RE: early mistakes

RE: early mistakes (Full Version)

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LadyPact -> RE: early mistakes (12/31/2009 8:29:30 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: osf quote: ETA..... Btw, there really is a difference between learning to accept service and learning to do it with grace. Think about it. true but a new subbie wants so much to serve no matter how inept she is and to be a gentleman in the traditional sense i guess tress passes on her domain It would be My opinion that if service is inept, that is the fault of the Dominant who failed to instruct properly. How is anyone ever supposed to learn if there is no teacher?

osf -> RE: early mistakes (12/31/2009 8:29:56 PM)
quote: But if she's new, she may not realize what she's getting herself into. she knew, she was rushing me

osf -> RE: early mistakes (12/31/2009 8:31:09 PM)
quote: t would be My opinion that if service is inept, that is the fault of the Dominant who failed to instruct properly. How is anyone ever supposed to learn if there is no teacher? for one thing i said i was new and for another i said i was too much of a gentleman and she resented it

BitaTruble -> RE: early mistakes (12/31/2009 8:31:44 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: osf quote: ETA..... Btw, there really is a difference between learning to accept service and learning to do it with grace. Think about it. true but a new subbie wants so much to serve no matter how inept she is I don't think that's true even in a general sense albeit there are certainly going to be exceptions. Most new folks seeking out BDSM aren't going into sub frenzy at the thought of washing dishes after all. It's the blindfolds, the bondage and getting the itches scratched in ways that aren't deemed 'proper' by the vast majority of society that draws a lot of us to BDSM. In my opinion, service is a by-product of all of that and may come, in time, to be the preferred state but, generally, I really don't think it starts out that way. For me, I knew there was 'something' that I craved and if I had to 'serve' to get it, I was quite willing to do so but there was never anything altruistic about it at all. I was 'willing' to serve, do dishes, give blowjobs, etc., but I wanted payment for those services in the form of floggings and domination or a plethora of other forms of tit for tat and if I could have gotten all I wanted without having to do something for it, I'd have pounced on it and gone on my merry little way. quote: and to be a gentleman in the traditional sense i guess tress passes on her domain I agree with this for myself, but not as a general statement or fact. There are far too many submissives on these boards alone who actually enjoy the company of gentlemen and would not care nor look kindly upon the caveman type that I, personally, enjoy. I have a fondness for neanderthals.. to a certain extent. Time and place and appropriate behavior for a given venue and all that sort of thing.

sunshinemiss -> RE: early mistakes (12/31/2009 8:32:34 PM)
Sorry to interrupt... Bita - I was just saying the other day... Hey where is she? Hope you are well. Happy New Year! sunshine

WyldHrt -> RE: early mistakes (12/31/2009 8:33:36 PM)
quote: what post? The one that inspired you to hijack your own thread... again. Had you simply ignored that post, instead of making general comments on the behaviour of sub women here, the thread might have stayed on topic.

osf -> RE: early mistakes (12/31/2009 8:33:42 PM)
quote: I don't think that's true even in a general sense albeit there are certainly going to be exceptions. Most new folks seeking out BDSM aren't going into sub frenzy at the thought of washing dishes after all. she wanted to be all she could for me and felt that i was not letting her by being the gentleman never interfere with a subbie hell bent on pleasing you

Jeffff -> RE: early mistakes (12/31/2009 8:35:35 PM)
Hey BT, good to see you! Jeff

BitaTruble -> RE: early mistakes (12/31/2009 8:38:16 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: sunshinemiss Sorry to interrupt... Bita - I was just saying the other day... Hey where is she? Hope you are well. Happy New Year! sunshine Aw, thanks sunshine. I just spent the last month in (not so sunny) California with the family for Xmas. Got back to Portugal yesterday only to be informed by Himself that we are probably going to be moving to Italy so I may be gone again for a bit but CM is my drug of choice, so I'll always be back. :) Happy New Year back at ya! It's actually already 2010 here, so it's official. :D ETA - Hiyaz part 2, Jeffffffffffffffff!

BitaTruble -> RE: early mistakes (12/31/2009 8:43:20 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: osf quote: I don't think that's true even in a general sense albeit there are certainly going to be exceptions. Most new folks seeking out BDSM aren't going into sub frenzy at the thought of washing dishes after all. she wanted to be all she could for me and felt that i was not letting her by being the gentleman never interfere with a subbie hell bent on pleasing you I don't know her, don't know her thinking, but I've always found that accepting a person as they are generally works out well for all involved even if it means there is no relationship. I would absolutely interfer with a submissive hell bent on pleasing me if it meant she was only pleasing who she wanted me to be rather than who I actually am. Wearing masks never works in the long term.

osf -> RE: early mistakes (12/31/2009 8:45:31 PM)
quote: I don't know her, don't know her thinking, but I've always found that accepting a person as they are generally works out well for all involved even if it means there is no relationship. I would absolutely interfer with a submissive hell bent on pleasing me if it meant she was only pleasing who she wanted me to be rather than who I actually am. Wearing masks never works in the long term. we were both new at this, i had just found out there was a scene, it takes a dom a few years and a couple failed relationships to figure it out

