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RE: reaction to comments - gender bias - 12/23/2009 2:30:35 AM   
lally2


Posts: 2621
Joined: 4/16/2009
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quote:

ORIGINAL: EbonyWood

Just an apology for mentioning osf will be enough, because he will no doubt turn up here and think he has an impact.
 
Dont feed the trolls.
 
 


ah gowan - i think he's getting the hang of it now. some of his comments are actually quite funny.

to the OP - its up to you. i will and have apologised to people on here before but that has nothng at all to do with gender or orientation - but i dont happen to think osf requires an apology he seems very happy as he is and can be really obtuse himself at times. in fact hes wound up more people on here in the short space of time hes been around than anyone else i can think of - and he makes absolutely no apology for it.

besides he aint youre boss.

_____________________________

So all I have to do in order to serve him, is to work out exactly how improbable he is, feed that figure into the finite improbability generator, give him a fresh cup of really hot tea ... and turn him on!

(in reply to EbonyWood)
Profile   Post #: 21
RE: reaction to comments - gender bias - 12/23/2009 2:41:57 AM   
Justme696


Posts: 3236
Joined: 1/7/2008
From: Royal kingdom of the Netherlands
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: GreedyTop

.   The Netherlands has, in many ways, been a leader of that trend. 




I guess when you are in the middle of it...sometimes our freedom is taken for granted.
It takes outsiders to remember us.
Indeed we can't complain about what we have here.

(in reply to GreedyTop)
Profile   Post #: 22
RE: reaction to comments - gender bias - 12/23/2009 3:13:32 AM   
Acer49


Posts: 1434
Joined: 8/7/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: sissyshoefetish

One user on here has recently courted controversy through his posts (the user is osf and i have no aim or intention to judge him or his comments here so i hope he doesn't mind being mentioned).

i have found myself wondering if my responses and reactions would have been different if that user were female. Interestingly i find it would make a huge difference; i think i would find this person equally confrontational but i would automatically defer to their authority were they female. As they are not female i find myself provoked into critical comment.
This is not a bias i can identify in myself in vanilla life so i think here i would be more respectful of women because i regard them as superior.

So here is my question to subs (and others of course):

Do you think this gender based reaction is something i should work on?
Should i aim to be more passive.
Should i perhaps apologise to osf as an exercise in humility or can i be allowed the arrogance of criticising a dom?

any thoughts?



Do you think this gender based reaction is something i should work on?
It sounds like it, your feelings about something should not be influenced by the gender of the individual

Should i aim to be more passive.
Should you act respectful to those who you contact with, yes, Should you act like a wimp, No.

Should i perhaps apologise to osf as an exercise in humility or can i be allowed the arrogance of criticising a dom?
If you were disrespectful in your comments, then yes, If you simply disagreed with his statements and were respectful in doing so, then No

_____________________________

Never be bullied into silence. Never allow yourself to be made a victim. Accept no one's definition of your life; define yourself.
Harvey Fierstein

(in reply to sissyshoefetish)
Profile   Post #: 23
RE: reaction to comments - gender bias - 12/23/2009 5:24:15 AM   
osf


Posts: 3288
Joined: 10/19/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Justme696

quote:

gender bias


I have the luck that a don't know of many people if they are female or male.
( unless they have a picture ofcourse).
I read their messages/posts and I either agree or disagree with the contents.


hear hear

(in reply to Justme696)
Profile   Post #: 24
RE: reaction to comments - gender bias - 12/23/2009 5:28:13 AM   
osf


Posts: 3288
Joined: 10/19/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: lally2


quote:

ORIGINAL: EbonyWood

Just an apology for mentioning osf will be enough, because he will no doubt turn up here and think he has an impact.
 
Dont feed the trolls.
 
 


ah gowan - i think he's getting the hang of it now. some of his comments are actually quite funny.

to the OP - its up to you. i will and have apologised to people on here before but that has nothng at all to do with gender or orientation - but i dont happen to think osf requires an apology he seems very happy as he is and can be really obtuse himself at times. in fact hes wound up more people on here in the short space of time hes been around than anyone else i can think of - and he makes absolutely no apology for it.

besides he aint youre boss.



thank you, i think

(in reply to lally2)
Profile   Post #: 25
RE: reaction to comments - gender bias - 12/23/2009 5:51:03 AM   
sissyshoefetish


Posts: 105
Joined: 5/6/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: AquaticSub

Do you think this gender based reaction is something i should work on?

