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LafayetteLady -> RE: what if (12/17/2009 8:46:24 PM)
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quote:
ORIGINAL: lally2
youre with a man you love deeply. he makes you laugh he engages youre submission like noone else ever has or is likely to. he put you in that happy place where submission is effortless because everything you do for him is noticed, appreciated and understood. you talk the same language, understand the same emotions, see the world through the same eyes and know deep in youre heart that you could love this man for ever.
but he's a mother of a sadist. he hurts you sometimes thats borderline evil and youre no pain slut.
then things go tits up (for whatever reason thats irrelevant to this question) and the whole thing ends.
..... would you go back there if the chance arose.
and please dont concentrate on the 'tits up' bit. i know how you guys like to focus on the minutae, please resist the urge [:D]
Ok, sure the D/s thing is a big part of the relationship. But it isn't the ONLY part. And this question to me isn't really simply about do you go back to a sadist when you are not a sadist. This is a question about meeting your soul mate, but there is one thing about them that just bugs you. Once again, we travel into, GASP, pure relationship stuff.
Yes, the fact that he is a sadist and you are not is a BIG problem, but far and I mean LIGHT YEARS away from being insurmountable. There are some things to consider though. Such as how long have you been apart? Splitting for just a short while doesn't give your mind time to figure out whether all the other "warm fuzzies" are something you can find with someone else. Because sometimes the old adage of time heals all wounds in far too true.
Why is this important? When I was in my late teens/early twenties I had a boyfriend who I loved with all my heart (or so I thought). There were problems and after 4 years we broke up. I thought I would never, EVER, find someone that I loved like that again. For a long time I didn't. But then the feeling went away.
Flash forward a bunch of years, I'm now 32, freshly divorced, and I have another boyfriend. From the very first time he held me in his arms, I got that "feeling." Again, things are not perfect (as things rarely are). Some things we work on and improve, some things keep going wrong. There are multiple breaks, but somehow we always find our way back to each other. Then one day something just goes "tits up" as you put it, and I walk away. Stayed away for nearly a year. Didn't speak, didn't run into each other nothing. Time heals all, right?
Well, recently, I had a phone conversation with the guy from my twenties and we had a nice talk about old times. We laughed, we caught up, it was nice. On the other hand, when by chance I started talking with the one from my 30s (and the ages are just markers, they mean nothing), that "feeling" was still there. Just at the sound of his voice.
Ok, so now everyone is going what's the freaking point, right? The point is that if you feel that strongly about the person, that feeling isn't going to go away with time, meeting someone else, whatever. On your deathbed you will be remembering how you loved THAT person and how you wished you had worked it out.
So can there be a compromise? If he feels about you the way you feel about him, then yes, there will be a compromise. Given the nature of the problem, I don't know what that compromise might be. That's something that only the two of you can figure out. Given his dominant nature, compromise is probably not something he is really used to. But if you give him the same "warm fuzzies" that he gives you, and if you both have an ounce of sense, you will realize that what you described doesn't come along every day and some people spend their whole life looking for it and die never knowing what it is.
So yes, you take that chance again. You take the chance because only a fool throws that kind of love away without giving it another shot and trying to make it work.
I know because I did just that. Things still aren't perfect, I don't expect they ever will be. But we have both figured out that there is no one else in the world that makes us feel the way the other one does and that makes all the difference.
So let the flaming begin. Yep, I am a romantic, I believe in the fairy tale. But I went back and I'm still not sorry that I did. We have been together 14 years this January, so I guess my belief in fairy tales must mean something.
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