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RE: submission vs. playing hard to get - 12/19/2009 10:30:03 AM   
sunshinemiss


Posts: 17673
Joined: 11/26/2007
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*skimming... FR
The books - I've read them.  I have.  And I've seen Steve Harvey on Oprah.  Brilliant.  Absolutely brilliant.

You know what the books say really?

LIVE YOUR LIFE.  Don't jump in too fast.  Be who you are.  Enjoy your friendships and fill your life with what makes you happy.  And then you will attract the right person because you will be so happy and such a joy to be around that you can't help but be magnetic.

Some people need that broken down to them.  *Another example of societal pushing us to be who we aren't... and now we need to be trained to be ourselves.  *sigh.


_____________________________

Yes, I am a wonton hussy... and still sweet as 3.14

(in reply to sunshinemiss)
Profile   Post #: 41
RE: submission vs. playing hard to get - 12/19/2009 10:33:49 AM   
SexyCarrot


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Joined: 9/2/2009
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quote:

ORIGINAL: lusciouslips19


quote:

ORIGINAL: Level

I have no interest in a woman playing hard to get. Life is too short.


So then why is this always communicated to us? Surely there is some truth to it?


The "truth" is this... the "hard to get" scenario doesn't imply games or teasing or whatever, it simply pertains to whether or not someone is an "easy fuck" -- which is on the other end of the spectrum.  How many women have thought if they fuck a guy that this is the way to his heart, only to find that they were just that... a "fuck", and nothing more?  Equally, there are those that think if they withhold that precious pussy for a year, that with every passing day a guy grows to want them more.  They don't... they either move on, or just wait it out (while secretly pursuing someone else) just to fuck her.  

In short, neither is a wise strategy... in fact, there shouldn't be a strategy at all.  Each person is different... with some you feel comfortable enough beginning a physical relationship with sooner, where with others it takes longer.  There's no formula... just follow your gut.  Additionally, too many on the submissive side of the slash incorrectly think they should (as a good sub/slave) sexually submit to any alleged Dominant.  No... that is not "submission"... that's just stupidity.  There's a vast difference between being "a slut" vs. "his slut".





_____________________________

Veggies Do It with Dressing!!!

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Profile   Post #: 42
RE: submission vs. playing hard to get - 12/19/2009 10:54:41 AM   
lally2


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it isnt about playing hard to get though. i dont think it is anyway. its about allowing the process of submission to be organic. allow it to grow and develop in its own natural time.

im not coy, i give what im comfortable giving, i do the best i can but that absolute trust, absolute submission takes time.

its about handing over little bits of youre control to the Dominant, not in a 'hard to get' way, but as a natural process of trust and if that is what he wants then he will stick around for the ultimate prize of one day fully owning you, heart and mind.

so it isnt about handing him our submission, game over - nor is it about holding our submission back - its about giving as much as we comfortably can, not all of it straight away because for our submission to mean anything it needs to be him drawing it from us.

we are submitting to the bloke not to submission. if its to the bloke it naturally takes time as our trust and comfort levels grow. if its submission we're submitting to then it all gets plopped in his lap for him to 'deal' with. he hasnt earned it, so therefore it means very little to him and it becomes a play situation rather than a progressive Ds dynamic.

i know what i mean but im not sure im explaining it terribly well.

_____________________________

So all I have to do in order to serve him, is to work out exactly how improbable he is, feed that figure into the finite improbability generator, give him a fresh cup of really hot tea ... and turn him on!

(in reply to lusciouslips19)
Profile   Post #: 43
RE: submission vs. playing hard to get - 12/19/2009 11:05:05 AM   
persephonee


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Joined: 12/15/2007
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quote:

So I am interested about what you feel about these opposing views in society and how they play out here? Does a submissive have to fear being cast aside for a bigger challenge?


So, i havent read the thread, but this particular concept came up in recent conversation between myself and Master.

i asked him almost that exact question....mentioning that i dont play poker with my interpersonal relationships and how i kind of tipped my hand both sexually and in an M/s sense pretty early on in our relationship. And i wondered if he would have preferred a bit more of a challenge in that department.

