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RE: Doms and apologizing... - 12/2/2009 8:22:16 AM   
kanina


Posts: 147
Joined: 11/19/2009
Status: offline 		My very first post on a BDSM forum was because a dom that didn´t know me, that i was not going to be his, that thought because i was a sub could treat me like garbage, he was mistaken because from the first moment i enter in the BDSM world the only person i submitt is to my Dom, no one else... 

i hate when doms come to me on chats and the first thing they say is "hi slut"  if i was looking that would be not someone i would choose...

(in reply to MstrPBK)
Profile   Post #: 41
RE: Doms and apologizing... - 12/2/2009 8:22:48 AM   
LaTigresse


Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline 		Unless of course the s-type in question is behaving like a irrational spoilt brat and was corrected, which hurt their spoilt brat feelings. To which I would reply something like "that's nice" or "good for you" or "perhaps you will learn something from this" or any number of things that would apply to that specific situation.

Just because an s-types feelings are hurt does not make them deserving of an apology. Quite often the truth does hurt.


_____________________________

My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

(in reply to sexyred1)
Profile   Post #: 42
RE: Doms and apologizing... - 12/2/2009 8:25:29 AM   
MistressCara


Posts: 27
Joined: 1/16/2006
Status: offline 		I never apologise to anyone who is acting like an idiot anyway. They deserve all they get.
Having said this, I always seem to be apologising to my slave, then feeling guilty for being too 'nice'. LOL

(in reply to LaTigresse)
Profile   Post #: 43
RE: Doms and apologizing... - 12/2/2009 8:30:17 AM   
LaTigresse


Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MistressCara

I never apologise to anyone who is acting like an idiot anyway. They deserve all they get.
Having said this, I always seem to be apologising to my slave, then feeling guilty for being too 'nice'. LOL


Well now, just go look in the mirror and tell yourself you are sorry you were too nice. Then go give the slave 20 lashes as punishment for it!!


_____________________________

My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

(in reply to MistressCara)
Profile   Post #: 44
RE: Doms and apologizing... - 12/2/2009 8:30:43 AM   
sexyred1


Posts: 8998
Joined: 8/9/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LaTigresse

Unless of course the s-type in question is behaving like a irrational spoilt brat and was corrected, which hurt their spoilt brat feelings. To which I would reply something like "that's nice" or "good for you" or "perhaps you will learn something from this" or any number of things that would apply to that specific situation.

Just because an s-types feelings are hurt does not make them deserving of an apology. Quite often the truth does hurt.



I did not say every situation deserves an apology. I am speaking about the concept of communication being respected. That is what I actually meant, that if anyone tries to tell someone else that they have hurt them, it behooves the other person to at least listen. Whether or not someone deserves the apology is another matter.

Far too often, people withold their feelings and bottle them up, men and women alike. So insted of addressing a situation when it arises, they save it for another time when it may not even be relevant.

I appreciate honesty when I ask for it and I would never not tell someone they hurt my feelings at the time it actually happens.

As for whether an s-type or D-type behaving spoiled or irrationally, again that is a matter of opinion for each unique situation.

(in reply to LaTigresse)
Profile   Post #: 45
RE: Doms and apologizing... - 12/2/2009 2:57:02 PM   
MasterSlaveLA


Posts: 3991
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: daddysprincess3

Is it "Dom-like" for a Dom to admit when they have said something out of line and apologize?  I would think that it would make them more of a man to admit their faults and apologize when it is appropriate.  Am I wrong? 


No.



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It's only kinky the first time!!!

(in reply to daddysprincess3)
Profile   Post #: 46
RE: Doms and apologizing... - 12/2/2009 3:07:17 PM   
RedMagic1


Posts: 6470
Joined: 5/10/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: wandersalone
Just out of interest, how long did you allow yourself to work through the angst of ending things with the first dom before moving to being under consideration with the second?

I'm interested in the answer to this question, too.

Part of the reason I consider CM primarily a discussion site, and only secondarily a dating site, is that I have encountered a lot of women who appear addicted to online dating: they need a man they are chatting with and being considered by, but are frightened of meeting a human being for coffee in real life.


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Not with envy, not with a twisted heart, shall you feel superior, or go about boasting. Rather in goodness by action make true your song and your word. Thus you shall be highly regarded, and able to live in peace with all others.
- 15th century Aztec

(in reply to wandersalone)
Profile   Post #: 47
RE: Doms and apolgizing... - 12/2/2009 3:16:26 PM   
Cuffkinks


Posts: 1780
Joined: 5/5/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: littlewonder

It's called being a decent human being.

This has zero to do with being a dom.




I can't improve on this. Short, sweet, and to the point.

