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RE: Humiliation Why? - 12/3/2009 1:21:51 AM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
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quote:

ORIGINAL: breatheasone

At the risk of sounding REALLY dense, what is it you all are talking about when you say...it makes me feel free...it makes me feel vulnerable ....it makes me feel etc.... what is IT ....

This is going to sound really corny, but I'll try to explain it anyway.

"It" can be a number of things to a variety of different people.  Much like Orwell's "Room 101" there are an infinite possibilities to what reaches the core of a person.  "It" may speak to you on a different level than it does to someone else and their "it" might not mean anything to you. 

This is what I mean when I said earlier that, as a Dominant, I do My research.  Knowing what "it" is and exploiting that in a loving, caring, cleansing sense, is nothing short of a goldmine.  Inspiring that yummy, yet wrong feeling in someone.  Taking them somewhere they might have been too afraid to go.  When they come to the other side, it can be amazing.  In the end, it brings the D and the s closer.


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The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

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RE: Humiliation Why? - 12/3/2009 3:46:23 AM   
Avralivia


Posts: 8
Joined: 10/13/2008
Status: offline 		I love humiliation, both giving and receiving.

I think the key thing always to remember is that everyone has areas they are happy to be humiliated in, and other areas that are huge no-no's.  So humiliation works at its best when you know the other parties triggers.



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RE: Humiliation Why? - 12/3/2009 5:13:04 AM   
wisdomtogive


Posts: 636
Joined: 11/13/2009
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quote:

ORIGINAL: persephonee

There are things that are done that deeply humiliate and embarrass me. Things that i never would have thought to do...and i do mean ever.

That being said, theres something about being broken down completely until all you can do is cry and shake and say no....and then be lifted up, kissed, told what a good girl you are and how much you are loved....if done correctly, can be very empowering and memorable.



i have found it to be a tool to help me release some blocks within me. it's benefits have always out weigt the actual humilation techniques that were used. Do i live for this, not at all. Does it help me , big time.

_____________________________

Happily owned by MstrDark1

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RE: Humiliation Why? - 12/3/2009 5:19:55 AM   
breatheasone


Posts: 4004
Joined: 7/14/2007
Status: offline 		i have been reading every post with great interest! What it looks like to me is.... its not really humiliation at all....because the person WANTS and LIKES it. i have seen post after post say "it may be humiliating to another, but not me" That seems to be the common thread in this thread (LOL i didn't mean that pun) For what its worth...i REALLY am learning MUCH more about this than i have ever before. This is EXACTLY how it happen with D/lg relationships. i used to think it was sick and disgusting, because i didn't UNDERSTAND it, and now i even call my Master Daddy! LOL

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Romans 10:13,For whosoever shall call upon the name of the Lord shall be saved.
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RE: Humiliation Why? - 12/3/2009 5:23:11 AM   
Aynne88


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Joined: 8/29/2008
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quote:

ORIGINAL: breatheasone

LOL..ok got me there...i'm trying to get the hang of this....so i'm trying to figure out what the humiliation is.... name calling?.... being laughed at? spit on? Just want to get an idea.


Candy it's vastly different for everyone. Sometimes it's him not even touching me unless I "show" him exactly what I want and where I want to be touched, all the while he is fully clothed, usually in a suit, while I am in whatever he chose, and as he sits there with a cocktail, I am lying on the floor burning with shame and need and lust, having to demonstrate to him what I want. Hate it? Yes. Love it? yessss....  It's only humiliation if you feel humiliated. Before I was with him, I walked on men, and was always ready with a big "NO" in regards to doing anything that took me out of my comfort zone, I met my match finally. He drags me mentally/physically into places that leave me a sobbing mess at times, then he guides me back to me, only I am stronger, more in love, and closer to him than ever each and every time. I think too many subs have this notion that it is someow cruel or degrading, when for ME it is incredibly intense, moving, sexually amazing, and I can't imagine every getting so close to him were he not so proficient at making this part of our relationship and being so skilled in using humiliation. 

