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RE: Humiliation Why? - 12/3/2009 11:22:15 AM   
timmaygirl


Posts: 15
Joined: 6/4/2009
Status: offline 		Though also to re-iterate .... sometimes humiliation is just because it is fun and exciting for some of us.

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RE: Humiliation Why? - 12/3/2009 1:06:16 PM   
lizi


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quote:

ORIGINAL: timmaygirl

Perhaps, and i am just thinking while i type, i need a reason for the comforting. People seem kinda creepy and not genuine to me if they gush on me for no reason at all but i can lap it up after i have gone through something difficult. I'm not saying that this theory would lend itself to anyone else though.


Yeah...the underlined makes perfect sense to me really. It does seem to be lacking in substance if a lot of praise/love/affirmation just comes to me without a reason. I do get the normal stuff in my day to day life with my loved ones but the intense gratification that comes after doing something 'hard' and being rewarded for it is something else altogether. It's almost as if you've done nothing to deserve the praise then it means nothing in return so humiliation gives the vehicle whereupon the praise can mean something beyond the norm.

*Edited to finish a thought.

< Message edited by lizi -- 12/3/2009 1:09:18 PM >

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RE: Humiliation Why? - 12/3/2009 2:40:06 PM   
lucylucy


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quote:

ORIGINAL: Missokyst

I must admit to feeling some confusion about humiliation myself. Are these things listed below, the begging, masturbation, being called a slut, ect, humiliating?
I am trying hard to see the debaseness of the acts but it is not clear for me.

quote:

ORIGINAL: lucylucy

For me it’s lots of different things: having to ask permission to masturbate and then report back on it; masturbating in front of him; begging; being called a slut or whore . . . but like I said in a previous post, there’s no shame in it for me. I love doing these things for my boyfriend and it makes me feel incredibly close to him.




Yes, for me, those things are humiliating and humbling. They might not be to someone else. I don't consider the acts debased at all.

_____________________________

“There are those who give with joy, & that joy is their reward.” Gibran / "Those who are willing to be vulnerable move among mysteries." Roethke / "Let the beauty we love be what we do. There are hundreds of ways to kneel & kiss the ground." Rumi

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RE: Humiliation Why? - 12/3/2009 6:32:30 PM   
Missokyst


Posts: 6041
Joined: 9/9/2006
Status: offline 		LOL I think I am not capable of feeling humiliation without a negative response.  Most of those things such as begging to be fucked, or for some pain, or anything else is sort of normal for me.  But then I only use the F word as a request, never as a curse. And the other stuff, being called a slut, whore, ect brings out my Dr Brennan (BONES), it does not make sense in my mind to be called that because I don't ever feel like a slut or whore simply because I need sex from my partner.
I do blush, but that is not my humiliation response, blushing is my "dang I am thinking of sex again", response.
Now.. other humilations, such as when someone does something which is meant to embarass me in a bad way.. that will bring on a variety of reactions, from walking away to using my intellect to anniliate them.
Those sort of humiliations are best left out of my sensual life.
I am not wired well for a good response to what many consider humiliation.  :)  But that is what makes the world interesting, we all have different cues.

quote:

ORIGINAL: lucylucy


quote:

ORIGINAL: Missokyst

I must admit to feeling some confusion about humiliation myself. Are these things listed below, the begging, masturbation, being called a slut, ect, humiliating?
I am trying hard to see the debaseness of the acts but it is not clear for me.

quote:

ORIGINAL: lucylucy

For me it’s lots of different things: having to ask permission to masturbate and then report back on it; masturbating in front of him; begging; being called a slut or whore . . . but like I said in a previous post, there’s no shame in it for me. I love doing these things for my boyfriend and it makes me feel incredibly close to him.




Yes, for me, those things are humiliating and humbling. They might not be to someone else. I don't consider the acts debased at all.

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RE: Humiliation Why? - 12/3/2009 9:13:59 PM   
SaharahEve


Posts: 231
Joined: 6/25/2009
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Acer49

I see alot of profiles that list an interest in humiliation from both dominants as well as submissives.

What kind of attraction is there to making a submissive feel humiliated?

Why would a submissive want to allow the dominant to attempt to make him/her feel humilated?

