crazyml
Posts: 5568
Joined: 7/3/2007
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I posted a similar comment on another humiliation thread, but here's an elaboration.
I have to add my standard disclaimer - I don't pretend for an instant that this is "THE" answer, this is my answer - I think there'll be lots of different reasons/motivators for enjoying humiliation, these are just mine.
First, I'd say that in everyday life, deliberately humiliating someone is a nasty, unpleasant thing to do. I've seen examples of deliberate humiliation in the workplace that are simply unacceptable. But so is causing someone physical pain. Both of these are things I just would never do outside kink.
My very first introduction to humiliation in a kink context was a long old time ago (1993 as it happens) with a French girl. It was instigated by her - She asked me to call her a slut. When I did, her reaction was a combination for embarrassment (she blushed) and arousal (she got noticeably wetter). So when MasterSlaveLA simply says:
quote:
MasterSlaveLA :
RESULT... wet cunt/hard cock
That's not simply a flippant answer - it is kinda the key answer.
With V (my French g/f).. I went on to explore her reactions to different forms of humiliation - Each time her reaction was strong and positive (in that she was increasingly turned on as the humiliation increased)...
After one instance of humiliation (private humiliation in a public context - so none of the other people at the party knew what we were up to) I asked her why she enjoyed it so much.
Unhelpfully in the context of the OP she said that she didn't know... The first thing she said was that she wouldn't enjoy being humiliated by anyone else, then she said that rather than shameful it felt intimate.. Which tallys with lucylucy's comment :-
quote:
ORIGINAL: lucylucy
It's a way to make myself completely vulnerable to my boyfriend. The intimacy is incredible. It's a turn on in every way--physical, mental, emotional. There's no shame for me, just delicious vulnerability.
For me MasterSlaveLA and lucylucy nail this question together - For me the motivator is my partner's arousal (which in turn turns me on) and the intimacy that humiliation implies/requires.
There is a caveat - Just as there is with many of the kinda things we get up to in kinkland - I have encountered people out there who seem to me to crave humiliation as a means to validate their own feelings of worthlessness (and there are people who crave pain for similar reasons) - I wouldn't play with someone who I felt (and this is based on a subjective and non qualified feeling rather than a professional assessment of someone's mental health) had issues that needed to be resolved.
SO...
quote:
ORIGINAL: Acer49
What kind of attraction is there to making a submissive feel humiliated?
It's a combination of intimacy and arousal
quote:
Why would a submissive want to allow the dominant to attempt to make him/her feel humilated?
You could equally ask why would an otherwise functional man or woman allow a dominant to bend them over a chair and cane them? The simple answer is because they get their rocks off. The more complex answer might be because it's an expression of intense intimacy - allowing one person to do and say things that no-other person could...
quote:
Are there positive benefits to this type of activity?
Again - you could easily ask what the positive benefits of caning are - In the context of humiliation the positive benefits could be - increased intimacy and increased trust (you have to be pretty in tune with your sub to know where the limits are).
quote:
Do you consider this an emotionally safe activity?
Oh lord no! But "forming a relationship" isn't an emotionally safe activity is it? I think that many (if not most) of the things entailed in BDSM aren't "emotionally safe" - Everything we do in the context of a relationship has a level of "emotional danger" - From the first second, when I walk up to to hottest chick in the room and say "hi" I am doing something that isn't emotionally "safe" - She might tell me to fuck off (trust me... it's happened  )... and my feelings will be hurt. Falling in love isn't emotionally safe (lord knows the number of unhappy endings we read about on these boards provides a pretty big clue there)... So it's all about the balance of risks... how much emotional danger vs how much emotional upside - In truth I'm not "crushed" when a pretty girl expresses no interest in me so the level of emotional danger is low compared to the potential upside of getting to know a lovely lady.
Intimacy is inherently emotionally unsafe - you are exposing yourself, making yourself vulnerable - but the upside is wonderful.
Again the caveat - Someone who seems to have serious self-worth issues ( and I stress - someone who seems to unqualified me as such - and I've got it wrong at least once in the past to my regret) is likely to be more "emotionally unsafe" than someone who seems to have all her shit in order.
As for me - I enjoy control and humiliation - because I find something utterly erotic about asking an intelligent, feisty, independent woman to do things... watching the conflict ("I don't have to bend over and take a spanking, but I want to...."), then watching her arousal.. That may not marry up with the "True Definition" of being a Dom (which doesn't actually exist) but it's at the heart of mine (along with intimacy, trust, responsibility).
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Humiliation Why? - 
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YUM! 
HARD LIMIT! 
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RE: Humiliation Why? - 
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