I notice that you have a lot of questions on the threads about humiliation and I think that even though you have said it is not for you, and you don't understand why anyone would do that, I can't help but think due to your apparent interest in in that the truth may be a bit different? Why not talk to your Master about taking a few forays into it if it piques your interest, I promise you if it does indeed trip your trigger you will thank me.  


_____________________________

As long as people will shed the blood of innocent creatures there can be no peace, no liberty, no harmony between people. Slaughter and justice cannot dwell together.
—Isaac Bashevis Singer, writer and Nobel laureate (1902–1991)



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RE: Humiliation Why? - 12/3/2009 5:28:41 AM   
Aynne88


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Joined: 8/29/2008
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quote:

ORIGINAL: breatheasone

i have been reading every post with great interest! What it looks like to me is.... its not really humiliation at all....because the person WANTS and LIKES it. i have seen post after post say "it may be humiliating to another, but not me" That seems to be the common thread in this thread (LOL i didn't mean that pun) For what its worth...i REALLY am learning MUCH more about this than i have ever before. This is EXACTLY how it happen with D/lg relationships. i used to think it was sick and disgusting, because i didn't UNDERSTAND it, and now i even call my Master Daddy! LOL


Not really. Okay let me try and explain. Some of us may want the humiliation, but not the act itself. It's in the shame and taboo-ness of doing things I hate and don't want to do that make me feel shameful and however I am wired, that shame trancends into something else, and can't get enough of it. I think the posts are saying it may not be humiliating to you but it is to me. I was a bitch yesterday because he went golfing and I went and had lunch and drinks with someone that I was not supposed to, so I am sure after we spend today together I will have some new ideas for humiliation to share. . He's not pleased shall we say? Oh well, at least lunch was good. ;)


_____________________________

As long as people will shed the blood of innocent creatures there can be no peace, no liberty, no harmony between people. Slaughter and justice cannot dwell together.
—Isaac Bashevis Singer, writer and Nobel laureate (1902–1991)



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RE: Humiliation Why? - 12/3/2009 5:37:13 AM   
breatheasone


Posts: 4004
Joined: 7/14/2007
Status: offline 		i won't deny that i am very curious about it for sure.....but i think if my Master ever did anything to humiliate me on purpose at this point i would either leave Him...or at the VERY least not trust Him anymore, and it would take time to rebuild that trust......so i know i'm curious but i do not want anything like this in my life on purpose. i just don't understand it enough to try it.  i guess where i'm getting hung up is why would someone that likes you want to "take" you somewhere that you need to be rescued from? why not give the person the love and comfort of that rescue anyway. Why use the love and comfort as a rescue? If these seem insincere or anything they are NOT. i'm hoping to continue to learn and understand.

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Romans 10:13,For whosoever shall call upon the name of the Lord shall be saved.
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RE: Humiliation Why? - 12/3/2009 5:49:15 AM   
Aynne88


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Okay well let me try this again. . There are so many areas that my vain insecure shallow psyche won't or rather wouldn't delve into, and that kept me from being what I think is a fully capable strong emotionally centered woman, and by him knowing what my triggers and fears and insecurities are, and making me face them, sometimes with very emotional but cathartic results, it has made me stronger. Don't you have areas that you won't delve into, maybe physical insecurities, which is a giant one of mine, or sexual acts/behavior that you want even while being embarrassed to want it at the same time? I want to be emotionally transparent to a man for the first time in my life so his humiliation and "taking" me to those uncomfortable places with me, helping me through things that I would never face alone, is one way of achieving that. I think you have a mental block that this is just being a bastard to your girl for the fuck of it when that is not even close to what it is. Obviously many of us love it, and for some, like me, it is definitely a need. I think you are hung up on the acts themselves rather than the idea behind it. It's not just standing you in the tub, peeing on you and making you thank him for it....although that's kind of hot too.   Think less of the act, more of the feeling and the emotions. I know it's confusing at first it was for me, and no one could really make me "get it" until I experienced it.

