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Expectations - 3/16/2006 7:46:55 PM

Level

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Our local group is batting this topic around right now, so I thought I'd put it here as well. What do you expect from your submissive/dominant? My answer (semi-edited due to some thinking) appears below:

The short answer, to quote a respected woman, is "to obey, and to be pleasing". That's what I want.

I want a woman to look at me, to know what I am and what I want, and say "yes, that's what I want too." I want us to fit.

I want all barriers gone.

I expect her to expand her mind and spirit, with my guidance. I expect her to be respectful, as I work to earn her respect. I expect her to be pleasing in appearance as regards clothing, makeup and hairstyle. I expect her to have a full time job. I expect her to eat well and exercise, which does not mean she has to look like a fitness model.

I expect her to be completely responsible for her actions and words, and I expect those actions and words to be trustworthy. I despise deceit. I expect her to come to me with whatever is on her mind, including if she has a problem with me. I expect her to present these things properly to me.

I expect her to love to touch and be touched, from head to toe-- and cuddling is mandatory, and is to be valued for it's own sake, not just as a prelude to sex.. *wiggles eyebrows and smiles*....however, I also expect her to please me sexually.

I expect her to be able to use reason. I expect her to have a warm heart.

I expect her to think about what would please me. I do not expect her to be a mind-reader.

I expect her to know how to behave. Brats need not apply. I believe that if one is a submissive, and wishes to be with me, then they will act accordingly. If they can't, or won't, then they need to go.

And, I expect things from myself:

I expect to be totally open with her, to let her know what I want and need, and how to give me those things.

I expect to see to it that she feels safe with me, not just physically, but emotionally as well.

I expect to be a partner to her, to help her be the best she can be.

I expect to do my best to give her consistency and structure. I expect to work to become a better person, not just for my sake but for hers.

I expect to be a teacher to her, drawing from my life experience, and if I don't know an answer, I expect to have the ability to find one.

I expect to have the strength to correct her when I feel it needed, for her benefit as well as mine.

Level

Post #: 1

RE: Expectations - 3/16/2006 8:09:31 PM

truesub4u

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Oh Hell.......... (puts coffee on.. this could be one of those post... lol)

Get ready level... this ones gonna be interresting....

_____________________________

Wisdom is knowing what to do next, Skill is knowing how to do it, and Virtue is doing it.

(in reply to Level)

Post #: 2

RE: Expectations - 3/16/2006 8:17:25 PM

scratchingpost

Posts: 231
Joined: 11/16/2005
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i expect that they trust me enough to push their limits believing in my philosophy that while i might error time to time i will always keep their emotional and physical well being in the forefront of my mind ALWAYS.

i expect that they embrace their power before surrendering it

i expect they do their best to serve my needs and please my desires because that will complete them.

be safe and smile
kitty
misskittys-scratchingpost.com

(in reply to Level)

Post #: 3

RE: Expectations - 3/16/2006 8:22:40 PM

CERCKL

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Joined: 3/4/2006
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quote:

Oh Hell.......... (puts coffee on.. this could be one of those post... lol)

I finally made it in time for coffee...if I am patient can I have Turkish coffee?

Level, I respect your post of expectations...I expect her to be honest, communicate openly, to be willing to be guided to her potential, seeking to expand and grow...a strength of self and awareness; expansion of intellectual pursuit...

As well as the dynamics of 'submissive'...I suppose I would say 'ditto' for the majority of your post; now I'll sit back and watch.
C

_____________________________

AND I AM TOO AN ASSHOLE, I HAVE REFERENCES!!!

"Please, please, please believe me, I really am an asshole. All that Enlightenment and Higher Learning shit was all a ruse."

(in reply to truesub4u)

Post #: 4

RE: Expectations - 3/16/2006 8:26:23 PM

truesub4u

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Pouring Cerckl his Turkish coffee... (glad I went shopping today.. lol)

Level I was wondering about your post... is this a Dom post.. or both? Because before hand I've seen others state.. "it doesn't matter what I want"... "it's all what my owner wants".. ...i've seen Doms post.. it's not suppose to be about what a sub/slave wants but the owner... sub/slaves aren't suppose to want.... so i'm curious as to see how this goes..specially before I make my own statement on this.

< Message edited by truesub4u -- 3/16/2006 8:27:35 PM >

_____________________________

Wisdom is knowing what to do next, Skill is knowing how to do it, and Virtue is doing it.

(in reply to CERCKL)

Post #: 5

RE: Expectations - 3/16/2006 8:34:05 PM

Lordandmaster

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I expect honesty and obedience.

I know I've said that a few times on here already.

