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All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> RE: Just recently I have started to feel that I/We don’t fit in here. I almost feel as though we are che Page: <<   < prev  1 2 3 [4] 5   next >   >>
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RE: Just recently I have started to feel that I/We don�... - 1/3/2010 6:34:04 AM   
sexyred1


Posts: 8998
Joined: 8/9/2007
Status: offline 		What is there to fit into, really? It is a message board for people with common interests in D/s, BDSM, whatever you want to call it.

Everyone is here for a different reason, fun, entertainment, gaining/sharing knowledge, discussing their relationships, analyzing relationships, trying to find a relationship, debate, discussions and some to just find wank fodder.

It would be impossible to fit in with all of those. Just pick whatever you would like and go with it.

CM is an interesting site, fun to participate on the forums and I am here also to find a partner to connect with.

I don't feel that I need to fit in, as I make it my business to participate; if someone does not agree with me or I don't agree with them, it doesn't mean I don't fit in, it simply means we disagree. There is no value judgement on fitting in.

That comes from within; I fit in where I want to fit in.

(in reply to pompeii)
Profile   Post #: 61
RE: Just recently I have started to feel that I/We don�... - 1/3/2010 6:02:57 PM   
DemonKia


Posts: 5521
Joined: 10/13/2007
From: Chico, Nor-Cali
Status: offline

But, but, Maria, isn't the out-&-organized kink community sorta already the land of misfit toy-lovers, anyways?

Thou art diverse, my BDSM friends, acquaintances, & peeps-I-gotta-be-nice-to, let me count thy ways: wondrous in your panorama of bi-homo-hetero-pan-mono-asexualities; & then there's the gender continua, for play, for real, or just for the genderfuck of it; colorful in your acronyms of control & power & mastery & ownership -- such that one should-never-know-how-to-initially-address; there's monogamy versus polygamy, the poly-fi, & the poly-fuck; there are fetishes, fetishes, fetishes; & bonds & costumes & furniture, postures, positions, & factions galore; the rainbow of human expression would collapse without you, integral to the billions of paths toward divinity. But only for the spiritually inclined . . . . .

Hmmmmm. Upon contemplation, I suspect that part of the previous experience of 'closeness' in earlier versions of 'kink community' probably stem some from there being somewhat less diversity in the membership. Typically, earlier communities were more aligned along some specific interest or set of interests: spanking, femdom, gay male leather communities, hetero swinging. Today's BDSM community is relatively vast, & getting bigger . . . . . . & ever more diverse, folding all those niches together.

Personally, even before I found the 'lifestyle' I was a bit of a .1%er. Or a .01%er. Or even a .001% in plenty of ways, enough that I definitely home in on an overall 1%er kinda space . ... . That means there's probably only about 67 million people, at most, I'd get along with globally. Could be as few as 67,000, or even 6700. (Roughly speaking, of course.) & some days I figure it's probably closer to 670 . ... . .

Oh, & jeez-louise, a sense of humor is a good thing. Silly, light, fun. Those are good. I'm not very sure of much of anything in the universe, but if ya ain't havin' fun it ain't my thang. It's only my revolution if I can dance to it, bay-buh . . . . . . . . & it's only my life if I can laugh to it . . .. . .

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The Verbossinator

(in reply to sexyred1)
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RE: Just recently I have started to feel that I/We don�... - 1/3/2010 6:25:23 PM   
JonnieBoy


Posts: 1468
Joined: 4/22/2009
From: Cymru
Status: offline 		Fuck fitting in..

(plough yer own furrow, the crop makes better eating)

Pirate

(in reply to allthatjaz)
Profile   Post #: 63
RE: Just recently I have started to feel that I/We don�... - 1/3/2010 6:27:16 PM   
Wolf2Bear


Posts: 3204
Joined: 9/6/2009
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quote:

ORIGINAL: JonnieBoy

Fuck fitting in..

