly platonic) play partner, or to see a pro, or maybe she would want to top with you...or maybe she will want your ass out....no way of knowing till you tell her.
2. Suck it up, do without BDSM, if knowing others are "getting it" and you aren't is driving you nuts, then stop looking for/at it online. If you truely love your wife, then do it for her. I strongly suggest that if you try option #1, and if she says "No way!", then you take this option. I know it isn't very pretty, but tough. Cheating is cheating, and nothing you say to us or yourself will change that.
3. Be a man, tell her what you want, and if she can't give it to you, then pack your things, give her whatever divorce she wants, and go get what you need.

Online, etc. may well satisfy your cravings, but unless your wife is aware of what you are doing it is still cheating, and trust me, she will figure it out eventually, and then the marriage will end anyway.

So, if you truely cannot do without BDSM, then the only hope is that your wife can do with some, if she can't, the marriage is over, it is just a matter of time. You know what the right thing to do is, so stop trying to persuade yourself otherwise...you say you are a Dom, so act like one...part of being a Dom is having the cojones to do the right thing.


<Edited to make it make more sense>

< Message edited by Arpig -- 3/9/2006 7:29:10 AM >

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Profile   Post #: 22
RE: Help me. I'm trapped ! - 3/9/2006 7:30:01 AM   
OscarHargraves


Posts: 693
Joined: 8/9/2005
Status: offline 		Hi Coffs. Welcome to CM and the boards.

Boy do I understand you. I'm in the exact same position myself. I'm married to a wonderful woman who I wouldn't leave for anything but she is not into (and never will be into) the BDSM stuff. I love her dearly but the obsessions of my dominant side have driven me to acquire a Sub on the side so that I can 'relieve the pressure' sometimes.

I too don't know what to do. I love my wife. I don't love my Sub (and she doesn't love me) but I love to play her. I was totally honest with her upfront and she knew I was married. She knew there was never going to be anything between us and accepted that. With us it's physical and little else. I DO care for her and I like her very much but it's not the same feelings I have for my wife.

Does my wife know? Well, she's not a stupid woman and she does know about my obsession so I think she has a pretty good idea that something is going on. She doesn't bring it up and I don't slap her in the face with it by being indiscrete.

Man, I don't envy you at all or the terrible decisions you are going to have to make. I DO wish you the best of luck and hope everything works out well for you.

_____________________________

Never drive faster than your guardian angel can fly ! !

(in reply to coffs)
Profile   Post #: 23
RE: Help me. I'm trapped ! - 3/9/2006 7:34:50 AM   
orfunboi


Posts: 1223
Joined: 10/22/2005
Status: offline 		There is no easy answer to all this. You say you love your wife, yet you don't have a problem lying to her. i suppose you can try the online route, although i am not sure if that will satisfy your craving to be dominant or not. It wouldn't do a thing for me. But i can say from the other womens perspective, i wouldn't have anything to do with you. After all if you lie to the women your married to and made vows with, what makes me think you won't lie to me also. i am sorry but i would never be able to trust you enough to have a relationship.

(in reply to coffs)
Profile   Post #: 24
RE: Help me. I'm trapped ! - 3/9/2006 7:38:53 AM   
orfunboi


Posts: 1223
Joined: 10/22/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: OscarHargraves

Hi Coffs. Welcome to CM and the boards.

Boy do I understand you. I'm in the exact same position myself. I'm married to a wonderful woman who I wouldn't leave for anything but she is not into (and never will be into) the BDSM stuff. I love her dearly but the obsessions of my dominant side have driven me to acquire a Sub on the side so that I can 'relieve the pressure' sometimes.

I too don't know what to do. I love my wife. I don't love my Sub (and she doesn't love me) but I love to play her. I was totally honest with her upfront and she knew I was married. She knew there was never going to be anything between us and accepted that. With us it's physical and little else. I DO care for her and I like her very much but it's not the same feelings I have for my wife.

Does my wife know? Well, she's not a stupid woman and she does know about my obsession so I think she has a pretty good idea that something is going on. She doesn't bring it up and I don't slap her in the face with it by being indiscrete.

