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RE: Married People and the Lifestyle - 12/27/2009 1:40:13 PM

ranja

Posts: 2111
Joined: 11/1/2007
Status: offline

Acer i am not bovvered about your heartfelt sympathies at all

it is not so much about having my all important 'needs' met that i come here, it is about injecting additional fun and games into my life and to learn
These are lessons and fun and games i could well live without if He would forbid me to come here... then i would probably just read more books and watch more tv.

Nobody ever is a 100% true to another or even themselves, absolutely everybody fibs at one time or another
and to leave a partner just because you do not 100% honestly fit together means that you will be alone a lot of the time and i think it is a stupid decision to just leave someone because of this total honesty bs and having to have your needs met totally all the time...
i think people generally should be more realistic and patient and more creative and forgiving and more and also less selfish and try harder to stick together no matter what

maybe some people get their rocks off being- or having- a dirty little secret...
why judge?

oh and btw maybe by coming here (pardon the pun) some people actually safe their marriage and manage to pull things back together.. i know i did

(in reply to Acer49)

Post #: 21

RE: Married People and the Lifestyle - 12/27/2009 6:08:04 PM

beajez

Posts: 19
Joined: 10/11/2009
Status: offline

I have never been married myself, but i have also never been in a monogamous relationship either. I am entirely up front to all of my partners about it, I dont necessarily ask or request their permission to go outside of the relationship as such, but i do inform them. It is not that i am having one night stands either, i prefer and enjoy having more than one partner.

Now that i am collared and have a Master, of course i ask his permission. He is married and our relationship with each other is good. I got a lot of flack from my friends for seeing a married man (first time i have). They trotted out all sorts of reasons, but you could apply them to any relationship, not just related to specificly to my relationship. My Master has recently permitted to meet with and play with a sub of my own, which i am very much looking forward to, this sub is aware of the situation and understands it.

I know my Master loves and cares greatly for his wife, and i know that he has no interest in leaving her and i have no issue with being discrete. I don't feel like a dirty little secret and nor does he treat me like one. His wife is aware, but does not wish to know the details.

One of my best friends is in similar position to my Master and her husband and her have discussed it and although he is aware that there is someone, he is not interested in the details. Horses for courses i say, lets try not to be to hard on ourselves or others. You fall in love with who you fall in love with, they complete you in many ways, but they don't have to tick all the boxes

Side note, who decides what is moral and what is not, seriously, its all subjective.

(in reply to ranja)

Post #: 22

RE: Married People and the Lifestyle - 12/27/2009 6:45:07 PM

GYPSYMAMBO

Posts: 660
Joined: 9/26/2009
Status: offline

Op:
At least 2 men a day write to me and then tell they are marrei\\ied..at least 1 a month meets me then tells me he is married..some do not tell and are found out..
It is a concern and I have SOME sympathy..
MY concern is when ALL COMMUNICATION has broken down and there is no hope for talking about needs that have come to the surface that may ntot have been there before..or there are intertests in explorations and the SO does not care to..

I have NO MARRIEDS in my profile becasue I will not PARTICIPATE IN DECEPTION

and yet I do understand...I understand needs..wants..desires..
however..
on must wiegh out the good of the relationship with that which is not being met.

Some men have told me they see a PRO and have a BDSM experience and do not feel too bad becuz there is no sex.
OR others meet a play aprtner for the same and again ..........no sex.
THIS is still deceiving if the partner does not know............. but they have comes to terms with it.

I have wondered how many married men as compared to married women are searching for BDSM partner...??
and if they used BDSM "needs" as a excuse to cheat...or for poly-fukkery..
but that is another thread...

I do have sympathy for the partner at home ALSO...

GM

< Message edited by GYPSYMAMBO -- 12/27/2009 6:47:10 PM >

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(in reply to beajez)

Post #: 23

RE: Married People and the Lifestyle - 12/27/2009 6:56:13 PM

MMagic

Posts: 183
Joined: 2/9/2009
Status: offline

<cracks knuckles>

I've said this often since coming here. I find it a little funny sometimes to hear people here get on a moral high horse about what THEY Think is right when if we were all standing before certain other fundamentalist groups, they'd shoot us both for being in this lifestyle. They'd shoot the gay guy or girl next to me, the arab next to them and so on.

