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RE: Help me. I'm trapped ! - 3/9/2006 1:34:29 PM

JohnWarren

Posts: 3807
Joined: 3/18/2005
From: Delray Beach, FL
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: proudsub

quote:

... As far as I can see, she might be involved with some subbie boy already...

You never know, until you bring it up.

Good point, she may be afraid to talk to you about her true desires. When Hubby and i had "the talk" he told me all kinds of fantacies of His that i had no idea of. We had both been hiding a lot from each other thinking the other wouldn't understand, and that was after 34 yrs of marraige.

While communication doesn't always work out perfectly, it often comes out better than no communicating.

I recall one time I was at the Greenery Press booth at Folsom Street Fair. A young couple came up (cute as the devil both of them) and the guy asked about the book The Ethical Slut. I told him it was about polyamourous play and went on to say a bit about it.

He got kind of a dreamy look and said "I've always fantasied about that." Then he froze and the message in the eyes was "why did I say that with her standing next to me."

We both looked down nervously only to see her looking up and grinning. Then she said, "So do I."

Just think.... if he hadn't asked the question

_____________________________

www.lovingdominant.org

(in reply to proudsub)

Post #: 61

RE: Help me. I'm trapped ! - 3/9/2006 1:54:26 PM

truesub4u

Posts: 2949
Joined: 11/17/2005
Status: offline

I really do not get the census here....

It appears.. most think it's ok to cheat on your vanilla half. Then there are others that think it's ok to cheat period.

Then there are a few others that agree that cheating is just not right.

Either way you look at it... cheating is just NOT right. Hiding things, not telling, keeping things to self... it's cheating. No sugar coating it.

What was it LA said... do not admit to anything if all test show disease free? Well most know AIDS takes long to show in some than others.

What the OP did, IMO .... was come on here... looking for others to validate and approve of what he was doing. He didn't get all of what he was looking for. So there for.. most of us were wrong in our posts.

Why would assume your wife is unhappy? We didn't. It was stated she wouldn't be happy if she knew you were cheating and lying.

If your sexual relationship is so "brilliant".. why do you need to feed your other desires with someone else?

Going to local munches and things... you can't because of needing discretion. I can see that.. running across someone that knows your wife. Because last thing anyone wants to do is be busted red handed with hand in cookie jar when they're trying to be sneaky to begin with.

_____________________________

Wisdom is knowing what to do next, Skill is knowing how to do it, and Virtue is doing it.

(in reply to JohnWarren)

Post #: 62

RE: Help me. I'm trapped ! - 3/9/2006 1:56:29 PM

Sub03

Posts: 600
Joined: 4/30/2005
Status: offline

Talk to your wife. You say it isnt an option but you never know until you try. I have a vanilla fiance and he knows that i love this lifestyle and need it to be really happy. So we talked and i have a Dom on the side. And everyone knows about each other and nothing is behind anyone's back. If i hadnt talked to him i would be in the same situation. Find a sub in the same siuation as you then nobody has any false expectations.

Or you can not say anything to your wife, go find a sub and cheat. But if you really love your wife then you wouldnt even be thinking of cheating much less already done it twice. And having an online sub may work but that is still a lie to your wife and i know i will get flamed for this by those who do online but online dosent fill that need for D/s. At least it didnt for me. I tried nline and it just dosent work. Its just not the same.

(in reply to shiava)

Post #: 63

RE: Help me. I'm trapped ! - 3/9/2006 2:04:53 PM

truesub4u

Posts: 2949
Joined: 11/17/2005
Status: offline

sub03!!!!!!!! nice to see you again...... lol

_____________________________

Wisdom is knowing what to do next, Skill is knowing how to do it, and Virtue is doing it.

(in reply to Sub03)

Post #: 64

RE: Help me. I'm trapped ! - 3/9/2006 2:19:11 PM

Sub03

Posts: 600
Joined: 4/30/2005
Status: offline

LOL ive been around....just havent posted anything lately. Trying to stay out of trouble.

quote:

ORIGINAL: truesub4u

sub03!!!!!!!! nice to see you again...... lol

(in reply to truesub4u)

Post #: 65

RE: Help me. I'm trapped ! - 3/9/2006 2:38:23 PM

BeingChewsie

Posts: 1633
Joined: 10/27/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: amayos

quote:

ORIGINAL: coffs

Help me before I do something I might regret.