Man, I don't envy you at all or the terrible decisions you are going to have to make. I DO wish you the best of luck and hope everything works out well for you.


According to your profile, your wife knows, but just doesn't play...so which is it?

(in reply to OscarHargraves)
Profile   Post #: 25
RE: Help me. I'm trapped ! - 3/9/2006 7:39:17 AM   
LadySonelle


Posts: 280
Joined: 8/24/2004
From: Santa Fe NM
Status: offline 		There are options that others have not thought about. One is using a telephone service and verbally exercising your dominant tendancies. The second is... I was about to writw 'subimating' but a better term might be 'dom-limating' your desires into a non BDSM channel.

What you need to do is examine your dominant desires and see which *aspects* are most compelling. Is it power you want? Is it sexual, psychological, physical or emotional or some combination thereof?

And, there *are* things that you can do in vanilla style, that are BDSM in nature. You could go into local politics or become active in a club or charity. Many groups desperately NEED a 'take charge' guy.

Very importantly, you need to be honest with your wife. There are several good 'how to' books on introducing a vanilla person th BDSM. "Oh, but she would *never*..." Don't make that decision for her, either! If she has no suspicion of your interestes, could you consider that *perhaps* you have no suspicion of HERS? Don't cut that avenue off altogether! She could really surprise you.

Lastly, I will speak from a Female Domme position and state that your dilemma is *hardly* unique! I've been doing phone work for 17 years and believe Me, if I had a nickel for every male who has married, then found he "needed more" than his wife was prepared to give... wait, I *DO* have a nickel! LOL! It's not a "dom thing" it's a GUY thing! What you are neeeeeeeding is not to be a Master, what you are neeeeeeding is *another woman*! Males need, want, crave, desire, yen for as many Women as they can get because it is their/your nature to spread the genetic joy! It's the new-ness, the other-ness you crave. If it weren't, you would be redoubling your efforts to convince your *wife* instead of seeking elsewhere. Admit it! When you think of yourself being all tall and hairy and Master-ish, - WHO _ do you see in the collar and duffs in front of you? Do you see your wife or do you see another? My money is on the latter! If you are honest with yourself, you will very probably admit that I am right. Why? Because you have already CLOSED the door on the idea of sharing something you love WITH someONE you love! Think that one over.

Lady Sonelle

_____________________________

Come to My domain and read My Lessons online! http://www.LadySonelle.com then place yourself beneath My loving Hand!

(in reply to coffs)
Profile   Post #: 26
RE: Help me. I'm trapped ! - 3/9/2006 7:46:00 AM   
Arpig


Posts: 9930
Joined: 1/3/2006
From: Increasingly further from reality
Status: offline
quote:

According to your profile, your wife knows, but just doesn't play...so which is it?


Good question, but i think you already answered it in the preceeding post, don't you?

quote:

After all if you lie to the women your married to and made vows with, what makes me think you won't lie to me also. i am sorry but i would never be able to trust you enough to have a relationship.


I think LadyS has a very valid point...is it your beloved wife you imagine in those cuffs...or is it a sexy little thing in her 20s?

Be a man, do the right thing.

_____________________________

Big man! Pig Man!
Ha Ha...Charade you are!

Why do they leave out the letter b on "Garage Sale" signs?

CM's #1 All-Time Also-Ran


(in reply to orfunboi)
Profile   Post #: 27
RE: Help me. I'm trapped ! - 3/9/2006 7:47:58 AM   
DarKurWolfe


Posts: 9
Joined: 2/3/2006
Status: offline 		First step stop fooling yourself, everyone has a little kink in them, cheating is seriously wrong. now that that is out of the way here are some tips. 1. take her to a sex shop for a respectable shopping spree. 2. show her that you have no fears of her enjoying such sexual devices. 3. Ask her what Fantasies she has. 4. try a little bit of bedroom role play. 5. talk to her about your experience with BDSM and what interest area's you have.

these are idea's not to be done in any order just plainly done.
If you have kept this secret from her this long and lied to yourself this long that cheating was alright. Then maybe she is thinking that if she is goodie goodie and hides her deep fantasies you will never leave her. Some Vanilla's are like that worried about what others think.

