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RE: Just a question for those on here - 3/19/2006 12:41:57 PM

slavejali

Posts: 2918
Status: offline

quote:

You need to stop allowing yourself to be a victim of this type of person... you been lucky thus far... but your on a slippery slope... and you need to get off it before you jump from one unhealthy relationship to another.

Start taking on the responsibility of your Well-Being! It's yours no one elses!

I dont know your history Bella, but that really sounds like sound advice. I've written about the general theme of this before on here, for a woman who really does have a submissive nature, they attract all kinds of Dominant men, they are like a magnet for them. Dominant men come in all shapes and forms, some are just plain abusive and arent good for your well-being. You've got to start to understand that there are men out there who will use your submissiveness in a positive way....they are the ones you should submit to. Now I dont mean you have to become hard, or demanding or whatever, just be smart and realise whoever you submit to is going to have a profound effect on your life and your general well-being. Having a Master who really cares about you doesnt detract anything from a D/s relationship, it actually enhances it.

(in reply to KnightofMists)

Post #: 21

RE: Just a question for those on here - 3/19/2006 1:02:18 PM

Level

Posts: 25145
Joined: 3/3/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: RavenMuse

OK setting asside only getting one side of the story......

Flip-flopping and inconsistency isn't good.... from a sub let alone from a Dom. Frankly dear there could be any number of reasons for his actions, none of which I'd have much respect for because he SHOULD have made up his mind one way or the other and let you know clearly rather than keep changing his mind!

Find yourself someone with a better ability to make, carry out and communicate decisions.

Good luck

Well said...........and from the one side I can see, this guy looks like a jackass. Even if he had reasons, as Raven said, he could have handled it much differently.

Level

(in reply to RavenMuse)

Post #: 22

RE: Just a question for those on here - 3/19/2006 1:10:22 PM

yourMissTress

Posts: 1665
Joined: 6/14/2005
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline

quote:

Start taking on the responsibility of your Well-Being! It's yours no one elses!

The wisdom in this statement!!!

If everyone took this statement to heart and deed there would be far fewer problems/dramas in the world. We should all hold self responsibility through out our lives. W/we all need to be responsible for our own actions, behaviors and deeds regardless of orientation. The worst victimization is that which we inflict on ourselves, for it's only in believing that you are a victim that you truly become one.

To the OP: you know what you should do here. You knew it before you posted. You can spin this anyway you want to justify or validate whatever it is you want to do. You and only you can make the decision of what's best for you, what will fulfill your short and long term needs. My hope is that you are completely honest with yourself about what you need and want out of life and take full responsibility for the choice that you make.

_____________________________

Tress

"If you have to tell people that you are a lady, you are not." My Grandmother

(in reply to KnightofMists)

Post #: 23

RE: Just a question for those on here - 3/19/2006 1:20:27 PM

Cloudz

Posts: 836
Joined: 9/13/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Belladonna82

It hurts, but I do not blame myself it just came out of no where.He claims to still love me and want to be friends lol but right now all I want to do is stick a violet want to his nuts and say its not nice to lie

_____________________________

Blessed be!

I LIKE IT

_____________________________

Enjoy the Journey,
~Cloudz

"Life isn't about how to survive the storm, but how to dance in the rain."

(in reply to Belladonna82)

Post #: 24

RE: Just a question for those on here - 3/20/2006 4:21:23 AM

IronBear

Posts: 9008
Joined: 6/19/2005
From: Beenleigh, Qld, Australia
Status: offline

bell lass,

You know where to contact me via email, if you want to talk and just let off steam do so lass. You know I will understand and know where you are comming from and the commitment you gave....

_____________________________

Iron Bear

Master of Bruin Cottage

http://www.bruincottage.org

Your attitude, words & actions are yours. Take responsibility for them and the consequences they incur.

D.I.L.L.I.G.A.F.

(in reply to Cloudz)

Post #: 25

RE: Just a question for those on here - 3/20/2006 9:18:56 AM

unownedredhead

Posts: 498
Joined: 2/5/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: KnightofMists

well... I can honestly say I had absolutely no respect for him... simply because he has never earned it! The interactions i have had with him have only ensured to myself that he was a person that was highly unlikely to ever earn my respect.