First things first OP, while I completely respect (and even understand) your point of view, I must point out one thing. It's YOUR point of view. Same as some people here like to pee on other peoples feet and some don't. It's your perspective and sorry but to pass judgement (and that's how it's coming across) is just as bad as accusing people of being morally bankrupt.

You also have to keep in mind you have absolutely NO IDEA what's taking place in some people's homes here. One poster mentioned a wife marrying a husband who's vanilla, and coming here to find someone to teach her husband how to dominate her. I am one of those women and as the poster said, I DID NOT marry someone in a vanilla kink sense. I had no idea what BDSM was before a year ago nor what *I* was. I figured it out, and yes was secretive until I understood it because of how MY husband is. He don't get it, unless it's explained. That simple. Did I need to tell YOU that so that you can understand who MY life works. No. But you have taken it upon yourself to interject your opinion into things you may not know about. As do several others here. If you have been lucky enough to have a straight and narrow life and get exactly what you want and get it all right the first time. Ye Gods you're a lucky person, thank whatever entity you believe or don't believe in for the lack of confusion in your own life. But I must stress to you and others, (and I use this phrase a lot, it's from that show Good Times and I think it's pretty damned profound) How you gone know where I'm at, when you haven't been where I've been...understand where I'm coming from?

I'm not telling you anyone who cheats is all good, I'm not telling you every man or woman that comes here should be pardoned for doing right or wrong. I'm saying, how can you say your way is right and if you're dong this then..you're wrong and if you're doing this..you're wrong, without seeing the whole picture? And I'll assume you're christian because of your signature at the end of your post. So I'll go there in this instance. If you believe the passage in the Bible that says Judge not, lest ye be judged...do you understand why it's so? Because assuming there is a god, he/she can already see everything, already KNOWS everything. You as a regular ole human can't see and know everything and to make a snap judgement just based on what you THINK you know...well that gets us all in trouble don't it? Just ask George Bush..Weapons of Mass Destruction anyone?

As beajez said..it's all subjective. I just hope that by coming here it keeps some people from doing something stupid to hurt themselves or someone else physically. Happy people tend to not do those things. Unhappy people physically hurt other people. Just my two cents.

And PS, my husband has now said, look I don't get this, so tell you what, do what you need to be happy and I don't wanna know the rest. Be safe. Yes honesty does work, but not always...not for everyone.

_____________________________

Between two evils, I always pick the one I never tried before. -Mae West

(in reply to beajez)

Post #: 24

RE: Married People and the Lifestyle - 12/27/2009 7:14:40 PM

antipode

Posts: 1787
Joined: 4/19/2004
Status: offline

quote:

I do not believe people should stay in situations that require them to sneak around, or to be dishonest with their partner in any way.

Good thing you are not in charge. It really isn't any of your business how others live their lives, how inadequate they are, how they deal with their foibles. If you wanted to demonstrate, through your car collection and the overabundance of words in your profile, combined with the smug attitude demonstrated here, that you're better than the rest of us, you've been wildly successful. None of this constitutes a personality, this is a pretty standard way to manipulate people into confirming your inflexible opinions. It always amazes me when somone goes "I am not here to judge anyone", then to proceed and do exactly that. If you really wanted to understand you'd have asked questions.

(in reply to Acer49)

Post #: 25

RE: Married People and the Lifestyle - 12/27/2009 7:25:02 PM

Icarys

Posts: 5757
Status: offline

quote:

Side note, who decides what is moral and what is not, seriously, its all subjective.

We all do and thank God for it. A life without rules and guidelines is chaos..That may sound romantically beautiful to some but it's hogwash in reality.

Someone has to because in your ferver to feel sexual and personal enlightenment you might have forgotten the laws that are in place for a societies protection and maybe some of those that are there for that of the soul. Somewhere along the line somebody said..Hey..that's just not right to do.