_____________________________

As long as people will shed the blood of innocent creatures there can be no peace, no liberty, no harmony between people. Slaughter and justice cannot dwell together.
—Isaac Bashevis Singer, writer and Nobel laureate (1902–1991)



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RE: Humiliation Why? - 12/3/2009 5:53:17 AM   
Aynne88


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Candy you asked why would they want to take us there? Well, this isn't Match.com. He likes it, he loves me, he loves to see me squirm, cry, beg, because he can. It ain't always a psychiatric session, sometimes he just wants to humiliate me because he can. Same reason he likes to beat me I guess, or whatever other sadistic thing he feels like doing. Generally, the mental mind fuck stuff has a reason, but sometimes he just wants a shameful girl at his feet, and hey, who am I to question? Speaking of which, I have to get my ass in gear, if I'm late meeting him I will be busted. Have a good day, asking questions is a good thing, just keep your mind open to all possible avenues k? 


_____________________________

As long as people will shed the blood of innocent creatures there can be no peace, no liberty, no harmony between people. Slaughter and justice cannot dwell together.
—Isaac Bashevis Singer, writer and Nobel laureate (1902–1991)



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RE: Humiliation Why? - 12/3/2009 5:53:25 AM   
persephonee


Posts: 5089
Joined: 12/15/2007
Status: offline 		Candy, its not about a lack of love and trust, in my experiences with it. Its about taking something that i dont want to share with him and making it happen....against my will or choice....letting it wash over me that its happening....and in the end, seeing that it wasnt the actual end of the world....even though i honestly thought i saw the rapture.

My humiliation wouldnt necessarily be yours and its not always completely depraved....sometimes its just embarrassing, or angering.....whatever it would be, he would have to know what *not* to touch upon....

If you honestly down to your soul thought that you were not smart....or had past issues with being told that....calling you names that involve being stupid would not be humiliating, they would be degrading to you and you wouldnt like, love or trust him again.....but if you know youre an intelligent creature....theres only a reaction to the words.

Heres a tame one.....what if he made you do something sexual that you think is hot and kinky...and then berated you for liking it. Would that crush your spirit or make you come? Go try it and see. Report back to perse as soon as humanly possible. Then well move forward into the bloodletting and gloryholes.....

_____________________________

You be the Captain; i'll be no one.

And You can carry me away....if You want to. ~Kasey Chambers

E*Whore, extraordinaire....

Nothing is exactly as it seems~Nor, is it otherwise.

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RE: Humiliation Why? - 12/3/2009 5:56:53 AM   
Aynne88


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Great explanation Perse. . The berating for being a wet horny kinky slut is a good way to start.But really, the way you explained about it washing over you and seeing it isn't the end of the world, bingo. I love that feeling, it's like DAMN I conquered another fear.

_____________________________

As long as people will shed the blood of innocent creatures there can be no peace, no liberty, no harmony between people. Slaughter and justice cannot dwell together.
—Isaac Bashevis Singer, writer and Nobel laureate (1902–1991)



(in reply to persephonee)
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RE: Humiliation Why? - 12/3/2009 5:58:58 AM   
persephonee


Posts: 5089
Joined: 12/15/2007
Status: offline 		Thanks, Aynne...perhaps we can corrupt another one by lunch!

_____________________________

You be the Captain; i'll be no one.

And You can carry me away....if You want to. ~Kasey Chambers

E*Whore, extraordinaire....

Nothing is exactly as it seems~Nor, is it otherwise.

(in reply to Aynne88)
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RE: Humiliation Why? - 12/3/2009 6:00:35 AM   
Aynne88


Posts: 3873
Joined: 8/29/2008
Status: offline 		Well I think if anyone can do that it's us! 

_____________________________

As long as people will shed the blood of innocent creatures there can be no peace, no liberty, no harmony between people. Slaughter and justice cannot dwell together.
—Isaac Bashevis Singer, writer and Nobel laureate (1902–1991)



(in reply to persephonee)
Profile   Post #: 33
RE: Humiliation Why? - 12/3/2009 6:06:43 AM   
persephonee


Posts: 5089
Joined: 12/15/2007
Status: offline 		ive been very good about sitting on my hands and not listing off every humiliating act i can think of....id hate to think that i drove another one off to the nunnery.....Ohhhhh, nuns.....

