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RE: Hard Limits - 12/28/2009 8:12:10 AM

osf

Posts: 3288
Joined: 10/19/2009
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quote:

ORIGINAL: OsideGirl

quote:

ORIGINAL: sadisticangel101

i was told that if i truly cared for him, i would do it, and if i did not, i was not a real sub.
This is called emotional blackmail.

quote:

i was told i was selfish for not giving in, but someone had to look out for me.
No. He was selfish for attempting the emotional blackmail. It shows that he doesn't care about what this would do to you as long as he gets his jollies.

ok this is going to make me highly unpopular

is emotional blackmail always out of place, i tend to think not

_____________________________

all around nice guy and creative misogynist

i'm not very skilled so i just hit harder

i want a woman to make into the woman she never wanted to become

(in reply to OsideGirl)

Post #: 21

RE: Hard Limits - 12/28/2009 8:20:27 AM

Jeffff

Posts: 12600
Joined: 7/7/2007
Status: offline

How does this sound?

If you truely cared for me, you would give me $1000.00. Would you question that?

Would you wonder about my feelings for you? Why would you doubt other feelings you have?

People are crazy.

Jeff

_____________________________

"If you don't live it, it won't come out your horn." Charlie Parker

(in reply to sadisticangel101)

Post #: 22

RE: Hard Limits - 12/28/2009 8:20:37 AM

sweetsub1957

Posts: 2201
Joined: 4/28/2009
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: QuirkyAnne

when he snidely contacted me two weeks later to see if I'd "grown up" I told him that I had and was now a big girl and strong enough to jam him riding crop up his ass sideways if he ever contacted me again.

This visual just "cracked me up!!"

_____________________________

Member: Lance's Fag Hags.

"That's not just a chip on her shoulder, that's the whole potato!" ~Lady Angelika~

In lowering yourself to talking behind my back, you're perfectly positioned to kiss my ass.

An it harm none, do what ye wilt.

(in reply to QuirkyAnne)

Post #: 23

RE: Hard Limits - 12/28/2009 8:36:41 AM

lally2

Posts: 2621
Joined: 4/16/2009
Status: offline

for me, the all important factor is 'judgement call' if theyre judgement is so off base that they completely miss the point of why something is a hard limit then they really havent taken the trouble to understand that hard limit and respect it. and if theyre missing the point that much then how much do they really care about you over their own needs.

i have a rape issue, its a no go, dont ever, under any circumstances go there unless youre prepared to nurse the basket-case fruit loop that would emerge. complete with teeth, claws and an attitude that would wilt paint from a thousand paces. and yet someone tried to. he was so shocked by my sudden change in personality it stopped him in his tracks. thank god. anyway, we didnt pursue things after that.

_____________________________

So all I have to do in order to serve him, is to work out exactly how improbable he is, feed that figure into the finite improbability generator, give him a fresh cup of really hot tea ... and turn him on!

(in reply to sweetsub1957)

Post #: 24

RE: Hard Limits - 12/28/2009 7:09:12 PM

sadisticangel101

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Joined: 12/2/2009
Status: offline

Thank you for all of your replies....one posted why do i ask, if i am out of the situation, it is because it is still an ongoing situation. He keeps trying to come back in, saying he will remove that need...but once it was out there, i cannot trust him...and i just want to be clear in my mind, that no matter what the draw that was there, my safety is priority, and as i have only been in the life for a few years, and never as a slave (which he pushed), i guess i just wanted to make sure i was still entitled to it. Thank you all very much.

(in reply to OsideGirl)

Post #: 25

RE: Hard Limits - 12/28/2009 7:34:43 PM

mstrslve4fun

Posts: 60
Joined: 12/18/2009
Status: offline

When my Master and i decided to get into this lifestyle i gave Him some hard limits, one of them was to not order me around in front of my family. There were a couple others, and He's honored them, although with one i had to remind Him about it.

