NeedToUseYou
Posts: 2297
Joined: 12/24/2005 From: None of your business Status: offline
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The problem is he said in his first post that he cheated for purely physical reasons not emotional. Then says he's just looking for social interaction in his second post and he has a brilliant sex life. Anyway, I don't think he even realizes what he wants after reading the different things each post says. If you go off the first post it clearly reads that he is looking for a physical relationship and that's the reason for the cheating that prompted the post. Using such words as painful, deny,aching,ashamed,pressure to describe his state. Then second post, when I guess he decided, he wasn't going to get the response he wanted backed down to a point to where he states now all of a sudden he just wants social BDSM interaction, and is happy, and has a wonderful sex life. OK, good luck, but here's why I'm seeing a long-term problem with the situation. You state you just want an outlet for your BDSM wants, but the only time you took action to fill that void, was straight out unemotional sex, as you've described it. So, seeing you just didn't sneek off to a BDSM club, or whatnot. It tends to leave the impression that you aren't looking for just BDSM discourse. If that was the case, it'd be easy enough to fulfill, there are probably 20 sites on the internet that one can talk about such things. So, I grant it to you that you are trying to do the right thing, by finding some outlet, now. But it sounds that BDSM is a very physical thing for you, so I doubt it could be fulfilled in that light. This is why in my opinion, that most are suggesting you tell your wife, as it appears this is a physical thing for you, not just about the emotional interaction. And if you long for the physical, interacting on message boards, will just make that desire all the more strong. It's just logical to assume, that long-term you will again act on those urges, especially if you immerse yourself in BDSM discussion. So, that being the conclusion, the best course of action, in my opinion, is to tell your wife, so maybe just maybe, something can be worked out. This isn't a judgement, but rather it seems that you acknowledge that cheating is wrong. Why else post the topic. So, if you think cheating is wrong as it appears you do, and BDSM is very much about sex, as it appeared it was for you in the original post. Then the only logic way to resolve that situation is to incorporate your wife. Whether that be by her approval, participation, or divorce. It'll be resolved. Besides that really your only option is to cheat(which it appears you don't want to do), or can your BDSM wants(which it appears you don't want to do). Anyway, Good Luck. Self-righteous signing off. quote:
Over recent years it has become painfully clear that I cannot deny myself my dominant character. I am literaly aching to be involved in a Dom/sub relationship of some kind. I love my wife dearly and want to spend the rest of my life with her. But, I am ashamed to admit, that I have strayed and been unfaithful twice. I justify this to myself (maybe fooling myself) that I have to releave the pressure and allow my dominant side to relax and let me live my life in peace. It was a physical thing, no emotional content. The women involved were friends who I met on the web. I have no contact with either now. quote:
I guess I was just looking for some social interaction within the bdsm culture. To selfishly make me feel better. I'm starting wish I hadnt bothered now. Or started with a less contentious issue :o)
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