Racial Preferences - Why some people are NOT open about them

Collarspace Discussion Forums

Home Login Search

Racial Preferences - Why some people are NOT open about them

View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> Racial Preferences - Why some people are NOT open about them

Page: [1] 2 3 4 5 next > >>

Login

Message

<< Older Topic Newer Topic >>

Racial Preferences - Why some people are NOT open about... - 12/4/2009 5:35:43 AM

Roger39m

Posts: 4
Joined: 2/21/2004
Status: offline

I have noticed that alot of folks are coy about mentioning their "racial preferences" in their profiles etc. However, they very much have these racial preferences and will filter you out later after ascertaining you do not belong to their "race". The catch is they do this indirectly without ever mentioning race as the reason you were filtered out of their considerations, but it is pretty obvious in any event.

While it is entirely appropriate to have racial preferences, would it not be better to state them up front saying for example .."I am white, and only desire other whites"... rather than being ambiguous about it up front and using indirect reasons to eliminate people?

Your thoughts please.

Post #: 1

RE: Racial Preferences - Why some people are NOT open a... - 12/4/2009 5:56:30 AM

Elisabella

Posts: 3939
Status: offline

Judging from past discussions on the forum, there are people who believe racial preferences are a negative form of racism, and while I agree it would be better to state it upfront, I think many people who would otherwise do so are afraid of getting hate mail from people who would call them a racist.

(in reply to Roger39m)

Post #: 2

RE: Racial Preferences - Why some people are NOT open a... - 12/4/2009 6:00:05 AM

Underumam

Posts: 485
Joined: 12/18/2008
Status: offline

I can imagine all the hate mail if someone mentioned they only want a white, black etc.

(in reply to Elisabella)

Post #: 3

RE: Racial Preferences - Why some people are NOT open a... - 12/4/2009 6:01:55 AM

persephonee

Posts: 5089
Joined: 12/15/2007
Status: offline

i have seen profiles up where a certain race is specifically mentioned in the form of a wish list....but the people who are genuinely looking for a mate or a compatible play partner dont generally get all that specific in a general profile to be read by the masses. Whatever a persons bias' might be...in relationships, i would think that should be their right to go with what makes them feel good.

If the person doesnt say outright that race was an issue in filtering.....how, then is that obvious to you after the fact.

_____________________________

You be the Captain; i'll be no one.

And You can carry me away....if You want to. ~Kasey Chambers

E*Whore, extraordinaire....

Nothing is exactly as it seems~Nor, is it otherwise.

(in reply to Elisabella)

Post #: 4

RE: Racial Preferences - Why some people are NOT open a... - 12/4/2009 6:14:38 AM

ShadowSide

Posts: 32
Joined: 8/21/2009
Status: offline

Honesty is the best thing to do, but be prepared for anything that may come of it. It's those wishy-washy folks that are irritating. My issue is those that solidly reject their own for others as if they are disgusted when looking in the mirror. Now that's crazy.

(in reply to persephonee)

Post #: 5

RE: Racial Preferences - Why some people are NOT open a... - 12/4/2009 6:15:05 AM

LadyPact

Posts: 32566
Status: offline

I think perse beat Me to it on this one.

I went back and I looked at My own profile. Depending on how you look at it, I have probably around ten preferences listed. That includes some specifics about people that I wouldn't be interested in. There are many preferences that I have that I didn't state in My profile simply for reasons of brevity. I think if I listed them all, My profile would be a heck of a lot longer and would most likely bore the reader to tears.

Unless someone specifically said that race was the issue of incompatibility, I would tend to think the reason could be a hundred other things.

_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to persephonee)

Post #: 6

RE: Racial Preferences - Why some people are NOT open a... - 12/4/2009 6:20:18 AM

persephonee

Posts: 5089
Joined: 12/15/2007
Status: offline

Oooo...what do i win if i beat you to something?

Of course, collecting on it would be hard, since you moved so very far away from meeee......sniffle.

@Shadow....what do you mean, solidly reject their own for others?....Please elaborate.

_____________________________

You be the Captain; i'll be no one.

And You can carry me away....if You want to. ~Kasey Chambers

E*Whore, extraordinaire....

Nothing is exactly as it seems~Nor, is it otherwise.

