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Why "daddy"? - 11/19/2009 11:30:01 PM

kasumi

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Respectfully, I really need to ask those in the community that prefer the term "Daddy" why they do it?

I called my father "Daddy" when I was little, and I'm not into incest. I don't want to think about my father or stepfathers while having sex. The thought of having someone say "Who's your Daddy?!" while slapping my ass is very disgusting and an instant turn off to me.

So, on both sides of it - what is the appeal?
Doms - why do you like being called "Daddy" or "Daddy*insertnamehere*"?
Subs - why call your Dom 'daddy'?
(I suppose those who use "mommy" would fit in here... but I haven't come across any yet.)

I spoke with one man on YIM about this recently and he said that he wasn't into incest but he is into Kink. I don't really follow that using a parental term doesn't at least give a nod toward incestuous behavior.

I was born in Pennsylvania and raised (primarily) in the Midwest so I wonder if its possible that "daddy" doesn't have the same exact definition everywhere else that it does where I'm from.

Other questions:
Is it generally the Dom that makes this particular name placement so?
Is it generally younger subs and older Doms that use the word this way? Or are all age mixes in the mix?
How do you keep yourself from thinking "father" when you use the word? Or is that actually part of the appeal for you?

Esplain, pls?

I'm confused and a bit wierded-out

< Message edited by kasumi -- 11/19/2009 11:52:23 PM >

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RE: Why "daddy"? - 11/19/2009 11:33:10 PM

BKSir

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Daddy is a pretty universal term, so I'd discount that theory.

I think it's more of a whole, "Universally recognized male over-figure role."

Just my dos centavos.

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RE: Why "daddy"? - 11/19/2009 11:38:41 PM

NuevaVida

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No need to be weirded out.

Some people call their owners "Lord" but they aren't implying he is their Savior.

For me, Daddy is not about my father or incestuous at all. It is a name which represents his strength, authority, nurturing and protection over me, and allows me to relate to him in that way...allowing me to be sweet, quiet, vulnerable, playful, and even weak at times. It's not a role-play for us, it's symbolic. He is also my Master, Owner and Dominant authority. But at times he looks at me quite tenderly, and this dynamic allows me to receive that in ways I have not been able to before. He enjoys taking care of me in many ways, and for the first time in my life, I can relax in the arms of a man and know I'm not alone in having to handle everything that life throws my way. We are enjoying many facets to this relationship, and Daddy/little girl is one of them.

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RE: Why "daddy"? - 11/19/2009 11:45:11 PM

kasumi

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But, the primary definition of 'Lord' is just a person who has power or control over others. When I hear the word, I'll likely think of it as if someone was referring to a person of nobility before I consider it in the Christian contest that would also imply 'savior'. (Which of course just means 'one who saves')

Daddy... that's just 'Dad' which is literally 'father'. (At least, that's what I assume the accepted definition is)

Is age play a part of the appeal? Is it younger female/older man that do the 'daddy' thing? Or is it generally represented across the board in D/s relationships?

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RE: Why "daddy"? - 11/19/2009 11:46:42 PM

WyldHrt

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For myself and my relationships, I'm right there with you, kasumi. Calling Him Daddy just doesn't appeal to me at all; the concept is fine, but the word just puts me in the WRONG headspace. That said, it seems to work for lots of folks, and that's all that matters.

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RE: Why "daddy"? - 11/19/2009 11:46:52 PM

bethany89

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NuevaVida ... that's a *perfect* description.

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RE: Why "daddy"? - 11/19/2009 11:53:33 PM

NuevaVida

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quote:

ORIGINAL: kasumi

But, the primary definition of 'Lord' is just a person who has power or control over others. When I hear the word, I'll likely think of it as if someone was referring to a person of nobility before I consider it in the Christian contest that would also imply 'savior'. (Which of course just means 'one who saves')

Not everyone thinks this way. Just like not everyone thinks the same about "Daddy." I was trying to offer a different perspective.

quote:

Daddy... that's just 'Dad' which is literally 'father'. (At least, that's what I assume the accepted definition is)

Elderly men call younger men "son." They are not implying it is their son, it's a term of endearment. My friends and I call each other Mama (as in, "Heya, Mama!") - we are not referring to each other as our mothers. When I call someone "Honey", it is another term of endearment, not the actual stuff from bees.