(in reply to Level)

Post #: 6

RE: Expectations - 3/16/2006 8:36:13 PM

CERCKL

Posts: 1039
Joined: 3/4/2006
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quote:

Pouring Cerckl his Turkish coffee... (glad I went shopping today.. lol)

Level I was wondering about your post... is this a Dom post.. or both? Because before hand I've seen others state.. "it doesn't matter what I want"... "it's all what my owner wants".. ...i've seen Doms post.. it's not suppose to be about what a sub/slave wants but the owner... sub/slaves aren't suppose to want.... so i'm curious as to see how this goes..specially before I make my own statement on this.

That was fast, it usually takes me over an hour to make Turkish coffee...
Again, just my opinion, take it for what it's worth...opinion. I do not want to be with her who does not seek, think, expand, grow...she then bores me and I lose interest, fast. In the past, at that stage I would get cruel and tear her down, point out her flaws, shortcomings, essentially be an asshole...with age I have mellowed quite a bit (honest, ok, I'm still an asshole...)and I also tend to be more discerning with whom I am willing to be with. I find it a positive reflection of who I am when she shines brightly...of course I expect her to allow herself to be controlled and guided but this is almost an act of creation...
C

_____________________________

AND I AM TOO AN ASSHOLE, I HAVE REFERENCES!!!

"Please, please, please believe me, I really am an asshole. All that Enlightenment and Higher Learning shit was all a ruse."

(in reply to truesub4u)

Post #: 7

RE: Expectations - 3/16/2006 8:42:12 PM

truesub4u

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Joined: 11/17/2005
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LOL CERCKL, you're lucky this one plans ahead and makes different types of coffee for different members and stands by ready.... <smiles>

Isn't it quite possible to expect to much right off the bat? I don't mean one should just settle.. hell I know I wouldn't, and don't. But like when reading level's expectations...I agreed with some... disagreed with a few... totally didn't understand others.

Level... out of the list you supplied.. are there any you would not need to be die hard on from the get go?

_____________________________

Wisdom is knowing what to do next, Skill is knowing how to do it, and Virtue is doing it.

(in reply to CERCKL)

Post #: 8

RE: Expectations - 3/16/2006 9:35:41 PM

Evanesce

Posts: 2325
Joined: 9/14/2005
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quote:

What do you expect from your submissive/dominant?

I expect Him to be the man He presented to me when we first met. No more, no less. That's the man I chose to serve.

_____________________________

Denise

Give a slave what he truly needs, and he will do what you want.

"There's never a hero in a battle of ego." - Big & Rich

(in reply to Level)

Post #: 9

RE: Expectations - 3/16/2006 9:45:48 PM

LATEXBABY64

Posts: 2107
Joined: 4/8/2004
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expect the unexpected the best way to some that up is people change and adapt i guess telling the difference between someone that is translucent and someone that solid mentally and emotionally someone whos not frickle or whos mind changes at a drop of a hat that all comes from growth of self what you seek is a end all b e all person and thats a hard thing to find our lifestyle needs to start making some changes for this to happen less tolerant of players and more supportive of relationships frawning on cheaters no matter if its a friend or foe there is no excuse if you with someone you stand by them if our not well its a different thing that does not mean you play switch doms or subs just cause you get mad or someone does something you do not like i guess in a nut shell there is no really perfect answer

(in reply to Evanesce)

Post #: 10

RE: Expectations - 3/16/2006 9:58:00 PM

truesub4u

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Latex....... take a breather... use a period.... something.. end a sentence...... lol

Now I have to read that all over again..

< Message edited by truesub4u -- 3/16/2006 9:59:06 PM >

_____________________________

Wisdom is knowing what to do next, Skill is knowing how to do it, and Virtue is doing it.

(in reply to LATEXBABY64)

Post #: 11

RE: Expectations - 3/16/2006 10:02:50 PM

yourMissTress

Posts: 1665
Joined: 6/14/2005
From: Nashville, TN
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Expectations, very good topic Level, thank you.

I expect my subs to be:

honest and open

openminded and willing

ready and willing

happy to serve me

looking for ways to improve themselves

daring

genuine and sincere

and kinky as can be.

Jessica, I would like my coffee now, thank you.

_____________________________

Tress

"If you have to tell people that you are a lady, you are not." My Grandmother

(in reply to truesub4u)

Post #: 12

RE: Expectations - 3/16/2006 10:06:19 PM

LATEXBABY64

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what about magic there is something about magic spark or chemstry as someone said

compatablity is adaptable but spark hummmm

(in reply to yourMissTress)

Post #: 13

RE: Expectations - 3/16/2006 10:10:11 PM

truesub4u

Posts: 2949
Joined: 11/17/2005
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Pours a Carmel Coffee for Misstress....

