Doms and apologizing...

Doms and apologizing... (Full Version)

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daddysprincess3 -> Doms and apologizing... (12/1/2009 5:05:35 PM)
Is it "Dom-like" for a Dom to admit when they have said something out of line and apologize? I would think that it would make them more of a man to admit their faults and apologize when it is appropriate. Am I wrong? Are Dominant men allowed to say whatever they wish, knowing it hurts their sub's feelings deeply? Does she not deserve an apology because she is a submissive?

DarkSteven -> RE: Doms and apolgizing... (12/1/2009 5:10:23 PM)
I was brought up to apologize when I hurt someone. Dominants - men and women - are allowed to apologize. Or not to apologize. We carry our own codes of conduct and nobody needs to give us permission. Nobody deserves an apology because he or she is submissive. They deserve an apology if I have wronged them in some way. There are two issues here: 1. Were you in fact hurt by the actions of another? And was this hurt because you were oversensitive to something a normal person would have shrugged off, or was it something that anyone would have been hurt by? 2. Does your Dom agree that he hurt you, and simply feel that he doesn't need to apologize or make amends?

littlewonder -> RE: Doms and apolgizing... (12/1/2009 5:18:16 PM)
It's called being a decent human being. This has zero to do with being a dom.

daddysprincess3 -> RE: Doms and apolgizing... (12/1/2009 5:20:12 PM)
He is not my Dom, I was under consideration for being his. I told him something he did earlier in the day hurt my feelings, and his first response was "I don't give a shit." This hurt my feelings more than the original reason I was upset, and I tried to explain to him that I felt he was disregarding my emotions, or the fact that they even existed. He said my feelings should not be hurt, that he "makes the rules" and then demanded an apology from me for "bitching and complaining."

DarkSteven -> RE: Doms and apolgizing... (12/1/2009 5:24:41 PM)
Okay, it's now time for you to learn the difference between a Dom and an asshole. Shaddup, you subs - there IS a difference! A Dom cares about others and tries to develop them for what is best for them and for him. An asshole simply wants things for himself. You've seen his true colors and you don't like them. If he was to collar you, it sure as heck wouldn't get better. I'd suggest just getting to chat with some Doms, maybe at munches, so you can see what we're really like.

peachgirl -> RE: Doms and apologizing... (12/1/2009 5:26:27 PM)
since I feel that I am in an actual relationship with my Master, yes, it is important that we treat each other as civil human beings and apologize when we are wrong. but that's just me, your mileage may vary.

daddysprincess3 -> RE: Doms and apologizing... (12/1/2009 5:34:23 PM)
Thank you very much. Granted, I won't speak to him again. I can not give my entire being and trust them to take care of me, if we can not even have a mature conversation about something such as this. So, how do I change the ice cream cone icon that says vanilla?

dreamerdreaming -> RE: Doms and apologizing... (12/1/2009 5:43:58 PM)
The symbols will change with your post count. That guy wasn't a dom- he was just a common asshole. Congrats on ridding yourself of him. Now keep your asshole detector in the "on" position, and turn up your self-esteem, so that you won't put yourself through this again.

DarkSteven -> RE: Doms and apologizing... (12/1/2009 5:44:06 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: daddysprincess3 So, how do I change the ice cream cone icon that says vanilla? You continue to post. The cone simply states that you have made fewer than 25 posts.

Valyraen -> RE: Doms and apolgizing... (12/1/2009 5:53:42 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: DarkSteven Okay, it's now time for you to learn the difference between a Dom and an asshole. Shaddup, you subs - there IS a difference! A Dom cares about others and tries to develop them for what is best for them and for him. An asshole simply wants things for himself. That is a truly beautiful thought right there. Absolutely no mockery, sarcasm, or insincerity intended.

girlygurl -> RE: Doms and apolgizing... (12/1/2009 5:57:41 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: DarkSteven Okay, it's now time for you to learn the difference between a Dom and an asshole. Shaddup, you subs - there IS a difference! A Dom cares about others and tries to develop them for what is best for them and for him. An asshole simply wants things for himself. I vote Steven for Dom of the month [:D] (well, right behind my Sir of course.)

Thatbastard -> RE: Doms and apolgizing... (12/1/2009 5:59:14 PM)
I'm really glad to find I agree with just about everyone. The first thing way back I learned about being a dom was responsibility. The slave gives you trust and power only as much as you can take personal accountability for. I screw up with my girl all the time. It's not infallibility that builds trust and intimacy, it's communication, character, consitancy and honesty. Otherwise I'd be screwd.

