BitaTruble
Posts: 9779
Joined: 1/12/2006
From: Texas
Status: offline
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quote:
So....
What do I do? I have to do something to feel I am part of the whole bdsm culture. And I would prefer if that something didnt disrupt my otherwise good life. I would love an on line sub. But have you tried getting one? They just dont want a married man. :o) Even chatting about the subject is good - love this board, so much intelligent input, so refreshing - but finding that isnt to easy either. Reminising about the good times had in the past would be better than nothing.
So is there anything an experienced sadistic dominant can do for satisfaction, no matter how mild that may be?
You answered your own question already. Post to the boards. Engage in conversation. Discuss BDSM to your hearts content here and elsewhere. You can ask anything and everything and will, most certainly, get replies. Be aware that on a public board, they might not be want you want to hear and you won't find much in the way of wanking material, but for honest to goodness intellectual discourse, you'd be welcome with open arms.
A few suggestions - don't tell your wife about the your indiscretions. The only reason to go in to them at this point is to try to clear your conscience .. it's your guilt now, so live with that and let her remain in the dark. You claim you're a dominant, so be one. Exhibit self-control in the future and it won't effect your marriage. What you can do, is share with your wife that this is a subject in which you are interested but that you will keep it to nothing but discussion. It's not very different from reading Penthouse or Playboy and lots of vanilla wives know that's just something they must accept. You don't have to be a saint. I'm sure your wife already knows you're not perfect, but you don't have to hide something which interests you either. BDSM is becoming more mainstream as time passes and if you assure her of your intent to keep faithful.. and then DO SO, she might be a bit more accepting than you give her credit for.
Weigh the thrill of the secret against the devastation it can do to your marriage. Do you 'really' want to keep your marriage in tact? If so, tread carefully before further indulgence. It can come back and bite you in the ass when you least expect it.
I disagree with TM about going to munches or joining a group and things of that nature to find a submissive in a similar situation. Most who are hiding their private lives from spouses don't attend such things and your odds of finding someone there who's in the same boat is very, very slim and you'll have to take a fairly hefty risk of being outed if you attend such as they are almost always held in public venues. On-line email groups or sites are much more conducive and safer for you at this point.
Ok, here's the part where I put on my judges robes. Quite frankly, I don't give a shit if I come off as a self-righteous bitch. I've given you some very good advice. You should take it. You've screwed up twice already and you are ashamed of it. It's not going to get any better if you continue to be a liar and a cheat. It's going to eat at your marriage.. but more importantly, it's going to eat your soul. You can always get another wife, but your soul.. that's a one shot, buddy.
Only you can decide if your marriage is worth the risk you are willing to take, but consider this.. if you fail to inform your wife, you are taking all her choices from her without her consent. Is that your idea of a dominant? You are not allowing her the opportunity to choose to stay with you or leave your cheating ass when you withhold facts. You've stated that the acts you engaged in were purely physical. You're 38, not 17.. so have some self-control. You're a man for pete's sake, so act like one. Contrary to popular belief, BDSM is FULL of judgments and judgmental people.. as you can see, I'm one of them and I make no bones about it and I don't molly coddle liars and cheats for the sake of some PC, rose-colored glasses view of life. If you continue the road of cheating, you're nothing but a selfish, sackless coward.
Now, all that said, forgiveness of self is entirely possible and your future actions will dictate how you view yourself and how others view you. People screw up but I'm the sort of person that won't hold it against someone if they truly repent and change their ways. I would welcome discussion of any subject with a person who makes the effort. I hold honor and integrity in the highest regard but I can't be silent and remain true to my own ideals. My silence would condone your actions and I refuse to go there. You put your laundry on a public board and I feel honor bound to respond. You don't know me from Adam.. and you may very well take TMs advice and ignore this self-righteous critic.. but I don't suppose you thought you'd get a free ride when you wrote to the boards, so consider this part of the price you have to pay for outing yourself in public and what I had to say about it was probably on the mild side of what others might have to say..
.. or maybe not.
You asked for help. That's my version of helping you. Take it or leave it.
Celeste
_____________________________
"Oh, so it's just like Rock, paper, scissors." He laughed. "You are the wisest woman I know."
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RE: Help me. I'm trapped ! - 
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RE: Help me. I'm trapped ! - 
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