these are just suggestions on a vague post of a problem
DarKur Wolfe

(in reply to coffs)
Profile   Post #: 28
RE: Help me. I'm trapped ! - 3/9/2006 7:49:02 AM   
yourMissTress


Posts: 1665
Joined: 6/14/2005
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline
quote:


Thanks for the input so far. I did anticipate this would turn into a "dont cheat, its wrong" thread. And I cant disagree with all those that say I'm not being loyal / fair / true etc etc. You are all correct and I hate myself for what I have done and what I am doing to myself.

But looking at my situation I can do one of 3 things-
1. Tell my wife I need D/s. An option that would very probably be the end of marital happiness. Not an option.
2. Dont say anything. Dont do anything. Live a peaceful vanilla life and be proud of my dedication to my dearest wife (I'm glossing over previous indiscretions for poetic effect). This option will most likely cause cold sweats, high blood pressure and shaky hands due to my rage when reading on the web about how other dominants are "gettin it" and I have a gaping hole in my character where domination used to be. 3. Indulge in a little on line D/s, preferably with someone in another country which insures it will only ever be on line. Safe sex at its safest. ie, no sex. Is it lying? Or just encouraging a "need to know" enviroment? :) Is it an emotional affair, or just a little fun? Judgment call I think.


IMO you are being selfish and having a difficult time justifying and rationalizing it so you came here to see if anyone would help you out with that. As you can see, if you ask enough people eventually you will find someone that tells you what you want to hear.

It's obvious to me that you've made your choice. And that you still don't feel too good about it. If you did, you wouldn't experience "rage when reading on the web about how other dominants are "gettin it"". And that gaping hole in your character? That's not from a lack of a sub to dominate. You are chipping away at your own character and self esteem by doing things that you know to be wrong.

You ask if cheating online is an emotional affair or just a little fun, which one can you tell your wife about? Which one is ok to do out in the open without hiding, sneaking, and deceiving? Just a little fun is really minimizing what you are or will be doing to your wife.

BUT...you mention that you've already cheated on her...so, what's one more? Of course betraying your wife and your... ahem, marital happiness is really high on your priority list...right?



_____________________________

Tress


"If you have to tell people that you are a lady, you are not." My Grandmother


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Profile   Post #: 29
RE: Help me. I'm trapped ! - 3/9/2006 7:57:32 AM   
MasterFireMaam


Posts: 5587
Joined: 3/1/2006
From: Charleston, WV
Status: offline 		OK, heavy stuff today:

A wise man once asked people in a seminar, "Would you sell yourself for sex?" I responded in my head, "Well of course not. I'm not a prostitute." He then asked, "Would you sell yourself for love?" I had to think about that one...for several weeks.

I realized with the second question he wasn't talking about selling ourselves for money. We buy things that we think we need, with pieces of ourselves. We feel we need these things because of root based (1st chakra) fears we have, such as financial security. Fear is the beginning of all negativity in our lives. Working through these fears is the path to self-love and happiness. Through self-love, we come to love others; through self acceptance, we come to accept others; through self-forgiveness, we come to forgive others; through self-compassion, we come to be compassionate of others.

My answers to the questions: Yes and yes and more. I have sold myself for both and other things. That’s not a pleasant realization about myself. I sold myself for sex by trading the use of my body for a few moments of physical closeness. I sold myself for love, and therefore happiness, by trying to play the submissive Christian wife in both my marriages. I sold myself for safety by not pursuing my PhD and settling into a marriage with a man who could take care of me financially. I sold myself for acceptance by trading a piece of my SOUL and allowing the opinions of others to cloud my perception of my creative abilities. But, I love, accept, forgive and have compassion for myself.

