RE: Why do some Masters feel that they have to lie? (Full Version)

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NormalOutside -> RE: Why do some Masters feel that they have to lie? (11/9/2009 2:39:24 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Muirren
littlewonder, I ask because Masters are held to a higher standard and live by a code of ethics.


Wow, just wow.

I think this is your problem. People who like being called "master" aren't suddenly held to a different standard and don't live by a different "code of ethics" than anyone else. If you actually believe a person who uses that word as part of their online screen name, or asks you to call them it, is incapable of dishonesty then you are too naive to be searching for a partner on the internet, pure and simple. I'd take the recommendation of the people above this post and get real, for your own safety!



Muirren -> RE: Why do some Masters feel that they have to lie? (11/9/2009 2:53:05 PM)

This is someone that has been in the lifestyle for quite a while AND has references. I just happened to be the only one that finally saw through the facade. How dare you judge me. I refuse to have a battle of wits with an unarmed person!



AquaticSub -> RE: Why do some Masters feel that they have to lie? (11/9/2009 3:13:24 PM)

This is part of why I don't much believe in references, higher standards, or giving much respect to the number of years. Even a fantastic person has their moments where they behaved less than perfectly. Though no one is judging you. Simply stating quite clearly that we disagree with a belief you have.



sunshinemiss -> RE: Why do some Masters feel that they have to lie? (11/9/2009 3:22:23 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Muirren

This is someone that has been in the lifestyle for quite a while AND has references. I just happened to be the only one that finally saw through the facade. How dare you judge me. I refuse to have a battle of wits with an unarmed person!


Muirren,
Have you not heard what all of us are saying?  Or are you just going to cry foul (and call people names) because you got screwed and the rest of us have seen very clearly your part in this?  Your response here was completely uncalled for.  Time to put on the big girl panties and deal. 

And how dare we judge you?  I'll tell you how...  YOU started this thread.  Welcome to the grown up world.  You may not like what we are saying, but it doesn't mean any of us is wrong.  If someone has made an error based on something you've written, the adult thing is to correct it and remind yourself to be clearer.






Muirren -> RE: Why do some Masters feel that they have to lie? (11/9/2009 3:31:54 PM)

Actually, I am not screwed. I always have my big girl panties on. I have already moved on. Judge not lest ye be judged sunshine!



AquaticSub -> RE: Why do some Masters feel that they have to lie? (11/9/2009 3:38:32 PM)

While the term "screwed" may offend you, the fact that you have been lied to twice evidently bothered you enough to ask for opinions. It would probably behoove you to at least consider the advice you are given instead of acting like we told you your mother fucks horses.



Phoenixpower -> RE: Why do some Masters feel that they have to lie? (11/9/2009 3:41:17 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Muirren

I meant that this is the second Master that has done this. Boy can I pick 'em!


Did you meet the two I met last year? [8|]

My 4th one was a nice one...though that doesn't mean it is going easy with us at the moment [&o]



DomImus -> RE: Why do some Masters feel that they have to lie? (11/9/2009 4:32:07 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Muirren
I have not been trying to shed responsibility. I take my role seriously and so should the person I am with. Maybe it is because I was raised to believe that honesty is the best policy. I suppose most people don't have any scruples. And to attack me just because I expect someone to live up to my standards is unhinged, plain and simple.


Expecting other people to live up to your standards and getting upset when they do not is unhinged, plain and simple.



Muirren -> RE: Why do some Masters feel that they have to lie? (11/9/2009 5:16:21 PM)

Maybe I am unhinged, but I do sleep better than most knowing that I haven't been deceitful, and my word is my bond.



CarrieO -> RE: Why do some Masters feel that they have to lie? (11/9/2009 5:34:20 PM)

"The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result."

OP,
Take a breath and then take the time to look at why you have the expectations you do for those who choose certain labels then ask yourself if those expectations are reasonable and realistic.

Perfection doesn't exist.  Just because you have the bar set so high doesn't mean anyone can or will be able to reach it.  That doesn't mean lowering your standards but instead being realistic about yourself and others.

Good luck...See this as a learning experience and move forward.



Muirren -> RE: Why do some Masters feel that they have to lie? (11/9/2009 5:46:34 PM)

Thanks CarrieO,,,I'm not looking for perfection, but I suppose I'll never find anyone that can be honest about everything, especially when they're opening me up for all kinds of diseases, and then try to cover their tracks. I do appreciate your not placing blame. What goes around comes around.



AquaticSub -> RE: Why do some Masters feel that they have to lie? (11/9/2009 5:52:12 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Muirren

Thanks CarrieO,,,I'm not looking for perfection, but I suppose I'll never find anyone that can be honest about everything, especially when they're opening me up for all kinds of diseases, and then try to cover their tracks. I do appreciate your not placing blame. What goes around comes around.


Expecting people to be honest when it comes to your sexual health is perfectly within reason and what people should expect and demand of their partners, regardless of sexual orientation or dom/sub role. What people are questioning you on is the idea that you get to expect more of people because they are dom and that this may be opening you up to be lied to. Not placing blame but trying to show you how you may be putting yourself at risk for further lies.