Granted these things change over time. A free-for-all mentality may seem like a path to bliss but it's often paved in misery just a few miles down the road.

For the most part I'm all for being who you want to be as long as it's something that doesn't hurt another(you know what I mean I'm sure) and everyone is on board with it.

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(in reply to beajez)

Post #: 26

RE: Married People and the Lifestyle - 12/27/2009 8:28:59 PM

LadyPact

Posts: 32566
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: antipode

quote:

I do not believe people should stay in situations that require them to sneak around, or to be dishonest with their partner in any way.

Good thing you are not in charge. It really isn't any of your business how others live their lives, how inadequate they are, how they deal with their foibles. If you wanted to demonstrate, through your car collection and the overabundance of words in your profile, combined with the smug attitude demonstrated here, that you're better than the rest of us, you've been wildly successful. None of this constitutes a personality, this is a pretty standard way to manipulate people into confirming your inflexible opinions. It always amazes me when somone goes "I am not here to judge anyone", then to proceed and do exactly that. If you really wanted to understand you'd have asked questions.

From My perspective, it isn't about Me understanding the position as much as knowing what I do and don't want in My life. That does include the people with whom I share My life, who I play with, who I want to be associated with, etc. It's perfectly reasonable for Me to say that I don't want to be connected with people who aren't honest, just the same as it's reasonable for Me to say that I don't want to be associated with people who steal.

For the record, I've never said that I don't judge anyone. In My opinion, I judge people all of the time. Judging really isn't a dirty word. Should we judge whether or not someone is safe to play with based on their competency or ability to trust them? If so, then you are judging them, whether you want to put that particular term to the process or not.

_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to antipode)

Post #: 27

RE: Married People and the Lifestyle - 12/27/2009 9:07:08 PM

deansslut

Posts: 12
Joined: 12/20/2009
Status: offline

yes ace 49 your smug attitude or your opions was not asked for. Your opions on how other people run their lives should be kept to yourself. Remember opions are like assholes everybody has one, but not everyone wants to see or hear from them!!! He had no right to share our story with any of you. I've not read one constructive thing from your advice, just put downs and jugement, and the world is full of that. I truely feel sorry for you partner.

(in reply to LadyPact)

Post #: 28

RE: Married People and the Lifestyle - 12/27/2009 9:16:25 PM

Lockit

Posts: 11292
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline

LOL... damn... he had no right to share your story because it told on you? It is his story too. I would be more concerned about 'him' and his need to express it, work through it and all that... in love of course... before covering my own tail end.

That's the thing with dishonesty and cheating... it is selfish and there is another way... there is always another way. When one lies and cheats... it does harm to people. Is it wrong to think that that is wrong? I think not.

Accountablity includes being honest and working the damage you do through. So he went public... so sorry... but he wouldn't have needed to had you not lied and cheated.

_____________________________

No matter how old a woman gets, some men will think she was born yesterday! ROFL... I love this place!

(in reply to deansslut)

Post #: 29

RE: Married People and the Lifestyle - 12/28/2009 4:48:32 AM

ranja

Posts: 2111
Joined: 11/1/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Acer49

Staying for the family or financial reasons is poor idea. Family has a mutual commitment, you share life, deams and desires. If someone is not feeling that in the relationship they are in, they need not be in it as it may breed hostility, resentment and ultimately hatred. Finanaces can be difficult depending upon the situation, but not insurmountable. There may be sacifices that have to be made, but if that is what you have to do sometimes to achieve having ones needs met, then so be it.

i so enormously disagree
if a person is so hell bent on having all their selfish 'needs' met that they have to break up their family (and yes, when you split you inevitably make a rift with your children too!!!) ...and also damage their finances... all in the name of honesty...
well fuck off... so many of these people never really find a partner that actually suits them proper long-term... there will always come a point that your 'needs' are not met... what then... split up again.... and again... and again....?
a lot of people should be more realistic instead of serial monogamists
integrity is what matters... not brutal honesty

also to have ideas and opinions and to shape your life that way does not mean that you judge people in my opinion
judging means that you have a personal idea and you feel the need to tell the person you have this idea about... and everyone else that can hear you... that they are wrong and you are right and they really should change their life to the way you think they should live otherwise... well, obviously they are going to burn in hell
Judges are mistaken so often...
and it is so hard for them when they realise they were wrong... poor things