As mentioned, for me, it is symbolic of the things I said it is symbolic of.

quote:

Is age play a part of the appeal? Is it younger female/older man that do the 'daddy' thing? Or is it generally represented across the board in D/s relationships?

It is not age play for he and I. As mentioned, we don't role play. It is a tender symbolism for us, nothing more.

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RE: Why "daddy"? - 11/19/2009 11:54:47 PM

NuevaVida

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Thank you, bethany.

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RE: Why "daddy"? - 11/20/2009 12:15:25 AM

kasumi

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quote:

ORIGINAL: NuevaVida
Elderly men call younger men "son." They are not implying it is their son, it's a term of endearment. My friends and I call each other Mama (as in, "Heya, Mama!") - we are not referring to each other as our mothers. When I call someone "Honey", it is another term of endearment, not the actual stuff from bees.

I can draw the line between them from this. "Bee Puke" doesn't seem like a term of endearment to me, but I know that Honey just is supposed to imply 'sweet'. I'm guessing its just that 'daddy' implies his protective sort of role to you, then?

I guess this is all on me, I must just have some sort of mental block that doesn't let me think of the word in any other way than being a reference to 'father'. Then again, I had a bad relationship with the man who raised me as my father so perhaps that's part of my problem. My Master had a good relationship with his parents growing up and doesn't find the term appealing either. He says that it would just make him feel uncomfortable because it would make him feel as if he were a "dirty pedophile" lol

< Message edited by kasumi -- 11/20/2009 12:16:31 AM >

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RE: Why "daddy"? - 11/20/2009 1:11:33 AM

ranja

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NuevaVida i feel it that way aswell

also i have to say the incest thing as a fantasy has appealed to me and stepfather and teachers have featured in some brilliant wanking material

the Dutch equivalent to Daddy would be Pappa and i have to say that doesn't do it for me ... but i suppose i would grow to like it if my partner would.

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RE: Why "daddy"? - 11/20/2009 1:22:36 AM

NormalOutside

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Oh goodie, another thread where the OP is essentially saying "I don't like your kink. Justify it to me, you weirdos!"

Get a life. If you don't like it, don't do it. And if you really want to know why OTHERS do something, here's the reason: because they DO like it. Mmk?

PS: There are 483 threads with this exact title in the archives.

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RE: Why "daddy"? - 11/20/2009 1:24:17 AM

allthatjaz

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Many eons ago when I first came into this lifestyle I felt just like you. I couldn't get my head round someone wanting to be called daddy and I really thought age play was very unhealthy.
During my journey I learnt an awful lot of wisdom from both men that call themselves daddy, women that like to call their man daddy and from age players too.
I remember asking a very dear and now long term friend why he wanted his woman (who was 7 years older than him) to call him daddy? He reflected on his real life experience as a daddy and said that the word 'daddy' represented care, compassion, patience, protection, guidance and unconditional love but was not, as far as he was concerned, about incest.
I also know a female age player who is extremely clever, articulate and a pleasure to spend time with who explained to me that she had a fantastic childhood with an equally fantastic dad and that her regression is about reliving those feelings of a safe and contented childhood
Many people live withing their shadows of childhood. For some it was safe times with no responsibility and for others there was no safe childhood. For an adult that had no childhood there is often a need to re-explore and see how it should of felt and they can do that in a safe environment with a very open minded partner.
For others it is nothing more than a term of endearment. I have come to believe that when it is used as a term of endearment it is possibly the biggest compliment a submissive could give to her man because no sane female is going to choose that name unless they have found a very safe and trustworthy man.

I don't do age play and I have never called my partner daddy but I totally understand that for many, this is not about incest but even if it is we must remember that its two consenting adults and so no harm done.

< Message edited by allthatjaz -- 11/20/2009 1:26:34 AM >

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RE: Why "daddy"? - 11/20/2009 1:30:44 AM

allthatjaz

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quote:

ORIGINAL: NormalOutside

Oh goodie, another thread where the OP is essentially saying "I don't like your kink. Justify it to me, you weirdos!"

