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Pros and Cons to BDSM Profile Boxes - 1/10/2010 7:22:50 PM

LadyOddsworth

Posts: 141
Joined: 1/2/2010
Status: offline

I am torn. While I want to meet men who are compatible, I don't necessarily want to talk kink until I get to know them. So here we have those little profile boxes that allow us to list our likes and dislikes of specific BDSM activities. I just "unchecked" all of mine. I think just being on this site tells something about me.

Thoughts?

Do you find this information instrumental in finding someone? If you view a profile with no BDSM checked info does it discourage you?

Thanks

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Post #: 1

RE: Pros and Cons to BDSM Profile Boxes - 1/10/2010 7:26:21 PM

Jeffff

Posts: 12600
Joined: 7/7/2007
Status: offline

That sounds way to sensible. Good luck.

Jeff

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Post #: 2

RE: Pros and Cons to BDSM Profile Boxes - 1/10/2010 7:28:28 PM

LadyOddsworth

Posts: 141
Joined: 1/2/2010
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I was inspired by you Jeffff. That coupled with lots of detail proding by men...

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Post #: 3

RE: Pros and Cons to BDSM Profile Boxes - 1/10/2010 7:28:48 PM

RedMagic1

Posts: 6470
Joined: 5/10/2007
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I think the answer depends on your objective. If you are looking to hook up, sharing common kinks is a top priority. If you're looking for a relationship, finding someone who is open to exploring your kinks -- and who doesn't have a requirement that you hard limit -- is the priority.

I haven't had kinks on my profile for a long time. In fact, when I had an active profile on Alt, I used "Role: Not Applicable" instead of sub, switch or dom, because I wanted people to have to have a dialogue with me if they wanted to know about my sexual tastes. I've met several women off both that site and this one, all of whom dated me because they wanted to see if there was some relationship potential between us. So I don't think the lack of kink information on my profiles hurt me any.

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Not with envy, not with a twisted heart, shall you feel superior, or go about boasting. Rather in goodness by action make true your song and your word. Thus you shall be highly regarded, and able to live in peace with all others.
- 15th century Aztec

(in reply to LadyOddsworth)

Post #: 4

RE: Pros and Cons to BDSM Profile Boxes - 1/10/2010 7:39:35 PM

DomImus

Posts: 2004
Joined: 3/17/2009
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nm

< Message edited by DomImus -- 1/10/2010 7:40:05 PM >

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Post #: 5

RE: Pros and Cons to BDSM Profile Boxes - 1/10/2010 7:48:02 PM

littlewonder

Posts: 15659
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I had mine checked for awhile but found all they did was attract men who were only interested in hooking up with me for casual fucking/playing so I took them off.

I still get men interested in that but not as many since I unchecked them.

(in reply to DomImus)

Post #: 6

RE: Pros and Cons to BDSM Profile Boxes - 1/10/2010 7:50:27 PM

CherokeeRose2

Posts: 36
Joined: 11/29/2008
Status: offline

If someone "lives for" something that you find a hard limit or otherwise a turn off, it can be helpful to know up front. But in general, guys who are more interested in finding someone to do X, Y, Z usually make it very obvious very quickly.

I find it really funny when people do things like list 80's music as a hard limit.

< Message edited by CherokeeRose2 -- 1/10/2010 7:51:41 PM >

(in reply to littlewonder)

Post #: 7

RE: Pros and Cons to BDSM Profile Boxes - 1/10/2010 8:11:40 PM

cloudboy

Posts: 7306
Joined: 12/14/2005
Status: offline

Split the apple and just check one or two kinks. As for meeting people through dating sites, the most important thing anyone does is post pictures of themselves. (According to the research.)

< Message edited by cloudboy -- 1/10/2010 8:12:00 PM >

(in reply to LadyOddsworth)

Post #: 8

RE: Pros and Cons to BDSM Profile Boxes - 1/10/2010 8:28:46 PM

DarkSteven

Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline

My thoughts are that your profile says that you are a Dominant female looking for men that are sub or switch. That says most everything - if there are specific kinks that you must have or hold as hard limits, you may want to mention them, but otherwise, they should know what to expect.

