|
ElanSubdued -> RE: Need advice on a rebellious boy (1/13/2010 11:13:03 AM)
|
redwoodgirl,
I looked at the OP, scanned through many of the replies, and caught the tail end of the conversation about hitting inanimate objects. Here's my quick take.
This...
quote:
I've been with my honey for almost a year, and Ill brag and say he's pretty darn amazing. Happy, helpful, handsome, horny, everything you'd want in a boy :)
and this...
quote:
But lately he has been rebelling against EVERYTHING, his chores, his responsibilities, me, everything. He's become argumentative as well, he actually punched a hole in the wall a couple weeks ago. (snip) When he is calm, and I talk to him, he tells me still wants to be my everything, but accepts little to no responsibility for either his attitude or his actions, but instead seems to lay blame everywhere else.
...are a contradiction. Your partner isn't presently "everything you want in a boy" and that's why you've written the thread.
I'm not going to be black and white in my advice because I don't know you or your boy. Arguing and breaking/hitting stuff? This shows a lot of stress and frustration. I know people who let go of stress this way and it doesn't mean they're a timebomb waiting to attack you. It's just how they let go of stress when they've reached a very high breaking point. In some cases though, it *does* indicate a timebomb waiting to shift its focus (to you). You know the boy and we don't so you'll have to use your best judgment.
When I was quite a bit younger, sometimes, when I was really, really frustrated, I'd pick an inanimate object (like a clock radio) and take it out to the back lane. Then, I'd smash it to bits. I'd pulverize the thing. And ya know what? Afterward, I laughed. I felt much better and my stress was considerably diminished. Is this a sensible or productive way to deal with stress? Probably not. It worked at the time though. These days, I manage my life and stresses in very different ways... 'cause... ya know... replacing clock radios can be a tad inconvenient. :-)
Being more serious now. It's jarring that your partner broke a wall. If this type of behaviour continues, personally, I wouldn't want to be around it and I wouldn't recommend anyone else stay around it either. However, these kinds of things happen from time-to-time. Men and women alike sometimes do things they later regret (throw things, break things, etc.). Were I you, I'd let some time pass and discuss what happened with your boy again. If he's still unable to accept responsibility and to recognize his behaviour effects not only himself but you too, then I'd be thinking more seriously about what to do next. For the time being though, given that the two of you don't live together, I'd allow your boy time for reflection.
You mentioned understanding some of the factors contributing to your boy's stress. Perhaps, in your later conversation, you could discuss these with him again. Demands at work and school, and things of this nature, can all be adjusted. Ditto for family politics and the like. It's sometimes easy for people to think they can't change things, but you can always make changes. Drop a course and take it later. Say "no" to overtime at work. Change jobs if necessary. Every time I've encountered a situation where I felt so boxed in that I couldn't make changes, upon taking a break for reflection, I realized there were many options available to me. It's the old "can't see the forest for the trees" scenario. Perhaps your boy needs to take a few days off work and/or away from school (or away from whatever the situation is that is causing him so much stress). After that, he may well be able to make better decisions about the situation and he'll likely be more open to hear your concerns and advice.
The approach I've recommended doesn't fit the "I'm dominant, do as I say now" school of BDSM. As you're probably aware, real world dominants deal with people and people aren't always so easily redirected. You'll have to decide if this is a temporary hurdle for your boy or something more indicative of a continuing problem.
Elan.
|
|
|
|