Do you identify as dominant? If you do, you really need to reacquaint yourself with the concept of self mastery in the very least. Your tone speaks of such desperate need—tender like an open wound. Get hold of yourself and step out of that sensual desperation that makes you so weak; it's dangerous to both you and your wife.

I see one of those classic prehistoric paintings depicting an animal trapped in a tar pit, its bellowing drawing only the wicked predators...

It is interesting you should ask that. I must be missing the signals to there being an ounce of dominance here. If you are dominant, be dominant...Grab this situation by the balls and bring it to -your- timely conclusion. That is dominance. Stop being a coward.

PS. You are free, not owned, stop acting like it.

(in reply to amayos)

Post #: 66

RE: Help me. I'm trapped ! - 3/9/2006 3:13:05 PM

mercmjm

Posts: 52
Joined: 2/7/2005
Status: offline

why not comprimise and like have her devote one day a month or something to d/s or just try and make sex kinkier you know? its not much but its something

(in reply to proudsub)

Post #: 67

RE: Help me. I'm trapped ! - 3/9/2006 5:32:59 PM

RiotGirl

Posts: 3149
Status: offline

quote:

Either way you look at it... cheating is just NOT right

you started that sentence great. And i agree whole heartedly with you. BUT you didnt finish the sentence right.

Here ya go, i'm gonna do it for you.

"either way you look at it.. cheatins is just NOT right.. for ME"

But for others, its okay. let them be, who are we to judge? To even judge what is right or wrong for them? Not saying i dont agree with you. i've been on both sides of the fence. There is a difference i'm trying to make. You can not deem what is okay for other people. It will surely drive you up the wall, because people are going to do whats right for them. No MATTER what ya tell em. it seems like you must of sorely gotten hurt by some one who did so once to you. i'm sure we all have. But take a step back. Ya know i kind of agree with LA. Dont admit. You know i have never, EVER told anyone i cheated on them. i simply realised i wasnt getting what i needed and broke up with them. Why hurt them more? As for being cheated on. i sorely wish i didnt know. It just taints things. its done me absolutely NO good. Didnt change things. mmmm a few things. i'm on gaurd, checkin over their shoulder, keeping an eye out and well generally not relaxed. All it does is make the CHEATER feel better. Clears they're conscious. Selfish indeed as it just hurts the one thats been cheated on.

Honest ppl make mistakes. People learn through trial and error whats okay for THEM. i am self aware enough to know that i can not cheat. Cheating chews on my conscious. Cheating makes it so i cant look my s/o in the eye. Cheating makes me feel bad bout ME. Cheating, makes me feel like crap. And so on. So after much trial and error LOL i now know that cheating is WRONG FOR ME. So i dont do it.

And yes i agree that. Cheating = lying = wrong. There is no two ways about that. But people can also lie and still generally be an honest person. i have yet to meet ONE person who has not lied. People in glass houses should not throw stones.

Therefore, we all do wrong. So let them cheat if they like, if its okay with for them. It doesnt effect you.

(in reply to mercmjm)

Post #: 68

RE: Help me. I'm trapped ! - 3/9/2006 6:38:05 PM

amayos

Posts: 1553
Joined: 6/2/2004
From: New England
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: BeingChewsie

It is interesting you should ask that. I must be missing the signals to there being an ounce of dominance here. If you are dominant, be dominant...Grab this situation by the balls and bring it to -your- timely conclusion. That is dominance. Stop being a coward.

PS. You are free, not owned, stop acting like it.

True. There is moving rather than being moved, acting instead of reacting. It is crucial to know the difference.

(in reply to BeingChewsie)

Post #: 69

RE: Help me. I'm trapped ! - 3/9/2006 7:24:10 PM

MistressSassy66

Posts: 1675
Joined: 11/5/2004
Status: offline

You feel trapped...but your happy??

