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ORIGINAL: happylittlepet

Thank you, Merc, for clearing that up.

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ORIGINAL: Mercnbeth

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ORIGINAL: Mercnbeth

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ORIGINAL: happylittlepet

Thank you, Merc, for clearing that up.

No problem happylittlepet! I wasn't being passive (that would be beth's area of expertise) or aggressive - no more than usual anyway.

In truth everyone 'submits', or at least they should. Some may see it as a semantic argument in the nature of distinguishing slave from submissive. If you'd like I could take it step further and say I've never been more 'submissive' in my life since having beth as my 'slave'. I submit to our relationship - the true dominant force over both of us.

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ORIGINAL: aldompdx

I find it rather pathetic how some attempt to redefine the term "limit" by qualifying it as absolute, hard, medium, soft, etc. A limit is not a penis! A limit is just that, a non-negotiable limit and boundary not to be crossed -- PERIOD. Something short of a limit may be a preference subject to negotiation.

Whether you choose to remain involved with a partner who chooses to ignore your limits depends upon how masochistic or self destructive you are.

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ORIGINAL: ceebee

Anyone who doesn't respect your limits, doesn't respect you . End of discussion. Nudging them to see just how hard they are is one thing, but something that needs to be done slowly and controlled, and stopped when asked. Forcing and accusing someone of being fake when they can't do it is just being an asshole.

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ORIGINAL: osf

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ORIGINAL: ceebee

Anyone who doesn't respect your limits, doesn't respect you . End of discussion. Nudging them to see just how hard they are is one thing, but something that needs to be done slowly and controlled, and stopped when asked. Forcing and accusing someone of being fake when they can't do it is just being an asshole.

where's the submission in there?

i don't see any

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ORIGINAL: LafayetteLady

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ORIGINAL: osf

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ORIGINAL: ceebee

Anyone who doesn't respect your limits, doesn't respect you . End of discussion. Nudging them to see just how hard they are is one thing, but something that needs to be done slowly and controlled, and stopped when asked. Forcing and accusing someone of being fake when they can't do it is just being an asshole.

where's the submission in there?

i don't see any

You are 100% correct, there is NO submission there at all. Why? Because the dominant is breaking the rules set out by the participants, consent is removed and submission ceases to exist. Even in a community where "no" might be part of play, there is a point where "no" does indeed mean NO. At that point I wouldn't even call the person an asshole, because at that point they are moving into "assault."

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Was i in the right to leave the situation? i was told i was selfish for not giving in, but someone had to look out for me.

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ORIGINAL: osf

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ORIGINAL: ceebee

Anyone who doesn't respect your limits, doesn't respect you . End of discussion. Nudging them to see just how hard they are is one thing, but something that needs to be done slowly and controlled, and stopped when asked. Forcing and accusing someone of being fake when they can't do it is just being an asshole.

where's the submission in there?

i don't see any


Let me spell this out for you, and maybe you'll get it. The dominant man thing likes to verbal play at times, hot nasty fantasy discussions about what he's going to make me do while we're playing. A couple of topics came up- to one I said "Ya know, i can verbally play with this, it's OK, but in real life it's just a line I'm not going to cross. this other one, well, just SQUICK and I really have a hard time with even verbal play about it." His answer? "No problem, babe. Cause on the first I wouldn't ask to do that anyway. And there's LOTs of things we can play with that don't involve the second."

How does that make me not submissive? I consider it just clearing the air. And because he's a dom, and not an asshole, he respected that. It's a win-win-win situation- he still gets to play with hot little nasty fantasies that turn him on, people like you don't have to wonder if Grandmas nurse is distracted by a dildo up her ass and a clit clip, and not banging myself in the patient rooms while they're circling the drain goes a long ways towards me keeping my license. Just like I'm quite sure I'll never be stripped searched next to the side of the road and thrown handcuffed and naked into a cruiser, no matter how much he likes to talk about it.

Being able to distinguish between fun fantasy and reality is an important character trait in a Dom. Repsecting limits is another.

Remember- if it ain't working for BOTH people, it ain't working.

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osf: how do you know you've reached a limit unless you cross it

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ORIGINAL: aldompdx

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osf: how do you know you've reached a limit unless you cross it

Death is the ultimate limit. Perhaps you contend it is necessary for you to find where it is, by crossing it?

If it is a preference with flexibility, then it is not a limit. The narcissistic delusion is that the role of the controller is to change limits. Under the fundamental BDSM tenet of ongoing consent, only the surrendered holds power to change their limits.

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ORIGINAL: Domin8tingUrDrmz

It also establishes whether or not she would continue into a relationship with you. If you choose not to 'grant' one of her limits, she may well choose not to grant anything with you.

You don't get to choose people's limits. You only get to choose whether or not their limits are compatible with yours.