(in reply to OsideGirl)

Post #: 26

RE: Hard Limits - 12/29/2009 5:26:23 AM

DarkSteven

Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: sadisticangel101

Thank you for all of your replies....one posted why do i ask, if i am out of the situation, it is because it is still an ongoing situation. He keeps trying to come back in, saying he will remove that need...but once it was out there, i cannot trust him...and i just want to be clear in my mind, that no matter what the draw that was there, my safety is priority, and as i have only been in the life for a few years, and never as a slave (which he pushed), i guess i just wanted to make sure i was still entitled to it. Thank you all very much.

Thanks for the explanation...

Yeah, after he tried to violate a hard limit - repeatedly - until you left over it, and then for him to "promise" that if you come back, everything will be different...

This reminds me of the Dominas' frequent complaint about do-me subs that don't give a crap about them as people, just as entities to fulfill their fantasies.

Keep looking, OP. You'll find a Dom who cares about you as well as kink.

_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to sadisticangel101)

Post #: 27

RE: Hard Limits - 12/29/2009 10:08:35 AM

Aswad

Posts: 9374
Joined: 4/4/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: sadisticangel101

Was i in the right to leave the situation?

Yes. A man of his word does not go looking for loopholes.

Health,
al-Aswad.

_____________________________

"If God saw what any of us did that night, he didn't seem to mind.
From then on I knew: God doesn't make the world this way.
We do." -- Rorschack, Watchmen.

(in reply to sadisticangel101)

Post #: 28

RE: Hard Limits - 12/29/2009 10:12:26 AM

wisdomtogive

Posts: 636
Joined: 11/13/2009
Status: offline

sadisticangel
It is so good to see you post your question on the boards. There are some really wonderful people here and by reading the replies, they have agreed with you honoring your Hard Limits:) Don't let this 'dom' control you with stupid remarks of not being sub enough..that is plan b.s. on his part.

_____________________________

Happily owned by MstrDark1

(in reply to sadisticangel101)

Post #: 29

RE: Hard Limits - 12/29/2009 1:44:48 PM

Acer49

Posts: 1434
Joined: 8/7/2009
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: sadisticangel101

A former Sir, knew of a hard limit from day one. Yet, tried to find ways of going around it and forcing it down my throat. Hard limits for me are only ones that will cause physical or emotional harm, not just because i do not wish to do them. i was told that if i truly cared for him, i would do it, and if i did not, i was not a real sub. it is my understanding that a Master is to care for their sub/slave and their wellbeing. i immediately left him, as the fact that a hard limit was pushed/forced showed i could not trust him to protect me, showing he had no care for my wellbeing. Was i in the right to leave the situation? i was told i was selfish for not giving in, but someone had to look out for me.

Absolutely, a hard limit is just that, a hard limit as in do not push, period. No, you were not selfish in anyway.

_____________________________

Never be bullied into silence. Never allow yourself to be made a victim. Accept no one's definition of your life; define yourself.
Harvey Fierstein

(in reply to sadisticangel101)

Post #: 30

RE: Hard Limits - 12/29/2009 2:03:05 PM

MasterSlaveLA

Posts: 3991
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Mercnbeth

When a "sir" isn't serving you in the way, manner, or intensity you required it's appropriate to release him/her.

Find someone who will better serve your 'submission'.

Hmmm... curious, was this a cleverly worded disagreement with the OP?!!

_____________________________

It's only kinky the first time!!!

(in reply to Mercnbeth)

Post #: 31

RE: Hard Limits - 12/29/2009 2:04:12 PM

MasterSlaveLA

Posts: 3991
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

Hard limits can change over time.

Ain't THAT the truth!!!

_____________________________

It's only kinky the first time!!!

(in reply to LadyPact)

Post #: 32

RE: Hard Limits - 12/29/2009 2:28:06 PM

happylittlepet

Posts: 289
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterSlaveLA

quote:

ORIGINAL: Mercnbeth

When a "sir" isn't serving you in the way, manner, or intensity you required it's appropriate to release him/her.

Find someone who will better serve your 'submission'.

Hmmm... curious, was this a cleverly worded disagreement with the OP?!!

My thought, and it's in black...

_____________________________

There are no rules, there is only compassion.