Oh yes... I would NOT be surprized that he is reading this thread as well.... Don't be surprized if you get some sort of cheap manipulations coming your way after as result of what you have said and others. I suggest that you cut off communication completely... and if you must communicate.. only do so with others involved or in written exchanges.

but bella... I have often found you to have thin line of quality that was largely overshadowed by the influence from your ex-master. His influence has had some negative effects upon you... you need both to shed these influences and also consider what you are doing wrong in the first place. You need to stop allowing yourself to be a victim of this type of person... you been lucky thus far... but your on a slippery slope... and you need to get off it before you jump from one unhealthy relationship to another.

Start taking on the responsibility of your Well-Being! It's yours no one elses!

I had no intention of replying to this thread, I was just reading out of morbid curiosity but...Master KnightsofMist, I was touched that you would take the time to give her some really valuable feedback and advise. I wish you and yours all the best today and in the future.

dina

_____________________________

Kneeling trembling at your feet

(in reply to KnightofMists)

Post #: 26

RE: Just a question for those on here - 3/20/2006 10:20:49 AM

IronBear

Posts: 9008
Joined: 6/19/2005
From: Beenleigh, Qld, Australia
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Smythe

quote:

ORIGINAL: Lordandmaster

You know, I'm sure this guy is an asshole and so on and so forth, but there is something I've always found revolting about discussing a relationship that's in the process of failing on an internet message board. We're only getting one side of the story. It's impossible for anyone, let along strangers you've never met, to be able to tell you anything constructive about your relationship solely on the basis of what you've declared about it. All we can do is say You go girl, Get away from that asshole...meaningless crap like that.

I understand your point, and yet, many people continue to post about their own point of view, one way or another, in various phases of relationships, here on the message board.
And many seem to feel that the responses they get are meaningful in some way. Simple support and affirmation may not be what makes the world go around, but it is apparently not completely meaningless crap.

In this you are spot on and of course I agree with your conclusion.

quote:

I wonder if this is a male/female thing. you know those conversations where a woman tells you something that is bothering her, how she feels and so on, and you feel frustrated because you don't know what to do about it, or how to make it better...and then she says, "Oh, I feel much better now, I just needed someone to listen!" :) Men generally don't get that.

best
Smythe

You have discovered part of the secret of good counselling. Be a sounding board and many issues witl resolve them selves. BTW This works for males too. Most guys done vent their frustratiuons on the boards but a number contact me a d do so privately. I don't feel frustrated because I cant resolve the issue but i do feel privalaged that they speak to me.....

quote:

ORIGINAL: KnightofMists

well... I can honestly say I had absolutely no respect for him... simply because he has never earned it! The interactions i have had with him have only ensured to myself that he was a person that was highly unlikely to ever earn my respect.

Oh yes... I would NOT be surprized that he is reading this thread as well.... Don't be surprized if you get some sort of cheap manipulations coming your way after as result of what you have said and others. I suggest that you cut off communication completely... and if you must communicate.. only do so with others involved or in written exchanges.

but bella... I have often found you to have thin line of quality that was largely overshadowed by the influence from your ex-master. His influence has had some negative effects upon you... you need both to shed these influences and also consider what you are doing wrong in the first place. You need to stop allowing yourself to be a victim of this type of person... you been lucky thus far... but your on a slippery slope... and you need to get off it before you jump from one unhealthy relationship to another.

Start taking on the responsibility of your Well-Being! It's yours no one elses!

KoM, I have to say that when you nail something you do so well and with finesse.

< Message edited by IronBear -- 3/20/2006 10:23:42 AM >

_____________________________

Iron Bear

Master of Bruin Cottage

http://www.bruincottage.org

Your attitude, words & actions are yours. Take responsibility for them and the consequences they incur.

D.I.L.L.I.G.A.F.

(in reply to KnightofMists)

Post #: 27

RE: Just a question for those on here - 3/20/2006 10:57:33 AM

SoulBelow

Posts: 30
Joined: 11/8/2005
Status: offline

I know some of how you must feel. I was recently "dumped" by a man that gave me a collar and told me he loved me more than anything. Told me how special I was and told me he never wanted to lose me. He even told me when he gave me my collar that it meant he would never leave me. Foolishly I believed him. He had another slave and wanted a polyamorous relationship. The other slave and I didn't get on so I was the one he chose to get rid of. I've never been so hurt in all my life and I still cry everyday but it is getting easier with time and I trust I will eventually find another dom who will take all I have to give once more.