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The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

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Post #: 9

RE: Pros and Cons to BDSM Profile Boxes - 1/10/2010 8:34:58 PM

LafayetteLady

Posts: 7683
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Northern New Jersey
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: CherokeeRose2

If someone "lives for" something that you find a hard limit or otherwise a turn off, it can be helpful to know up front. But in general, guys who are more interested in finding someone to do X, Y, Z usually make it very obvious very quickly.

I find it really funny when people do things like list 80's music as a hard limit.

Personally I like the ones who list themselves as "Expert" at receiving oral sex and massages. Does it really require a lot of "learning" to lay there?

(in reply to CherokeeRose2)

Post #: 10

RE: Pros and Cons to BDSM Profile Boxes - 1/10/2010 8:37:23 PM

Lockit

Posts: 11292
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline

I check some mild things, go into detail in my profile stating I am not sadistic and believe a relationship brings on the kink rather than the kink bringing on the relationship. For me. If I were into extreme play or was sadistic I might say so... but no way... no how... am I giving the trolls anything more than my name and that I am dominant because they will and do... go off too far on those things alone!

My kink is more personal and I don't like men freely coming at me... so what's your kink, in a first email. I am not kink... I am Lockit. If that isn't good enough and they want more first... they are more than welcome to stroll on down the profile waltz... I can live without them. lol

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Post #: 11

RE: Pros and Cons to BDSM Profile Boxes - 1/10/2010 8:44:40 PM

MzMia

Posts: 5333
Joined: 7/30/2004
Status: offline

I have never had my "kink" interests checked because until or unless I get to know you FIRST as a person, what MY interests are, IMHO none of your business.
Another reason why I have a coffee cup on my profile, instead of a more "suggestive" picture.

If people pass me by, because they don't see my kink or freak list, than I thank the GODDESS above, I don't need or want them!
I certainly don't need or want someone contacting me based on my "kink" interests.
Actually, not having any kink boxes checked on here, makes you "different".
I guess it also boils down to what you are seeking, or attempting to "attract".
I can certainly see why some people want/need to fill out a detailed BDSM profile.
As always, to each their own.
Good luck!

< Message edited by MzMia -- 1/10/2010 8:55:42 PM >

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To Each His/Her Own
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(in reply to LadyOddsworth)

Post #: 12

RE: Pros and Cons to BDSM Profile Boxes - 1/10/2010 9:05:59 PM

LadyAngelika

Posts: 8070
Joined: 7/4/2004
Status: offline

quote:

Thoughts?

I wrote the following a week ago on a thread:

Some suggested that I fill in the Interests checklist. Now see, that makes me cringe (and I judge no one who filled it out, honest). That to me is like a long list of requirements. For me, I see intergrating my likes into a profile that talks about the essence of me as being like describing a dish rather than listing it's ingredients. You get a better idea of who I am.

- LA

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Une main de fer dans un gant de velours ~ An iron hand in a velvet glove

(in reply to LadyOddsworth)

Post #: 13

RE: Pros and Cons to BDSM Profile Boxes - 1/10/2010 9:08:23 PM

AquaticSub

Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LafayetteLady

quote:

ORIGINAL: CherokeeRose2

If someone "lives for" something that you find a hard limit or otherwise a turn off, it can be helpful to know up front. But in general, guys who are more interested in finding someone to do X, Y, Z usually make it very obvious very quickly.

I find it really funny when people do things like list 80's music as a hard limit.

Personally I like the ones who list themselves as "Expert" at receiving oral sex and massages. Does it really require a lot of "learning" to lay there?

While is going to sound catty it's honestly not intended to be... but talk to Valyraen about some of his exes sometime. When he found out I moved in response to touches, he was thrilled.

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

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Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to LafayetteLady)

Post #: 14

RE: Pros and Cons to BDSM Profile Boxes - 1/10/2010 9:10:23 PM

AquaticSub

Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline

~Fast Reply~

I've got mine checked and I think I've updated them about... three times in the five years I've been on the site. I don't really pay too much attention to them but they can be handy. If someone is say... really into diaper play than I know that if I am still interested in contacting them, that's something I'd like to bring up and address before either of us get too into it. I don't really consider them something that would cause to be interested or disinterested really though if I'm on the edge they might tilt me towards one or the other.