Yes. The women on this board don't need you agreeing with them just cause we have tits and a twat. I find this sort of attitude very offensive as a woman. It's not my body that makes me correct or incorrect. It's my mind - respect it and give me the respect I deserve by agreeing with me only if I'm correct.
quote:




i am sorry to have offended. When i said i would defer to a woman that does not in my view anyway mean i would agree and feign agreement but that i would not argue and nor would i try to assert my ego . i also did not mean to imply if i did that it was physical feminity i would defer to... i meant femininity in all its aspects.
i respectfully offer that my post was only in relation to the kind of posting i mentioned and my more cirtical reaction to it


Should i aim to be more passive.

Why? Did your owner tell you to?
quote:



i need to ask Her, but for the moment She is ignoring me - which i accept i deserve. i shall ask when (if??) She allows me to.

Should i perhaps apologise to osf as an exercise in humility or can i be allowed the arrogance of criticising a dom? 

Criticising a dom in and of itself isn't arrogance nor are you so far below them just because they are a dom that correcting them is arrogance. Be polite in your corrections and your comments for as long as they can. I know I will chose more cutting words if I feel the person is simply baiting insults or flinging mud needlessly.

Thank you.

(in reply to AquaticSub)
Profile   Post #: 26
RE: reaction to comments - gender bias - 12/23/2009 5:52:49 AM   
sissyshoefetish


Posts: 105
Joined: 5/6/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: EbonyWood

Just an apology for mentioning osf will be enough, because he will no doubt turn up here and think he has an impact.
 
Dont feed the trolls.
 
 


Then i humbly apologise for mentioning that contributor and i shall in future not feed the trolls.

(in reply to EbonyWood)
Profile   Post #: 27
RE: reaction to comments - gender bias - 12/23/2009 5:55:57 AM   
sissyshoefetish


Posts: 105
Joined: 5/6/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: honeygirl


quote:

ORIGINAL: sissyshoefetish

So here is my question to subs (and others of course):

Do you think this gender based reaction is something i should work on?

Yes! Based solely on the fact that you would defer to a female were she to have written the same posts as osf, you should absolutely work on your reaction, in my opinion.

quote:



Thank you for this. i suppose i shoudl revise my reaction from "defer" to "show more respect". And perhaps then i shoudl just show more respect anyway.

Should i aim to be more passive.


Based on what you write in your original post, I would imagine you should consider working on your assertiveness.

quote:



Yes Miss - lol - but i suppose you are right - assertiveness is not the same as disrepectful ness

Should i perhaps apologise to osf as an exercise in humility or can i be allowed the arrogance of criticising a dom?


That seems...excessive. You must be feeling extremely penitent That said, there is no arrogance attached to criticizing a person who has checked the "dominant" button on their profile.

Life is like a box of chocolates, you never know when you'll end up with a really nutty one!

You should consider looking at the bigger picture to determine how you wish to treat someone here. Maybe it shouldn't be based only on whether the person is dominant. Or female.



Yes i am sure you are right. This is why i asked the question; because i fetl my response was out of kilter.

(in reply to honeygirl)
Profile   Post #: 28
RE: reaction to comments - gender bias - 12/23/2009 6:00:33 AM   
osf


Posts: 3288
Joined: 10/19/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: sissyshoefetish


quote:

ORIGINAL: EbonyWood

Just an apology for mentioning osf will be enough, because he will no doubt turn up here and think he has an impact.
 
Dont feed the trolls.
 
 


Then i humbly apologise for mentioning that contributor and i shall in future not feed the trolls.


i make no apologies nor do i need them from others

i like strong debate and disagreement of my positions, agreement never makes you think

personal attacks just demonstrate that the attacker hasn't much to add to the discourse

i don't expect everybody to like me (hell if that were the case i wouldn't be me, i'd be them) but i can still agree with them when i feel they're right and even hold a grudging respect for them


(in reply to sissyshoefetish)
Profile   Post #: 29
RE: reaction to comments - gender bias - 12/23/2009 6:02:48 AM   
AquaticSub


Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: sissyshoefetish

i am sorry to have offended. When i said i would defer to a woman that does not in my view anyway mean i would agree and feign agreement but that i would not argue and nor would i try to assert my ego . i also did not mean to imply if i did that it was physical feminity i would defer to... i meant femininity in all its aspects.
i respectfully offer that my post was only in relation to the kind of posting i mentioned and my more cirtical reaction to it

That's exactly what I thought you meant.