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"I love you, Sir. You make my heart sing and my panties wet. What more could a girl ask for?" - hejira92

"And that's why it's good to be...Me." - Gene $immons

(in reply to littlewonder)
Profile   Post #: 48
RE: Doms and apologizing... - 12/3/2009 8:07:18 PM   
masterlink65


Posts: 683
Joined: 11/3/2007
Status: offline 		only skinheads have the no apology rule last i knew.

and dick cheney

(in reply to daddysprincess3)
Profile   Post #: 49
RE: Doms and apologizing... - 12/4/2009 2:43:32 AM   
Elizabeth666


Posts: 288
Joined: 10/14/2009
Status: offline 		OP - For U/us it depends on the situation. If He deems it necessary to apologize for something He may have done or said, He will.

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"The truth that many people never understand, until it is too late, is that the more you try to avoid suffering, the more you suffer because smaller and more insignificant things begin to torture you in proportion to your fear of being hurt"

(in reply to masterlink65)
Profile   Post #: 50
RE: Doms and apologizing... - 12/4/2009 3:11:37 AM   
lapgirl


Posts: 116
Joined: 1/5/2006
Status: offline 		There have been times when i also wondered if they ever werew rong and apologized, because it seemed i was always doing the apologizing. My Dom has apologized, but far less so then i have... but its because i usually am the one who needs to do the apologizing

(in reply to Elizabeth666)
Profile   Post #: 51
RE: Doms and apolgizing... - 12/4/2009 4:10:20 AM   
zephyroftheNorth


Posts: 8159
Joined: 10/5/2009
From: The Great Frozen North
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: daddysprincess3

He is not my Dom, I was under consideration for being his.  I told him something he did earlier in the day hurt my feelings, and his first response was "I don't give a shit."  This hurt my feelings more than the original reason I was upset, and I tried to explain to him that I felt he was disregarding my emotions, or the fact that they even existed.  He said my feelings should not be hurt, that he "makes the rules" and then demanded an apology from me for "bitching and complaining." 


I see the words "he hurt my feelings" and just want to cringe. Not because what he did was right but because it smacks of politically correct bullshit. Judging by those words and your username, you sound like someone who just wants to be coddled and adored, not someone who wants to submit to a man.

Since you are apparently already "under consideration" to another Dom, honestly how bad could the first one have hurt you? It's hard to tell because surprise, surprise, you don't have a profile but you strike me as the type for whom velcro collars are perfect, you get your feelings hurt *cringes* or you are less than adored and you move on.

I'm not saying what he did was right, but honestly you are just too sensitive. The "block" button is your friend, block, delete, and move on.

Zeph


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And there's a smile when the pain comes
The pain gonna make ev'rything alright ~ Black Crows

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Member: Cocksuckers For World Peace
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Member: Hibbie's Hotties

(in reply to daddysprincess3)
Profile   Post #: 52
RE: Doms and apolgizing... - 12/4/2009 2:06:08 PM   
agirl


Posts: 4530
Joined: 6/14/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: daddysprincess3

He is not my Dom, I was under consideration for being his.  I told him something he did earlier in the day hurt my feelings, and his first response was "I don't give a shit."  This hurt my feelings more than the original reason I was upset, and I tried to explain to him that I felt he was disregarding my emotions, or the fact that they even existed.  He said my feelings should not be hurt, that he "makes the rules" and then demanded an apology from me for "bitching and complaining." 


From that little scenario......... really, who can tell?

People that call themselves Doms aren't a species aside.

If I told MY owner my feeling were hurt, he might very well say  something similar, like * get over it*...or * too bad*. Context is ALL.

Of course I don't like it if I'm hurt and bothered and have to *get on with it*  but that's where I have to get a grip of who I'm dealing with. I can't exactly pretend to be surprised.

MY feelings being *hurty* doesn't mean he has anything to apologise for, I'm afraid. He's not an arse, he's not a twat, he's not a self-centred bastard .............and my feelings STILL get hurt.  Sometimes  my *feelings* get hurt if he just says *No*. Sometimes that's just something I just have to put up with. It's not likely he'd say *bitching and complaining*...but he'd say * hush up* or *be quiet*....or *stop it*. They all work.

He's not some guy that's considering owning me though, so it's not a good comparison........... He's been doing that job for years.....so he can hurt my feelings with the knowledge that I'm not going to be *all confused*...... or wonder whether it's "ok"for a *dom* to do so....... and without me thinking that my *hurt feelings* mean that HE is out of line.

agirl






(in reply to daddysprincess3)
Profile   Post #: 53
RE: Doms and apologizing... - 12/4/2009 2:09:54 PM   
nubianmuscle


Posts: 318
Joined: 1/9/2007
Status: offline 		LOL.  Are you serious?

