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Being dommed before Domme's children - 12/5/2009 8:23:05 AM

bootkisserboy

Posts: 8
Joined: 10/5/2009
Status: offline

I have a question for other submissives and slaves. A number of female Dommes have children at home and they want a service sub or slave to take care of their place. How do you feel about doing housework, etc. in front of their children?

I am curious how other feel about it. To me, being a submissive is a private affair and I do like flirting with some public play, I don't like the idea of serving in front of children. Thanks.

Post #: 1

RE: Being dommed before Domme's children - 12/5/2009 8:31:15 AM

QueenRah

Posts: 380
Joined: 6/3/2005
Status: offline

I realize you asked fellow subs/slaves to answer, but, being a Domina, I believe I can give you some useful insight:

If she wants her house cleaned, clean her house. Being children, they cannot consent to your kink; so, I recommend that you keep the street clothes on and your Domina treat you as a member of the household/employee doing a useful and needed job (whichever category applies). The French maid's frock might be best left in the closet, when the kids are around.

Consider this an opportunity to transform what is normally for you a kinky situation into a real means of providing valuable service to your Dominant - A way to grow from satisfying your selfish wants to satisfying her real needs.

< Message edited by QueenRah -- 12/5/2009 8:33:51 AM >

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RE: Being dommed before Domme's children - 12/5/2009 8:41:22 AM

ValyraenAndAqua

Posts: 28
Joined: 12/1/2009
Status: offline

How do you expect to be serving? There is nothing wrong with obeying her command to clean her house, maybe play a game with the kids and then, when the kids are asleep, getting your reward. Or your punishment for not doing a good enough job. Whatever works.

-Aqua

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(in reply to bootkisserboy)

Post #: 3

RE: Being dommed before Domme's children - 12/5/2009 8:50:35 AM

Underumam

Posts: 485
Joined: 12/18/2008
Status: offline

I see where serving her in front of the children is good.(not the kink part of course). I wasn't in a bdsm relationship with the mother of my daughter, but I served them both to the best of my ability and know that one day, my daughter will seek a mate that treats her like I treated them both.....

(in reply to ValyraenAndAqua)

Post #: 4

RE: Being dommed before Domme's children - 12/5/2009 9:32:27 AM

AnimusRex

Posts: 2165
Joined: 5/13/2006
Status: offline

FR-
Kim has been known to cook, do the dishes, and even at times, do a load of laundry...all while her daughter was present, and even watching it.

So far Child Protective Services has not been called.

(in reply to Underumam)

Post #: 5

RE: Being dommed before Domme's children - 12/5/2009 10:45:36 AM

Missokyst

Posts: 6041
Joined: 9/9/2006
Status: offline

exactly!
Cleaning is cleaning. It is not kink.

(in reply to AnimusRex)

Post #: 6

RE: Being dommed before Domme's children - 12/5/2009 10:51:21 AM

lizi

Posts: 4673
Joined: 2/1/2009
Status: offline

Ask the Domme how she would like to handle it.
In general I'd say do the service but leave out the kink factor. It can be explained to the kids that you are a paid housework helper...depending on their age they may not understand wanting to do that type of thing voluntarily lol, so if there was a pretend money exchange that would make sense to them and they'd readily accept it.

(in reply to bootkisserboy)

Post #: 7

RE: Being dommed before Domme's children - 12/5/2009 12:45:58 PM

DarkSteven

Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: lizi

Ask the Domme how she would like to handle it.
In general I'd say do the service but leave out the kink factor. It can be explained to the kids that you are a paid housework helper...depending on their age they may not understand wanting to do that type of thing voluntarily lol, so if there was a pretend money exchange that would make sense to them and they'd readily accept it.

Why does pay make a difference? Really, all that matters to children is that they see adults that care for each other, and that they themselves feel loved and safe.

_____________________________

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The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to lizi)

Post #: 8

RE: Being dommed before Domme's children - 12/5/2009 12:55:56 PM

VampiresLair

Posts: 1307
Joined: 9/3/2008
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Fox makes me coffee in public all the time. He has done it in front of both our families and no one has considered it a problem. But, it is service.
He has brought me drinks, he has folded clothes, all with our very vanilla families around.

