RE: submission vs. playing hard to get

Collarspace Discussion Forums

Home Login Search

RE: submission vs. playing hard to get

View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> RE: submission vs. playing hard to get

Page: << < prev 1 2 3 [4] 5 next > >>

Message

<< Older Topic Newer Topic >>

RE: submission vs. playing hard to get - 12/19/2009 6:20:05 PM

lusciouslips19

Posts: 9792
Joined: 9/8/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: wykkidesire2plsU

My second husband was like that, and that man was sooo cute and nice to me, but distant ...and funny he KNEW it too, when i left he said i love you but i know you need someone that will dance with you.

He knew but couldnt get there even though he loved me...that relationship wouldnt have ever worked anyway cos i was always trying to get under him (from a sub standpoint) and he was so not into it lol.

Its the funny ones that steal my heart.

_____________________________

Original Pimpette,
Keeper of Original Home Flag and Fire of Mr. Lance Hughes
Charter member of Lance's Fag Hags,
Member of the Subbie Mafia
Princess of typos and it's my prerogative

(in reply to wykkidesire2plsU)

Profile

Post #: 61

RE: submission vs. playing hard to get - 12/19/2009 7:35:17 PM

LadyHibiscus

Posts: 27124
Joined: 8/15/2005
From: Island Of Misfit Toys
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Psychonaut23

quote:

**giggling at "routine seduction"**

I just mean that I executed a textbook seduction -- establish rapport, create a sense of comfort, demonstrate mastery, be cocky and aloof -- as opposed to trying something tricky or "clever." I leave tricky and clever to the "nice guys" who (wrongly) think that they can seduce women by impressing them with extravagant acts (which I think leaves most women baffled).

I don't know, maybe most people aren't familiar with seduction technique. Mind control is kind of my bag, so if there is a formal system out there for controlling and influencing people's behavior, you can pretty much bet money I've heard of it and studied it and it's in my wheelhouse.

I put the skill in people skills. ;)

That stuff makes me laugh when guys try it on me in real life, too!

Why can't men just be themselves?

LEVELICIOUS, come, let me objectify you!!

_____________________________

[page 23 girl]

(in reply to Psychonaut23)

Profile

Post #: 62

RE: submission vs. playing hard to get - 12/19/2009 7:37:52 PM

lusciouslips19

Posts: 9792
Joined: 9/8/2007
Status: offline

Theres a bit of peacock postering going on these boards lately. I keep wondering of its due to Winter break????

_____________________________

Original Pimpette,
Keeper of Original Home Flag and Fire of Mr. Lance Hughes
Charter member of Lance's Fag Hags,
Member of the Subbie Mafia
Princess of typos and it's my prerogative

(in reply to LadyHibiscus)

Profile

Post #: 63

RE: submission vs. playing hard to get - 12/19/2009 7:50:12 PM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Psychonaut23

So I assumed this was a clumsy blow-off and happily went on with my life. I just stopped going by that coffee bar when she was working, wanting to avoid the awkwardness -- her instruction to never bring up her supposed eating disorder at the effect of making me really, really want to bring it up and discuss it.

Then a week or so later, my roommate and I swung by there and she was working later than usual and so we had to have an interaction. I put on my polite but utterly indifferent mask and tried to keep the interaction to a stictly commercial one. She made a lot of noise about how I had stopped coming around, and she had missed seeing me, and then she paid for my coffee -- forcing the interaction out of the commercial and into the interpersonal. So hello mixed signals!

I have no fucking idea what that chick's problem is, nor do I have the time or energy to figure it out.

She doesn't have a problem, she told you the truth. She was afraid of the dinner date because of her disorder which she isn't ready to discuss on a first date.

Take her at her word and if you want to see her again make it a movie date, not one centered on food.

Your problem is your inability to believe her.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!

(in reply to Psychonaut23)

Profile

Post #: 64

RE: submission vs. playing hard to get - 12/20/2009 12:47:57 AM

Justme696

Posts: 3236
Joined: 1/7/2008
From: Royal kingdom of the Netherlands
Status: offline

How long should this "hard to get" play continue?

Personally I like when a girl not says yes to everything in the first few weeks, but that she thinks about it. BUt I hope that it is not "playing", but her just using her brains.