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to LadyAngelika)

Post #: 15

RE: Pros and Cons to BDSM Profile Boxes - 1/10/2010 9:14:10 PM

PrimalConsonance

Posts: 463
Joined: 7/11/2009
From: Southern New Jersey
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyOddsworth

I am torn. While I want to meet men who are compatible, I don't necessarily want to talk kink until I get to know them. So here we have those little profile boxes that allow us to list our likes and dislikes of specific BDSM activities. I just "unchecked" all of mine. I think just being on this site tells something about me.

Thoughts?

Do you find this information instrumental in finding someone? If you view a profile with no BDSM checked info does it discourage you?

Thanks

(CNJDom says:) It is a matter of preference, but also I think it's a good idea. Some people get stuck on the likes and dislikes, and though it is designed to help...it can hinder as much too. So by not putting up your list of likes and such, you are encouraging more conversation from those willing to take the time to do so (which may also aid in weeding out some of the 'undesirables" or what we used to call HNGs or "Horny Net Geeks", trolls, and such). I think it's a good move and good luck!

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Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind. ~Dr. Seuss

(in reply to LadyOddsworth)

Post #: 16

RE: Pros and Cons to BDSM Profile Boxes - 1/10/2010 9:20:14 PM

submissiveboy76

Posts: 37
Joined: 2/9/2008
Status: offline

While I certainly agree that a person is way more than their kinks, I do find it useful to know if a Domme shares the same general likes and dislikes as I do. In another thread, reasons that BDSM relationships fail was discussed. A lack of compatibility was cited as one of the most common causes. I think the fetish lists help guide someone in the direction BUT, I definitely agree that the two people should get to know each other and develop a connection that is based on something besides just BDSM before jumping into a session.

(in reply to LadyOddsworth)

Post #: 17

RE: Pros and Cons to BDSM Profile Boxes - 1/10/2010 9:29:12 PM

kdsub

Posts: 12180
Joined: 8/16/2007
Status: offline

I see no reason not to list your wants and needs...no need for relationship breaking surprises later...but I would certainly list in my profile that you will not consider anyone who is not willing to get to know you before talking kink.

Butch

_____________________________

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I don't see any use in having a uniform and arbitrary way of spelling words. We might as well make all clothes alike and cook all dishes alike. Sameness is tiresome; variety is pleasing

(in reply to LadyOddsworth)

Post #: 18

RE: Pros and Cons to BDSM Profile Boxes - 1/10/2010 9:32:57 PM

peppermint

Posts: 5171
Joined: 10/18/2005
From: Montana
Status: offline

I do look at the checked boxes to get an idea of the person behind the profile. I find a person who claims many years of experience yet checks only vanilla boxes a bit odd. I also have no desire to befriend someone who is an expert at everything. In those two cases I'd be more interested in meeting the person if no boxes had been checked.

If someone has a limit that is a deal breaker with another, then those checked boxes do help narrow the search. However, not checking any boxes and keeping one's preferences private until an interesting contact is made is a personal preference that can also work very well.

Six of one...half dozen of the other. There are good and bad things about those boxes besides the fact that it would take forever to go through the whole list and check each and every box.

(in reply to LadyOddsworth)

Post #: 19

RE: Pros and Cons to BDSM Profile Boxes - 1/10/2010 10:23:27 PM

RedMagic1

Posts: 6470
Joined: 5/10/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Psychonaut23
You know, a lot of people will just see that and assume you're fat/ugly, hence no pic.

Those people are fools. The woman off CM (and frikkin Match for that matter) I have dated with no pic were smoking hot. I started prioritizing profiles without pics after the first time that happened to me.

_____________________________

Not with envy, not with a twisted heart, shall you feel superior, or go about boasting. Rather in goodness by action make true your song and your word. Thus you shall be highly regarded, and able to live in peace with all others.
- 15th century Aztec

(in reply to Psychonaut23)

Post #: 20

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