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lally2 -> RE: the romance v the reality of d/s (12/29/2009 4:15:05 AM)
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quote:
ORIGINAL: aninquisition
"i want to dispel the myth of saint dom and strong independent submissive"
That should be, "I want to make clear that 'saint dom' and 'strong independent submissive' are extremely rare."
Because I can think of personal examples of both.
For one, why does a saintly nature have to be separate from a dominating nature? The desire to control is not innately evil. There are plenty who desire to keep things within their realm of control in order to protect them. The dominant who seeks to control his submissive, not to bring himself far more pleasure, but to ensure her betterment. There are plenty of dominants assured of themselves to the point of feeling they know what is better for a submissive than the submissive does. And yes, there are plenty of submissives who are far from knowing what is best for themselves.
Are some dominants self-serving? Do some use their control to solely meet their own needs? I might even relent that most are like that. But the 'saintly' dominant is far from a myth.
Now, let's evaluate 'strong, independent submissive.' When we look at the word, 'independent', I assume you don't mean too independent to pursue relationships to begin with. Because that would just be redundant and ridiculous. It would no longer have anything to do with romanticizing D/s relationships and everything to do with the simple fact that some people just don't need other people to be happy.
So, the said submissive can take care of themselves (that level of independence, I'm assuming) and is strong. Why would they need a dominant?
So simple. For many submissives, performing tasks for themselves is far from satisfying. To the point of near self-negligence in some cases. Whereas some submissives, if left to their own devices, would not bother with cooking dinners, even if they were master chefs. Despite any amount of intelligence, they would not learn other languages, pursue secondary education, or obtain any new talents. Despite any natural inclination towards health, they would not exercise or pursue sports. Simply because...there's no one to do it for.
I speak from personal experience. For myself, I hardly have the effort to pour cereal in a bowl. For someone I admire and respect, I will make a three course meal, complete with elaborate presentation, and love every moment. To me, the greatest joy is to use my strength, my intelligence, my questioning nature, and apply that to better someone else's life. I wish to be nothing more than the most deadly weapon, in the hands of someone I view as the greatest general of all time, should you follow me in that rather 'romantic' metaphor.
That said... Can everyone have their romantic ideal? No. They can't. And, all political correctness and PG-13 crap aside, it's because not all of us are good enough to have what we want. I'm not even certain I'm good enough for my 'romantic ideal.'
But that doesn't mean it doesn't exist.
i really enjoyed reading youre post. thanks.
i am an independent woman with my own business, single mum, animals, home and so on - i manage but only freekin just!! [:D] i try really hard to get a grip of all the bits and bobs flying around me, but its chaos most of the time. sometimes its a huge effort to just keep going.
i know that my ideal is someone who wants to see me make the most of my potential and gets pleasure from watching me handle my life better under his direction. most of my life ive been joked at, laughed at, called scatty and ok, maybe, but those comments dont help.
proaction, clear thinking and a self disciplined approach is what i lack. ive only ever received that from one M - his genuine desire to see me succeed took me a time to get used to. why should he care? what possible pleasure can he get from this? - but he did get pleasure from it and he really did care.
sometimes its more than just sex osf.
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