(in reply to lusciouslips19)

Profile

Post #: 65

RE: submission vs. playing hard to get - 12/20/2009 7:12:47 AM

lusciouslips19

Posts: 9792
Joined: 9/8/2007
Status: offline

She does that quite often actually.

< Message edited by lusciouslips19 -- 12/20/2009 7:13:41 AM >

_____________________________

Original Pimpette,
Keeper of Original Home Flag and Fire of Mr. Lance Hughes
Charter member of Lance's Fag Hags,
Member of the Subbie Mafia
Princess of typos and it's my prerogative

(in reply to Psychonaut23)

Profile

Post #: 66

RE: submission vs. playing hard to get - 12/20/2009 7:16:12 AM

KnightofMists

Posts: 7149
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: lusciouslips19

quote:

ORIGINAL: Level

I have no interest in a woman playing hard to get. Life is too short.

So then why is this always communicated to us? Surely there is some truth to it?

I would say... becareful who are are listening too.

I am not interested in Games!.... I like Transparency...

_____________________________

Knight of Mists

An Optimal relationship is achieved when the individuals do what is best for themselves and their relationship.

(in reply to lusciouslips19)

Profile

Post #: 67

RE: submission vs. playing hard to get - 12/20/2009 7:22:07 AM

KnightofMists

Posts: 7149
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: lusciouslips19

Its not easy. But I am ok with that. Ok mentally I am. But my "loins are mad at me!

Just turn around... bend over.... your brain need not know what your loins are doing!

_____________________________

Knight of Mists

An Optimal relationship is achieved when the individuals do what is best for themselves and their relationship.

(in reply to lusciouslips19)

Profile

Post #: 68

RE: submission vs. playing hard to get - 12/20/2009 7:24:57 AM

KnightofMists

Posts: 7149
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline

just a thought...

There are two types of challenges...

There is the challenges betwen two people to be bonded closer into an intimate union.

And then there is the challenge before two people as they move forward in life together.

I much prefer the latter to the former!

_____________________________

Knight of Mists

An Optimal relationship is achieved when the individuals do what is best for themselves and their relationship.

(in reply to lusciouslips19)

Profile

Post #: 69

RE: submission vs. playing hard to get - 12/20/2009 7:28:55 AM

windchymes

Posts: 9410
Joined: 4/18/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Psychonaut23

So I assumed this was a clumsy blow-off and happily went on with my life. I just stopped going by that coffee bar when she was working, wanting to avoid the awkwardness -- her instruction to never bring up her supposed eating disorder at the effect of making me really, really want to bring it up and discuss it.

I have no fucking idea what that chick's problem is, nor do I have the time or energy to figure it out.

So she's bulemic?

_____________________________

You know it's going to be a GOOD blow job when she puts a Breathe Right strip on first.

Pick-up artists and garbage men should trade names.

(in reply to DesFIP)

Profile

Post #: 70

RE: submission vs. playing hard to get - 12/20/2009 7:45:49 AM

Roselaure

Posts: 672
Joined: 4/12/2008
Status: offline

I don't "play" at all, well not in the context of honesty in a relationship. I find that I am less neurotic and more content if we are both clear and up front about our feelings. If I did not want to have sex too soon in a relationship because I believed it would be better to wait, I would tell him that. If he prefers illusion and cat and mouse games, then we are likely not all that compatible. Play time is fun, definitely, but not when it comes to the health and essential honesty of the relationship.

As far as the "How to git a mayun and hang on to him" books, I've never read one.

_____________________________

Once conform, once do what other people do because they do it, and lethargy steals over all the finer nerves and faculties of the soul.
-Virginia Woolf

(in reply to lusciouslips19)

Profile

Post #: 71

RE: submission vs. playing hard to get - 12/20/2009 8:25:32 AM

theRose4U

Posts: 3403
Joined: 8/22/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: DarkSteven

I expect the "hard to get" part before the relationship has begun. When I'm trying to find out about her, what makes her tick, what she needs (and for that matter telling her the same about me), her throwing herself at me before either of us know what we're getting into seems somewhat crass.