He said, no. His goal in any dynamic is to reach a level of enslavement that he wants, and then to just do what is necessary to maintain that level. If it continues to be a struggle after a certain amount of time, it isnt going to happen for whatever reason.

To me, i see challenges and obstacles to negociate all around me in daily life, puzzles to solve....etc. i would much rather have one place i can go, that i know where i stand, where things are open and clear and honest and where i know exactly what to do, when and how.

A place where the only question is, how much can we enjoy this peace before we are interrupted once again by the outside?

For this and about a bazillion other reasons, i am grateful to allowed to be in his life.




_____________________________

You be the Captain; i'll be no one.

And You can carry me away....if You want to. ~Kasey Chambers

E*Whore, extraordinaire....

Nothing is exactly as it seems~Nor, is it otherwise.

(in reply to lusciouslips19)
Profile   Post #: 44
RE: submission vs. playing hard to get - 12/19/2009 11:08:15 AM   
sunshinemiss


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Very nicely said perse.

_____________________________

Yes, I am a wonton hussy... and still sweet as 3.14

(in reply to persephonee)
Profile   Post #: 45
RE: submission vs. playing hard to get - 12/19/2009 11:13:10 AM   
lally2


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Joined: 4/16/2009
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quote:

ORIGINAL: persephonee

quote:

So I am interested about what you feel about these opposing views in society and how they play out here? Does a submissive have to fear being cast aside for a bigger challenge?


So, i havent read the thread, but this particular concept came up in recent conversation between myself and Master.

i asked him almost that exact question....mentioning that i dont play poker with my interpersonal relationships and how i kind of tipped my hand both sexually and in an M/s sense pretty early on in our relationship. And i wondered if he would have preferred a bit more of a challenge in that department.

He said, no. His goal in any dynamic is to reach a level of enslavement that he wants, and then to just do what is necessary to maintain that level. If it continues to be a struggle after a certain amount of time, it isnt going to happen for whatever reason.

To me, i see challenges and obstacles to negociate all around me in daily life, puzzles to solve....etc. i would much rather have one place i can go, that i know where i stand, where things are open and clear and honest and where i know exactly what to do, when and how.

A place where the only question is, how much can we enjoy this peace before we are interrupted once again by the outside?

For this and about a bazillion other reasons, i am grateful to allowed to be in his life.





do you think it has alot to do with timming and of two people meeting, connecting at a time in their lives when they are both ready to commit.

_____________________________

So all I have to do in order to serve him, is to work out exactly how improbable he is, feed that figure into the finite improbability generator, give him a fresh cup of really hot tea ... and turn him on!

(in reply to persephonee)
Profile   Post #: 46
RE: submission vs. playing hard to get - 12/19/2009 12:02:21 PM   
Level


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Joined: 3/3/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: persephonee

quote:

So I am interested about what you feel about these opposing views in society and how they play out here? Does a submissive have to fear being cast aside for a bigger challenge?


So, i havent read the thread, but this particular concept came up in recent conversation between myself and Master.

i asked him almost that exact question....mentioning that i dont play poker with my interpersonal relationships and how i kind of tipped my hand both sexually and in an M/s sense pretty early on in our relationship. And i wondered if he would have preferred a bit more of a challenge in that department.

He said, no. His goal in any dynamic is to reach a level of enslavement that he wants, and then to just do what is necessary to maintain that level. If it continues to be a struggle after a certain amount of time, it isnt going to happen for whatever reason.

To me, i see challenges and obstacles to negociate all around me in daily life, puzzles to solve....etc. i would much rather have one place i can go, that i know where i stand, where things are open and clear and honest and where i know exactly what to do, when and how.

A place where the only question is, how much can we enjoy this peace before we are interrupted once again by the outside?

For this and about a bazillion other reasons, i am grateful to allowed to be in his life.


I don't know if your partner reads the boards, but I bet if he sees this post, he'll be proud of you, perse.