CarrieO -> RE: Why do some Masters feel that they have to lie? (11/9/2009 5:56:56 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Muirren

Thanks CarrieO,,,I'm not looking for perfection, but I suppose I'll never find anyone that can be honest about everything, especially when they're opening me up for all kinds of diseases, and then try to cover their tracks. I do appreciate your not placing blame. What goes around comes around.


Muirren...

This has nothing to do with blame and everything to do with responsibility....you being responsible for the choices you make in who you allow in your life. 
It's your responsibility to learn from these experiences and move forward.  If you don't, the only person you have to blame is youself.

I really do wish you the best...that being said, I would suggest you go back and re-read, with a clear mind, the advice you've been given thus far.  There a some really good things said that, while blunt, are very insightful.



MasterSlaveLA -> RE: Why do some Masters feel that they have to lie? (11/9/2009 6:18:46 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Muirren

...I ask because Masters are held to a higher standard and live by a code of ethics.



Fantasy nonsense... "Masters" (or anyone else involved in kink) is "held" to their OWN PERSONAL STANDARDS, just like anyone else.  There isn't a BDSM Ethics Police Force out there.  Someone, likely someone trying to get into your knickers, has fed you a bunch of BDSM bullshit, and sadly, you bought it... hook, line, and sinker. 

And to answer your original question as to why some lie?  Ummm... to get LAID!!!  I mean, DUH!!!  Don't wanna get duped anymore, than treat the Toppy ones you come across no differently than you'd treat a perspective 'nilla person. Period.  In short get to know the PERSON first before moving things toward any type of power dynamic.




MstrPBK -> RE: Why do some Masters feel that they have to lie? (11/9/2009 6:21:02 PM)

Masters and slaves need to be held to the SAME level of accountability.

MstrPBK
St. Paul, MN USA



lucylucy -> RE: Why do some Masters feel that they have to lie? (11/9/2009 6:58:42 PM)

This may be an unpopular response, but I think sometimes people lie because they believe that their partner will behave badly in light of the truth. This doesn’t justify the lying, but it explains it, and I took your original post to be asking for an explanation, not necessarily a justification.

This is what I mean: let’s say a man cheats on his partner. He regrets it, knows it was stupid, and is not going to let it happen again. He thinks that confessing will make his partner go nuts and lose all faith in him, and since he’s never going to do it again, he lies about it to keep her from finding out.

Please understand, I’m not defending cheating or lying. I’m not saying he’s right to lie, but I do completely understand why in this scenario he would lie.



OrionTheWolf -> RE: Why do some Masters feel that they have to lie? (11/9/2009 9:51:30 PM)

Maybe you should read and study the entire quote you are using "Judge not , lest you be judged by your own measure." It is a lesson about hypocricy. Everyone judges, including you, it is how we make assessments of people and situations. Now you obviously have been given some feedback, from the topic you started. If you cannot handle the answers, then do not ask the question.

You can continue on as you are, or you can look for things in these comments that may help you. The ones that are the most difficult to look at objectively, are likely the ones that are subconsciously causing problems.

People lie to each other often, but the greatest lie is the one we tell ourselves.


quote:

ORIGINAL: Muirren

Actually, I am not screwed. I always have my big girl panties on. I have already moved on. Judge not lest ye be judged sunshine!



starshineowned -> RE: Why do some Masters feel that they have to lie? (11/9/2009 10:23:33 PM)

deleted



Malkinius -> RE: Why do some Masters feel that they have to lie? (11/10/2009 12:07:41 AM)

Greetings Muirren....

quote:

ORIGINAL: Muirren

littlewonder, I ask because Masters are held to a higher standard and live by a code of ethics.


No, they aren't and no, too many of them don't. There are no "official codes" for Masters and no one to hold them to those codes. There are things that people have written down but the only definition of a "Master" in this context is that they own a "sub" or a "slave". Usually a "slave". I use the quotation marks for a reason. Way too many people are those things in title only.

Remember that the word 'master' is both a verb and a noun. As a title it is a noun. If I master a subject, it is a verb. There is nothing inherent or required to master (verb) yourself in order to be a Master (noun) or owner of another person. I wish there was. I really really wish there was. Wishing doesn't make it so. The same thing is true about any code of ethics. One thing you need to understand about ethics. Ethics is a system of how you behave in certain circumstances that often involve interactions with other people. If someone has defined those situations into a code of behavior and follows that code, they are ethical. It doesn't matter if their "code of ethics" is something you approve of or not. You may find it totally abhorrent, but if they have it defined and follow it correctly, they are being ethical in their behavior. Your ethics, my ethics and the random person of the street's ethics can all be different, but if we follow them, we are all ethical people.

Be well.....

Malkinius



Malkinius -> RE: Why do some Masters feel that they have to lie? (11/10/2009 12:15:49 AM)

Greetings....

quote:

ORIGINAL: Mercnbeth
there's your problem, right there.

for many, "Master" is merely an honorific they affix to themselves without one thought to "higher standards" or living by a particular code of ethics. 


For most people if they add an honorific to their name or nick, it usually means they are not what they claim to be. Thus the Malkinius Rule Of Nicks: If you have to add a title to your nick to show what you are, you aren't.

Be well....

Malkinius



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