_____________________________

You be the Captain; i'll be no one.

And You can carry me away....if You want to. ~Kasey Chambers

E*Whore, extraordinaire....

Nothing is exactly as it seems~Nor, is it otherwise.

(in reply to Aynne88)
Profile   Post #: 34
RE: Humiliation Why? - 12/3/2009 6:28:18 AM   
wisdomtogive


Posts: 636
Joined: 11/13/2009
Status: offline 		Acer, humilation can be very beneficial, if used in a proper way. It is also between the Dom and their s-type. In many ways i find it more carrying and loving, then the average humilation people fling in everyday life. On these boards, in chat rooms, in rt world, people are quick to calling people names etc. Put downs are a dime a dozen, without them holding themselves responsible for their behavior. Hopefully a Dom is accountable if he decides to use it on their s-type. That to me is the real difference..holding oneself accountable for one's actions. I am a big believer that words can be posion or healing, in propers ways of usage.

_____________________________

Happily owned by MstrDark1

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RE: Humiliation Why? - 12/3/2009 6:29:26 AM   
agirl


Posts: 4530
Joined: 6/14/2004
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quote:

ORIGINAL: breatheasone

i would LOVE to understand though.... So what would be an example of humiliation, and then degradation?



An example of humiliation , for ME, would be having to squat and pee in a bowl, naked...while he's fully clothed and sat eating a snack and sipping coffee at the dining table. I HATE it and have less than nice thoughts about him at that moment. I want to pee to get it over with, to END it, but my stubborness and my crossness ends up forcing me to squat there FAR longer than if it WASN'T humiliating.

I don't *like* it.....I wouldn't choose it....... it's the AFTER part........ when I finally pee,  and have been through all the internal machinations of hate, anger, frustration, annoyance and PRIDE....I'm strangely thankful and it always hurtles me closer to him.

An example of degradation .........If he took something he KNEW would hurt me horribly and senselessly, for no reason and with no beneficial result. If he struck at the very heart of my sense of self and damaged it, if he used my insecurities in a way that didn't diminish them , but exaggerated them. It's very hard to come up with an example because it's never occured.......... but maybe it's that degrading me would leave me *less than* and humiliating me leaves me *more than*. With HIM.

agirl

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RE: Humiliation Why? - 12/3/2009 6:36:10 AM   
breatheasone


Posts: 4004
Joined: 7/14/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: persephonee

Candy, its not about a lack of love and trust, in my experiences with it. Its about taking something that i dont want to share with him and making it happen....against my will or choice....letting it wash over me that its happening....and in the end, seeing that it wasnt the actual end of the world....even though i honestly thought i saw the rapture.

My humiliation wouldnt necessarily be yours and its not always completely depraved....sometimes its just embarrassing, or angering.....whatever it would be, he would have to know what *not* to touch upon....

If you honestly down to your soul thought that you were not smart....or had past issues with being told that....calling you names that involve being stupid would not be humiliating, they would be degrading to you and you wouldnt like, love or trust him again.....but if you know youre an intelligent creature....theres only a reaction to the words.

Heres a tame one.....what if he made you do something sexual that you think is hot and kinky...and then berated you for liking it. Would that crush your spirit or make you come? Go try it and see. Report back to perse as soon as humanly possible. Then well move forward into the bloodletting and gloryholes.....

i for real will take this to my Master...but i have to tell you, just THINKING about doing a hot sexy thing AND THEN getting berated for it by Master just made me cringe and tear up at the same time..... i'm trying to imagine it....and maybe i'm thinking of the wrong things....but just thinking about what you have suggested makes me really queasy. At the end of it is my Master supposed to say "Hey i didn't mean those bad things i just said, come here and give me a hug?" 

PLEASE don't think i'm being an ass or difficult on purpose...i swear i'm not!