Simple religion:
There is no need for temples,
No need for complicated philosophies
My brain and my heart are my temples
My philosophy is kindness (DL)

'There's a fire burning in my heart'

(in reply to MasterSlaveLA)

Post #: 33

RE: Hard Limits - 12/29/2009 2:39:00 PM

kiinkerbell

Posts: 19
Joined: 12/28/2009
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: happylittlepet

quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterSlaveLA

quote:

ORIGINAL: Mercnbeth

When a "sir" isn't serving you in the way, manner, or intensity you required it's appropriate to release him/her.

Find someone who will better serve your 'submission'.

Hmmm... curious, was this a cleverly worded disagreement with the OP?!!

My thought, and it's in black...

Yes, this struck me as a very passive, aggressive dig. just my

_____________________________

Be nice, because mean people just suck.

(in reply to happylittlepet)

Post #: 34

RE: Hard Limits - 12/29/2009 2:45:40 PM

happylittlepet

Posts: 289
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: kiinkerbell

quote:

ORIGINAL: happylittlepet

quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterSlaveLA

quote:

ORIGINAL: Mercnbeth

When a "sir" isn't serving you in the way, manner, or intensity you required it's appropriate to release him/her.

Find someone who will better serve your 'submission'.

Hmmm... curious, was this a cleverly worded disagreement with the OP?!!

My thought, and it's in black...

Yes, this struck me as a very passive, aggressive dig. just my

Didn't strike me as such.

< Message edited by happylittlepet -- 12/29/2009 2:46:17 PM >

_____________________________

There are no rules, there is only compassion.

Simple religion:
There is no need for temples,
No need for complicated philosophies
My brain and my heart are my temples
My philosophy is kindness (DL)

'There's a fire burning in my heart'

(in reply to kiinkerbell)

Post #: 35

RE: Hard Limits - 12/29/2009 2:49:34 PM

wisdomtogive

Posts: 636
Joined: 11/13/2009
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: happylittlepet

quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterSlaveLA

quote:

ORIGINAL: Mercnbeth

When a "sir" isn't serving you in the way, manner, or intensity you required it's appropriate to release him/her.

Find someone who will better serve your 'submission'.

Hmmm... curious, was this a cleverly worded disagreement with the OP?!!

My thought, and it's in black...

In these comments there can then be an echo heard 'you are not submissive because you are seeking to be serve'. Not all submissives are slaves. Some submissives have hard limits When they mentioned them to their Dom, the Dom decided it was fine to have it as a hard limit.

It isn't about being served, it is about honoring your own submissive. OP 's 'dom' was telling she wasn't submissive because she didn't want to do a hard limit. She is concern if she is or not, and now submissives will question her too? I do hope i am misreading all this, i really do. If i am, and misjudged, i offer my apology now.

_____________________________

Happily owned by MstrDark1

(in reply to happylittlepet)

Post #: 36

RE: Hard Limits - 12/29/2009 6:32:03 PM

sunshinemiss

Posts: 17673
Joined: 11/26/2007
Status: offline

quote:

Yes. A man of his word does not go looking for loopholes.

Yet another reason to love Aswad!

_____________________________

Yes, I am a wonton hussy... and still sweet as 3.14

(in reply to wisdomtogive)

Post #: 37

RE: Hard Limits - 12/29/2009 7:03:41 PM

Elisabella

Posts: 3939
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: sadisticangel101

Thank you for all of your replies....one posted why do i ask, if i am out of the situation, it is because it is still an ongoing situation. He keeps trying to come back in, saying he will remove that need...but once it was out there, i cannot trust him...and i just want to be clear in my mind, that no matter what the draw that was there, my safety is priority, and as i have only been in the life for a few years, and never as a slave (which he pushed), i guess i just wanted to make sure i was still entitled to it. Thank you all very much.

Yes you are definitely entitled to say no. That, to me, is the difference between a submissive and a slave. I think the two get confused but I'd ignore anyone who says you're not a real submissive because you want to enjoy yourself too rather than suffer selflessly.

My standard response to the BS line your partner pulled is "if you really loved me you wouldn't push the issue" and they never know what to say to that.