My fears were:
1. I’m worthy/good enough/beautiful/creative. I thought I needed to have someone tell me that I am these things in order to be these things.
2. I am loved. Love meant being happy. It doesn’t. Happiness cannot come without; it must come from within.
3. I am successful. I’m still working through this one. I keep asking myself, “What would I do if I were successful? What would this really mean for me?” It would bring freedom…but with freedom comes responsibility for myself. I don’t need someone else to take care of me.
4. I am physically attractive to others. Yes, I had a fear of being attractive. Having been overweight most of my life, this one was also hard to work through. I’ve never been attractive to a wide variety of people before. Having lost a lot of weight, I now cannot hide behind it. This is also tied into the sex thing…I am used to trading pieces of my personality in order to get sex. Now that I don't have to do that, what will I do? Tough question.

All of these things are wrapped up in a base fear of being all I can be. What would I do with myself if I were everything I wanted to be? What would it feel like to NOT fail? What would I do if I did not need love and acceptance in order to be truly happy? I did myself a disservice by not reaching for my highest potential. I am working to no longer do this. But believe me; I understand that sometimes, we stay in hell because we know the street names.

So, the question you have to ask yourself, and that no one can answer for you, “Are you selling yourself for love or safety?” If yes, you owe it to the people you love (yourself as well as your family) to be honest so that you can both move along your paths. Live in integrity.

Here’s a decent link about changing fear into love (love is the opposite of fear).
http://members.optusnet.com.au/~acceptance/YourPurposeWeb/TransformFeartoLove.htm


Fire

_____________________________

The power of who we are can be intoxicating. The power of who we could be is humbling.
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Ms Relationship Books
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BDSM How-To Books

(in reply to coffs)
Profile   Post #: 30
RE: Help me. I'm trapped ! - 3/9/2006 8:01:23 AM   
artglfr


Posts: 235
Joined: 4/8/2005
Status: offline 		Only You can really know what is the "right" thing to do in this situation, yet Right encompasses so much; right for WHO?

I don't think You are giving your wife the credit She deserves. she has stayed with you this long and probably has a very good idea of what you are up to. Guys just DON'T fool our Wives very often or for very long.

If You do not want a divorce or to "cheat" You gotta talk to her openly and honestly and try asking HER what She would feel to be a reasonable and safe way for you to explore. She probably will be way more open minded than You give her credit for. She married you so she must care. Love her, Cherish Her and Please do NOT lie to Her or You WILL lose Her.

(in reply to yourMissTress)
Profile   Post #: 31
RE: Help me. I'm trapped ! - 3/9/2006 8:02:43 AM   
Fawne


Posts: 462
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: coffs

1. Tell my wife I need D/s. An option that would very probably be the end of marital happiness. Not an option

Coffs, may I please inquire as to why this is not an option?

Yes, likely big, bad X porn sites, saying the terrible "SM" word, even maybe friendly local group gatherings may be misunderstood by your wife at this point, sorry to say. Attending a casual event is a good idea, as many recomended, but do you think it could be overwheming for her?

Does she fear she will be harmed? Is she frightened that because you would like to 'hurt her' that you don't love her? Just some Q's, if you don't mind.

Have you tried introducing her very gently? Not 'calling' it anything? Something like offering to give her a massage or a bath and oh! a blindfold will help her relax, she can feel like she is at a spa (LOL) warm, naked, relaxing, your hands taking charge....so her body senses your confidence, powerful, yet caring, so she feels 'safe'. In short: learning to trust all over and in a new way.

May I ask? Does she enjoy pleasing you sexually? If so..... you sound like you could make it happen and perhaps the two of you can share the bliss ;) ?

Good luck, fawne

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Profile   Post #: 32
RE: Help me. I'm trapped ! - 3/9/2006 8:13:14 AM   
LadySonelle


Posts: 280
Joined: 8/24/2004
From: Santa Fe NM
Status: offline 		By the way, another thing I'd quite skipped over in my earlier reply... Being a Dom/me is a LOT harder (IMHO) than being a submissive, *because* of the level of personal integrity demanded and the lack of outside forces to impose that integrity. To be a Master/Mistress, we, who wear our keys on the left must impose upon ourselves, the control we impose upon our subs/slaves.

If I expect honesty from a slave, I must BE an honest person. If I expect fidelity, I must BE faithful. If I expect strength to serve Me, I must BE strong. What I demand of My slaves, I must first exhibit within My own character or I have no right to expect My slaves to *respect* Me!

