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PainfullyCurious -> RE: inmature frmale slave. (11/7/2009 8:58:48 AM)
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I should note this is a fast reply - not because I am busy, but because I was attempting to see if anyone had given you the same answer I am about to give and I realized that I had to spend most of my time reading through post-after-post insulting you for asking a question in order to do that, so I stopped reading.
I am not even a trained sub, so you may disregard my reply, but post # 106 under Unruely slave may apply to your situation. I'm not a dominant. I am rather new to bdsm, but I do know about behavior in general. Take a look.
The other thing I have to say, is that if she is new to this she just may be having some trouble putting her pride aside and may just need more time and training. She's from a generation where women don't submit as often as they once did and it may take more time for her to get past that and become who she says she wants to be.
If you start ignoring the behavior after having given inconsistent reinforcement (bc we are thinking she likes the spanking and you have probably skipped giving a few here and there when you started suspecting that she liked them) you might be able to extinguish the behavior, but realize the spankings actually served as inconsistent positive reinforcement. Reinforcers make the bad behavior worse and so it will take a long time to extinguish this way.
Now, if you are talking about ignoring her in order to modify her behavior, that can be very effective. It even works with developmentally disabled children. They all get a piece of paper that they keep on their desk, allowing them to participate in the class. When they break a rule, the paper gets taken away and the teacher ignores them and doesn't even look in their direction. Even just a few seconds of this works on children. If you plan to find a way to adjust that to your life, it should be a huge help, especially if she's acting like a brat because she is craving your attention. When you tell her you are going to start ignoring her, don't even make eye contact as you tell her. If you don't have to speak to her that will help too. Maybe explaining something like, when you move a certain magnet from fridge to freezer, she doesn't exist until you move it back.
Go easy with it, but make sure the first time you do it you are pretty firm though. Obviously if you often don't acknowledge her for 2 days over minor offenses and she is someone who craves attention; you're going to ruin her, the effectiveness of the punishment and your relationship.
Another thing that applies to behavior/punishment - If you start small and then consistently up the consequences for each offense you may feel that you are being fair and treating her like an adult - but really you are helping her to build her tolerance to the punishment. You actually need to start off severely the first time she behaves in a way you don't like and then you can ease off a bit.
So if you spanked her with your hand the first time she acted like a brat, then spanked her harder, then moved on to a belt or paddle, well you helped her learn to tolerate pain which might make things more fun and interesting down the line, but doesn't do as much for correcting the behavior at hand.
And last but not least, pour on the praise (or reward spankings) only when she does something that pleases you... Don't go nuts with praise every single time, do give the praise more-often-than-not.
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