(in reply to sadisticangel101)

Post #: 38

RE: Hard Limits - 12/29/2009 8:06:05 PM

MasterSlaveLA

Posts: 3991
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: wisdomtogive

quote:

ORIGINAL: happylittlepet

quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterSlaveLA

quote:

ORIGINAL: Mercnbeth

When a "sir" isn't serving you in the way, manner, or intensity you required it's appropriate to release him/her.

Find someone who will better serve your 'submission'.

Hmmm... curious, was this a cleverly worded disagreement with the OP?!!

My thought, and it's in black...

In these comments there can then be an echo heard 'you are not submissive because you are seeking to be serve'. Not all submissives are slaves. Some submissives have hard limits When they mentioned them to their Dom, the Dom decided it was fine to have it as a hard limit.

It isn't about being served, it is about honoring your own submissive. OP 's 'dom' was telling she wasn't submissive because she didn't want to do a hard limit. She is concern if she is or not, and now submissives will question her too? I do hope i am misreading all this, i really do. If i am, and misjudged, i offer my apology now.

I don't personally disagree with anything written above... simply inquiring if Mercnbeth had a different view from the OP.

_____________________________

It's only kinky the first time!!!

(in reply to wisdomtogive)

Post #: 39

RE: Hard Limits - 12/29/2009 8:13:53 PM

Mercnbeth

Posts: 11766
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: wisdomtogive

quote:

ORIGINAL: happylittlepet

quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterSlaveLA

quote:

ORIGINAL: Mercnbeth
When a "sir" isn't serving you in the way, manner, or intensity you required it's appropriate to release him/her.

Find someone who will better serve your 'submission'.

Hmmm... curious, was this a cleverly worded disagreement with the OP?!!

My thought, and it's in black...

In these comments there can then be an echo heard 'you are not submissive because you are seeking to be serve'. Not all submissives are slaves. Some submissives have hard limits When they mentioned them to their Dom, the Dom decided it was fine to have it as a hard limit.

It isn't about being served, it is about honoring your own submissive. OP 's 'dom' was telling she wasn't submissive because she didn't want to do a hard limit. She is concern if she is or not, and now submissives will question her too? I do hope i am misreading all this, i really do. If i am, and misjudged, i offer my apology now.

Didn't notice this before now, I'm happy to clarify.

Yes it was Merc posting.

I don't put much stock and absolutely give no consideration to titles. Dom, sub, Master, slave, are virtually meaningless outside the context of the relationship they are used, and then only between the individuals involved.

As a pragmatist, to me it is very basic. A person setting the rules is the dominant partner in a relationship. A person who responds, or is expected to respond without any further question or consideration to any rule is submitting to that rule. The sensations being given or received are immaterial.

On a literal sense, self assigned labels considered, the statement I made "When a "sir" isn't serving you in the way, manner, or intensity you required it's appropriate to release him/her. Find someone who will better serve your 'submission'." describes accurately what was occurring. I didn't think I was obtuse in the reference, nor did I think it insulting. There is nothing wrong, or right, with anyone labeling themselves 'submissive' and still retaining conditional dominance, as was the case here. That rule was breached - end of play - the 'dominant' dismissed. It wasn't good advice, or didn't accurately reflect the nature of the relationship dynamic?

There is a mistaken belief that submission and dominance are indicated by the actives observed between the parties. I've never believed that to be true. Observing the dynamic does not determine who is dominant. It sure isn't based on what you call yourself - submissive or dominant. The sensations only indicate 'secondary' proclivity characteristics; they are displays. The display of dominant characteristics is not an indicator of dominance. They do not disclose the primary orientation, anymore than sexual desire for a particular gender is indicated by sex organs.

The man submitted (agreed if it sounds better) to rules; those rules were broken, the woman dominated (enforced-better?) the consequence of his disobedience - dismissal.

The "....if you loved me", and the 'real' debate - I'll leave to others. Hell, I congratulate anyone out there experiencing whatever sensations they enjoy for being real. Participating and enjoying real life IS real.

(in reply to wisdomtogive)

Post #: 40

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