(plough yer own furrow, the crop makes better eating)

Pirate



<<<<<<<<<<<  points the way


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RE: Just recently I have started to feel that I/We don�... - 1/4/2010 7:32:47 AM   
allthatjaz


Posts: 2878
Joined: 8/20/2008
Status: offline 		DemonKia... I just love what rolls off your tongue

and JonnieBoy ITS GREAT TO SEE YOU BACK

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Profile   Post #: 65
RE: Just recently I have started to feel that I/We don�... - 1/4/2010 7:57:44 AM   
Prinsexx


Posts: 4584
Joined: 8/27/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: allthatjaz


I know, I know... if we are happy then thats all that matters and your right of course but I’m wondering why I so often feel like a stranger in this community.



I am a stranger in this community...or rather I feel strange.
I have an open relationship with a Master...it never occurs to him to be on Collar or Fet...we are completely non-imitative, our protocols and activities are just what we do.
Sometimes I wonder why I toture myself being here but then I am a masochist. And it's fun to play with new people when and if the opportunity arrives.


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(in reply to allthatjaz)
Profile   Post #: 66
RE: Just recently I have started to feel that I/We don�... - 1/4/2010 10:49:50 AM   
JonnieBoy


Posts: 1468
Joined: 4/22/2009
From: Cymru
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: allthatjaz
JonnieBoy ITS GREAT TO SEE YOU BACK


Diolch yn fawr.

Pirate

(in reply to allthatjaz)
Profile   Post #: 67
RE: Just recently I have started to feel that I/We don�... - 1/4/2010 12:31:30 PM   
DemonKia


Posts: 5521
Joined: 10/13/2007
From: Chico, Nor-Cali
Status: offline 		I hoped you'd like; it was for you . . . . .

quote:

ORIGINAL: allthatjaz

DemonKia... I just love what rolls off your tongue


(in reply to allthatjaz)
Profile   Post #: 68
RE: Just recently I have started to feel that I/We don�... - 1/4/2010 12:41:33 PM   
SailingBum


Posts: 3225
Joined: 12/10/2007
From: Sailin the stormy sea
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: allthatjaz

Just recently I have started to feel that I/We don’t fit in here. I almost feel as though we are cheating at this and yet we are so blissfully happy.

So what is wrong with taking all of this light heartedly? Perhaps nothing wrong? but I get the impression that if your having too much fun then your probably not doing it properly.



This really explains your confusion for me.  If your not having fun your "so doing it WRONG"  Whatever your doing life is to be enjoyed!  Do something you enjoi and you will never have to work.

Motown BadOne


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We are all so very lucky to have you with us to impart your great wisdom.

(in reply to allthatjaz)
Profile   Post #: 69
RE: Just recently I have started to feel that I/We don�... - 1/5/2010 12:59:31 AM   
allthatjaz


Posts: 2878
Joined: 8/20/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: JonnieBoy

quote:

ORIGINAL: allthatjaz
JonnieBoy ITS GREAT TO SEE YOU BACK


Diolch yn fawr.

Pirate



Daro am hon amsera... ya Welsh cock ;)




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Fan of edgeplay.co.uk

(in reply to JonnieBoy)
Profile   Post #: 70
RE: Just recently I have started to feel that I/We don�... - 1/5/2010 1:02:33 AM   
NihilusZero


Posts: 4036
Joined: 9/10/2008
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: allthatjaz

ya Welsh cock ;)

What's the rest of him, then?


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I know they're all insane
I know it's all in vain
I know that I'm to blame."
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(in reply to allthatjaz)
Profile   Post #: 71
RE: Just recently I have started to feel that I/We don�... - 1/5/2010 1:03:40 AM   
NihilusZero


Posts: 4036
Joined: 9/10/2008
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DemonKia


*tackle!*

_____________________________

"I know it's all a game
I know they're all insane
I know it's all in vain
I know that I'm to blame."
~Siouxsie & the Banshees

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CM Hall Monitor

(in reply to DemonKia)
Profile   Post #: 72
RE: Just recently I have started to feel that I/We don�... - 1/5/2010 1:27:30 AM   
allthatjaz


Posts: 2878
Joined: 8/20/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SailingBum

quote:

ORIGINAL: allthatjaz

Just recently I have started to feel that I/We don’t fit in here. I almost feel as though we are cheating at this and yet we are so blissfully happy.