Cleaning and housework around children is nothing to be concerned about. As long as you arent calling her Mistress or Goddess in front of the kids, there is nothing there that a million vanilla people dont do every day anyway. You are talking about something that everyone needs to do, so it doesnt matter who does it.

The kids wont know the difference. They dont know their mother is telling her servant to do something, they know someone is doing something for their mother. They may even be thankful, for while you are doig the housework, she is freed up to spend her time with them and not involved in menial labor. It is a benefit to the kids, in some way, rather than a bad thing. And maybe by seeing someone who does for others without complaining they will learn to do for others as well. Not necessarily as D/s, but as good people.

DV

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(in reply to DarkSteven)

Post #: 9

RE: Being dommed before Domme's children - 12/5/2009 12:58:50 PM

lizi

Posts: 4673
Joined: 2/1/2009
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: DarkSteven

quote:

ORIGINAL: lizi

Ask the Domme how she would like to handle it.
In general I'd say do the service but leave out the kink factor. It can be explained to the kids that you are a paid housework helper...depending on their age they may not understand wanting to do that type of thing voluntarily lol, so if there was a pretend money exchange that would make sense to them and they'd readily accept it.

Why does pay make a difference? Really, all that matters to children is that they see adults that care for each other, and that they themselves feel loved and safe.

I thought it might depend on the age of the kids as I mentioned. If this is something new and the kids are older and don't really know the man in question i thought it might seem weird to them if a stranger showed up to clean their house. I mean it doesn't happen every day. And if this service situation turned out to be a one time or couple times thing it would be also be easier to explain by saying so and so was paid for his time.

I mean really what child of a certain age is going to think people who previously didn't know each other just come over to clean another's house out of caring? Mine would have struggled with that concept mightily. Plus I see it through my own lens which is that I have 3 boys who are very protective of their mother and anyone coming over here to clean my house would have gotten a million and one questions and been watched like a hawk.

(in reply to DarkSteven)

Post #: 10

RE: Being dommed before Domme's children - 12/5/2009 1:00:19 PM

DeathinRevelry

Posts: 33
Joined: 1/26/2009
Status: offline

As a dominant with a kidlet at home, I can tell you that I've had pets around him, and he was none the wiser. A little guy doesn't know the difference between a friend who comes over to help out, a roommate who does chores, or a boyfriend, nor do they usually care. All they know is that adults have their chores to do, just like the kids have theirs, and as long as clothes are clean and dinner prepared, they're happy.

Sexual service is absolutely not appropriate around children, as is general service performed in a sexualized manner. But washing clothes, doing dishes, cooking dinner, etc? I don't see a problem with that- depending on the kids' ages, they're not likely to know anything aside from the fact that you're helping their mother out.

That said, I have modified rules when the kidlet's awake, as I'm sure almost every dominant with kids has. No sexual activity, of course, no nudity until after his bedtime, and no titles where he can hear. Basically, talk with your dominant about it. Set down clear rules and guidelines about what is and isn't permissable around the kids, as well as what you and she feel comfortable with.

_____________________________

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(in reply to bootkisserboy)

Post #: 11

RE: Being dommed before Domme's children - 12/5/2009 1:03:16 PM

LafayetteLady

Posts: 7683
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Northern New Jersey
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: bootkisserboy

I have a question for other submissives and slaves. A number of female Dommes have children at home and they want a service sub or slave to take care of their place. How do you feel about doing housework, etc. in front of their children?

I am curious how other feel about it. To me, being a submissive is a private affair and I do like flirting with some public play, I don't like the idea of serving in front of children. Thanks.

I just can't get past the example you use. If she were asking you to sit on the floor at her feet while watching television, walk around naked, etc. I might see where you have a problem. However, the example you give just has too many connotations of you feeling it's "woman's work" to clean the house. Houses need to be cleaned, and I just don't see a problem with the man being the one who does it.

(in reply to bootkisserboy)

Post #: 12

RE: Being dommed before Domme's children - 12/5/2009 1:09:38 PM

Rochsub2009

Posts: 2536
Status: offline

My last Domme had children, and there was no problem.

The children came to know me very well. They would always greet me when i arrived. They would even ask me if i would play with them (which i sometimes did).

Among the many tasks that i've done in front of them, Mistress even had me clean their rooms. i've also washed the windows in their rooms.