After we've begun to play, that's when the "hard to get" part is not needed any more. If she holds back at this point, it's just frustrating for me.

Agreed, there comes a point where you just want to scream "WHAT PART OF YES DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND!!" After that it becomes a game to their benefit and I'm just not interested. Personally I don't understand people that express interest, once you start to consider their fit in your life they take things up a notch and as soon as you reach Yes they throw things in full reverse.

_____________________________

Finding a good sub is like sifting through trail mix. You find a few fruits, a lotta nuts and have to sift to get to the sweet and special ones
drama llama

(in reply to DarkSteven)

Profile

Post #: 72

RE: submission vs. playing hard to get - 12/20/2009 8:43:51 AM

theRose4U

Posts: 3403
Joined: 8/22/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: windchymes

quote:

ORIGINAL: Psychonaut23

So I assumed this was a clumsy blow-off and happily went on with my life. I just stopped going by that coffee bar when she was working, wanting to avoid the awkwardness -- her instruction to never bring up her supposed eating disorder at the effect of making me really, really want to bring it up and discuss it.

I have no fucking idea what that chick's problem is, nor do I have the time or energy to figure it out.

So she's bulemic?

I'm reading bipolar that likes to control people with her diseases.

_____________________________

Finding a good sub is like sifting through trail mix. You find a few fruits, a lotta nuts and have to sift to get to the sweet and special ones
drama llama

(in reply to windchymes)

Profile

Post #: 73

RE: submission vs. playing hard to get - 12/20/2009 10:24:07 AM

lusciouslips19

Posts: 9792
Joined: 9/8/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: KnightofMists

quote:

ORIGINAL: lusciouslips19

quote:

ORIGINAL: Level

I have no interest in a woman playing hard to get. Life is too short.

So then why is this always communicated to us? Surely there is some truth to it?

I would say... becareful who are are listening too.

I am not interested in Games!.... I like Transparency...

However transparency and honesty doesnt mean I have to engage is sex til I know there is a real emotional connection. I am very honest and transparent about this. So those who arent really interested in more than that will just fall out. But its not a game. Its me taking care of me.

_____________________________

Original Pimpette,
Keeper of Original Home Flag and Fire of Mr. Lance Hughes
Charter member of Lance's Fag Hags,
Member of the Subbie Mafia
Princess of typos and it's my prerogative

(in reply to KnightofMists)

Profile

Post #: 74

RE: submission vs. playing hard to get - 12/20/2009 1:20:22 PM

persephonee

Posts: 5089
Joined: 12/15/2007
Status: offline

im under personal obligation to be honest with people, whether im involved with them, or not.

i am only obligated to be transparent in thought and mind to one person, outside of myself.

im more likely to put out sexually than emotionally in the beginning of any relationship.

_____________________________

You be the Captain; i'll be no one.

And You can carry me away....if You want to. ~Kasey Chambers

E*Whore, extraordinaire....

Nothing is exactly as it seems~Nor, is it otherwise.

(in reply to lusciouslips19)

Profile

Post #: 75

RE: submission vs. playing hard to get - 12/20/2009 2:20:25 PM

AquaticSub

Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: lusciouslips19

However transparency and honesty doesnt mean I have to engage is sex til I know there is a real emotional connection. I am very honest and transparent about this. So those who arent really interested in more than that will just fall out. But its not a game. Its me taking care of me.

I don't think KoM was saying you should engage in sex before you feel ready in the situation. Simply that playing hard to get isn't being honest and transparent because it's a game. A strategy, if you will, to win the prize.

< Message edited by AquaticSub -- 12/20/2009 2:21:13 PM >

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to lusciouslips19)

Profile

Post #: 76

RE: submission vs. playing hard to get - 12/20/2009 3:16:30 PM

HisSweetElysium

Posts: 600
Joined: 11/12/2009
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Lucienne

Oh, I hate that whole "playing hard to get" thing. I'm pretty discriminating (probably too discriminating, at a practical level, but it's not something I've figured out how to stop doing in a healthy manner), but I'm also generally friendly. So I end up dealing with guys who think I'm playing hard to get when, actually, it doesn't matter how hard they try it's not gonna happen.