I didnt read through all the posts so I dont know if this was suggested...
A Pro-Domme may be able to give you what you need without the sexual aspects.
To some that still may be cheating to Me its not.I see it as like going to the gym for a workout.

Ultimately I think you should be honest with your Wife,if its that important to you and she loves you she may want to try to help you if not in actual participation at least you wouldnt have to be lying about where your going.

_____________________________

Mistress Sassy

http://www.mistresssassy.com

In the Immortal Words of Bob....Fuck the dumb shit.

"I love you not only for what you are,But for what I am when I'm with you."- Opening line from a poem by Roy Croft

(in reply to coffs)

Post #: 70

RE: Help me. I'm trapped ! - 3/9/2006 7:29:31 PM

sanita

Posts: 338
Joined: 1/30/2005
Status: offline

Hello, Cuffs, and welcome.

You say it is not an option to ask your wife to participate in D/s activities. Ok, i do know of some people who would refuse to even consider it as a fantasy.

However, if You lie and hide things, she'll figure it out. At that point the divorce is not because of a need You are trying to work with, rather it is because of the lies.

i would suggest You approach Your wife, and tell her that this is what You are dealing with. That you love her, and want to respect her feelings, and will do Your best to find a vent for the Dominant energy You are feeling.

Then, i suggest You get a lot of books, read, and write as much as You can about what You would want. If You can be satisfied vicariously through the net, then maybe You can be satisfied with Your own writing, fantasies, desires.

Keep it all legal, and just let Your wife know that it is there. If she wants to read, fine, but if she doesn't, fine too.

Either You approach her with honesty now, and deal with the consequences from a solid foundation, or wait until she accidentally opens one of Your pages and sees Your profile, or she catches You with a letter in Your pocket... Or with lipstick on Your person... Well, then the consequences would have to be faced from a foundation of broken trust.

Also, please keep in mind that vanilla relationships should be consensual, too. And if You are making decisions that can affect Your marriage (like deciding what she can deal with without asking her), then she is not being allowed to consent to be in the marriage.

Good luck to You.

_____________________________

Sometimes, He calls me "subbie." Sometimes, i call me "subbie." And if someone wants to call me a BBW, its flattering. Just don't call me false.

"Please do not show me your ass and expect me to read your mind." -Opencollar

(in reply to coffs)

Post #: 71

RE: Help me. I'm trapped ! - 3/9/2006 8:32:06 PM

proudsub

Posts: 6142
Joined: 1/31/2004
From: Washington
Status: offline

quote:

A Pro-Domme may be able to give you what you need without the sexual aspects.

The only problem is that he is dominant too, but maybe a pro-Domme would take the role as a sub for money, not sure if they do that.

_____________________________

proudsub

"Without goals you become what you were. With goals you become what you wish." .

"You are entitled to your own opinions but not your own facts"--Alan Greenspan

(in reply to MistressSassy66)

Post #: 72

RE: Help me. I'm trapped ! - 3/10/2006 1:56:22 AM

NeedToUseYou

Posts: 2297
Joined: 12/24/2005
From: None of your business
Status: offline

The problem is he said in his first post that he cheated for purely physical reasons not emotional. Then says he's just looking for social interaction in his second post and he has a brilliant sex life.

Anyway, I don't think he even realizes what he wants after reading the different things each post says. If you go off the first post it clearly reads that he is looking for a physical relationship and that's the reason for the cheating that prompted the post. Using such words as painful, deny,aching,ashamed,pressure to describe his state. Then second post, when I guess he decided, he wasn't going to get the response he wanted backed down to a point to where he states now all of a sudden he just wants social BDSM interaction, and is happy, and has a wonderful sex life.

OK, good luck, but here's why I'm seeing a long-term problem with the situation. You state you just want an outlet for your BDSM wants, but the only time you took action to fill that void, was straight out unemotional sex, as you've described it. So, seeing you just didn't sneek off to a BDSM club, or whatnot. It tends to leave the impression that you aren't looking for just BDSM discourse. If that was the case, it'd be easy enough to fulfill, there are probably 20 sites on the internet that one can talk about such things. So, I grant it to you that you are trying to do the right thing, by finding some outlet, now. But it sounds that BDSM is a very physical thing for you, so I doubt it could be fulfilled in that light. This is why in my opinion, that most are suggesting you tell your wife, as it appears this is a physical thing for you, not just about the emotional interaction. And if you long for the physical, interacting on message boards, will just make that desire all the more strong. It's just logical to assume, that long-term you will again act on those urges, especially if you immerse yourself in BDSM discussion. So, that being the conclusion, the best course of action, in my opinion, is to tell your wife, so maybe just maybe, something can be worked out. This isn't a judgement, but rather it seems that you acknowledge that cheating is wrong. Why else post the topic.