Sometimes the sacrifices that have to be made are to swallow ones pride... realise no one will ever get all their dreams and needs met... people and so partners are flawed and make mistakes and sometimes bloody hurt you...
the sacrifice that really makes the difference is if you can forgive a person and open up to them again despite your own selfish want for revenge
not by doing with a bit less money but good riddance and fuck about freely

Best get off your high horse and let people be...

(in reply to Acer49)

Post #: 30

RE: Married People and the Lifestyle - 12/28/2009 1:34:21 PM

Lockit

Posts: 11292
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline

Deanslut... your email threat and name calling means nothing to me. But I would caution you from repeating that.

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No matter how old a woman gets, some men will think she was born yesterday! ROFL... I love this place!

(in reply to ranja)

Post #: 31

RE: Married People and the Lifestyle - 12/28/2009 2:07:26 PM

LaTigresse

Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline

charming

_____________________________

My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

(in reply to deansslut)

Post #: 32

RE: Married People and the Lifestyle - 12/28/2009 2:08:13 PM

Lockit

Posts: 11292
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline

Now see... that is the kind of thing that brings on the mods... I wasn't threatening you... just cautioning you because I could report your email. Now... it's out of my hands. lol

_____________________________

No matter how old a woman gets, some men will think she was born yesterday! ROFL... I love this place!

(in reply to deansslut)

Post #: 33

RE: Married People and the Lifestyle - 12/28/2009 2:13:44 PM

mnottertail

Posts: 60698
Joined: 11/3/2004
Status: offline

This coming out of an ass?

Interesting times, these................

LOLOLOLOL.

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Have they not divided the prey; to every man a damsel or two? Judges 5:30

(in reply to deansslut)

Post #: 34

RE: Married People and the Lifestyle - 12/28/2009 2:15:26 PM

breatheasone

Posts: 4004
Joined: 7/14/2007
Status: offline

She wanted to ass you a question?

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(in reply to mnottertail)

Post #: 35

RE: Married People and the Lifestyle - 12/28/2009 2:16:33 PM

mnottertail

Posts: 60698
Joined: 11/3/2004
Status: offline

well it just struck me funny, goddammit; what can I say, I am a fuckin sick fucker.

Ron

_____________________________

Have they not divided the prey; to every man a damsel or two? Judges 5:30

(in reply to breatheasone)

Post #: 36

RE: Married People and the Lifestyle - 12/28/2009 2:19:09 PM

Lockit

Posts: 11292
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline

Hate to break it to ya... but that's not an ass... it's tit's, you can see the chin shadow... hehe

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No matter how old a woman gets, some men will think she was born yesterday! ROFL... I love this place!

(in reply to mnottertail)

Post #: 37

RE: Married People and the Lifestyle - 12/28/2009 2:20:27 PM

subtee

Posts: 5133
Joined: 7/26/2007
Status: offline

~FR

This is quickly becoming a contender for "best thread ever."

(don't pull it please!)

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Don't believe everything you think...

(in reply to Lockit)

Post #: 38

RE: Married People and the Lifestyle - 12/28/2009 2:20:45 PM

mnottertail

Posts: 60698
Joined: 11/3/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: deansslut

fuck you you bunch of degenerate motherfuckers vanilla is better then al the rest of this sick shit.

Well, really for fucks sake, if one can't be a degenerate motherfucker...I mean....why walk?

Ron

_____________________________

Have they not divided the prey; to every man a damsel or two? Judges 5:30

(in reply to deansslut)

Post #: 39

RE: Married People and the Lifestyle - 12/28/2009 2:21:12 PM

Jeffff

Posts: 12600
Joined: 7/7/2007
Status: offline

LOL.. THATS funny!

Have I told everyone how much I LOVE this fuckin place!

Jeff

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(in reply to Lockit)

Post #: 40

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