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RE: Giving Over Your Passwords - 11/21/2009 11:42:53 PM

Elisabella

Posts: 3939
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quote:

ORIGINAL: NihilusZero

quote:

ORIGINAL: dreamerdreaming

Wow- that is sooo not cool, involving others in your kink without their prior consent. Ew.

It's not a "kink", it's a facet of her relationship. Heaven forbid a gay man had to let the teller know he wanted his "lover" to have access to the account too and douse the bank employee in his "kink" also.

I agree, but I'm going to start a new thread about it bc I think it's an interesting topic.

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Post #: 41

RE: Giving Over Your Passwords - 11/21/2009 11:45:05 PM

LadyChallene

Posts: 207
Joined: 5/18/2009
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Personally, I feel once there is a committed – LIVE-IN – relationship, then it is the Dom/mes right to ask for them. If there is sufficient trust between both or all parties, then it should not be an issue.

On the flip side, I don’t ask for what I am not willing to give. They have just as many rights and reasons as I have… but that is Me personally … thank the heavens I am not everybody, I’d get too damn tired, especially since you can't please 'everybody' most of the time, I would spend too much time ... unsated and pissy.

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Post #: 42

RE: Giving Over Your Passwords - 11/21/2009 11:50:23 PM

NihilusZero

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From: Nashville, TN
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Elisabella

I agree, but I'm going to start a new thread about it bc I think it's an interesting topic.

I was thinking I probably shouldn't derail the current thread any further.

And, to actually contribute something topic-related to the OP:

I think the issue is conflated with simple degrees of comfort/familiarity. If you're at the point where you trust someone enough to bring them into your lives completely and to engage in a D/s or M/s relationship with him/her, I cannot see why this small facet of technological transparency would be any kind of issue.

So, if you're arguing that it isn't safe to hand over such information, you're really just asking at what point does anyone feel they can actually treat someone not biologically related as family (although I'm sure there are some shady siblings out there whose brothers and sisters don't even trust, but you get the point).

< Message edited by NihilusZero -- 11/22/2009 12:21:39 AM >

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Post #: 43

RE: Giving Over Your Passwords - 11/22/2009 12:19:13 AM

ranja

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fast reply

my Husband is smart enough to figure out anything on this computer... i could not have a secret if i wanted to... He just tells me to log on if He wants to know what i am up to and have me sit here while He leisurely peruses my mail... the embarrassment is unbearable at times... and He can ban me totally anytime He likes

i would never hand out my password to any on-line contact... as a matter of fact i sadly lost my very first lovely cyber Dom over this issue... we met on a mainstream chat site and He introduced me to this and then wanted access to my account...
even though i felt totally wooshy and would have liked to throw all caution in the wind... obviously i was not submissive enough... and fortunately i still am not...

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Post #: 44

RE: Giving Over Your Passwords - 11/22/2009 12:29:52 AM

dreamerdreaming

Posts: 2839
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quote:

ORIGINAL: NihilusZero

quote:

ORIGINAL: dreamerdreaming

Did you miss the OP's and my posts at the top of page 2?

Does that mean your comment was tongue-in-cheek (as a hard-to-read inside joke) or that your concern over her "kink imposition" was assuaged because it was accidental?

<threadjack, because this won't paste into the new thread>

My original objection was a knee-jerk reaction, because I'm sick of people just assuming its okay to get off on involving random strangers nonconsensually in WIITWD. Because she said it was hot when she told the sales girl she had to ask permission.

Then she explained, and I corrected. Pay attention.

*wonders what scent all that incense was*

<end of threadjack>

To get back to the OP: As stated, I have at times thought it would be fun to exchange passwords with my boy. We never have done it, though. So whoever said that there must be trust issues if you want to do this- wrong. I just think it sounds like fun.

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Post #: 45

RE: Giving Over Your Passwords - 11/22/2009 12:57:07 AM

supportourtroops

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Elisabella - Yes, you are correct, great memory. He is in Afghanistan and we have be together only 7 weeks. I want to obey but have never had this ordered before. My friend/sub said she would never do it. I wanted more opinions.
Thanks for the feed back.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Elisabella

quote:

ORIGINAL: DontLookBack

I think if you are willing to trust Him with your life and well being passwords are a no brainer, you either trust Him or you don't..if you do then you won't care He has your passwords, if you don't, why is He your Dom?

