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Is there a difference between being a submissive and a ... - 11/25/2009 11:41:59 PM

QueenPenelope

Posts: 29
Joined: 11/23/2009
From: South Carolina
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To me it seems that a submissive has limits and will not do or tolerate certain things. But a slave will not have any limits and will tolerate anything. Is that true and can someone elaborate more on the differences between the two for me?
-Queen Penelope

Post #: 1

RE: Is there a difference between being a submissive an... - 11/26/2009 12:06:55 AM

GreedyTop

Posts: 52100
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Savannah, GA
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oooooops...SO wrong thread...

< Message edited by GreedyTop -- 11/26/2009 12:37:37 AM >

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(in reply to QueenPenelope)

Post #: 2

RE: Is there a difference between being a submissive an... - 11/26/2009 12:14:41 AM

Drifa

Posts: 547
Joined: 7/27/2007
From: Rural Texas
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The name is irrelevant. You and your sub should sit down and carefully discuss your expectations of one another, what you want and do not want, and define hard limits, safewords, and so on.

Once you each completely are understanding one another's needs and desires and limits, then you can call the resulting relationship "Rumcake" if you wish. It's the actions that matter, not the label.

(in reply to QueenPenelope)

Post #: 3

RE: Is there a difference between being a submissive an... - 11/26/2009 6:05:35 AM

littlewonder

Posts: 15659
Status: offline

For me yes there is a difference.

A slave= you consent once. After that it's either do or leave.
A sub=you consent each and every time. You have a choice in what happens to you.

(in reply to Drifa)

Post #: 4

RE: Is there a difference between being a submissive an... - 11/26/2009 6:46:40 AM

AquaticSub

Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
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~Fast Reply~

If there is a difference or not depends entirely on who you talk to. If you think there is a difference, I'd just focus on making sure potential partners know your feelings on the matter and leaving it at that.

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to littlewonder)

Post #: 5

RE: Is there a difference between being a submissive an... - 11/26/2009 7:31:23 AM

Lucienne

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Joined: 9/5/2009
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Drifa

The name is irrelevant. You and your sub should sit down and carefully discuss your expectations of one another, what you want and do not want, and define hard limits, safewords, and so on.

Once you each completely are understanding one another's needs and desires and limits, then you can call the resulting relationship "Rumcake" if you wish. It's the actions that matter, not the label.

I love this answer. And the thought of being someone's "Rumcake" just makes me smile. MMMM.... rumcake.

(in reply to Drifa)

Post #: 6

RE: Is there a difference between being a submissive an... - 11/26/2009 7:39:24 AM

LPslittleclip

Posts: 1163
Joined: 9/29/2007
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for me and the dynamic im in it is a measure of trust with the one that you are partnered to. as a botttom i had to develop trust with the top i played with.as a sub i had more trust in the relationship but not developed the level of trust with my Mistress that i have now as a slave. this is how it is in my dynamic it works for U/us

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LadyPact

(in reply to Lucienne)

Post #: 7

RE: Is there a difference between being a submissive an... - 11/26/2009 9:40:18 AM

lucylucy

Posts: 612
Joined: 3/1/2009
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Drifa

The name is irrelevant. You and your sub should sit down and carefully discuss your expectations of one another, what you want and do not want, and define hard limits, safewords, and so on.

Once you each completely are understanding one another's needs and desires and limits, then you can call the resulting relationship "Rumcake" if you wish. It's the actions that matter, not the label.

I completely agree with what Drifa said. I identify as a submissive, but I don’t have a safeword and my limits are determined by my boyfriend. He calls me his girlfriend or his slut, depending on whether he’s talking to just me or other people.

I will do or tolerate anything my boyfriend wants. I wouldn’t even consider refusing to do something my boyfriend told me to do. I might ask questions to better understand what he wanted me to do or why, but I wouldn’t refuse—in part because I trust him to not ask me to do anything insane, illegal, unethical, or dangerous.

I don’t personally have a definition for slave. I identify as submissive because that’s what I do: I submit. (But only to my boyfriend—one of my pet peeves is when people mistakenly think that a submissive submits to ANYONE.)

_____________________________

“There are those who give with joy, & that joy is their reward.” Gibran / "Those who are willing to be vulnerable move among mysteries." Roethke / "Let the beauty we love be what we do. There are hundreds of ways to kneel & kiss the ground." Rumi

(in reply to Drifa)

Post #: 8

RE: Is there a difference between being a submissive an... - 11/26/2009 1:46:09 PM

leadership527

Posts: 5026
Joined: 6/2/2008
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quote:

ORIGINAL: LPslittleclip
for me and the dynamic im in it is a measure of trust with the one that you are partnered to. as a botttom i had to develop trust with the top i played with.as a sub i had more trust in the relationship but not developed the level of trust with my Mistress that i have now as a slave. this is how it is in my dynamic it works for U/us

Yup, that. Which, in the end, means that there is no such thing as a master or a slave. There are only doms and subs and when they hookup and it all goes really well, then we call it master & slave. That, at least, is my interpretation. Note that I don't refer to sexual-only people as submissives, I refer to them as bottoms. I see that as an entirely different beast. But once it goes outside the bedroom, I have a hard time seeing what would limit it other than the mutual trust, respect, and overall compatability of the two people.