_____________________________

Fake the heat and scratch the itch
Skinned up knees and salty lips
Let go it's harder holding on
One more trip and I'll be gone

~~ Stone Temple Pilots

(in reply to persephonee)
Profile   Post #: 47
RE: submission vs. playing hard to get - 12/19/2009 12:24:05 PM   
LaTigresse


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Joined: 1/15/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: lally2

do you think it has alot to do with timming and of two people meeting, connecting at a time in their lives when they are both ready to commit.


I would say it can be an important factor.

I know that five years ago I wasn't even close to being ready for the type of relationship that I know I want now. If someone plays hard to get, expecting me to run after then and play games I will quickly lose interest. If they want to belong to me, they are going to have to tell me so.

_____________________________

My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

(in reply to lally2)
Profile   Post #: 48
RE: submission vs. playing hard to get - 12/19/2009 1:41:45 PM   
lusciouslips19


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quote:

This is what I wish for you, my dear lushy. The process of the want, the process of the need. The layer by layer peeling of your free self into submission as he inspires it from you, as he shows his responsibility to your care and your needs as he shows himself worthy.


Well I do know, nothing smells like desperation. And I am not. I am at a place of peace with being alone. Likely, I wont be forever. But anything good takes time. Im looking for a slow simmering roast. Someone who wants the journey not the end result.

_____________________________

Original Pimpette,
Keeper of Original Home Flag and Fire of Mr. Lance Hughes
Charter member of Lance's Fag Hags,
Member of the Subbie Mafia
Princess of typos and it's my prerogative

(in reply to lusciouslips19)
Profile   Post #: 49
RE: submission vs. playing hard to get - 12/19/2009 3:37:48 PM   
LadyHibiscus


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From: Island Of Misfit Toys
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**giggling at "routine seduction"**

This is a great thread, and I don't feel that I have anything to add, not being a subly type. I WILL say that this is also an issue for D types, because the common run of men OBJECTIFY us, and rarely approach us as human women. We are some kind of fantasy figure, and we are supposed to do X, Y, Z, and enjoy A, B, C. And what do you MEAN we like sucking cock?

I am very hard to get indeed. I have no problem with that whatsoever. I also have no trouble with fucking on the first date ( or just skipping the date entirely, let's be real here!). Still, sportfucking isn't as fun as it was ten years ago. Now it feels like a waste of time that I could have spent doing something ELSE, alone or with someone who was interacting with ME, not a placeholder person.

_____________________________

[page 23 girl]



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Profile   Post #: 50
RE: submission vs. playing hard to get - 12/19/2009 3:44:16 PM   
Level


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Hi Hibariffic one.

Is the sportfucking a way of objectifying men? Not that there's anything wrong with that

I'd love to see an honest poll of men, asking how they see women. Be quite informative.

Edited to add: and one of women, as well.


< Message edited by Level -- 12/19/2009 3:46:34 PM >


_____________________________

Fake the heat and scratch the itch
Skinned up knees and salty lips
Let go it's harder holding on
One more trip and I'll be gone

~~ Stone Temple Pilots

(in reply to LadyHibiscus)
Profile   Post #: 51
RE: submission vs. playing hard to get - 12/19/2009 4:21:56 PM   
hardbodysub


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Joined: 8/7/2005
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quote:

we are told to play hard to get. To be a challenge. We shouldnt be too easy. When the challenge is gone hes gone.


That's the kind of advice women give to other women. IMO, it's total BS. If a guy leaves you, it's not because you were too honest and didn't play hard to get. He would have left anyway. If he's going to leave when the challenge has gone, then it's not you he's interested in, so why do you even care?

I think this "play hard to get" concept is a lot more about the women than it is about the men. Some women feel flattered if guys persist in pursuing them even if they're acting uninterested, playing hard to get. I think few guys are really interested in these silly games. Women who "succeed" (whatever that means) playing hard to get are successful simply because they are desirable to the men, not because they are playing hard to get. They would have been successful in "landing" the guy of their wishes if they had been honest instead of playing these stupid mind games.