So, if you think cheating is wrong as it appears you do, and BDSM is very much about sex, as it appeared it was for you in the original post. Then the only logic way to resolve that situation is to incorporate your wife. Whether that be by her approval, participation, or divorce. It'll be resolved. Besides that really your only option is to cheat(which it appears you don't want to do), or can your BDSM wants(which it appears you don't want to do).

Anyway, Good Luck.

Self-righteous signing off.

quote:

Over recent years it has become painfully clear that I cannot deny myself my dominant character. I am literaly aching to be involved in a Dom/sub relationship of some kind. I love my wife dearly and want to spend the rest of my life with her. But, I am ashamed to admit, that I have strayed and been unfaithful twice. I justify this to myself (maybe fooling myself) that I have to releave the pressure and allow my dominant side to relax and let me live my life in peace. It was a physical thing, no emotional content. The women involved were friends who I met on the web. I have no contact with either now.

quote:

I guess I was just looking for some social interaction within the bdsm culture. To selfishly make me feel better. I'm starting wish I hadnt bothered now. Or started with a less contentious issue :o)

(in reply to proudsub)

Post #: 73

RE: Help me. I'm trapped ! - 3/10/2006 5:48:43 AM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: proudsub
The only problem is that he is dominant too, but maybe a pro-Domme would take the role as a sub for money, not sure if they do that.

There are pro-subs. It might be the best option if he wants to continue cheating- since he doesn't want to have the day-to-day long term committed relationship, having a clear pay for play discrete relationship work.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to proudsub)

Post #: 74

RE: Help me. I'm trapped ! - 3/10/2006 10:18:43 PM

EvilGeoff

Posts: 523
Joined: 8/24/2005
Status: offline

Having been in the situation myself I can only offer my experience. It doesn't make it right or wrong, it's just what was.

I was married to a vanilla partner for a very long time. Although I was kinky at heart, I only discovered the BDSM community through the OL realm after I was in my mid-30's. I took steps to join the real time community. I tried, honestly tried, to explain what this world means to me to my then wife. I was honest with her, told her my needs, my desires, bared my heart to her. After she read 2 pages... TWO FREAKING PAGES from "Different Loving" (which is a damn mild book, mind you) the first words out of her mouth were "I want a divorce." It took almost a year after that for me to finally throw in the towel, but as much as I wanted it, she was having none of it. She simply could not get past the "submissive = doormat" image in her head.

We worked on it for almost a year, my friends. In the end, _I_ had to make a choice. MY sanity and happiness, or continuing depression and increasing frustration, bitterness and anger that my spouse, a woman I had chosen as my life mate, who I had lived with and loved for 15+ years, who should've known my character and integrity better than any other human being on the planet, wouldn't trust me enough to submit her will to me.

My having an outside slave was not an option with my ex-, even if it would've been strictly service and/or BDSM play with no sex involved. And I wasn't going to cheat on her again (I made that mistake once, and my God, how that ate like acid into my soul). I couldn't pretend to be vanilla any more so the only choice I could make to save my own sanity was to move out and move on.

There ARE options, but they depend on HER acceptance of alternatives, and on YOUR honesty and integrity. SM play only outside the marriage. Open marriage. Don't ask, don't tell. If you consider yourself honest, trustworthy, a person of integrity and character, you will have to "come clean" at some point, or you will erode your own soul, and your self-respect and self-esteem. Your wife might not know about your cheating, but YOU will. And if you have a conscience, cheating on your wife will eat away at the core of who you are and how you see yourself.