However, I still find it offensive to think that someone would feign agreement with me because I happen to be woman. I don't need someone fluffing my ego with fake praise nor I do think any of the other women here do.

quote:


i need to ask Her, but for the moment She is ignoring me - which i accept i deserve. i shall ask when (if??) She allows me to.


That doesn't exactly sound like a healthy relationship.

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to sissyshoefetish)
Profile   Post #: 30
RE: reaction to comments - gender bias - 12/23/2009 6:04:16 AM   
osf


Posts: 3288
Joined: 10/19/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: AquaticSub

quote:

ORIGINAL: sissyshoefetish

i am sorry to have offended. When i said i would defer to a woman that does not in my view anyway mean i would agree and feign agreement but that i would not argue and nor would i try to assert my ego . i also did not mean to imply if i did that it was physical feminity i would defer to... i meant femininity in all its aspects.
i respectfully offer that my post was only in relation to the kind of posting i mentioned and my more cirtical reaction to it

That's exactly what I thought you meant.

However, I still find it offensive to think that someone would feign agreement with me because I happen to be woman. I don't need someone fluffing my ego with fake praise nor I do think any of the other women here do.

quote:


i need to ask Her, but for the moment She is ignoring me - which i accept i deserve. i shall ask when (if??) She allows me to.


That doesn't exactly sound like a healthy relationship.




yes dear, you'r absolutely right

(in reply to AquaticSub)
Profile   Post #: 31
RE: reaction to comments - gender bias - 12/23/2009 6:05:58 AM   
sissyshoefetish


Posts: 105
Joined: 5/6/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Missokyst


As a female I find two of your assumptions as offensive. The more obvious one is that I would be considered superior just based on what is between my legs. That premise makes no sense for either sex.
The other is that you assume subs would aim to be more passive... umm.. you do know that many subs are female, right? Do you then believe that even we females who identify as submissive are also passive?
As for your last query.. are you apologising because you believe you were wrong? Or are you apologising because the thought of debasing yourself makes you squirmy and you think that might impress some dominant?

Anyway I see it, you seemed more focused on your fetish (all females are superior), than on reality.






Thank you.
Firstly i apologise for any offence.
So do i consider you and others superior because of what is between your legs, i ask myself.
No - though in general i do find that i consider you worthy of more respect because of your feminity. is that as bad?
in "real" life i am not like that - i am generally polite , respectful and helpful but i detest the nasty, belligerent and arrogant people eqaully despite their other characteristics.
i shall muse on your comments.

As for being passive, i accept your point (no not because you're female). i was asking for myself and i thinkn you have a good persepctive there.

Regarding the apology - you have me! i do not think my posts were wrong no, though i suppose i felt odd making more assertive points on a site that is specifically involving my submissive natiure. i think that an apology would not be appropriate and nor would i do it to "impress". i suppose it was more to with debasing myself.

Regarding you last point; yes my fetish is very much in the fore when i am on this site. I have never been very good with reality i suppose.

Thanks you have given me some good things to think about.

(in reply to Missokyst)
Profile   Post #: 32
RE: reaction to comments - gender bias - 12/23/2009 6:07:47 AM   
sissyshoefetish


Posts: 105
Joined: 5/6/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP

Definitely work on your gender bias. Respect a woman or a man because they have earned it, not through an accident of birth. And don't try to force yourself to be something you aren't. If you're passive by nature, then find someone who appreciates that in a sub. If however you are dynamic by nature, find someone who wants that.

Forcing yourself to act in a role that is foreign to you may help you get into a relationship but it will be doomed. You need someone who knows and appreciates your authentic self, whatever it may be and not someone who dislikes who you really are.


Oh.. now that is simply very wise!
Thanks.

(in reply to DesFIP)
Profile   Post #: 33
RE: reaction to comments - gender bias - 12/23/2009 6:11:25 AM   
sunshinemiss


Posts: 17673
Joined: 11/26/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: sissyshoefetish


quote:

ORIGINAL: EbonyWood

Just an apology for mentioning osf will be enough, because he will no doubt turn up here and think he has an impact.
 
Dont feed the trolls.
 
 


Then i humbly apologise for mentioning that contributor and i shall in future not feed the trolls.



Is E. W. now your Dom?  Is HE the one you are trying to please?  If not, then you don't owe him an apology.  And I don't think osf is a troll.  I've had a couple of interesting conversations with him as have a few other folks.  Just because I don't like something someone says or I don't like the manner in which they say it doesn't mean they are trolls. 