In the end, you can chase all kinds of statements like "no boundaries", but absolutes seldom work in real life. And, as Drifa pointed out early on, labels only take you so far. In the end, between my wife and I, what there really is is not master and slave or dom and sub. There is Jeff and Carol.

_____________________________

~Jeff

I didn't so much "enslave" Carol as I did "enlove" her. - Me
I want a joyous, loving, respectful relationship where the male is in charge and deserves to be. - DavanKael

(in reply to LPslittleclip)

Post #: 9

RE: Is there a difference between being a submissive an... - 11/26/2009 7:14:07 PM

S2

Posts: 54
Joined: 11/26/2009
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quote:

ORIGINAL: littlewonder

A slave= you consent once. After that it's either do or leave.
A sub=you consent each and every time. You have a choice in what happens to you.

Both my Master and myself believe in that distinction.

(in reply to littlewonder)

Post #: 10

RE: Is there a difference between being a submissive an... - 11/26/2009 7:16:13 PM

Elisabella

Posts: 3939
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: S2

quote:

ORIGINAL: littlewonder

A slave= you consent once. After that it's either do or leave.
A sub=you consent each and every time. You have a choice in what happens to you.

Both my Master and myself believe in that distinction.

As do I.

(in reply to S2)

Post #: 11

RE: Is there a difference between being a submissive an... - 11/26/2009 11:31:16 PM

MasterSlaveLA

Posts: 3991
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One "tastes great", the other is "less filling".

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(in reply to Elisabella)

Post #: 12

RE: Is there a difference between being a submissive an... - 11/26/2009 11:49:18 PM

shinylight7

Posts: 5
Joined: 10/29/2009
Status: offline

A slave= you consent once. After that it's either do or leave.
A sub=you consent each and every time. You have a choice in what happens to you.

I Disagree!

A slave is a servant who has consented to being treated lowly. A slave is weak.
A sub gives service from his/her heart all the time every time. A sub is strong.

(in reply to MasterSlaveLA)

Post #: 13

RE: Is there a difference between being a submissive an... - 11/27/2009 5:51:45 AM

smilezz

Posts: 2156
Joined: 6/18/2004
Status: offline

quote:

A slave is a servant who has consented to being treated lowly. A slave is weak.

I disagree strongly with this. In 33 years I have never met a slave described as such....in most cases, I have seen slaves that are confident, independant, some are quite Dominant and sadistic in their own right....and the list goes on.

Happy Friday...

-smilezz-

_____________________________

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(in reply to shinylight7)

Post #: 14

RE: Is there a difference between being a submissive an... - 11/27/2009 5:54:54 AM

DarkSteven

Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: smilezz

quote:

A slave is a servant who has consented to being treated lowly. A slave is weak.

I disagree strongly with this.

-smilezz-

You and darn near everybody else.

Still enjoying life in Colorado?

_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to smilezz)

Post #: 15

RE: Is there a difference between being a submissive an... - 11/27/2009 6:25:36 AM

thishereboi

Posts: 14463
Joined: 6/19/2008
Status: offline

I know a lot of people who id as slave and they all have limits. The only difference I have noticed between my submissive friends and my slave friends is the label they use to identify themselves.

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"Sweetie, you're wasting your gum" .. Albert

This here is the boi formerly known as orfunboi

(in reply to QueenPenelope)

Post #: 16

RE: Is there a difference between being a submissive an... - 11/27/2009 6:27:41 AM

DarkSteven

Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: thishereboi

I know a lot of people who id as slave and they all have limits. The only difference I have noticed between my submissive friends and my slave friends is the label they use to identify themselves.

In that case, this will be handy for them if they choose to change.

_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to thishereboi)

Post #: 17

RE: Is there a difference between being a submissive an... - 11/27/2009 6:30:06 AM

subtlebutterfly

Posts: 2230
Joined: 6/15/2008
From: Not your hood
Status: offline

slave=

submissive =

_____________________________

~Ms. Awesomeness to YOU!~

(in reply to thishereboi)

Post #: 18

RE: Is there a difference between being a submissive an... - 11/27/2009 6:32:03 AM

thishereboi

Posts: 14463
Joined: 6/19/2008
Status: offline

Awesome idea...We can slap it across the forehead and get some humiliation play in at the same time.

_____________________________

"Sweetie, you're wasting your gum" .. Albert

This here is the boi formerly known as orfunboi

(in reply to DarkSteven)

Post #: 19

RE: Is there a difference between being a submissive an... - 11/27/2009 7:12:01 AM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline

I'm a sub. I don't have to give consent every time he says "Get me another cup of tea". So for me, that distinction isn't valid.

The way it works out online is that far too often people think the word slave is way more cool. And they like to boast about how edgier than thou they are. So when this subject comes up, yet again alas, my response is this: A slave is someone who will do what you won't. A sub is someone who won't do what you will. This shows the superiority complex from both sides of the artificial divide.

In actuality I've started calling myself his helpmeet. I do what he needs me to. But for us this has very little to do with extreme sadism or forcing people's sexual boundaries, it has to do with living a better life.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!

(in reply to thishereboi)

Post #: 20

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