I can't say a particular path is right or wrong for you. But I can tell you that all of them have pro's and con's, and all have a price to be paid. The path I chose had a very high price indeed. But it's one I can hold my head up about. And I still enjoy the love and respect of my children, and the friendship and respect of my ex-. Hell, we get along better now divorced than we did the last several years of our marriage.

That can happen when two Dominants don't constantly fight over who's in charge of the relationship. *grins* Her new hubby is a good sub even if they don't participate in the kinky side of BDSM. Their relationship is a D/s one in all but name.

Good luck with whatever path you chose. Be true to your own heart and your own path, but keep in mind the need to be honest with your wife. She deserves that.

You do to.

YIK,
- Geoff

(in reply to shiava)

Post #: 75

RE: Help me. I'm trapped ! - 3/10/2006 10:31:25 PM

BitaTruble

Posts: 9779
Joined: 1/12/2006
From: Texas
Status: offline

quote:

Good luck with whatever path you chose. Be true to your own heart and your own path, but keep in mind the need to be honest with your wife. She deserves that.

You do to.

YIK,
- Geoff

Damn fine post, Geoff. My hats off to you. Wait.. don't wear a hat. Ok, panties off then.. wait.. don't wear those either. There's gotta be something I can take off. :)

Celeste

_____________________________

"Oh, so it's just like
Rock, paper, scissors."

He laughed. "You are the wisest woman I know."

(in reply to EvilGeoff)

Post #: 76

RE: Help me. I'm trapped ! - 3/10/2006 10:40:49 PM

MasterBuckeye

Posts: 43
Joined: 9/2/2005
From: OHIO
Status: offline

This is my solution, as I found myself in the exact same situation, but I did NOT stray. I started teaching the fine ART of BDSM. NO SEX involved, so I don't have the guilt associated with it. One can be quite creative, when they are committed to another relationship. I know I'll catch some boo's and that is ok, I accept my life as it is, and I am happy. I wish you luck with your torment.

_____________________________

Master Buckeye

"IGNORANCE CAN BE CURED WITH EDUCATION; BUT STUPIDITY IS HOPELESS!"

(in reply to shiava)

Post #: 77

RE: Help me. I'm trapped ! - 3/11/2006 8:12:29 AM

swtnsparkling

Posts: 1738
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

Be honest with yourself first. You are not happy and things are not great if your looking for a sub online or otherwise.

I knew nothing of bdsm when I got married. It wasn't my fault it wasn't hub's it just was. When I did learn of it we had already been married 10 yrs.

I love hub but there was always an emptiness in me, from what I had no idea I just knew I wasn't happy and since I didn't know why I blamed him for it. When I was in my late 30's I finally discovered bdsm and realized what ( I thought was wrong with me)

After 2 years of reading, talking to others , researching and finally being honest with myself I found nothing was wrong with hub, and nothing was wrong with me . I was submissive once I accepted that it lifted a ton off my shoulders and it was like I could breath again. I also realized, nothing about my unhappiness was my husbands fault.

I needed to pursue this path now there was no going back for me no matter what. I could lie and sneak around or I could be honest and take a chance he loved me enough to at least give some effort to try to understand. if things went the opposite way it would break
my heart of course and hurt him but he is a good man a good husband and deserved my honesty. So as much as it scared me to do this, not sure if he would say I was sick or leave I had to speak to him.

As it turns out he did make that genuine effort to understand and supports me to this day. Now 19 yrs married. May sound odd but it also has made us happier-There is no guilt, no lies, no blame. I know who I am, I am proud of who I am, I do not hide, I am honest, trusted loved and happy.

Sneaking or lying online or off will Always get you caught, maybe not today, maybe not for a yr or yrs, but you will get caught. Anyone who trusts you and loves you and you say you love them does not in any way shape or form deserve that kind of deceit.

_____________________________

Never make anyone a priority who treats you as an option 2003

Walk in Peace

A "No" uttered from deepest conviction is better than a "Yes" uttered merely to please

(in reply to coffs)

Post #: 78

RE: Help me. I'm trapped ! - 3/11/2006 8:23:10 AM

truesub4u

Posts: 2949
Joined: 11/17/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: EvilGeoff

Good luck with whatever path you chose. Be true to your own heart and your own path, but keep in mind the need to be honest with your wife. She deserves that.

