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RE: What do you do when you STOP being physically attra... - 1/6/2010 6:02:08 PM   
LafayetteLady


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Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Northern New Jersey
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quote:

ORIGINAL: wisdomtogive

Back to the topic
LafayetteLady perhaps it is other things that keep the relationship glued together. When i was very young, late hubby and i were in good physical shape, and through time, that changed, mostly due to illness and medication, and with him his terminal illness. But something held us together beyond the physical. I do not think the physical can hold anyone together for ever, people age..their bodies change.

Sir is not the body type i am use too, but he is beyond his body shape and we both are antiques now. I think we just are cementing on a different level then just the physical, and both watching our mates suffering from terminal illness we know it has to be more.

After all he is the only person with the real picture of me, and still loves me and my cat:)






I completely agree with you. I had initially started this thread from a statement on another post. A comment was made that a master was no longer attracted to his slave, and so while he didn't end the relationship, instead, he decided to berate her and basically have nothing to do with her physically.

I think to do what is above is despicable and cruel. I know in my situation, both my man and I have changed both physically and emotionally over 14 years, but it hasn't done anything to our attraction to each other. I think that is how it should be when you choose well.

(in reply to wisdomtogive)
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RE: What do you do when you STOP being physically attra... - 1/6/2010 8:11:23 PM   
sexyred1


Posts: 8998
Joined: 8/9/2007
Status: offline 		I have a different problem: I have never stopped being physically attracted and no one stopped being attracted to me in past relationships.

Tragically though, I stopped being attracted to the person because of a myriad of reasons. It took longer for that to happen, but the physical never died.

And it is really awful to not be into the person, but still desire each other. It actually fucking sucks.

But, what can do other than try and choose a better person next time.

(in reply to LafayetteLady)
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RE: What do you do when you STOP being physically attra... - 1/6/2010 8:18:40 PM   
LafayetteLady


Posts: 7683
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Northern New Jersey
Status: offline 		Very true. Physical attraction can be powerful. I am sure all of us have people, like celebrities that we find super physically attractive, but of course that's a safe one, since most of us won't ever be involved with them.

The thing is what do you do? Do you leave? Do you try to work past it? Or, as in the comment that started this thread to begin with, do you stay but make sure you let the person know that you are no longer attracted to them, but are keeping them around, won't allow them to find attraction/pleasure elsewhere, and essentially begin a course of emotional abuse that is horrible.

Most of us, happily, find more to our partners than their looks. Many here talked about how discussions should be had before hand, blah blah blah. They obviously didn't understand the point. Most admit that if things went so far south that they had no desire to be intimate anymore they would end the relationship so that both could seek happiness elsewhere.

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RE: What do you do when you STOP being physically attra... - 1/6/2010 8:24:34 PM   
sexyred1


Posts: 8998
Joined: 8/9/2007
Status: offline 		For me at least, I think my ex and I were so crazy attracted to each other, that even though we both KNEW that we were not suited for each other, we tried to construct a relationship around the physical; which is bound to fail. It lasted a long time though; denial is a wonderful thing.

And of course, as you say, looks are not the main thing in successful relationships, the compatibility and caring is.

I am not sure what I would do to answer your main question; if someone I loved stopped being attracted to me. It would be crushing and disappointing to say the least.

(in reply to LafayetteLady)
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RE: What do you do when you STOP being physically attra... - 1/6/2010 8:26:26 PM   
drtygrl


Posts: 29
Joined: 4/8/2008
Status: offline 		one of the brilliant miracles of the biochemical influence on relationships! It's an evolutionary adaption. The wonderful part of the relationship (which usually lasts 12-18 months) is full of that sticky, lovey feelings that will dissipate. When you are no longer in this euphoric fog, things are less glamorous- but by now you've had enough time to discern if this partner is worth keeping around despite some aesthetic shortcomings. If a person is ugly on the inside- and becomes ugly on the outside... ouch! Cut your losses

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RE: What do you do when you STOP being physically attra... - 1/19/2010 12:06:33 PM   
Tamoko


Posts: 29
Joined: 1/17/2010
Status: offline 		My post relates to a partner allowing themselves to become unattractive, either through action or inaction. Not sudden trauma (car accident, cancer, etc).