So what is wrong with taking all of this light heartedly? Perhaps nothing wrong? but I get the impression that if your having too much fun then your probably not doing it properly.



This really explains your confusion for me.  If your not having fun your "so doing it WRONG"  Whatever your doing life is to be enjoyed!  Do something you enjoi and you will never have to work.

Motown BadOne



I think the confusion lies in the confusion if you know what I mean.


Its like sailing. We have rules and guidelines to keep us and others safe but some sailors forget to have fun and it all becomes a mission, a competition and just a load of hard work.
Some of us on the other hand will brave the bigger waters because its exciting, extreme and more than anything its exhilarating.
We may sit in the sailing club the following day and talk of our fantastic sail and whilst some may sit round and listen with enthusiasm, others will be waiting to tell us how we could of done it better or that perhaps we shouldn’t be risking those big waters and those unpredictable waves in anything less than a super yacht with a crew of 10!
Just as I refuse to conform with the ‘low risk takers’ in sailing, I refuse to be a conformist within the realms of BDSM.
Only yesterday I corresponded with a submissive female who informed me that what I do is not really considered BDSM! The fact that I can turn and fight back means I have no place/no position (as far as she is concerned) Does it matter what she thinks? Does it matter what anyone thinks for that matter? She is a world apart from me in that she is intolerant of anything different to her way of thinking. Does it frustrate me? hell yes. Does it insult me? sure it does.



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Fan of edgeplay.co.uk

(in reply to SailingBum)
Profile   Post #: 73
RE: Just recently I have started to feel that I/We don�... - 1/5/2010 6:47:06 AM   
agirl


Posts: 4530
Joined: 6/14/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: allthatjaz


quote:

ORIGINAL: SailingBum

quote:

ORIGINAL: allthatjaz

Just recently I have started to feel that I/We don’t fit in here. I almost feel as though we are cheating at this and yet we are so blissfully happy.

So what is wrong with taking all of this light heartedly? Perhaps nothing wrong? but I get the impression that if your having too much fun then your probably not doing it properly.



This really explains your confusion for me.  If your not having fun your "so doing it WRONG"  Whatever your doing life is to be enjoyed!  Do something you enjoi and you will never have to work.

Motown BadOne



I think the confusion lies in the confusion if you know what I mean.


Its like sailing. We have rules and guidelines to keep us and others safe but some sailors forget to have fun and it all becomes a mission, a competition and just a load of hard work.
Some of us on the other hand will brave the bigger waters because its exciting, extreme and more than anything its exhilarating.
We may sit in the sailing club the following day and talk of our fantastic sail and whilst some may sit round and listen with enthusiasm, others will be waiting to tell us how we could of done it better or that perhaps we shouldn’t be risking those big waters and those unpredictable waves in anything less than a super yacht with a crew of 10!
Just as I refuse to conform with the ‘low risk takers’ in sailing, I refuse to be a conformist within the realms of BDSM.
Only yesterday I corresponded with a submissive female who informed me that what I do is not really considered BDSM! The fact that I can turn and fight back means I have no place/no position (as far as she is concerned) Does it matter what she thinks? Does it matter what anyone thinks for that matter? She is a world apart from me in that she is intolerant of anything different to her way of thinking. Does it frustrate me? hell yes. Does it insult me? sure it does.




Why care what other people think.... unless it's some overwhelming avalanche that can't be ignored?

Isn't this a matter of simply being secure in what you do, what you think, how you live? Surely you have enough validation, if you require that, from other people? You've been around enough in the *scene* to ascertain whether what you do is bdsm or not. And what if it isn't, in anyone elses view? You're content and you have a seemingly fulfilled life doing the things that make you and your bloke happy.

If it's not *considered* bdsm by the odd random person it's unlikely to change how you live.   Not many people get universal acceptance in all ways, in all things.