You do to.

YIK,
- Geoff

I agree with Bita... Cudos... very respectful post here.

Edited the quote for space

_____________________________

Wisdom is knowing what to do next, Skill is knowing how to do it, and Virtue is doing it.

(in reply to EvilGeoff)

Post #: 79

RE: Help me. I'm trapped ! - 3/11/2006 8:30:38 AM

PenelopePitstop

Posts: 254
Joined: 4/22/2005
From: UK
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: coffs

Hi Folks. First time poster here, hope you can help me.

I have a problem that may seem unusual, but I'm sure its a lot more common than we realise. I am a 38 yr old male Dom. In my 20s I had 3 long(ish) term relationships with submissive women. Actually one sub, one full time slave and one who couldnt decide :) But when they finished I married a vanilla woman who is not the least interested in bdsm. I am still with her today.

Over recent years it has become painfully clear that I cannot deny myself my dominant character. I am literaly aching to be involved in a Dom/sub relationship of some kind. I love my wife dearly and want to spend the rest of my life with her. But, I am ashamed to admit, that I have strayed and been unfaithful twice. I justify this to myself (maybe fooling myself) that I have to releave the pressure and allow my dominant side to relax and let me live my life in peace. It was a physical thing, no emotional content. The women involved were friends who I met on the web. I have no contact with either now.

I know I am going to be asked these questions, so I'll answer them now.
Why did I marry vanilla? I thought it was a good idea at the time. I thought I could live without bdsm. (big mistake) And, I was in love. (still am)
Why cant I tell her and see if she will partake in some D/s? No chance, not a hope. She would not. Trust me, its not an option.
Why dont I leave her? I love her and want to stay. We have a good life.

So....
What do I do? I have to do something to feel I am part of the whole bdsm culture. And I would prefer if that something didnt disrupt my otherwise good life. I would love an on line sub. But have you tried getting one? They just dont want a married man. :o) Even chatting about the subject is good - love this board, so much intelligent input, so refreshing - but finding that isnt to easy either. Reminising about the good times had in the past would be better than nothing.

So is there anything an experienced sadistic dominant can do for satisfaction, no matter how mild that may be?

Help me before I do something I might regret.

cheers all
Coffs

When life gives me lemons, I make lemonade with a dash of vodka. i also tend to skip reading threads fully so I apologise in usual fashion if i am repeating what other people have said.

I really feel for you in this situation because SO many of us have been there, myself included.

The denial thing just DOESN'T work.

You married because you fell in love, and wanted to do the right thing because you are a good person, this is not something to beat yourself up about, but something does need to be done now. And I think it's going to be finding a way of telling your wife in a way that doesn't threaten her, or make her think you've been keeping it from her as 'typical male deception' rather than just plain fear of losing her.

She's your life partner - you can't keep it from her, it's not fair to either of you.

Some people do go off and find a partner on the side, but mentally, it would be very hard on you, there would always be a sense of disloyalty and you would never be able to give 100% to either of them, it's an ideal that only very rarely works and usually only when the significant other is aware.

Sometimes people find their vanilla partners are actually quite understanding, other people find that it ruins things and there's just no way of knowing until the subject is broached. It's a huge risk to take, but I guess you have to balance that up against how your quality of life is right now.

Are you good at getting your feelings down in writing? The first thing to do, I think is to work out how you really feel, your fears, your hopes, your needs, the sacrifices you a prepared to make and not make. get it as clear in your mind as can be.

How much does your wife actually know about D/s? Is her reaction that it is 'deviant' activity, or is it simply that she knows she would never be into it herself? It would be nice if you could at least talk about your separate interpretations about it.

I think most women if they thought their loved one was in mental pain to the level that you are, would at least attempt to understand. If not, then that is something within the relationship that just isn't right, no matter how good the other things are.

I wish I had some better advice to you. Good luck and you aren't alone.

_____________________________

Wickedness is a myth created by good people to account for the curious attractiveness of others ~ Oscar Wilde

"You had me at Goodbye"

(in reply to coffs)

Post #: 80

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