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CaringandReal -> RE: coming to terms with a false accusation (11/10/2009 6:12:45 PM)
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quote:
ORIGINAL: lucylucy
Let’s say you’re having a heated discussion or argument with your D type in which he says things he believes to be true about you but are not—for example, he believes you’ve manipulated a situation but you, in fact, have not. It becomes clear that no amount of explanation from you will dissuade him from his belief, even though the thing he thinks you have done is inconsistent with your general behavior. Let’s say you’ve tried to explain and he’s now just tired of your protests, and he says the discussion is over and you’re not to bring it up again.
How do you mentally adjust to giving up on setting the record straight?
I’m really struggling with this. Please don’t tell me to try honest discussion. Believe me, at this point, any more discussion of it will make things worse. He believes something about me, there is absolutely nothing I can do to change his mind, and now I have to deal with that.
Thank you for any advice or suggestions you can offer.
I don't like "D type" because it tells me very little about the exact nature of the relationship, and sometimes you need to know the latter in order to give a relevant response. I'm not blaming you, a lot of people that term around here, but there's a generality to it that doesn't make it easy to talk directly to someone at times.
You've got lots of answers already. I hope you found what you need. I'll add my view just in case it hasn't yet been expressed. I don't know what sort of relationship you're in, but if it's master/slave then I'm with the "just drop it and even though you didn't do it, try to do better" crowd. If you aren't in that sort of relationship, best look at other kinds of responses rather than mine, as mine doesn't make a lot of sense outside that context. I can't advise on the best thing for sub/dom, I don't have a lot of experience with that dynamic and don't comprehend (internally) the rules.
If you're still with me, I'll assume it's master/slave. As for how you adjust to giving up? (the other option, setting the record straight, is a no-go, IMO) You think about what a perversely delicious thrill it is to not be able to even clear your good name if he says no, the matter is ended. You ever do any ponygirl or puppy play and get an intense shiver as you think, "My god, I'm not even human!" Or have you even been tied up very tight, tried your hardest to escape the bonds, and failed, and realized, perhaps with a shudder of fear..."Oh shit, I'm stuck here. He could do anything he wanted to me, anything, and I could not stop him. I could not even try to run away." Ok, that sort of thing, that thrilling realization of powerlessness, however you get it, is the thing you want to strive to feel at moments like these. Yes it's unfair, yes in a sense he is wrong (in another sense he isn't), yes you want to be seen as the good person that you are, but... No, this is not a vanilla relationship where you have every right to expect that from him and can badger him to death if he doesn't respect you and hear/beleive your side of things. "Fairness" is not usually a clause written into these sorts of arrangements. "Obedience" is, however, and if you make your need for obedience searing hot, you won't notice a few slings and arrows against the old ego. In fact, you'll probably welcome, even relish them!
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