LadyPact -> RE: early mistakes (12/31/2009 8:54:35 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: osf quote: t would be My opinion that if service is inept, that is the fault of the Dominant who failed to instruct properly. How is anyone ever supposed to learn if there is no teacher? for one thing i said i was new and for another i said i was too much of a gentleman and she resented it I mean this in no offensive way, but in many ways, I think you are still new. Hold your tongue. That's not necessarily a bad thing. That part that I said before about 'how can you expect anyone to learn if nobody's willing to teach' doesn't just apply to the other side of the kneel. It applies to Dominants as well. I tend to think you've got some ideas in your mind about what you want. That's the fantasy. How to translate those ideas into obtaining at least the concept of what you want..... That's reality. At this time, you are failing at that. You need to figure out what it is about you that is standing in the way of your goals. Why are you lacking success? And, for heaven's sake, please don't try to feed Me that 'everybody's against me', victim type of mentality. When we evaluate ourselves, we have to look at our assets, as well as our deficits. If you have a vision of what you think life would be like if a D/s dynamic was a part of that, why is it seriously not happening for you? Everybody out there has what they hope to find in a dynamic. You have to realize that works on both sides of the kneel. Are you the type of Dominant that would appeal to a female submissive? I've got news for you. They know what they want, just like you do. The good ones know they have the corner on the market.

osf -> RE: early mistakes (12/31/2009 8:57:53 PM)
actually i'm not doing all that bad, it's not woman that are willing that's the problem' it's what i want that's the problem i've had to gently say no many times

osf -> RE: early mistakes (12/31/2009 8:59:23 PM)
in a personal exchange i don't come on like a raving lunitic

Jeffff -> RE: early mistakes (12/31/2009 8:59:27 PM)
Mean Ass bitch ain't she osf......LOLOLOLOLOLOL Jeff

osf -> RE: early mistakes (12/31/2009 9:02:37 PM)
when i see profiles that say in big big leters i'm taken/owned etc, i wonder how long before her ass is back here i don't discuss my personal affairs on here so i don't look the fool if it goes bad

sunshinemiss -> RE: early mistakes (12/31/2009 9:04:26 PM)
quote: i get positive feedback from those that agree with me, why the hell do you think i persist in what i say, it's not to please you, so get over yourself not every one shares your way Hi osf, This is exactly how I feel about my being so spirited (thanks for the word sexyred) and for calling a spade a spade. And yes, this is on topic... My biggest mistake was not related to wiitwd. It was crossover. Believing that I had to gray my vibrance in order to be accepted and loved. I had to sit back and bite my tongue while people made mistakes, gave inaccurate information, treated me like I was stupid or helpless. I thought I had to stop being the joyful person that I am in order to be wanted and desired. I have (recently) learned that I can be my brilliant, interesting, silly and wise self and STILL be admired, loved and appreciated. I have learned that those who are offended by what I say have the problem, not me. Generally speaking I am kind and diplomatic, but I have become more blunt. I even swear gasp. I tell people off. But when I do, it is because I actually care. If I didn't care, I would ignore them (there are a few people on these boards that I do in fact ignore). My mistake... perhaps lack of awareness of the depth of this difficulty is a better way to say it... was in letting it go on for so long in my adult life. No more. What is the opposite of a mistake? Handling something? I have handled this. People don't like what I say? I no longer have to fix their stuff. I'm so glad I learned this at 44 instead of 88. Best, sunshine

Jeffff -> RE: early mistakes (12/31/2009 9:05:16 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: osf actually I'm not doing all that bad, it's not woman that are willing that's the problem' it's what i want that's the problem I've had to gently say no many times Me too dude. I gotta tell you, I am having to knock the pussy off with a stick!. I mean, come on, I am only ONE MAN. Granted a magnificent specimen, but still. I can not satisfy all the babes who keep wanting me to use them. It gets tiresome. TheBrothersGrimmDom

LadyPact -> RE: early mistakes (12/31/2009 9:06:00 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Jeffff Mean Ass bitch ain't she osf......LOLOLOLOLOLOL Jeff Believing In Total Comprehensive Honesty???? You bet. Being In Total Control (of) Him <shrug> Works for Me, too.

RedMagic1 -> RE: early mistakes (12/31/2009 9:06:48 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LadyPact That part that I said before about 'how can you expect anyone to learn if nobody's willing to teach' doesn't just apply to the other side of the kneel. It applies to Dominants as well. Last night, Nina Hartley, Ernest Greene and Anna Mills did a video demo in the video chatrooms here. As part of it, Ernest Greene talked about how to become a better top, and a better dominant. He said the most important things he learned were all taught to him by female submissives. He also said that you could go to a thousand demos, but if you didn't develop skills of communication, you'd never be good at much.

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