I apologize all the time.  Just ask devilishpixie.     I may be a Dom, but I am still a man and therefore, make mistakes.  If you're wrong, you're wrong.  Part of being a man is admitting your faults and correcting them.  A dom who cannot apologize or admit when he is wrong is not deserving of the title, much less respect, in my opinion. 

quote:

ORIGINAL: daddysprincess3

Is it "Dom-like" for a Dom to admit when they have said something out of line and apologize?  I would think that it would make them more of a man to admit their faults and apologize when it is appropriate.  Am I wrong?  Are Dominant men allowed to say whatever they wish, knowing it hurts their sub's feelings deeply?  Does she not deserve an apology because she is a submissive?

(in reply to daddysprincess3)
Profile   Post #: 54
RE: Doms and apologizing... - 12/4/2009 2:45:36 PM   
Surrenderwithin


Posts: 368
Joined: 10/8/2006
Status: offline 		Is it "Dom-like" for a Dom to admit when they have said something out of line and apologize?

I tend to be against trying to place Master in a Dom-box so to speak. If he wishes to apologize then that is his prerogative and for him to decide.

I would think that it would make them more of a man to admit their faults and apologize when it is appropriate. Am I wrong?

I would not say you are wrong. However, I do not see it as being something about his manhood. The same could be said for a lady. It is more about humanity and being humane in my thoughts.

Are Dominant men allowed to say whatever they wish, knowing it hurts their sub's feelings deeply?

Yes they are allowed to say whatever they wish; in our country anyhow. However, just because someone is allowed to do something does not necessarily mean they should or that when they do the consequences will be favorable. Now, I personally would not choose to serve a Dominant who did not take my feelings into consideration at least the majority of the time. However, I would rather have my feelings hurt than to have my Master candy coat his thoughts or a message he wanted me to get. Sometimes growth comes with pain.. growing pains.

Does she not deserve an apology because she is a submissive?

I would not say that I deserve an apology BECAUSE I am submissive. In fact, I do not believe that apologies are for the offended person anyhow. Apologies, in my opinion, are to make the aggressor feel better.I much prefer a person show me they are sorry, by correcting the mistake, than an apology for their own sake. Someone on this site once said that compliments are social lubricants...that is how I see apologies.

When it comes to the term "Deserve" I could post forever, but for now I shall abstain.
Maggi


_____________________________

"There are 2 kinds of strengths: the strength to lead, and to follow; the strength to control, and to yield. There are 2 kinds of power: the power to strip another's soul bare, and the power to stand naked." - Yaldah Tovah
*15 Nz Pts*

(in reply to daddysprincess3)
Profile   Post #: 55
RE: Doms and apologizing... - 12/4/2009 2:49:05 PM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		Anybody who screws up, knows it and refuses to admit it and ask for forgiveness shows that they are insecure. Especially when the dominant should be leading the way in the relationship. So if he's too insecure to try to repair damage he's done to the relationship, then I see no reason for the submissive to.

You want respect you earn it, and this is one of the ways people do just that. By not apologizing, by not correcting an error, they lose trust.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!


(in reply to Surrenderwithin)
Profile   Post #: 56
RE: Doms and apologizing... - 12/4/2009 6:16:49 PM   
AnimusRex


Posts: 2165
Joined: 5/13/2006
Status: offline 		Its like the thread about being polite versus being rude;

There is an appropriate time to acknowledge being in error, and apologize; there are also times to be resolute, and tell the princess to suck it up. I have done both, at various times.

It is more art than science, part of the social skills we master in life.

< Message edited by AnimusRex -- 12/4/2009 6:17:03 PM >

(in reply to DesFIP)
Profile   Post #: 57
RE: Doms and apologizing... - 12/4/2009 6:38:54 PM   
kyraofMists


Posts: 3292
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: AnimusRex

Its like the thread about being polite versus being rude;


Yep, and in my world, he gets to decide what is polite and what is rude... what warrents an apology and what warrents a 'suck it up'. However, as my boss is fond of saying "That's your world, Kyra and then there is everyone else's world".

Knight's Kyra

_____________________________

"Passion... it lies in all of us. Sleeping, waiting, and though unbidden, it will stir, open its jaws, and howl. It speaks to us, guides us... passion rules us all. And we obey..." ~Angelus

(in reply to AnimusRex)
Profile   Post #: 58
RE: Doms and apologizing... - 12/4/2009 6:45:41 PM   
Lizbetbathory


Posts: 158
Joined: 1/1/2006
Status: offline 		to apoligize is a good thing never a bad thing

(in reply to EbonyWood)
Profile   Post #: 59
RE: Doms and apologizing... - 12/4/2009 7:33:05 PM   
KnightofMists


Posts: 7149
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: kyraofMists



Just last week he made a decision that was highly disappointing to me; I was hurt and extremely angry over what he chose to do.



mmmmmmmmm... old age is setting in..... I don't remember what this was about!! lol



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Knight of Mists

An Optimal relationship is achieved when the individuals do what is best for themselves and their relationship.

(in reply to kyraofMists)
Profile   Post #: 60
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