(in reply to IronBear)

Post #: 28

RE: Just a question for those on here - 3/20/2006 11:06:40 AM

Belladonna82

Posts: 171
Joined: 7/14/2005
Status: offline

Thank you all for your posts. SirSix and i have completly ended communication.....if i do not answer anyone right away i am going back and forth between friends houses...lol everyone who knew us together seems to be taking a active part in wanting to bring me back to my old happiness. Thank u everyone for helping with advice....and the critisism because sometimes the truth does hurt. Thanks

_____________________________

Blessed be!

(in reply to SoulBelow)

Post #: 29

RE: Just a question for those on here - 3/20/2006 8:28:21 PM

Vancouver_cinful

Posts: 1911
Joined: 2/3/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Belladonna82

i'm hurt that he led me to belive i would return when he prob had no attentions and i could have got my things then and then while I was in town kept telling me at this time i could pick up my things and then change the time 4 times in 3 days....I'm just frustrated ignore me.

You have every right to be frustrated and hurt. When people hide things and then spring them upon you like that, it's unfair, and cowardly. I think we've all been there...some of us more times that we can count.

HUGS!!!!

Cin

_____________________________

Cin

quote:

My Karma Account is huge, but I just can't seem to make a withdrawal!!

http://cinful.wordpress.com

(in reply to Belladonna82)

Post #: 30

RE: Just a question for those on here - 3/21/2006 8:27:32 AM

Belladonna82

Posts: 171
Joined: 7/14/2005
Status: offline

It was very unsuspected. People who have known him awhile said he is trying to protect me by being cruel and sending me away. I dont know what I am being protected from but I dont like it

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Blessed be!

(in reply to Vancouver_cinful)

Post #: 31

RE: Just a question for those on here - 3/21/2006 8:53:59 AM

cillydom

Posts: 332
Joined: 3/3/2006
Status: offline

What we need is a definition of just what dominance means in relation to the needs of submissive women.

A man that just wants to give orders and have a woman at his beck and call is not it.

There doesn’t seem to be an appreciation of what a good dom puts into a d/s relationship, what he brings to the table so to speak.

Women should try to get an appreciation of why he wants a submissive not just what his kink is.

Lots of men have kinky fantasies, few have dominant needs and fantasies.

You have to learn to separate the two.

(in reply to slavejali)

Post #: 32

RE: Just a question for those on here - 3/21/2006 9:53:58 AM

KatyLied

Posts: 13029
Joined: 2/24/2005
From: Pennsylvania
Status: offline

quote:

There doesn’t seem to be an appreciation of what a good dom puts into a d/s relationship, what he brings to the table so to speak.

Thanks for painting all subs with such a broad stroke. There are many who understand what a good Dom brings to a relationship. And do you know why we understand that?

_____________________________

“If you want to live a happy life, tie it to a goal, not to people or things.”
- Albert Einstein

(in reply to cillydom)

Post #: 33

RE: Just a question for those on here - 3/21/2006 9:57:51 AM

cillydom

Posts: 332
Joined: 3/3/2006
Status: offline

i didn't mean to imply all

but it is a general problem, to equate kink and dominance

(in reply to KatyLied)

Post #: 34

RE: Just a question for those on here - 3/21/2006 10:49:36 AM

MHOO314

Posts: 3628
Joined: 9/26/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: cillydom

i didn't mean to imply all

but it is a general problem, to equate kink and dominance

I don't agree, the common problem is like Katy said to broad brush, as you have in your quote--it may be an issue with YOU, but it may not be an issue with another--for what they seek is kink and Dominance---

OMG That's ME! I don't equate them, they are all strands braided into the rope that is Me.

BUT there are those that do seek Dominance yet have no taste for kink, those that want kink and no Dominance and those that like to switch it up--but to generalize it does not recognize the variations on a theme.

< Message edited by MHOO314 -- 3/21/2006 10:50:43 AM >

_____________________________

SLUTS: Southern Ladies Under Tremendous Stress...