There is a difference between lifestyle BDSM and kink/fetish BDSM and if you want simply to be a kinkster, then you've made that choice... but if you feel that it is in your very character, your blood and bone, then you MUST be true to the honour and integrity of Dominance and BECOME a Dominant in body, mind, heart and soul... and *that* means to be HONEST and HONOURABLE!

Lying to your wife, going behind her back, cheating online or on the telephone... those are NOT the actions of a true **Master**! They are the options of a man who is *enslaved* to his kink! So you need to look inside yourself and ask "Am I a Master or am I a kinkster?". To actually BE a Master/Mistress is damned hard work because it means being **better** than your natural inclinations. You must decice the standard to which you hold yourself and that standard must be higher than the norm or you are no Dominant.

Lady Sonelle

_____________________________

Come to My domain and read My Lessons online! http://www.LadySonelle.com then place yourself beneath My loving Hand!

(in reply to coffs)
Profile   Post #: 33
RE: Help me. I'm trapped ! - 3/9/2006 8:18:16 AM   
orfunboi


Posts: 1223
Joined: 10/22/2005
Status: offline
quote:

To be a Master/Mistress, we, who wear our keys on the left must impose upon ourselves, the control we impose upon our subs/slaves.


i have never heard this about keys, is this a literal thing? Cause i sometimes clip my keys to my belt loop and i always clip them on the left side.

(in reply to LadySonelle)
Profile   Post #: 34
RE: Help me. I'm trapped ! - 3/9/2006 8:20:21 AM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: orfunboi
i have never heard this about keys, is this a literal thing? Cause i sometimes clip my keys to my belt loop and i always clip them on the left side.

Keys are a type of "flagging" or a symbol that you wear to let people know what you are identifying as/into.

_____________________________

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Profile   Post #: 35
RE: Help me. I'm trapped ! - 3/9/2006 8:21:02 AM   
JohnWarren


Posts: 3807
Joined: 3/18/2005
From: Delray Beach, FL
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Arpig

quote:

Whether sex is involved or not would depend upon whatever the two of you decide; it's just not anybody else's business.

Excuse me? Not anybody else's business? What about the man's wife, I may be a little old fashioned, but I am of the opinion that it IS her business as well.

To the OP, well I agree that you have 3 options, but the 3 options you listed are not them. Those options are, in descending order of "rightness":
1. Tell your wife what you want and need & take whatever comes. maybe she will play kinky games in bed, maybe she will allow you a platonic (or mostly platonic) play partner, or to see a pro, or maybe she would want to top with you...or maybe she will want your ass out....no way of knowing till you tell her.
2. Suck it up, do without BDSM, if knowing others are "getting it" and you aren't is driving you nuts, then stop looking for/at it online. If you truely love your wife, then do it for her. I strongly suggest that if you try option #1, and if she says "No way!", then you take this option. I know it isn't very pretty, but tough. Cheating is cheating, and nothing you say to us or yourself will change that.
3. Be a man, tell her what you want, and if she can't give it to you, then pack your things, give her whatever divorce she wants, and go get what you need.

Online, etc. may well satisfy your cravings, but unless your wife is aware of what you are doing it is still cheating, and trust me, she will figure it out eventually, and then the marriage will end anyway.

So, if you truely cannot do without BDSM, then the only hope is that your wife can do with some, if she can't, the marriage is over, it is just a matter of time. You know what the right thing to do is, so stop trying to persuade yourself otherwise...you say you are a Dom, so act like one...part of being a Dom is having the cojones to do the right thing.


<Edited to make it make more sense>


Arpig, you pretty much said what I would have. I'll just add some additional suggestions.

Coffs, it is the business of another person, your wife. No matter what other people may say, you've made a series of promises to this person and if you decide to "cheat"... (and the way it works, she gets to chose what "cheating" is: online relationships, nonsexual contact with others in the BDSM community, nonpenetrative play or a six person pileup with three sexes and a quart of Mazola.)... if you decide to cheat you've lost your honor.