I have to ask... (also gotta love level for this thread)

How long before you know... after you agreed to take on a sub/slave... if they do have the expectations you want in one.. before you find out... they're really not going to add up to all your expectations?

Or better yet, how long do sub/slaves go on... till they figure out that the Dom they're serving.. isn't going to live up to their expectations either?

(Yes sense my situation occured..i'm full of questions again)

< Message edited by truesub4u -- 3/16/2006 10:11:29 PM >

_____________________________

Wisdom is knowing what to do next, Skill is knowing how to do it, and Virtue is doing it.

(in reply to yourMissTress)

Post #: 14

RE: Expectations - 3/16/2006 10:18:36 PM

CERCKL

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Joined: 3/4/2006
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quote:

Or better yet, how long do sub/slaves go on... till they figure out that the Dom they're serving.. isn't going to live up to their expectations either?

Years ago I had a friend who told me relationships end one of two ways...either one dies or one leaves...either way someone ends up alone...
Myself I am getting to know people and enjoying the insight from a lot of those on the boards and I am going slow; I appreciate getting burnt and wondering what was wrong, still I choose to continue seeking for her...I s'pose it would be different for those who aren't 'monogomous' in their search...it just seems as I age I have no desire to keep more than one straight...all relationships involve compromise in the sense that two indiviuals are trying to interact; I suppose how long to wait would depend on when one felt she was not in a situation she was willing to be in...and if it could or be worth trying to work out...
I respect you truesub and I know you will find One...until then I will just thank you for the Turkish coffee.
C

_____________________________

AND I AM TOO AN ASSHOLE, I HAVE REFERENCES!!!

"Please, please, please believe me, I really am an asshole. All that Enlightenment and Higher Learning shit was all a ruse."

(in reply to truesub4u)

Post #: 15

RE: Expectations - 3/16/2006 10:19:56 PM

TemptingNviceSub

Posts: 3054
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All good questions truesub...am waiting with great anticipation for the answers myself...Tempting

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RE: Expectations - 3/16/2006 10:23:32 PM

trueheart61

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Not sure who this is directed to but I expect honesty above all else...without it there is nothing. I expect them...whether it's my Master or a sub/slave that serves us...to be themselves without barriers...without bullshit...just themselves...nothing more...nothing less.

trueheart61

(in reply to CERCKL)

Post #: 17

RE: Expectations - 3/16/2006 10:34:56 PM

BitaTruble

Posts: 9779
Joined: 1/12/2006
From: Texas
Status: offline

quote:

Our local group is batting this topic around right now, so I thought I'd put it here as well. What do you expect from your submissive/dominant?

::winks at Tru before diving in::

Expectations aren't the same as wants. I absolutely have expectations of Himself. I expect him to be the man he always has been.

That's it. Kinda boring huh? lol

Celeste

_____________________________

"Oh, so it's just like
Rock, paper, scissors."

He laughed. "You are the wisest woman I know."

(in reply to Level)

Post #: 18

RE: Expectations - 3/16/2006 10:39:46 PM

yourMissTress

Posts: 1665
Joined: 6/14/2005
From: Nashville, TN
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First to answer Latexbaby, the chemistry and magic spark have to be there before I agree to take them on as a sub. If that's not there then there's no point in talking about expectations.

quote:

How long before you know... after you agreed to take on a sub/slave... if they do have the expectations you want in one.. before you find out... they're really not going to add up to all your expectations?

There's no definite answer for this question, truesub. I've found out in a matter of weeks that someone was not going to meet my expectations, and I've found out after months. It takes time to get to know someone on that deeper level. And some people don't know it themselves until they are there, with you, living their fantasy.

For me taking on a sub doesn't mean collaring a sub. I've collared very few (read 2) subs in my 15 years. I've had lots of subs that I was proud to call mine.

_____________________________

Tress

"If you have to tell people that you are a lady, you are not." My Grandmother

(in reply to truesub4u)

Post #: 19

RE: Expectations - 3/16/2006 11:15:56 PM

catize

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Joined: 3/7/2006
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I expect a patient dominant, one who is willing to invest time and effort to explore the potential relationship.
I expect that we would discuss our philosophy of what D/s means to us individually in order to determine if we are a match.
I expect him to refrain from any attempts to dominate until I have agreed to submit.
I expect to build on a solid foundation of mutual interests and respect.
I expect that we would understand that the other may be flawed in various but workable ways.
I expect to have my questions answered, my thoughts and feelings heard.
I expect to provide the same in return.
I expect that we will both find joy in our respective roles as dominant and submissive to each other.
I expect that I will seldom, if ever, be bored.

_____________________________

"Power is real. But it's a lot less real if it's not perceived as power."
Robert Parker, Stranger in Paradise

(in reply to Level)

Post #: 20

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