(in reply to LadyPact)

Post #: 7

RE: Racial Preferences - Why some people are NOT open a... - 12/4/2009 6:27:29 AM

Aileen1968

Posts: 6062
Joined: 12/12/2007
From: I miss Shore, New Jersey
Status: offline

Women in general get a large volume of mail, a lot of it unflattering. I can only imagine what would roll in if they listed racial preferences.
Instead of "You cunt" we'd get "You rascist cunt"

People have all kinds of personal reasons for either listing or not listing things in their profiles. Don't take it personally.

_____________________________

(in reply to Roger39m)

Post #: 8

RE: Racial Preferences - Why some people are NOT open a... - 12/4/2009 6:30:24 AM

persephonee

Posts: 5089
Joined: 12/15/2007
Status: offline

Wait, when they call me a cunt, im supposed to be *insulted*?

i met a guy in person in New England, who specifically was searching for a young black woman....the whole Master/slave plantation thing. i didnt immediatly find him reprehensible....until i found out he was a Republican....and then *that* was that for me.

_____________________________

You be the Captain; i'll be no one.

And You can carry me away....if You want to. ~Kasey Chambers

E*Whore, extraordinaire....

Nothing is exactly as it seems~Nor, is it otherwise.

(in reply to Aileen1968)

Post #: 9

RE: Racial Preferences - Why some people are NOT open a... - 12/4/2009 6:32:29 AM

kittinSol

Posts: 16926
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: persephonee
i didnt immediatly find him reprehensible....until i found out he was a Republican....and then *that* was that for me.

That's our perse

.

_____________________________

(in reply to persephonee)

Post #: 10

RE: Racial Preferences - Why some people are NOT open a... - 12/4/2009 6:38:02 AM

Lockit

Posts: 11292
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline

How would someone know they were eleminated indirectly because of race issues if they were indirect about it?

Or is this rocket science and too early in the morning for me to figure it out?

_____________________________

No matter how old a woman gets, some men will think she was born yesterday! ROFL... I love this place!

(in reply to kittinSol)

Post #: 11

RE: Racial Preferences - Why some people are NOT open a... - 12/4/2009 6:38:22 AM

persephonee

Posts: 5089
Joined: 12/15/2007
Status: offline

Purrrrrz at kittin....

. i tried valiantly to tame my gag reflex, but i just cant go down when Hannity is on....

_____________________________

You be the Captain; i'll be no one.

And You can carry me away....if You want to. ~Kasey Chambers

E*Whore, extraordinaire....

Nothing is exactly as it seems~Nor, is it otherwise.

(in reply to kittinSol)

Post #: 12

RE: Racial Preferences - Why some people are NOT open a... - 12/4/2009 6:40:24 AM

persephonee

Posts: 5089
Joined: 12/15/2007
Status: offline

Thats just it, Lockit, i have never turned away someone i was interested in, no matter what race they are.

_____________________________

You be the Captain; i'll be no one.

And You can carry me away....if You want to. ~Kasey Chambers

E*Whore, extraordinaire....

Nothing is exactly as it seems~Nor, is it otherwise.

(in reply to Lockit)

Post #: 13

RE: Racial Preferences - Why some people are NOT open a... - 12/4/2009 6:45:10 AM

thaprincess

Posts: 69
Joined: 11/29/2009
Status: offline

Well having a racial preference might stop someone from receiving mail from people they are not interested in, but as others have said, it will also increase the amount of hate mail one will receive. I have a personal preference for a certain race, but I wouldn't list it in my profile if I were actively seeking a sub because for me race is not the end all, be all determining factor. Personality and a willingness to serve are. Plus if he looks good he could be from outer space, have blue skin, and sprouting fairy wings, wouldn't matter to me in the least bit. As long as I find him attractive, he has a good personality, and is willing to learn what it takes to make this Princess happy, I'd give him a chance.

(in reply to persephonee)

Post #: 14

RE: Racial Preferences - Why some people are NOT open a... - 12/4/2009 6:45:54 AM

Lockit

Posts: 11292
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline

I was racist about a vibrator once. It was orange and I did like it, but I didn't like to admit it. (hangs head in shame)

_____________________________

No matter how old a woman gets, some men will think she was born yesterday! ROFL... I love this place!

(in reply to persephonee)

Post #: 15

RE: Racial Preferences - Why some people are NOT open a... - 12/4/2009 6:47:06 AM

stella41b

Posts: 4258
Joined: 10/16/2007
From: SW London (UK)
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Underumam

I can imagine all the hate mail if someone mentioned they only want a white, black etc.

I like blacks... and greens...