(in reply to lusciouslips19)
Profile   Post #: 52
RE: submission vs. playing hard to get - 12/19/2009 4:34:00 PM   
lusciouslips19


Posts: 9792
Joined: 9/8/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyHibiscus

**giggling at "routine seduction"**

This is a great thread, and I don't feel that I have anything to add, not being a subly type. I WILL say that this is also an issue for D types, because the common run of men OBJECTIFY us, and rarely approach us as human women. We are some kind of fantasy figure, and we are supposed to do X, Y, Z, and enjoy A, B, C. And what do you MEAN we like sucking cock?

I am very hard to get indeed. I have no problem with that whatsoever. I also have no trouble with fucking on the first date ( or just skipping the date entirely, let's be real here!). Still, sportfucking isn't as fun as it was ten years ago. Now it feels like a waste of time that I could have spent doing something ELSE, alone or with someone who was interacting with ME, not a placeholder person.



Of course its a good thread! See sig line below!

_____________________________

Original Pimpette,
Keeper of Original Home Flag and Fire of Mr. Lance Hughes
Charter member of Lance's Fag Hags,
Member of the Subbie Mafia
Princess of typos and it's my prerogative

(in reply to LadyHibiscus)
Profile   Post #: 53
RE: submission vs. playing hard to get - 12/19/2009 5:10:56 PM   
wykkidesire2plsU


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Maybe he seemed emotionally unavailable because he wasn't sure about the relationship.

i say this becuase i will finally find someone i like - i will really like them... for about 3 days.
Then start slowly seeing things i didnt see before and the initial chemistry dies. Then i spend about three days trying to act like i like them hoping it will come back, then it doesnt. Or i can't think of a nice way to break it off. So i become more emotionally distant, until two weeks later i break it off anyway and should have right away, it would have been nicer.

i will say when i do find the right connection, the flow is so real i dont even think about am i being to easy to get, it is just two people digging what the other has for offer :0. Also with the right dominant, i dont feel the urge to, so maybe yall just arent right mix, get a Master that has time for someone and can show it :).

i also take alot longer now to really get to know someone since i did identify that i was doing this. Well, with the help of a mentor or two. :)

Really not sure if this is advice or not, or just a supporting you sister! post, but it sounds like the honey moon period is over. He is either the type that will never be emotionally available, or he for some reason isnt in your dymamic. Get thee out of there and find it girl, dont settle :)

(in reply to AquaticSub)
Profile   Post #: 54
RE: submission vs. playing hard to get - 12/19/2009 5:18:09 PM   
rockspider


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Well experience has told me that this hard to get attitude is very likely to get me rather pissed off, as i mostly see it as a lack of interest. Besides the women I can look back on in my life, i would say that the ones who i could call easy was the ones i remember for the best. Certainly, the ones i regret that i didn't stick to, was in my bed on the first date. Why it didn't work out is another story, but certainly in no way connected to the time it took to get them there.

(in reply to lusciouslips19)
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RE: submission vs. playing hard to get - 12/19/2009 5:24:49 PM   
lally2


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Joined: 4/16/2009
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quote:

ORIGINAL: rockspider

Well experience has told me that this hard to get attitude is very likely to get me rather pissed off, as i mostly see it as a lack of interest. Besides the women I can look back on in my life, i would say that the ones who i could call easy was the ones i remember for the best. Certainly, the ones i regret that i didn't stick to, was in my bed on the first date. Why it didn't work out is another story, but certainly in no way connected to the time it took to get them there.


yes it could run like a mills & boon (harlequin( novel - he seems slightly aloof, she reads that as not interested and so cools off, he thinks the same and cools off and so it goes.

in the end people all have a bit of insecurity going on. my last relationship went a little like that. i kept having problems getting over to him, he in the end thought i didnt want to get to him and i got pissed off with that cos i was doing my darndest to organise things whilst at the same time trying to hold my chaotic life together.

when people appear 'cool' with me it puts me off too. i prefer open armed emotion you know where you are with that.




< Message edited by lally2 -- 12/19/2009 5:25:37 PM >


_____________________________

So all I have to do in order to serve him, is to work out exactly how improbable he is, feed that figure into the finite improbability generator, give him a fresh cup of really hot tea ... and turn him on!