I've gotten better with age at conveying this information delicately. I imagine I'll perfect it right around the time I hit crone stage and men stop hitting on me. If I'm inclined to be "gotten," it's pretty damn easy to pull off. (My pun awareness caught me before I wrote "there's nothing hard about it.").

well put and exactly my sentiment. I'm too damned old to play games (other than the kinky ones), and I don't appreciate those who play them with me either. I'm upfront about who I am and what I want. If you don't like it, you're not for me. End of discussion. NEXT!

I'm a very intense person, intellectually, emotionally, physically. If I have romantic feelings for someone, they will be intense as well. If I'm supposed to play games with someone, pretend I don't care, etc. etc. this is disingenuous and contrary to my nature. I do NO ONE a service by pretending to be someone I'm not or something I'm not. Why even bother initiating the relationship if my potential partner can't handle who I am TRULY?

_____________________________

“This is love: to fly toward a secret sky, to cause a hundred veils to fall each moment. First to let go of life. Finally, to take a step without feet.” Rumi

(in reply to Lucienne)

Profile

Post #: 77

RE: submission vs. playing hard to get - 12/21/2009 4:33:39 AM

Acer49

Posts: 1434
Joined: 8/7/2009
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: lusciouslips19

These are polar opposites yet they are both messages that women receive. On the one hand we as submissives or woman should cleave to men.

On the other hand we are told to play hard to get. To be a challenge. We shouldnt be too easy. When the challenge is gone hes gone.

I have in the past given a man everything he wanted and have been told, "no one, could or would treat me better". he's still not emotionally attainable.

These concepts were highly prevalent to me In The story of O. O was the ultimate in Submission. She gave till she had nothing to give but her life itself. She was cast aside. The character Jaqeuline was not submissive and yet you see the character Renee' chasing after her like a puppy dog. He desired what he couldn't have.

So I am interested about what you feel about these opposing views in society and how they play out here? Does a submissive have to fear being cast aside for a bigger challenge?

I do not deny that there are not people, both men and women and I use those terms loosly, that for them, it just a stupid game of find and conquer. I'd like to believe that is the exception and not the rule. If I had an individual who met my every need, the last thing I would ever do is cast them aside

_____________________________

Never be bullied into silence. Never allow yourself to be made a victim. Accept no one's definition of your life; define yourself.
Harvey Fierstein

(in reply to lusciouslips19)

Profile

Post #: 78

RE: submission vs. playing hard to get - 12/21/2009 9:31:44 AM

ranja

Posts: 2111
Joined: 11/1/2007
Status: offline

FR

i regularly don't even get myself... so i suppose it must be quite hard for Him to get me too at times...

i also change my mind on occasion... it is not so much that i am playing mean and evil games, it is just that i am not always sure what i want...

also... sometimes men like the chase, and sometimes men like an easy lay... i have been known to please both, but i have also misread them and royally messed up.
obviously putting up an hard to get -come chase me game- with a man who needs an easy lay won't be satisfying
nor will it be good for the man who wants a challenge if the girl gets naked and spreads her legs before he even desires her.

sometimes a hard to get game with lots of flirting can really build the passion
and sometimes just giving yourself to a man can be such a relief of control

horses for courses

(in reply to Acer49)

Profile

Post #: 79

RE: submission vs. playing hard to get - 12/21/2009 11:44:00 AM

lusciouslips19

Posts: 9792
Joined: 9/8/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: AquaticSub

quote:

ORIGINAL: lusciouslips19

However transparency and honesty doesnt mean I have to engage is sex til I know there is a real emotional connection. I am very honest and transparent about this. So those who arent really interested in more than that will just fall out. But its not a game. Its me taking care of me.

I don't think KoM was saying you should engage in sex before you feel ready in the situation. Simply that playing hard to get isn't being honest and transparent because it's a game. A strategy, if you will, to win the prize.

I didnt think so either. However, some peoples views about what playing "hard to get" and others views are not the same.

_____________________________

Original Pimpette,
Keeper of Original Home Flag and Fire of Mr. Lance Hughes
Charter member of Lance's Fag Hags,
Member of the Subbie Mafia
Princess of typos and it's my prerogative

(in reply to AquaticSub)

Profile

Post #: 80