Whoa there...I remember this girl posting about a month ago regarding a hot soldier Dom, so the guy she's posting about right now is either in Afghanistan or someone she's been seeing for under a month.

I don't think many people are willing to trust someone they've only known a month with their "life and well being" - oh sure in the general sense of "if I go home with you you won't hack me to pieces" but that usually isn't phrased that way. At that point it's generally "I trust you enough to be with you, and I trust that you'll respect my safeword if I have one."

It's really creepy to me how people expect others to throw common sense out the window just because the guy they're starting to see is a "Dom" rather than a "boyfriend" - I mean yeah it's easier for someone to murder you while you're tied up, but if they're the type of person who freaking murders people they're in a relationship with, I don't think that BDSM has anything to do with it.

Girl dates boy for a month. Boy asks for the key to her apartment. Is it unthinkable for girl to say no?
Sub dates Dom for a month. Dom orders her to have a key made. Is she a bad submissive for not feeling comfortable with this?

In dating, you can decide to be exclusive with someone after the first date. That makes them "your boyfriend" or "your Dom" - but do you really know them well enough to trust them with every aspect of your life - your bank records, your house key, your car, etc?

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Post #: 46

RE: Giving Over Your Passwords - 11/22/2009 1:02:02 AM

Elisabella

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I'm glad things are working out between you two.

It's sooo easy to submit to a soldier. The minute you utter the words "Thank you for risking your life to serve the interests of citizens like me" I'd imagine it's near impossible to stop from falling to your knees in adoration

-Bella, who fell in love with a civilian and now shares your kink only in her thoughts

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Post #: 47

RE: Giving Over Your Passwords - 11/22/2009 1:11:25 AM

dreamerdreaming

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I think it would be foolish to give passwords to someone you have never even met, realtime. And if he can't see that, and you can't see it either, then go right ahead. But I think you do see it, or you wouldn't be asking here. So then its an indictment on his judgement, or lack thereof. To me, anyway. Its a huge red flag, that he would even ask such a thing in such a situation, and so soon. If it is to you too, then stand up for yourself and set some limits that you are comfortable with.

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Post #: 48

RE: Giving Over Your Passwords - 11/22/2009 6:45:49 AM

DomImus

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Joined: 3/17/2009
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Aylee
This always amazes me, as everyone that joined this site agreed NOT to give out their password. It is in the rules.

Good point. What I always marvel at is how freely the privacy of non-consenting third parties is dismissed by folks who hand over or ask for passwords. Many people who email your significant other may be (and probably are) under the impression that they are sending private email to the recipient. While it's not that uncommon for this to be done with CM accounts it may not be so obvious with gmail or other accounts outside of this site. Asking your submissive to close all email accounts and online accounts seems like a more appropriate course.

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RE: Giving Over Your Passwords - 11/22/2009 6:54:29 AM

OrionTheWolf

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Well I have durable power of attorney for my slave, so as her Attorney-in-Fact, I can legally act as her. I doubt many relationships have this though. As far as the privacy expectations of any sender, well legally the privacy has not been violated, and most if not all that would email her, know that I have access. My slave has limited power of attorney in the case of me being mentally or medically incapacitated, and is given legal right to make decisions on my behalf while in that state.

quote:

ORIGINAL: DomImus

quote:

ORIGINAL: Aylee
This always amazes me, as everyone that joined this site agreed NOT to give out their password. It is in the rules.

Good point. What I always marvel at is how freely the privacy of non-consenting third parties is dismissed by folks who hand over or ask for passwords. Many people who email your significant other may be (and probably are) under the impression that they are sending private email to the recipient. While it's not that uncommon for this to be done with CM accounts it may not be so obvious with gmail or other accounts outside of this site. Asking your submissive to close all email accounts and online accounts seems like a more appropriate course.

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RE: Giving Over Your Passwords - 11/22/2009 7:00:08 AM

VideoAdminAlpha

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quote:

ORIGINAL: supportourtroops

Feelings on giving your DOM your passwords to mail accounts and cm?
Do you feel the DOM should be required to also give you his then?
How soon into the relationship should this be given?

