|
joether -> RE: Need advice on a rebellious boy (1/10/2010 6:05:43 PM)
|
Redwoodgirl,
Once, there was this guy who fell down a manhole cover that was open. He couldn't get out. His doctor was happening by, and the man cried out "Doct, I'm down here, please him me!" The doctor wrote out a perscription and threw it down the hole and walked on. Minutes later, the man's holy man came by. "Father, please help me!" The holy man writes a prayer, and throws it down the hole and walks on. Then Joe (no relationship to me), came by the hole. "Joe!" the man cried out, "Please help me down in this hole". Joe jumped down the hole. The man looked at him puzzled "Why did you do that, now we are both stuck in this hole." And Joe replied, "Yes, but I've been down this hole before, and here's how you get out."
Not my story, just something I heard about...
This has nothing to do with D/s, or SM, or BDSM. Your boy's troubles sound like something is seriously wrong. But as a guy, he'll be to macho to admit to being human, or dare I say it, mortal. I had to take everything you said, Redwoodgirl, and put it on a sheet of paper and just study it. And study and thought on your words. It sounds like you really do cherish and love him. But you do not have the knowledge or wisdom to understand. And no one blames you. Let that be known. You are not to be blamed, but you might, be his savior. No, you dont need to use religion (unless your boy holds a deep religious faith). Read on, but first, take a deep breath, and relax. Do it twice more.
You can not help him, if you push him away. You can not help him, if you punish him. You can not help him, if you ignore him.
quote:
Happy, helpfull, handsome, horny, everyhting you'd want in a boy :)
Sounds like myself. He must be a wonderful guy!
Here's my impression, based on what your saying. It sounds like he has Depression (note the big D). Which kind of Depression, I don't know, but a trained profession could. Everyone gets depressed from time to time. Such is how life is. We can not know joy, without also feeling depressed. Depression suffers come from every walk of life. They could look healthy externally, and internally. Their family life can be no living relative, to a huge extended family. Rich, poor, starving, and well fed. Doesn't matter. One's genes, life events, and even trauma (PTSD), can bring about Depression. To them, Depression is a way of being, as they have no way of knowing what its like to be anything else. They can smile, be helpful, and even happy from time to time, but Depression is always there.
Its an unrelenting foe, that attacks him, without hesitition or mercy, every hour of his life. It wants him to feel hopeless, helpless, uncaring. To a Depression suffer, upholding responsiblities becames a mighty task. Simply chores become over-whelming tasks. To consider his mindset, if he's Depressed, try solving the cure for cancer before the end of this post of mine. Not easy, is it? Dont push him away or punish him. But you don't know how to help. I can not be a doctor and help you. But, I'm sure his doctor could have him see a therapist and get a proper diagnosis.
quote:
Defensiveness, blame laying, redirecting, he has suddenly become a pro at all of it.
Yeah, that sounds like a Depression suffer. I'm no expert, but I've had to see it in my family. There's a book, "Talking to Depression" by Claudia Strauss. Its a book for people around the person with Depression. It'll explain things better then I could here. There's stuff to say, and stuff not to say. If he's silent, or you ask a question, and its met with silence...DONT...punish, get impatient, or bitchy (yes, bitchy). He want's to get help, he just doesn't know it yet.
Get him to his doctors. Don't make up or lie to him. He trusts you, and that will help him with what ever could be effecting him. Do NOT compremise your trust between him and you. Maybe its Depression, maybe its something else. Have him go and get a physical. Say it would be something that pleases you. If he asks or gets defensive, say you are clean and nothing is wrong, or sexually passed. You just feel he's sounding 'under the weather', and want 'peace of mind'. If you do get to the doctors, while he's inside, talk to the nurse, and ask about depression and say what you have been noticing of his behavior. If the nurse is on the ball, she would tell the doctor, and then its up to him.
Above all, love him, listen to him, be patient, considerate. Someone who feels life is against them, needs reassurance that someone is their friend, and looking out for them. You have those abilities right now. I know you'll do fine.
|
|
|
|