I would suggest the same thing as in a vanilla relationship; tell the other person that your attraction to them has waned and why. Do it tactfully and with respect. They will either accept your opinion and work to change it or they will not. If they do not, then the relationship should probably be severed at that point.

A side question; Total loss of attraction takes time, how did you let it get this far without talking about it before?

Recently this happened with my GF and I. She had gained a considerable amount of weight over the last year, and my subtle ways of bringing attention to it were being ignored or passing by unawares. Finally I had to sit her down and explain thet I was worried about her weight gain on both a personal health and self-esteem level, and on an attraction level. I made an effort to commit myself to making time to assist in any way that I can to help her get back to a better shape.

Lucky for me she accepted my opinions and admitted that she had let herself go. She now works out more often than I do and is well on her way back to a healthy weight.

(in reply to GYPSYMAMBO)
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RE: What do you do when you STOP being physically attra... - 1/19/2010 4:13:16 PM   
geomease


Posts: 56
Joined: 9/25/2009
Status: offline 		Looking back at my past relationships, looks have never been very important to me.  I'm more attracted to a persons personality rather than appearance.  Don't get me wrong I love the fantasy of being craddled by the handsome musclebound man, but thats just a fantasy.  So long as they are loving and willing to snuggle I wouldn't really care what they look like.

(in reply to GYPSYMAMBO)
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RE: What do you do when you STOP being physically attra... - 1/20/2010 10:54:05 PM   
LafayetteLady


Posts: 7683
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Northern New Jersey
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Tamoko

A side question; Total loss of attraction takes time, how did you let it get this far without talking about it before?



Actually this question isn't about a personal situation (thankfully). There was another thread where the situation was posed that the pair had been together for some time and then the master stopped being intimate with the slave, said he was no longer attracted to her. Further he was going to find others to meet those needs, and her "role" would be drastically changed and she would receive no sexual fufillment at all.

I found this to be horrible cruel. It was like telling this person that she was not only unattractive to him to the point, he couldn't bear to touch her, but that she was obviously not worth anyone else touching either. The appropriate thing, as you said would be to end the relationship if there was no compromise to be had. Anything else just seems unnecessarily cruel.

Many people answered about how those things should be negotiated at the beginning, and how physical attraction isn't always important when starting a relationship. But the question wasn't about whether you needed to be attracted to someone you were considering as a partner, but rather when for whatever reason, the attraction stops.

(in reply to Tamoko)
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RE: What do you do when you STOP being physically attra... - 4/19/2010 5:18:57 PM   
LaceyMadison


Posts: 15
Joined: 4/16/2010
Status: offline 		[/quote]
But the question wasn't about whether you needed to be attracted to someone you were considering as a partner, but rather when for whatever reason, the attraction stops.
[/quote]

Hm, from a 'normal' loving relationship perspective...what happened to love is blind?

I'd love my partner even if he lost an arm or went bald ect. Infact i'd prob's end up getting turned on cos it's another kink to add to the list :p. But yea IF IF I ever stopped being attracted - i'd make more effort to discovery/re-discover aspects about his personality that were part and parcel with falling in love in the first place.

Sometimes a bit of effort on both sides, initiated by one can go a long way to motivating the other (so for example you could start working out-together if one of you put on weight ect...or integrate bdsm Master/s games like making her/him restrict there eating ect).

Hope it works out for you :)

(in reply to LafayetteLady)
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RE: What do you do when you STOP being physically attra... - 4/20/2010 3:44:04 AM   
poshspice


Posts: 45
Joined: 3/1/2010
Status: offline 		This is why blindfolds, hoods ,gasmasks and cling film are useful.

(in reply to LafayetteLady)
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RE: What do you do when you STOP being physically attra... - 4/21/2010 10:59:34 PM   
SexySea


Posts: 36
Joined: 8/2/2007
Status: offline 		I badly injured my knee (requiring surgery) and I have gained about 30-35 lbs sitting on my ass because I can't walk much or exercise right now and my Dom lost interest which is funny because since I met him he packed on a few lbs too.  I feel like this is often a double standard issue.  I would have found him attractive pretty much no matter what because I actually loved him.  Makes me wonder if he ever loved me.