They are both under 10 years old, and i think they think that i am the family handyman. They've seen me so many times. They've watched me clean the house, do the laundry, wash dishes, mop the floor, shovel snow, rake leaves, mow the lawn, clean the garage, and bring the family groceries. It seemed very normal and natural to them, and i was always careful to make sure that it stayed that way.

As kids get older, it might beg questions. But when they are young, i don't think there is a problem.

(in reply to bootkisserboy)

Post #: 13

RE: Being dommed before Domme's children - 12/5/2009 1:11:02 PM

lizi

Posts: 4673
Joined: 2/1/2009
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: VampiresLair

Fox makes me coffee in public all the time. He has done it in front of both our families and no one has considered it a problem. But, it is service.
He has brought me drinks, he has folded clothes, all with our very vanilla families around.

Cleaning and housework around children is nothing to be concerned about. As long as you arent calling her Mistress or Goddess in front of the kids, there is nothing there that a million vanilla people dont do every day anyway. You are talking about something that everyone needs to do, so it doesnt matter who does it.

The kids wont know the difference. They dont know their mother is telling her servant to do something, they know someone is doing something for their mother. They may even be thankful, for while you are doig the housework, she is freed up to spend her time with them and not involved in menial labor. It is a benefit to the kids, in some way, rather than a bad thing. And maybe by seeing someone who does for others without complaining they will learn to do for others as well. Not necessarily as D/s, but as good people.

DV

Very true. People do things for each other all the time in an established relationship because they care and that's the way it should be.

I was approaching the situation from the standpoint that the OP was talking about a new relationship and he didn't really specify if he would be in a relationship with the Domme or what their partnership would be. Perhaps it would just be the service- he didn't say. I had the impression from his posting that it would be something new and it didn't seem clear if it would even be something ongoing.

I wasn't speaking from the viewpoint that the OP and the prospective Domme were in an established relationship with each other, it seemed as though he did not have this Domme in his life yet. Therefore my answers were predicated on it being new to all of the people involved.

(in reply to VampiresLair)

Post #: 14

RE: Being dommed before Domme's children - 12/5/2009 2:09:24 PM

DemonKia

Posts: 5521
Joined: 10/13/2007
From: Chico, Nor-Cali
Status: offline

FR, after read thru

As a parent of adult offspring I can testify that they don't wanna know about any of the sex & / or kink stuff. & what everybody else said above is the word. Act normal, vanilla, & polite.

My offspring knew I was freaky early (tats, piercings, attitude, etc), but the kink stuff wasn't a concern until they were teens, so it wasn't an issue when they were young. However, with 2 of the 3 we have since developed a don't-ask-don't-tell policy. They're glad I have a social life but they don't wanna know any details they don't need to know . . . . The other one has his own proclivities & we've had some minimalist polite discussion since he's become of the adult persuasion, but again, neither of us has too much interest in anything close to graphic details . . . . .

So. Polite. Vanilla. Circumspect. Discrete. Well-behaved. These are the kinds of behavioral choices that will give good results. & take your direction from your dominant on this . . . ..

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(in reply to lizi)

Post #: 15

RE: Being dommed before Domme's children - 12/5/2009 2:24:31 PM

lobodomslavery

Posts: 2477
Joined: 1/17/2008
Status: offline

If it were me, I would cease serving. Kids should be NOT involved in kink. Let them make up their own minds but adult kink lifestyle should NOT be around kids PERIOD
Kevin

(in reply to bootkisserboy)

Post #: 16

RE: Being dommed before Domme's children - 12/5/2009 3:54:44 PM

LafayetteLady

Posts: 7683
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Northern New Jersey
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: lobodomslavery

If it were me, I would cease serving. Kids should be NOT involved in kink. Let them make up their own minds but adult kink lifestyle should NOT be around kids PERIOD
Kevin

So if you would not become involved with or move in with someone who had children? Cleaning the house when done in the ordinary "vanilla" way (as in wearing normal clothes) really isn't all that kinky.

(in reply to lobodomslavery)

Post #: 17

RE: Being dommed before Domme's children - 12/5/2009 4:11:14 PM

CarrieO

Posts: 2432
Joined: 1/27/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: bootkisserboy

I have a question for other submissives and slaves. A number of female Dommes have children at home and they want a service sub or slave to take care of their place. How do you feel about doing housework, etc. in front of their children?