Not sure if this has been linked yet...
http://www.collarme.com/personals/help.htm#14

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RE: Giving Over Your Passwords - 11/22/2009 7:14:09 AM

DomImus

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quote:

ORIGINAL: OrionTheWolf
Well I have durable power of attorney for my slave, so as her Attorney-in-Fact, I can legally act as her.

And we see countless examples daily where legal and ethical do not occur in the same incident.

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Post #: 52

RE: Giving Over Your Passwords - 11/22/2009 9:14:21 AM

OrionTheWolf

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And? That applies how? Ethics are determined by who? The only commonly defined grounds is the legal system. Besides that it comes down to opinion, which varies. Hell most people have not even bothered to define their own ethics, and just do what they "feel" is right, often leading to hypocricy.

quote:

ORIGINAL: DomImus

quote:

ORIGINAL: OrionTheWolf
Well I have durable power of attorney for my slave, so as her Attorney-in-Fact, I can legally act as her.

And we see countless examples daily where legal and ethical do not occur in the same incident.

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Post #: 53

RE: Giving Over Your Passwords - 11/22/2009 9:28:44 AM

LadyPact

Posts: 32566
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quote:

ORIGINAL: VideoAdminAlpha

quote:

ORIGINAL: supportourtroops

Feelings on giving your DOM your passwords to mail accounts and cm?
Do you feel the DOM should be required to also give you his then?
How soon into the relationship should this be given?

Not sure if this has been linked yet...
http://www.collarme.com/personals/help.htm#14

I have to admit that I was thinking the exact same thing. Along with the other thread that was listed as being started by the OP, she also has another regarding how can she be sure someone won't use her photos without her consent. I have a prediction in the matter, but I will reserve it should it come to fruition in the coming months.

As to the topic, I do have clip's password here. Not because I wanted to violate TOS, but because it is the same password that he uses for everything. The only exception to this is his .mil account, which has to be changed on a regular basis. If I felt the need to read his mail, I would. Having that power over him doesn't necessarily mean that I have to exercise it.

The boy is under full disclosure for everything else. I see no reason to change that just because someone chose to send him an e-mail. Since he belongs to Me, and has that very clearly listed, it is no violation of privacy for the third party who chooses to contact him.

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Post #: 54

RE: Giving Over Your Passwords - 11/22/2009 10:48:41 AM

frazzle

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FR

He knows my password for CM, not that he's used it. Well unless he is at mine, and then he can log into anything but the bank accounts, as all my passwords are saved to comp because i forget them.

My son and older sister also know all my passwords and i know theirs, we log in to different things for each other all the time.

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Post #: 55

RE: Giving Over Your Passwords - 11/22/2009 1:04:49 PM

Llyren

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I know I'm not arguing against sharing passwords in a grounded, long-term, committed relationship. I'm just saying make sure that's what it is before you do so. Given how many women (not me) who are besieged by D-types wanting to start something with them, if you're in a relationship with all of them, simply because they want you, or want to dominate you, (and this is a generic, hypothetical you, not directed at anyone in particular) why not just post your passwords here? At least they'll be safe from most of the idjits trolling the other side.

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RE: Giving Over Your Passwords - 11/22/2009 1:09:24 PM

lobodomslavery

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No problems with giving CM password but not to anything else. Personal is personal. But then again maybe that s why Im still single
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Post #: 57

RE: Giving Over Your Passwords - 11/22/2009 1:13:13 PM

Acer49

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quote:

ORIGINAL: supportourtroops

Feelings on giving your DOM your passwords to mail accounts and cm?
Do you feel the DOM should be required to also give you his then?
How soon into the relationship should this be given?

I did not ask for my submissive's passwords, but was given them almost immediately. In 10 years I had never exercised my right to use them. If there was something she wanted to she me , she did. But then we both had absolute trust in one another

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Post #: 58

RE: Giving Over Your Passwords - 11/22/2009 9:04:03 PM

NuevaVida

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~ Fast Reply ~

Yep, he has my passwords here and on other sites where I post. He didn't ask; I gave them to him of my own accord. He checked my CMail once, told me he did, and likely won't again. He doesn't have an interest in reading what my friends and I write to each other.

I don't have his passwords.

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RE: Giving Over Your Passwords - 11/22/2009 9:10:22 PM

Musicmystery

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What would be the point of requiring CM passwords?

The girl could just get a second account.

Things like that are only the illusion of control.

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Post #: 60