(in reply to GYPSYMAMBO)
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RE: What do you do when you STOP being physically attra... - 4/22/2010 1:42:11 PM   
reynardfox


Posts: 417
Joined: 9/8/2009
Status: offline 		Looks are so far short of being everything you need. I can't imagine being so shallow as to abruptly finding someone unattractive.

(in reply to LafayetteLady)
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RE: What do you do when you STOP being physically attra... - 4/22/2010 7:35:12 PM   
Marini


Posts: 3629
Joined: 2/14/2010
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: reynardfox

Looks are so far short of being everything you need. I can't imagine being so shallow as to abruptly finding someone unattractive.


Sounds like the people that wake up one day, and decide they are no longer in love with their partner, or no longer want to be married to their partner.
Hell, sometimes they wake up and decide they want to change their sexual orientation.


< Message edited by Marini -- 4/22/2010 7:37:13 PM >

_____________________________

As always, To EACH their Own.
"And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. "
Nelson Mandela
Life-long Democrat, not happy at all with Democratic Party.
NOT a Republican/Moderate and free agent

(in reply to reynardfox)
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RE: What do you do when you STOP being physically attra... - 4/23/2010 1:11:11 AM   
winterlight


Posts: 1319
Joined: 2/18/2006
Status: offline 		agrees with littlewonder..

For Dark Steven why did she gain weight was there some trauma from her childhood or depression ?

(in reply to QueenRah)
Profile   Post #: 74
RE: What do you do when you STOP being physically attra... - 4/25/2010 9:16:52 AM   
Ph0enixF1re


Posts: 91
Joined: 5/11/2006
Status: offline 		Suck it up and pay for plastic surgery if it's something like breast cancer.

If she just got fat, put her on a diet and exercise program, with whippings to motivate her.

If it's something like a car accident where she is horribly disfigured and you want to leave then you are a shallow asshole and don't deserve to have a slave in the first place.

_____________________________

Absolute power corrupts absolutely...But it absolutely ROCKS!!!!!

Holier than thou and yes...Better than you.

(in reply to LafayetteLady)
Profile   Post #: 75
RE: What do you do when you STOP being physically attra... - 4/25/2010 9:28:32 AM   
loverly


Posts: 236
Joined: 1/23/2004
Status: offline 		As for this not being BDSM related.. i believe , for myself, that it is on some level... if a Domainant or slave gains weight.. goes thru medical problems..has family problems to deal with..... wouldn't the Dom/slave be supportive rather than say .. oh well not turing me on! and walk away? and if not.. what does that say about their confidence in themselves as an active and caring partner in the relationship? about where their heart and mind really are?

Patience, guidence and problem solving along with total communication are the basis for a good strong BDSM relationship aren't they? and so we work together to solve this?

(in reply to GYPSYMAMBO)
Profile   Post #: 76
RE: What do you do when you STOP being physically attra... - 4/25/2010 3:50:53 PM   
babygurlangel


Posts: 85
Joined: 12/13/2009
Status: offline 		FR... I think that if you are in love with someone you love them no matter what their looks won't change how you feel. I know that when I love someone looks don't matter to me, I don't notice looks when I love someone.

_____________________________

Owned 1/28/2010 by TheLovingDom

(in reply to GYPSYMAMBO)
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RE: What do you do when you STOP being physically attra... - 4/25/2010 4:03:03 PM   
dragon200070


Posts: 93
Joined: 2/9/2010
Status: offline 		Hi,
My ex-wife lost as lot of weight, lost interest in sex with me, and became confused about her role with me; she wanted to be a domina. Definetely not right for me; I was a Dom when we started. I left her.

My next slave was great; I never had cause to complain. Then she got cancer. I stuck with her through the chemo, now she's terminal and I'm still there. She gave a lot to me, and she has not changed her mind. Nature struck her a blow; she never asked me to stop, but became unable to do much. I'm still there.

Jeff

(in reply to LafayetteLady)
Profile   Post #: 78
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