Are there positive benefits to this type of activity?

Do you consider this an emotionally safe activity?

Comments thoughts? Thank you all who reply


I see the like of humiliation as a form of mental masochism. It leaves the individual feeling emotionally stripped, exposed and vulnerable in a deep
psychological sense. This is in contrast to the kink-oriented "humiliation", where the receiver thrives on exhibitionism and being the center of attention, so long as it's within some realm of a comfort zone for them, of course. From my own experience, it seems to me those interested in the heightened and vulnerable state humiliation puts them in "enjoy" it because it enhances their bond with the one humiliating them, and sometimes affords them a means of working out painful issues. It can be a very intimate and liberating experience for them.

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RE: Humiliation Why? - 12/3/2009 9:22:54 PM   
breatheasone


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Status: offline 		i was thinking this....Please tell me if this means anything at all....

Say i am being humiliated...and i indeed feel vulnerable and small because of it....now if my Master was the one rescuing me from the person humiliating me...and buildt me up....told me that was all stupid bullshit....i could dig that....but if the humiliation came from HIM? omg....it would end me.....i actually think it would kill apart of me.


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RE: Humiliation Why? - 12/3/2009 9:37:26 PM   
SaharahEve


Posts: 231
Joined: 6/25/2009
Status: offline 		I understand your concern. In this situation, look past the "act" and see his "intentions" behind the act.

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RE: Humiliation Why? - 12/3/2009 9:38:38 PM   
timmaygirl


Posts: 15
Joined: 6/4/2009
Status: offline 		Not everyone is able to cope with it breatheasone just as some of us can not cope with physical pain very well. It is, as
SaharahEve says, a form of mental masochism. It is almost like he is "rescuing" (though i am not crazy with that term) me from myself. I am not sure if i am making this any clearer for you though.

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RE: Humiliation Why? - 12/3/2009 9:43:32 PM   
lucylucy


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quote:

ORIGINAL: breatheasone

but if the humiliation came from HIM? omg....it would end me.....i actually think it would kill apart of me.



I see your logic, but for me, it’s more like this: my willingness to be humiliated by him is a way for me to show my devotion and submission. The feeling is sublime.


_____________________________

“There are those who give with joy, & that joy is their reward.” Gibran / "Those who are willing to be vulnerable move among mysteries." Roethke / "Let the beauty we love be what we do. There are hundreds of ways to kneel & kiss the ground." Rumi

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RE: Humiliation Why? - 12/3/2009 9:47:12 PM   
breatheasone


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Status: offline 		Well i guess i see your point a little....i mean i am willing to do anything for Him...and He can do anything to, or for me He wants to...So i see that, and i am that devoted as well....but if my Master humiliated me it would devastate me.

_____________________________

Romans 10:13,For whosoever shall call upon the name of the Lord shall be saved.
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RE: Humiliation Why? - 12/3/2009 9:55:49 PM   
lucylucy


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quote:

ORIGINAL: breatheasone

if my Master humiliated me it would devastate me.

Then I don't recommend it for you.

_____________________________

“There are those who give with joy, & that joy is their reward.” Gibran / "Those who are willing to be vulnerable move among mysteries." Roethke / "Let the beauty we love be what we do. There are hundreds of ways to kneel & kiss the ground." Rumi

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RE: Humiliation Why? - 12/3/2009 10:01:22 PM   
CNJDom


Posts: 186
Joined: 6/6/2006
From: Southern NJ
Status: offline 		My submissive and I do not practice humiliation, but I have seen others thrive on it over the years.  It is icing on a kinky-cupcake for some and a super-sized plate of steaming crap for others.  So though it is not for everyone, it is for some.  And humiliation is a subjective term that will be different to each individual.  One person may feel that cross-dressing is a terrible humiliation, while for most it's the start of foreplay, and something that the first person may find as nothing would be nearly a hard-limit to the second one.  Complicated, yes...but for us, she would be devastated by humiliation on her, and I just am not that kind of person, and don't want or need it to make me happy. 

I'm a sadist physically, and do not need to be cruel on a psychological level; which is what it would be for her.  We all do or should have a good deal of tools and tricks in our magic bags to make our submissives squeal with delight, and awe-filled moments for everyone, and so humiliation is one of those things we draw from for some to enjoy.  Some like mind-fucks as well, but that would be a subject for another thread...      