Mistress Hathor

(in reply to cillydom)

Post #: 35

RE: Just a question for those on here - 3/21/2006 11:17:30 AM

summerpls

Posts: 18
Joined: 12/15/2004
Status: offline

Bella ... You are too good for this ... there are many Masters out there that would be honest and upfront with you for you to waste your time on this obvious, game-playing jerk! You've already waited too long for him ... move on.
Summerpls

_____________________________

Obscenity is whatever gives the Judge an erection

(in reply to Belladonna82)

Post #: 36

RE: Just a question for those on here - 3/21/2006 11:25:04 AM

IronBear

Posts: 9008
Joined: 6/19/2005
From: Beenleigh, Qld, Australia
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: cillydom

What we need is a definition of just what dominance means in relation to the needs of submissive women.

A man that just wants to give orders and have a woman at his beck and call is not it.

There doesn’t seem to be an appreciation of what a good dom puts into a d/s relationship, what he brings to the table so to speak.

Women should try to get an appreciation of why he wants a submissive not just what his kink is.

Lots of men have kinky fantasies, few have dominant needs and fantasies.

You have to learn to separate the two.

What you couldn't know old chap, is that bella's ex Master identified as Gorean (Not all there were to impressed with him ). However theGorean slavery can have it's own specific views, and whilst what he did was within his rights to do so, I just disagee with the way it was done and my gut feeling is that he doesn't understand what it is to be Gorean.. My purpose here is for bella who I happen to like for a number of reasons not the least is her alternative religion of which I happen to me a Priest...

_____________________________

Iron Bear

Master of Bruin Cottage

http://www.bruincottage.org

Your attitude, words & actions are yours. Take responsibility for them and the consequences they incur.

D.I.L.L.I.G.A.F.

(in reply to cillydom)

Post #: 37

RE: Just a question for those on here - 3/21/2006 11:42:30 AM

Submotive

Posts: 440
Joined: 9/9/2005
Status: offline

quote:

Well now that i've wrote this...can anyone tell me what they think happened?

Sorry to hear about this situation. i can really understand the vulnerability of a sub in wanting and needing to please. i used to get myself involved with men like this too, but then one day i just stopped. i was tired of being treated so badly and realized i was the only one who could change this.

There's a book out there, not a BDSM book, but one i found valuable in its own way. "He's Really Just Not That Into You" - i think this is the title. Basically the whole premise is call a spade a space. If a man is not showing active interest, he's not interested. Excuses are just that, excuses. At least that's my take on it.

_____________________________

Owned by Scotch Master

i would rather continue alone than be permitted to show only parts of myself to my Beloved.

If you're not living as you would like to today, when are you going to start?

(in reply to Belladonna82)

Post #: 38

RE: Just a question for those on here - 3/21/2006 12:16:08 PM

Lordandmaster

Posts: 10943
Joined: 6/22/2004
Status: offline

OK, I thought this thread was nauseating from the beginning, but naming names can't possibly be acceptable.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Belladonna82

SirSix and i have completly ended communication.....

(in reply to Belladonna82)

Post #: 39

RE: Just a question for those on here - 3/21/2006 2:49:59 PM

IronBear

Posts: 9008
Joined: 6/19/2005
From: Beenleigh, Qld, Australia
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Lordandmaster

OK, I thought this thread was nauseating from the beginning, but naming names can't possibly be acceptable.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Belladonna82

SirSix and i have completly ended communication.....

If and only if SirSix had not been a part of the forum community and if ir were not known generally that ella was his kajira and if he had not been so much in the public eye with a multitude of posts of which you were highly critical at times, I would have agreed with you. Sinceboth of the were public figures in the community i see no reason for not namig names for no other reason to ensure that people knew who was doing what to who. In no way can i see his name being besmirshed but a simple statement of fact that two people have ceased comminications. I fins many threads nausiating and I just avoid commenting on them.. I will still defend their right to post such threads though.

I guess LaM you and I will possibly have to agree to disagree.........

_____________________________

Iron Bear

Master of Bruin Cottage

http://www.bruincottage.org

Your attitude, words & actions are yours. Take responsibility for them and the consequences they incur.

D.I.L.L.I.G.A.F.

(in reply to Lordandmaster)

Post #: 40

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