Regards, agirl














(in reply to allthatjaz)
Profile   Post #: 74
RE: Just recently I have started to feel that I/We don�... - 1/5/2010 12:24:18 PM   
allthatjaz


Posts: 2878
Joined: 8/20/2008
Status: offline 		Oh I know what your saying agirl. One thing I have come to realize and have accepted from the start to the near finish of this post is that this is a personal problem I am having that possibly stems from weigh back.
When people tell me/we that we are doing this wrong then I really do need to nip myself and just move on instead of trying to convince them otherwise or getting narked about it!
I really do have to stop caring about what other people think because if I don't then I will end up with a chip on my shoulder and that's the last thing I want.
I guess the bottom line is, I need to be around lots of happy smiley people!

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(in reply to agirl)
Profile   Post #: 75
RE: Just recently I have started to feel that I/We don�... - 1/5/2010 3:00:39 PM   
agirl


Posts: 4530
Joined: 6/14/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: allthatjaz

Oh I know what your saying agirl. One thing I have come to realize and have accepted from the start to the near finish of this post is that this is a personal problem I am having that possibly stems from weigh back.
When people tell me/we that we are doing this wrong then I really do need to nip myself and just move on instead of trying to convince them otherwise or getting narked about it!
I really do have to stop caring about what other people think because if I don't then I will end up with a chip on my shoulder and that's the last thing I want.
I guess the bottom line is, I need to be around lots of happy smiley people!


Absolutely!.....and in that last comment, I'm very much the same.

No-one's checked up on us, so we might be *doing it all wrong* too.....lol.  As I said before......write your own story....Who wants to hear the same old ditty over and over?

Regards, agirl







(in reply to allthatjaz)
Profile   Post #: 76
RE: Just recently I have started to feel that I/We don�... - 1/5/2010 4:30:49 PM   
DemonKia


Posts: 5521
Joined: 10/13/2007
From: Chico, Nor-Cali
Status: offline 		Maria, I've been getting quite a bit of sadistic satisfaction out of not taking offense when it's meant, when I can . . . . . Ya know, coming out of that whole 'the offense is as much in the taking as in the giving' line of thinking . . . . . I find that laughter is an effective response to many attempts to insult & offend & so on & so forth . .. . .



~tacklepounces Nihilus~

(in reply to agirl)
Profile   Post #: 77
RE: Just recently I have started to feel that I/We don�... - 1/5/2010 10:51:03 PM   
SlayerZ


Posts: 100
Joined: 3/28/2005
Status: offline 		OP: Why are you so concerned about fitting into this place?

Hell, I made an honest comment about the fundamentalist Dominants in this place, for which I had a jolly good time in doing so, and yet I was the one who was attacked! Outrageous. And on another scale of things I made it know my preference, which regards to submissives, and was blissfully attacked for having an opinion of my very own... it's a good thing that I don't give a flying whit what people think, otherwise I would've been concerned.

I wouldn't worry about whether or not you fit in around this place, It's not exactly the Algonquin round table.

< Message edited by SlayerZ -- 1/5/2010 10:52:43 PM >

(in reply to DemonKia)
Profile   Post #: 78
RE: Just recently I have started to feel that I/We don�... - 1/6/2010 12:51:42 AM   
allthatjaz


Posts: 2878
Joined: 8/20/2008
Status: offline 		Actually Kia, I tend to be a bit that way in rl. I openly admit that I have gained some sadistic pleasure in blatantly ignoring someone who insulted me. The sitting back and watching a persons pained expression as they wait for a response which they are not going to get is delightful! Perhaps its all in the eyes

I honestly don't know the answer to that question Slayer but like I said earlier, this post has done me good!

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(in reply to SlayerZ)
Profile   Post #: 79
RE: Just recently I have started to feel that I/We don�... - 1/6/2010 4:49:26 AM   
oneseriousmaster


Posts: 3
Joined: 8/21/2008
Status: offline 		You should not feel at all guilty or that you don't fit in. There are enough idiots in the vanilla world never mind this one, who are constantly telling us their pre-conceived notions of how we MUST live our lives!
Anyone who's fortunate enough to be in a happy long term relationship should be congratulated........and if you can manage several of them at one time, if it's good for you, just go for it!

(in reply to allthatjaz)
Profile   Post #: 80
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