Rednekcol
Posts: 15
Joined: 4/3/2006
Status: offline
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First, let me preface by saying that I am neither sub nor switch, so I certainly cannot answer from firsthand information. I am, however, male, and can perhaps give a few insights from that perspective. For completion, I am going to end up repeating various points that have already been made throughout this topic as well.
First, while it is by no means exclusive to the male fraction of the submissive population, I do believe this behavior is more likely to occur in male submissives than in female submissives. Also, while I try to avoid the word "fake", because I don't personally hold anything against those who are just looking for the next online roleplay or the next one-night stand (not my cup of tea, but live and let live), I have to submit my suspicion that a large percentage, if not necessarily a majority, of these contacts come from people not looking for more than a simple, short term gratification, be it online or real life. Another set of the population are those who have developed an interest, and think they are interested, perhaps have even tried some things, but don't have any real idea what it takes to develop a D/s relationship; these are struggling to fit something to the likely vague idea of what they want, but are failing for one reason or another. The third are those who know what they want, perhaps they have even had it before, but don't have it now; this group, if left this way long enough, reaches a point of desperation and needs to branch out.
Allow me to first address why the male population is more likely to exhibit this behavior than their female counterparts. (These are going to be generalities, and, while I hope not to give offense, there will more than likely be those who take offense anyway. My answer to them is that whether it be behavioral or genetic, statistically, men and women are different, and if you don't believe it, go read a few things from the APA. My goal isn't to start a debate on gender roles; we can do that some other time. Of course there will be exceptions, so don't take this for more than it is.) My reasoning is two-fold: (1) first, the male is more susceptible to the dangers of wanting instant gratification, and (2) second, the male is more likely to feel the need to go find what he needs, instead of more passively waiting for something to come to him.
Instant gratification, especially when it comes to physical pleasure, tends to be much more insidious in men than in women, though both are susceptible. Physically, it has certainly been recognized by the pornography industry; pornography tends to target men for this reason, more than it does women: the sexual pleasure generated in males is more addicting in this way than it is for women.
When it comes to the getting and waiting, a male, regardless whether they identify as dominant or submissive, is going to be more comfortable seeking out what they desire. I cannot say whether this is due to the nature of our society or in our genes (or whether it is right or wrong that it is so), but whether it be business, relationships, or religion, men seem to be more comfortable in the role as instigators.
As for the categories of submissives who will be driven to this behavior, it is my opinion that very little explanation is needed for those looking for the quick fix, the cyber roleplay or the short term real life relationship. These are going to be the most unscrupulous of the people sending out messages. If they think you are attractive, be it physically or whether you appeal more to their fetish or emotional state, they are going to send an message, however short or long it may be. Chances are, it won't work, but really, that kind of looking is really just a numbers game, isn't it?
Regarding those who have an interest but don't know how to develop such a relationship, they are those who are likely to be relying on their fantasy as a guideline for what they want. If you are using a fantasy, it doesn't take long to go through any list of dominant females (or males for that matter) and realize what you are looking for isn't exactly there. This is going to lead to discouragement. They have probably sent some kind of message to each dominant they were attracted to for whatever reason, but the message didn't appeal to any of the dominants enough to get them taken on. (Or else the one or two that it did, if they were so lucky, didn't work out, so they are back to the same list.) It isnt as though there are 30 new people every day to message, so if they are browsing every day or two, hoping to find someone, wanting that relationship they fantasize about, they are likely to run out of people to contact, even if they open their parameters to all the dominants, whether or not they think they could fit. Pretty soon, they start browsing submissives, maybe out of curiosity, maybe looking for a connection, maybe just to see who else is out there of the opposite sex. Perhaps they even mean it when they say they are not looking for more than just friendship. But pretty soon, if you start talking, the feelings and desires surface, and there is the female submissive, someone who understands the lifestyle and your feelings (to a degree). She is looking pretty good about then, in the face of so much failure, so maybe with a little push they can get what they want from them.
The final group isn't so different from the last group, except that they understand more of what it takes to make it. They are probably more realistic about what the relationship will be, and about what they might get out of a relationship. They go through the same process of attempt and failure, over and again, as the second group. They probably stick it out longer and hold out longer, but eventually, they get worn down too. This group probably has it easier making friends with submissive females, though, due to their experience. There is a connection built, and soon, how can they help hope for more?
Let me touch on one subject last of all, that is the numbers of available submissives and dominants of both genders. Female submissives in my state (Colorado) active in the past week was 125, female dominants 63, male submissives 269, male dominants 386. It is certainly debatable whether there are "enough" female dominants to support the male submissive population or female submissives to support the male dominant population, especially considering that some of those females will be lesbian and thus should really be taken out of the pool. Of course, some of the males are gay, too, but even if it were a 1 for 1 ratio of gay to lesbian (which I will assume for simplicity not wanting to count them right now) that still just leads to a bigger disparity in the percentage that could be satisfied with a monogamous choice. Statistically, is it any wonder, then, that males, be it dominant or submissive, start looking at the rest of the kink population looking for a potential match.
(An aside to all our switches: I am perfectly aware that you are there and contribute largely to it. I didn't know how to fit you and your contribution into this post adequately. If any of you want to comment on how you might help resolve the disparity, please feel free.)
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RE: Male Subs Who Want Female Subs to Domme Them. Why? - 
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