Switch here...The bolded part above I find to be more than ludicrous. Since when did housework become X-rated? If you've been asked to serve by cleaning a Dommes's house, why does it follow that this would become kinky? I would think if both you and the woman involved were mature adults, the act of submission in the form of simple housework could be achieved without the means of kink while also maintaining the needed power structure.

I am curious how other feel about it. To me, being a submissive is a private affair and I do like flirting with some public play, I don't like the idea of serving in front of children. Thanks.

If by house cleaning you mean flouncing about in the nude or dressed in a frilly maid's costume while Ma'am follows you around, crop in hand, ready to punish for any mistake, then yes...totally inappropriate.

While I was on vacation this past summer, I visited with a friend and spent many days with he and his Domme/GF and her 2 children. During that time, my friend remained clothed around the kids and in public, he cooked, cleaned up after meals, helped do some computer work for her, mounted some shelves in the kids room and did all this while maintaining the power dynamic they had. It was beautiful to see and a pleasure to talk with this woman while my friend waited on us...in what would appear to be a very vanilla manner.

I guess it comes down to the dynamic the two of you have, how service is defined, whether or not you have the ability to trust her judgement in regards to this matter and if you approach this in a mature manner.

< Message edited by CarrieO -- 12/5/2009 4:12:27 PM >

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RE: Being dommed before Domme's children - 12/5/2009 4:55:32 PM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline

I cook and do laundry in front of his kids and mine. He does car repairs in front of both. We both grab the nearest kid to come and help.

Presumably you're a friend who visits a lot. And being a friend, you do a nice thing like wash the dishes when she's helping with homework. Now if she's watching Oprah while you do this, then you do need to think up what to say if one asks. I suggest, "I can see she's tired so I'm lending a hand. How about you bring the glasses over here while I wash them".

If you aren't friends, then you should act like an employee. More importantly you and she need to figure out a cover story to tell the kids that you both agree on.

I've started doing dishes in a friend's house when she had a party. Her kids were glad I was doing it and not them.

_____________________________

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(in reply to CarrieO)

Post #: 19

RE: Being dommed before Domme's children - 12/5/2009 5:19:05 PM

bootkisserboy

Posts: 8
Joined: 10/5/2009
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: CarrieO

quote:

ORIGINAL: bootkisserboy

I have a question for other submissives and slaves. A number of female Dommes have children at home and they want a service sub or slave to take care of their place. How do you feel about doing housework, etc. in front of their children?

Switch here...The bolded part above I find to be more than ludicrous. Since when did housework become X-rated? If you've been asked to serve by cleaning a Dommes's house, why does it follow that this would become kinky? I would think if both you and the woman involved were mature adults, the act of submission in the form of simple housework could be achieved without the means of kink while also maintaining the needed power structure.

I am curious how other feel about it. To me, being a submissive is a private affair and I do like flirting with some public play, I don't like the idea of serving in front of children. Thanks.

If by house cleaning you mean flouncing about in the nude or dressed in a frilly maid's costume while Ma'am follows you around, crop in hand, ready to punish for any mistake, then yes...totally inappropriate.

While I was on vacation this past summer, I visited with a friend and spent many days with he and his Domme/GF and her 2 children. During that time, my friend remained clothed around the kids and in public, he cooked, cleaned up after meals, helped do some computer work for her, mounted some shelves in the kids room and did all this while maintaining the power dynamic they had. It was beautiful to see and a pleasure to talk with this woman while my friend waited on us...in what would appear to be a very vanilla manner.

I guess it comes down to the dynamic the two of you have, how service is defined, whether or not you have the ability to trust her judgement in regards to this matter and if you approach this in a mature manner.

This is fine if you find it ludicrous. I find it ludicrous that many like YOU cannot read a simple post. I was asking other submissives how they felt about doing housework around children. It is a VERY simple question and YET I get dommes and people like you telling me HOW I SHOULD feel about it. I feel the way I feel about it and I don't want to change my feelings about it, either.. About the only post worth considering is the one written by lobodomslavery. I just wanted some input from other submissives. Take your judgement and shove it, CarrieO.

(in reply to CarrieO)

Post #: 20

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