Get a life. If you don't like it, don't do it. And if you really want to know why OTHERS do something, here's the reason: because they DO like it. Mmk?

PS: There are 483 threads with this exact title in the archives.

Actually NormalOutside I think its a perfectly reasonable question. The op is inquisitive and a little freaked out by this and she is doing the right thing by asking.
Many people are freaked out by this, especially in the early days and answering her the way you did helps nobody.

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RE: Why "daddy"? - 11/20/2009 1:31:58 AM

ranja

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quote:

ORIGINAL: NormalOutside

Oh goodie, another thread where the OP is essentially saying "I don't like your kink. Justify it to me, you weirdos!"

Get a life. If you don't like it, don't do it. And if you really want to know why OTHERS do something, here's the reason: because they DO like it. Mmk?

PS: There are 483 threads with this exact title in the archives.

hear hear hear yeah

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RE: Why "daddy"? - 11/20/2009 1:32:20 AM

MasterSlaveLA

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This topic has come up before... this may help shed some light on things for those seeking info on this type of dynamic:

What is a Daddy Dom?
http://www.domsubfriends.com/voye/articles/110/

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RE: Why "daddy"? - 11/20/2009 1:39:01 AM

ranja

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quote:

ORIGINAL: allthatjaz

Actually NormalOutside I think its a perfectly reasonable question. The op is inquisitive and a little freaked out by this and she is doing the right thing by asking.
Many people are freaked out by this, especially in the early days and answering her the way you did helps nobody.

The way she asked did come across to me too like people who like it have some issues...
If it freaks her out she can just not go there , what is the point in asking why other do like it...
unless she does like it secretly and is freaked out by her own desires?

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RE: Why "daddy"? - 11/20/2009 1:48:23 AM

kasumi

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I didn't mean to offend but I don't think that I need to really justify posting. I'm just trying to learn and relate to someone else. I mentioned above that its possible that I'm the one who has the issues in the end because of my relationship with my own father figures.

Thanks for the link - MasterSlave

I think I might be using the search feature wrong here. Every time I search for anything (past topics and responses) by one or two words I get no results. But I did try to see if the topic was already covered before I started the thread and then again shortly after "Normal" posted.

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RE: Why "daddy"? - 11/20/2009 2:24:25 AM

allthatjaz

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quote:

ORIGINAL: ranja

The way she asked did come across to me too like people who like it have some issues...
If it freaks her out she can just not go there , what is the point in asking why other do like it...
unless she does like it secretly and is freaked out by her own desires?

Yes she did come across that way but I always think that with a question like this one is reaching out to a much wider audience.
Its not just answering a question to her but other inquisitive minds on here.
As I said in my earlier post. The exact same thing really bothered me when I first came on the scene. I kept reading that we should move along if we don't like something and to an extent I agree but I also think its good if you educate yourself about that very thing that irks you. Once we have been through that learning process then many of us come out with a totally different opinion of the subject. I'm a good example of this.

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RE: Why "daddy"? - 11/20/2009 3:25:05 AM

BitaTruble

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I don't call Himself 'Daddy' (we tried it.. didn't work for us) but he calls me little girl *all* the time. I don't see much difference. It's a term of endearment that works for those who use it and like NV said, it's symbolic for a lot of folks and other folks just like it, so use it. No harm, no foul.

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RE: Why "daddy"? - 11/20/2009 3:53:42 AM

DesFIP

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Even for those who do age play, do not require that the woman be 20 years younger. We do schoolgirl/professor and he isn't a real teacher. It's play.

He doesn't feel right if I call him that simply because we both have daughters who are still in the nest. But that's what actually comes to mind. He isn't about strict, severe, or sadism. He's into gentle, nurturing, unconditional love. Which is how the best father/daughter relationships are.

For those who have had a good such relationship in their past, this allows them to connect with it inside of adult life with it's myriad of complexities and stressful situations. In much the same way that some people like to vacation in the same place every year. They know where the great restaurants are, where best to park etc. Comfort without worry.

And for those who had bad father/daughter relationships in their past, having such a good one in their present may help to go a long way to healing those wounds by finally allowing you to experience such a relationship in the way you should have.

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