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“For every beauty there is an eye somewhere to see it. For every truth there is an ear somewhere to hear it. For every love there is a heart somewhere to receive it.”
 ~Ivan Panin

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RE: Humiliation Why? - 12/3/2009 10:04:36 PM   
breatheasone


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quote:

ORIGINAL: lucylucy


quote:

ORIGINAL: breatheasone

if my Master humiliated me it would devastate me.

Then I don't recommend it for you.

i know right!....


_____________________________

Romans 10:13,For whosoever shall call upon the name of the Lord shall be saved.
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RE: Humiliation Why? - 12/3/2009 10:19:41 PM   
breatheasone


Posts: 4004
Joined: 7/14/2007
Status: offline 		OMG!...i was thinking about something!(i think i've had a break thru!)   i remember talking to Master about Him beating me like a LOT one time....you know....just BEAT the ever lovin shit out of me!....and thats JUST my game BTW, seriously!

i remember saying to my Master....i want You to take me somewhere, You have to rescue me from...You will actually have to come get me.....He said He understood what i meant...and envisioned being able to help take me there....  i remember now i even used the word rescue when i talked about it. So is this close to what Y'all mean?...but i'm just using physical stimulus?



_____________________________

Romans 10:13,For whosoever shall call upon the name of the Lord shall be saved.
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RE: Humiliation Why? - 12/4/2009 5:43:35 AM   
NibbyJibby


Posts: 85
Joined: 7/9/2006
Status: offline 		Humiliation i see as good and positive for myself and i enjoy it much. Why... because often it is uncomfortable, especially with public humiliation which i do not like. That in turn makes so i feel helpless, vulnerable and controlled. It makes so i very strongly feel the essence of power exchange and thus my submission to Her power and control. To venture into the realm of humiliation is another way of demonstrating my subservience and that in itself is pleasurable and rewarding to me. If Mistress enjoys to humiliate then AWESOME  as it allows another venue in which i can please and amuse Her, another way i can give of myself for Her pleasure.

Humiliation has actually built my character and made me a stronger person and made so i am more solid and secure with my submission & subservience. For me it serves as a series of baby steps forward on the path of progression with my submission. I believe it to be a integral aspect of power exchange and it can be done with varying intensity and when intense can be a true mind fuck and very powerful. What is intense humiliation for one my not be humiliation for another and so it requires insight, perspective and communication.

I enjoy it and so it is a pleasure for me. As EbonyWood and others have commented... those that do it, enjoy it... for those that do not, it simply is not their thing. If it is non-consensual, it is abuse.

In having experienced humiliation i have also had my limits expanded into degradation. There is a difference between the two and sometimes the dividing line becomes blurry  so for me if it is safe, sane and consensual, then it is all good. Bottom line is i respect my Mistress and She respects me. On the surface especially to those of vanilla persuasion it may appear humiliation and degradation takes away from trust and respect. On the contrary i find it can also build such as i view it from a power exchange perspective.    


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RE: Humiliation Why? - 12/4/2009 6:09:27 AM   
wisdomtogive


Posts: 636
Joined: 11/13/2009
Status: offline 		For me being called slut, whore is a turn on, providing it is with someone i am with. Doing 'slutting' things is also a major turn on for me, I always been a whore, and now am cherished for being one, again:). Anyons te i am with can do that to me, and dont need to put me back together. If this is seen as humilation, then it is fun kind for me and one of my kinks..big time.

Humilation though used as a punishment is not fun and it has been seldom use on me. As hard as it is, the ending result is putting me back in my place. my mind settles again, and i am at peace. For me it is a mental orgasim, and when i release i am safe in my world again. i am living and breathing humbleness.

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RE: Humiliation Why? - 12/4/2009 8:24:17 AM   
CallaFirestormBW


Posts: 3651
Joined: 6/29/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Acer49

I see alot of profiles that list an interest in humiliation from both dominants as well as submissives.

What kind of attraction is there to making a submissive feel humiliated?