"Oh, she won't find out" is the mating cry of he slime-covered philanderer, and it may work for a while, but eventually Murphy will rear his head and you'll be found out and it will be bad.

Then the marriage will probably end, messily and publically. And it will be your fault.

I go along with Arpig that option one is the way to go. There is a lot of good material around to help you. For example, Janet Hardy's Someone You Love is Kinky is written for the vanilla lover in such a relationship but it contains a lot of information for the other side too that you can use in your talks.

As far as this is concerned, you have already more than crossed one line and you are online. Ask people, not what to do, but how they approached their vanilla spouses, what worked and what didn't. Learn from them.

If it turns out the marriage does have to end, at least you did the right thing rather than waiting for the roof to come in. As IronBear can tell you the best thing that can happen in an ambush is for the victim to trigger it prematurely before ending up dead center in the kill zone. In your case, it might well be your coming home and finding your wife and your secret submissive, crying in each other's arms and talking on the speaker phone to a divorce attorney while looking daggers at you.

Secrets often don't stay secrets long.


< Message edited by JohnWarren -- 3/9/2006 8:23:11 AM >

_____________________________

www.lovingdominant.org

(in reply to Arpig)
Profile   Post #: 36
RE: Help me. I'm trapped ! - 3/9/2006 8:24:58 AM   
orfunboi


Posts: 1223
Joined: 10/22/2005
Status: offline 		Thanks, i thought it might be something like that.

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
Profile   Post #: 37
RE: Help me. I'm trapped ! - 3/9/2006 8:25:40 AM   
HisGirl8


Posts: 55
Joined: 2/15/2006
Status: offline 		You've gotten some wonderful advice. I'm so pleased to see all these amazing poeple here coming out for the right thing.

You know what you should do because you know what's right.

My question to you is...

What is the greatest human flaw, Fear or Laziness?

You're either too afraid to deal with the consequences or too lazy. Either way, you'll figure it out and do whatever you want... or what's easiest, until you get caught, and speaking from experience she will catch you...

Good luck

(in reply to coffs)
Profile   Post #: 38
RE: Help me. I'm trapped ! - 3/9/2006 8:26:17 AM   
proudsub


Posts: 6142
Joined: 1/31/2004
From: Washington
Status: offline
quote:

Why cant I tell her and see if she will partake in some D/s? No chance, not a hope. She would not. Trust me, its not an option.


How sure of this are you? I used to think that of Hubby, boy was i wrong!

Maybe you can introduce some things to her without discussing it as a D/s relationship: rent some bondage videos, try some role playing, ask if you can blindfold or cuff her, introduce her to erotic pain (clothes pins on the nips was a turning point for me, am now a pain slut).

There have been a lot of threads about vanilla spouses, most disolved into a rant about cheating, but here are a few:

married to a vanilla lady (the OP deleted his post but the replies are there)

married and need to be discrete

vanilla partners

_____________________________

proudsub

"Without goals you become what you were. With goals you become what you wish." .

"You are entitled to your own opinions but not your own facts"--Alan Greenspan


(in reply to coffs)
Profile   Post #: 39
RE: Help me. I'm trapped ! - 3/9/2006 8:54:44 AM   
Ava82


Posts: 55
Joined: 1/2/2006
Status: offline 		A few hours ago, I was standing in court finalizing my divorce.

Why? My husband and I weren't sexually compatible. He was not honest with me before we were married. And I looked at a lifetime of unfufillment, and a lifetime of temptation, and stuffing feelings down. We tried therapy, I tried to introduce him gently, we tried so many things. But in the end, it just wasn't going to work.

I still love my husband, he is a great guy, and I married him for good reasons. But sex is so important, and we are not compatible. I realized this could only lead to trouble down the line.

So I said, "I love you, and I always will. But this just will not work."

Granted, we have no children and own no property, so it's a very clean, easy break. But I did not want to subject this man that I love and respect to my dishonesty and cheating further down the line.

I have to be comfortable in knowing I gave it my all, and I tried, but some things just weren't meant to be.

Just my two cents.

(in reply to proudsub)
Profile   Post #: 40
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