.. but then again all jelly babies are yummy. :)

_____________________________

CM's Resident Lyricist
also Facebook
http://stella.baker.tripod.com/
50NZpoints
Q2
Simply Q

(in reply to Underumam)

Post #: 16

RE: Racial Preferences - Why some people are NOT open a... - 12/4/2009 6:58:06 AM

Lucienne

Posts: 1175
Joined: 9/5/2009
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Roger39m

I have noticed that alot of folks are coy about mentioning their "racial preferences" in their profiles etc. However, they very much have these racial preferences and will filter you out later after ascertaining you do not belong to their "race". The catch is they do this indirectly without ever mentioning race as the reason you were filtered out of their considerations, but it is pretty obvious in any event.

Ok, I see you don't have a picture on your profile. While the others are correct that there is no way to be certain why you are being rejected, I can kind of see how you would be chatting along with someone successfully and then have contact drop off after a photo exchange.

If this is an ongoing problem for you, is it possible that you are being "coy" about your race? If you really want to save yourself the time of communicating with people who are uncomfortable with your race, wouldn't you be better off stating your race in your profile?

The internet is kind of weird in terms of assumptions we make about strangers. I'm totally guilty of the default assumption that pretty much everyone on the internet is a white guy until identified as otherwise. It's a common default assumption (at least in the US).

(in reply to Roger39m)

Post #: 17

RE: Racial Preferences - Why some people are NOT open a... - 12/4/2009 7:27:01 AM

LafayetteLady

Posts: 7683
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Northern New Jersey
Status: offline

When filling out my profile, I was offered a list of options for what I was seeking. I checked the boxes that applied for me. Obviously, CM doesn't filter me out of people's searches based on those preferences. Shoot, I checked the appropriate boxes for local people and believe I even say as much in my profile, but that doesn't stop people from not only other parts of the US, but other parts of the country from contacting me.

As for the OP, you don't even list an ethnicity in your profile. You state that you are "other" (whatever that means). Stating that you "know" they are ending contact with you because of your ethnicity is a bunch of crap in my opinion. It's very easy to play the "race" card as reasoning for people ending contact with you, but it's really time to start looking at what you are saying in the emails, and whether or not the pictures you send to someone show you at your best. Even then, people are going to dismiss you because you just aren't "it" for them. Grow up and move on.

(in reply to Roger39m)

Post #: 18

RE: Racial Preferences - Why some people are NOT open a... - 12/4/2009 7:35:00 AM

LaTigresse

Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline

Seriously, race is not even on my list of concerns when considering a potential. I cannot even say it is the last thing because it is not on it at all.

I simply do not care.

_____________________________

My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

(in reply to Roger39m)

Post #: 19

RE: Racial Preferences - Why some people are NOT open a... - 12/4/2009 7:39:15 AM

Roger39m

Posts: 4
Joined: 2/21/2004
Status: offline

I want to thank all of you who have taken time out to post their opinions about this. This has been enlightening and has confirmed a couple of things I was thinking about as well.

In general, at least in this country (US), it seems that people are very sensitive to being labeled, "racist" rightly or wrongly, for whatever reason, and would rather keep their racial preferences hidden - not that these preferences do not exist per se. For others, it could be a relatively unimportant factor, quite legitimately.

I do want to emphasize though I believe that having racial preferences about your partner is not racist in the least - it seems that people are afraid of being labeled that for expressing these openly and explicitly.

Response to some who had asked why (or how) is it obvious - stating explicitly that one does not prefer X race (for relationships or jobs or whatever) is not the only way to make it obvious. The nature of the interaction and the abrupt stoppage of any further interactions provide clues aplenty. People nowadays are very careful to avoid any direct statements that could in any way imply they are racist (even if they themselves have such racist tendencies). Therefore, the other indicators become proxies for such tendencies. When one gets repeatedly subject to them - it is very easy to pick up on these and identify them for what it truly represents.

Much of the racial discrimination today in jobs, housing and other areas (outside of relationships) is very much covert (this is outside of the current topic of discussion however). Not many are stupid enough to say these things directly, but get very creative on how they weed out "unwanted" races and ethnicities (again not for relationships) - it can be fascinating in and of itself.

(in reply to Lucienne)

Post #: 20

Page: [1] 2 3 4 5 next > >>

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> Racial Preferences - Why some people are NOT open about them

Page: [1] 2 3 4 5 next > >>

Jump to:

New Messages	No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages	Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages	Locked w/o New Messages

Post New Thread

Reply to Message

Post New Poll

Submit Vote

Delete My Own Post

Delete My Own Thread

Rate Posts

Collarchat.com © 2025

Terms of Service

0.094