I don't really understand the attraction, but I've known far too many submissive and dominant oriented individuals who enjoy this kind of play to ever dismiss it outright or think I know better than they do what they should or shouldn't enjoy.

quote:

Why would a submissive want to allow the dominant to attempt to make him/her feel humilated?

I can't speak for -all-, but I've met quite a few submissive individuals who really like, according to them, the abject objectification that comes with humiliation play. From the ones I've spoken with, it enhances their perception of their own ability to submit and give up every aspect of their ego, which feels right to them.

quote:

Are there positive benefits to this type of activity?

My companion, a Top who enjoys this kind of play, says that it provides a measure of "desensitization therapy" for the submissive individuals she's participated with, and it allows her space to vent without censure and express her own frustrations, in a mutually consensual environment where this kind of behavior wouldn't be misinterpreted.

quote:

Do you consider this an emotionally safe activity?

Having observed it many times, I believe that it -can- be an emotionally safe, and even emotionally constructive, behavior, provided that it is entered into with full knowledge and consent of everyone involved, and provided that the Keeper pays attention to the responses of the yielding party, to assure that targeted barbs, etc., are hitting the target and not wreaking unintended havoc. Like every other form of fetish play, this has its risks, and it makes sense to be aware of the potential emotional impact of this kind of play AND be prepared to clean up any messes that might take shape, but it is no more dangerous or difficult to understand than, say, those of us who stick people with needles or cut them with scalpels to make pretty pictures and sometimes, permanent scars.


Calla

_____________________________

***
Said to me recently: "Look, I know you're the "voice of reason"... but dammit, I LIKE being unreasonable!!!!"

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RE: Humiliation Why? - 12/4/2009 8:39:27 AM   
lucylucy


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Joined: 3/1/2009
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quote:

ORIGINAL: CallaFirestormBW

From the ones I've spoken with, it enhances their perception of their own ability to submit and give up every aspect of their ego, which feels right to them.




For me, this is very true. There's a Zen quality to it that is very centering (and I say this as a practicing Buddhist, so I'm not using "Zen" frivolously.)

_____________________________

“There are those who give with joy, & that joy is their reward.” Gibran / "Those who are willing to be vulnerable move among mysteries." Roethke / "Let the beauty we love be what we do. There are hundreds of ways to kneel & kiss the ground." Rumi

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RE: Humiliation Why? - 12/5/2009 12:38:45 AM   
rockspider


Posts: 633
Joined: 9/26/2009
Status: offline 		Well define humiliation as it relates in your relationship. Many very vanilla women often complain that their partners allways tries to seduce them and realy wants them sometimes to show the male animal in them. The man who is strong, in power and takes what is rightfully his, with no objections considered from his partner. My own experience plus reading various "ask about sex" columns it is clear that it probably is the most common fantasy of women. Experts say it is a leftover from mans absolute early days where courtship was "bop her on the head with a club and drag her back to the cave". Most like to strugle against the overwhelming force to "protect their virtue" and a large portion enjoy the man to use the worst language he knows to tell what he sees them as in that situation. All of them loves that the man after he has had his satisfaction apologises to them with things like "sorry honey but your lovely ass turns me that way" and some loving attention and aftercare.
In my very young days i had a pencahant for casual sex with woman 10 - 20 years my senior and the number of those who wanted that was 13 a dozen. Most of them in relative good marriages, but with this fantasy, who for some reason didn't get it fulfilled at home. Not as an everyday occurence, but on the times the itch struck. Often i had the experience of a woman, i didn't know at all, would aproach me, later finding out that a friend had told her about me.
That to me is humiliation. Going to the various BDSM venues in Copenhagen i have seen gagged, handcuffed and blindfolded women (and men) been dragged around with total strangers beating up on them and sticking stuff in them, fucking them and made them perform various acts. I know that some people do get their kicks from, but i don't. At that stage i normally develop a thirst for a pint which i take inn the pub around the corner. The reason really that i rarely attend these venues.

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RE: Humiliation Why? - 12/5/2009 11:24:21 PM   
MasterK13


Posts: 75
Joined: 11/13/2009
Status: offline 		Look up the words MASOCHISIM other then that it is what it is.

< Message edited by MasterK13 -- 12/5/2009 11:26:30 PM >

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