(in reply to rockspider)
Profile   Post #: 56
RE: submission vs. playing hard to get - 12/19/2009 5:27:48 PM   
wykkidesire2plsU


Posts: 90
Joined: 12/9/2009
Status: offline
Oh i meant to tell you that a Dom mentor of mine said that if a girl is wondering if she is putting too much out there ( not in a relationship where there is never any emotional intimacy, but in one where you have hit a rough patch)--

He said to try really obeying Your Dom and only give Him what He asks for right then.He may be going through something at work or just not ON right then and pulling back.

If you give him what he asks for You know You are fulfilling Him without crowding Him and when He comes back to earth You can pour Yourself into him uninhibited.

(in reply to lusciouslips19)
Profile   Post #: 57
RE: submission vs. playing hard to get - 12/19/2009 5:28:31 PM   
lusciouslips19


Posts: 9792
Joined: 9/8/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: wykkidesire2plsU

Maybe he seemed emotionally unavailable because he wasn't sure about the relationship.

i say this becuase i will finally find someone i like - i will really like them... for about 3 days.
Then start slowly seeing things i didnt see before and the initial chemistry dies. Then i spend about three days trying to act like i like them hoping it will come back, then it doesnt. Or i can't think of a nice way to break it off. So i become more emotionally distant, until two weeks later i break it off anyway and should have right away, it would have been nicer.

i will say when i do find the right connection, the flow is so real i dont even think about am i being to easy to get, it is just two people digging what the other has for offer :0. Also with the right dominant, i dont feel the urge to, so maybe yall just arent right mix, get a Master that has time for someone and can show it :).

i also take alot longer now to really get to know someone since i did identify that i was doing this. Well, with the help of a mentor or two. :)

Really not sure if this is advice or not, or just a supporting you sister! post, but it sounds like the honey moon period is over. He is either the type that will never be emotionally available, or he for some reason isnt in your dymamic. Get thee out of there and find it girl, dont settle :)


In my case this was not so. We were together for about a year. 8 months, then a break up then another 4 more months. We had great sexual chemistry and great frienship chemistry. There were layers of intimacy he couldnt reach. Maybe me or maybe like he said, just him. I didnt appear that he had had any emotional intimacy in his 15 year marriage as the wife was distant. I want deeper layers. He tried to the level that he could and i was the most serious of any relationship he had in the 7 years since his divorce. He just couldnt get there. So yes, I got thee out of there. And I havent rushed to fill it.

_____________________________

Original Pimpette,
Keeper of Original Home Flag and Fire of Mr. Lance Hughes
Charter member of Lance's Fag Hags,
Member of the Subbie Mafia
Princess of typos and it's my prerogative

(in reply to wykkidesire2plsU)
Profile   Post #: 58
RE: submission vs. playing hard to get - 12/19/2009 5:35:04 PM   
wykkidesire2plsU


Posts: 90
Joined: 12/9/2009
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My second husband was like that, and that man was sooo cute and nice to me, but distant ...and funny he KNEW it too, when i left he said i love you but i know you need someone that will dance with you.

He knew but couldnt get there even though he loved me...that relationship wouldnt have ever worked anyway cos i was always trying to get under him (from a sub standpoint) and he was so not into it lol.


(in reply to lusciouslips19)
Profile   Post #: 59
RE: submission vs. playing hard to get - 12/19/2009 6:16:09 PM   
hisdarlinsweetie


Posts: 55
Joined: 12/29/2006
Status: offline
I don't play hard to get.  There are times that I've been received as the "right now" girl because I'm easy in almost every way.  I did question if I was doing the right thing, i.e. fucking too fast, giving too much emotionally, etc.  But, I don't know how to play hard it get...I guess I'm just not wired that way.

I sucked Sir's cock the first time I met Him.  I did everything He asked of me from the start.  We're still together after nearly 4 years, and our relationship is the best I've ever had.  It's the most honest and has the most communication.  At the beginning, I was afraid He would bore of me, but our relationship is dynamic, so we continually get to experience that newness excitement within the comfort of being with someone we love and cherish.

(in reply to wykkidesire2plsU)
Profile   Post #: 60
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