_____________________________

Romans 10:13,For whosoever shall call upon the name of the Lord shall be saved.
Mike posts in black font
candy posts in pink font

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RE: Humiliation Why? - 12/3/2009 8:41:46 AM   
timmaygirl


Posts: 15
Joined: 6/4/2009
Status: offline 		How bout at the end he told you how wonderfully sexy you were and how hard it made him (now that only works if he gets hard by those activities lol)
Humiliation is a multitude of things for me personally. There are the things that make me wet yup. Those are easy to explain because if it gets you off it just does.
As was mentioned before... allowing yourself to be vulnerable and emotionally transparent is extremely intimate. I think the other ladies did a bang up job with explaining those ones.
And then there is my final reason. I love to go to the mountains or the ocean and feel the smallness of it. Sometimes i get so wrapped up in day to day crap that i really feel like any decisions i make are earth changing and i feel too "big" for my environment. When i stand by the ocean or at the base of a mountain i am reminded how small i truly am. When i am humiliated i get the same sensation. A reminder that i really am not that important in this world. I know that sounds like a paradox but that is just how i personally work.
Is it emotionally healthy? I am with Lady Pact here. It takes a good deal of research to know the person you are with. I personally could not do humil in a casual scene because i wouldnt feel emotionally safe, but in a loving relationship ... well my Daddy knows exactly where to push because he knows and understands me.

~edited to add another o to my to~


< Message edited by timmaygirl -- 12/3/2009 8:43:56 AM >

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RE: Humiliation Why? - 12/3/2009 8:48:38 AM   
lizi


Posts: 4673
Joined: 2/1/2009
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quote:

ORIGINAL: breatheasone
i for real will take this to my Master...but i have to tell you, just THINKING about doing a hot sexy thing AND THEN getting berated for it by Master just made me cringe and tear up at the same time..... i'm trying to imagine it....and maybe i'm thinking of the wrong things....but just thinking about what you have suggested makes me really queasy. At the end of it is my Master supposed to say "Hey i didn't mean those bad things i just said, come here and give me a hug?" 

PLEASE don't think i'm being an ass or difficult on purpose...i swear i'm not!



This is almost exactly what happened to me and it doesn't sound like it should have worked out to be a positive thing but it did. I asked for something because I thought it was hot and sexy, then felt berated, then at the end I got hugs and other things and felt utterly uplifted by my relationship with him. Weird, I know....hard for me to figure out too.

I once asked my Dom to slap me across the face at some point when we were playing, I thought it sounded hot and I wanted him to do it just for that. He did, but it was after he'd asked me to hold onto the headboard and I let go for a second - he said to me in a low voice why had I done that when he asked me to hang onto it? And he slapped me. I burst into tears and felt utterly open and vulnerable. The sex stopped and never resumed that night, I laid in his arms while he whispered in my ear and stroked my hair- we were both kind of shocked by my reaction. I have never felt so close to him as at that moment and I find myself craving to have it again.

I don't really understand humiliation either...yet. I'm trying to. I've always said I wouldn't like it but I have to rethink that after seeing some of the answers on this post and after having tried some small things within my relationship. The whole calling names thing (whore, slut, etc) during sex works well for me, I start to crave that to. Maybe I'm really into humiliation but haven't accepted it yet lol...

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RE: Humiliation Why? - 12/3/2009 8:55:49 AM   
ranja


Posts: 2111
Joined: 11/1/2007
Status: offline 		for me... humiliation works... i am strangely shy about things...

the strange thing is though that i can pretend to be really thick skinned... i have been in extremely embarrassing situations and just laughed it off... i can hide my emotions and pretend that i am 'above' it... the person trying to humiliate me will FAIL and be humiliated themselves if i play my cards so... unless they know me well enough to know that they have made a dint then it turns on me again.

The simple thing of recieving a spanking can be extremely humiliating... i mean just look at the situation for crying out loud... a grown woman with her botty stuck up in the air... willingly... and getting wet from it... jeez... cringe cringe
then on the other hand... who cares?... i can put my bum up in the air for any body... i am proud, i am strong, i don't care! look at me i can take so many strokes and not bat an eyelid!!! doesn't do a thing to me....

i prefer the humiliation... it gets me wet... the second option has me detached and cold and quite too big for my boots...

(not to speak of how humiliating having to beg is)

(in reply to breatheasone)
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