Look, man, if you are going to follow what EVERY woman and EVERY dom says for your to do, you will go crazy.  You seem to be in a bit of sub frenzy.  (use the search button if you don't know what that term means). 

Your post is irritating - the whole fricking thread is irritating - because you are acting like a jerk.  You are acting like a "doormat" ... you know... like you have no mind of your own.  To me that makes YOU more troll like than osf.  You want to be a useless, unthinking, pitiful shell, fine.  But don't say it's because you are submissive.  That's not submissive.  (A fairly common mistake for new folks or people in sub frenzy). 

Wake up.
sunshine

_____________________________

Yes, I am a wonton hussy... and still sweet as 3.14

(in reply to sissyshoefetish)
Profile   Post #: 34
RE: reaction to comments - gender bias - 12/23/2009 6:19:15 AM   
AquaticSub


Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: sissyshoefetish


Oh.. now that is simply very wise!
Thanks.


I've noticed you are agreeing with everyone completely.

I'm getting a sneaking suspicion that this was just to scratch an idea of yours to be told what to do.

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to sissyshoefetish)
Profile   Post #: 35
RE: reaction to comments - gender bias - 12/23/2009 6:20:38 AM   
osf


Posts: 3288
Joined: 10/19/2009
Status: offline 		.

< Message edited by osf -- 12/23/2009 6:21:35 AM >

(in reply to AquaticSub)
Profile   Post #: 36
RE: reaction to comments - gender bias - 12/23/2009 6:25:28 AM   
sexyred1


Posts: 8998
Joined: 8/9/2007
Status: offline 		Ditto to what Sunshine said. I will never understand how people think brains and responses are related to gender or D/s inclination.

The only time I would think less of a poster regarding a gender issue is when it relates to say...a woman having a period or pregnancy or something that only a woman experiences. And even in that case, some men really do have a clue, so I might listen.


(in reply to sunshinemiss)
Profile   Post #: 37
RE: reaction to comments - gender bias - 12/23/2009 6:43:33 AM   
lally2


Posts: 2621
Joined: 4/16/2009
Status: offline 		hm. whilst its more than possible that the OP is exercising some level of kink simply through being humiliated - something s/he mentions enjoying on her profile - and therefore manipulative - im not sure that lambasting her for being who she is and taking a dig at her mistress has any merit to it at all either.

in the end he is a guy trying to get to grips with being a woman - and lets face it there are plenty of men who freely admit they dont understand women and they never will

add in submission and i see someone who is really trying to handle a whole lot of stuff. i might be wrong, often am


_____________________________

So all I have to do in order to serve him, is to work out exactly how improbable he is, feed that figure into the finite improbability generator, give him a fresh cup of really hot tea ... and turn him on!

(in reply to osf)
Profile   Post #: 38
RE: reaction to comments - gender bias - 12/23/2009 6:47:31 AM   
osf


Posts: 3288
Joined: 10/19/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: lally2

hm. whilst its more than possible that the OP is exercising some level of kink simply through being humiliated - something s/he mentions enjoying on her profile - and therefore manipulative - im not sure that lambasting her for being who she is and taking a dig at her mistress has any merit to it at all either.

in the end he is a guy trying to get to grips with being a woman - and lets face it there are plenty of men who freely admit they dont understand women and they never will

add in submission and i see someone who is really trying to handle a whole lot of stuff. i might be wrong, often am



men come with an on/off switch, women have a room sized control panel

(in reply to lally2)
Profile   Post #: 39
RE: reaction to comments - gender bias - 12/23/2009 6:50:24 AM   
AquaticSub


Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: lally2

hm. whilst its more than possible that the OP is exercising some level of kink simply through being humiliated - something s/he mentions enjoying on her profile - and therefore manipulative - im not sure that lambasting her for being who she is and taking a dig at her mistress has any merit to it at all either.

in the end he is a guy trying to get to grips with being a woman - and lets face it there are plenty of men who freely admit they dont understand women and they never will

add in submission and i see someone who is really trying to handle a whole lot of stuff. i might be wrong, often am



Not lambasting, questioning. I never commented on my opinion of my suspicion, manipulative or otherwise and I did not dig at the mistress unless someone regards my statement that "This doesn't seem healthy" as a dig. Which I don't.

Given how enthusically the OP is agreeing with everyone, I believe I'm allowed my opinion that this may be an attempt to get their kink scratched. It also may not be. Only time and future postings will tell.

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to lally2)
Profile   Post #: 40
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