DarkSteven -> RE: Doms and apolgizing... (12/1/2009 6:01:33 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Thatbastard I'm really glad to find I agree with just about everyone. The first thing way back I learned about being a dom was responsibility. The slave gives you trust and power only as much as you can take personal accountability for. I screw up with my girl all the time. It's not infallibility that builds trust and intimacy, it's communication, character, consitancy and honesty. Otherwise I'd be screwd. [sm=agree.gif][sm=goodpost.gif]

shenshinoman -> RE: Doms and apolgizing... (12/1/2009 6:14:11 PM)
Anytime someone steps out of line, and realizes it. they should appologize and admit they were wrong. Doesn't matter if it's a Dom sub, switch, etc. it's part of being human I'm glad you left the ass for greener pastures, good on you. And I totally agree with Steven, he put it into perfect retrospect.

MissHarlet -> RE: Doms and apolgizing... (12/1/2009 6:16:51 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Thatbastard The first thing way back I learned about being a dom was responsibility. The slave gives you trust and power only as much as you can take personal accountability for. My personal opinion is that being a Lady or Gentleman .. having good manners... in addition to the responsibility mentioned above .. enhances ones dominance .. never detracts from it. And again my opinion is that anyone that doesnt understand that fact .... is not someone I want in my life . Those I choose to own must have enough self respect to accept my apologies when given and understand they are made from strength NOT weakness.

AnimusRex -> RE: Doms and apolgizing... (12/1/2009 6:29:27 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: daddysprincess3 He is not my Dom, I was under consideration for being his. I told him something he did earlier in the day hurt my feelings, and his first response was "I don't give a shit." This hurt my feelings more than the original reason I was upset, and I tried to explain to him that I felt he was disregarding my emotions, or the fact that they even existed. He said my feelings should not be hurt, that he "makes the rules" and then demanded an apology from me for "bitching and complaining." And now for a contrary opinion. This guy may or may not be an asshole. What is clear is that you and he are not compatible without a serious change of attitude on one of your parts. There are many girls,and I see their profiles every day,who beg for cruelty, who relish a man gruffly saying "I don't give a shit"- girls who have profiles begging to be treated as nasty skanky whores, beaten and so forth. Not my cuppa...but its their kink. And this guy is probably going to make one of them very happy. I can't see how any guy who pursues a woman who calls herself Daddysprincess thinks she will react to "I don't give a shit" with anything but horror and wailing- followed by leaving.

Roselaure -> RE: Doms and apolgizing... (12/1/2009 7:05:31 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: AnimusRex And now for a contrary opinion. This guy may or may not be an asshole. What is clear is that you and he are not compatible without a serious change of attitude on one of your parts. There are many girls,and I see their profiles every day,who beg for cruelty, who relish a man gruffly saying "I don't give a shit"- girls who have profiles begging to be treated as nasty skanky whores, beaten and so forth. Not my cuppa...but its their kink. And this guy is probably going to make one of them very happy. I can't see how any guy who pursues a woman who calls herself Daddysprincess thinks she will react to "I don't give a shit" with anything but horror and wailing- followed by leaving. I definitely think he's an asshole, but it's undeniably true that some women like assholes.

antipode -> RE: Doms and apologizing... (12/1/2009 7:20:20 PM)
quote: Does she not deserve an apology because she is a submissive? Not when she has no profile.

thishereboi -> RE: Doms and apolgizing... (12/1/2009 7:24:30 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: daddysprincess3 He is not my Dom, I was under consideration for being his. I told him something he did earlier in the day hurt my feelings, and his first response was "I don't give a shit." This hurt my feelings more than the original reason I was upset, and I tried to explain to him that I felt he was disregarding my emotions, or the fact that they even existed. He said my feelings should not be hurt, that he "makes the rules" and then demanded an apology from me for "bitching and complaining." That would pretty much finish the relationship for me. Why would I want to be with someone who doesn't give a shit about my feelings.

EbonyWood -> RE: Doms and apologizing... (12/1/2009 7:29:40 PM)
Steven has nailed this thread and deserves his monthly award (is that November or December?) and you won't get better advice. AnimusRex has given you a good view from a different angle. You have it covered - what you do now depends on your level of common sense and ability to take the good advice.

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