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RE: Pros and Cons to BDSM Profile Boxes - 1/11/2010 2:21:32 PM   
nephandi


Posts: 4470
Joined: 9/23/2005
From: Cold and magickal Norway in a town near Bergen!
Status: offline 		Greetings

I do not like the profile boxes. In one way they are way to detailed and only become confusing, and in another way there is no way they list every kind of kink. I use the boxes for vanilla interests and leave the BDSM ones for when I get to know pepole.

I wish you well


_____________________________

Whatever you think you can do or believe you can do, begin it. Action has magic, grace and power in it.--Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

Futon torpedoes, make love not war!--Aswad


(in reply to LadyOddsworth)
Profile   Post #: 41
RE: Pros and Cons to BDSM Profile Boxes - 1/11/2010 2:30:06 PM   
osf


Posts: 3288
Joined: 10/19/2009
Status: offline 		one can always write their preferences

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(in reply to nephandi)
Profile   Post #: 42
RE: Pros and Cons to BDSM Profile Boxes - 1/11/2010 2:39:01 PM   
AlexandraLynch


Posts: 778
Joined: 3/24/2008
Status: offline 		I prefer to be able to look at someone's profile and figure out quickly whether the person is interested in what I'm into or vice versa. For example, crossdressing leaves me flat. I can handle a guy who perhaps occasionally thinks it's hot to wear panties. The person who doesn't do pain, doesn't do service, just is into dressing up femme and being tied up....we're not dealing with compatible kinks, here, and I'd rather know early.

The problem with working it out in conversation is that if I am doing the conversation on IM, asking anything about their kinks seems to equal, "So let's do a hot cyberscene now."


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(in reply to osf)
Profile   Post #: 43
RE: Pros and Cons to BDSM Profile Boxes - 1/11/2010 2:41:26 PM   
nephandi


Posts: 4470
Joined: 9/23/2005
From: Cold and magickal Norway in a town near Bergen!
Status: offline 		Greetings

quote:

one can always write their preferences


Yes that is what I did in my former profile.

I wish you well


_____________________________

Whatever you think you can do or believe you can do, begin it. Action has magic, grace and power in it.--Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

Futon torpedoes, make love not war!--Aswad


(in reply to osf)
Profile   Post #: 44
RE: Pros and Cons to BDSM Profile Boxes - 1/11/2010 3:43:41 PM   
JBGolden


Posts: 75
Joined: 11/13/2009
Status: offline 		I do agree that wanting to get to know somebody before talking kink is the way to go.

But I also agree that the check boxes do help in narrowing down somebody whose likes might align with yours. But I'm more interested
in the person and how well they've written themselves and whether other aspects align.

My advice: Do what you're comfy with!

(in reply to nephandi)
Profile   Post #: 45
RE: Pros and Cons to BDSM Profile Boxes - 1/12/2010 8:38:27 AM   
LadyOddsworth


Posts: 141
Joined: 1/2/2010
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Jeffff

I have found that the more compatible people are, the more, flexible the kink is. If all you are looking for is a hot weekend then kink IS your compatibility.

If you are looking for something more, the dynamic will move the kink in the direction that works for both in general, and Me in particular...:)


Jeff




You are so wise, Ant Hopper 

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Profile   Post #: 46
RE: Pros and Cons to BDSM Profile Boxes - 1/12/2010 8:47:16 AM   
VaguelyCurious


Posts: 5264
Joined: 12/2/2009
From: United Kingdom
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: hardbodysub

quote:

The woman off CM (and frikkin Match for that matter) I have dated with no pic were smoking hot.

quote:

I've had much the same experience-I have no complaints about the people I've met off here who had no pics!


I've been seriously disappointed more often than not when someone didn't want to provide a picture. Like the time the domme who described herself as "petite" turned out to be 5'0" tall and 170 lbs. Unfortunately, pictures can lie, too, so there's no guarantee.


There is a difference between someone not having a picture up on their profile, and someone not wanting to provide a picture at all; maybe I wasn't clear enough when I was writing-sorry if that was the case.

The original question hardbodysub was replying to was about whether a profile without a picture would automatically generate assumptions about the attractiveness of the user-if someone was unwilling to trade pictures with me after a reasonable amout of conversation alarm bells would ring...


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(in reply to hardbodysub)
Profile   Post #: 47
RE: Pros and Cons to BDSM Profile Boxes - 1/12/2010 9:47:20 AM   
Missokyst


Posts: 6041
Joined: 9/9/2006
Status: offline 		Very cool idea. When I joined CM I did it to meet a potential new member for my group. I didn't intend to be here seeking but dang those forms to fill out when you join! lol I filled them out without really thinking about it. Later I found out the forms were not a requirement for joining but I didn't know how to find that spot again.
Until your post I didn't remember that things needed changing. It took me a while to find it but I made it exceptionally brief. I only left a few things that, if I were looking, needed to be on the table first.
I like your idea.
Thanks

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyOddsworth

I am torn. While I want to meet men who are compatible, I don't necessarily want to talk kink until I get to know them. So here we have those little profile boxes that allow us to list our likes and dislikes of specific BDSM activities. I just "unchecked" all of mine. I think just being on this site tells something about me.
 
Thoughts?
 
Do you find this information instrumental in finding someone? If you view a profile with no BDSM checked info does it discourage you?
 
Thanks


(in reply to LadyOddsworth)
Profile   Post #: 48
RE: Pros and Cons to BDSM Profile Boxes - 1/12/2010 11:32:49 AM   
hardbodysub


Posts: 1654
Joined: 8/7/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: VaguelyCurious

quote:

ORIGINAL: hardbodysub

quote:

The woman off CM (and frikkin Match for that matter) I have dated with no pic were smoking hot.

quote:

I've had much the same experience-I have no complaints about the people I've met off here who had no pics!


I've been seriously disappointed more often than not when someone didn't want to provide a picture. Like the time the domme who described herself as "petite" turned out to be 5'0" tall and 170 lbs. Unfortunately, pictures can lie, too, so there's no guarantee.


There is a difference between someone not having a picture up on their profile, and someone not wanting to provide a picture at all; maybe I wasn't clear enough when I was writing-sorry if that was the case.

The original question hardbodysub was replying to was about whether a profile without a picture would automatically generate assumptions about the attractiveness of the user-if someone was unwilling to trade pictures with me after a reasonable amout of conversation alarm bells would ring...



I know what the original question was, and I know that there was a difference between not putting a picture in your profile and refusing to provide a picture before meeting. My response was specifically to the quotes at the top of my post.

The reluctance to provide a picture, whether in a profile or in a later communication, raises a yellow flag if the person in question is "seeking". I understand that there may be some valid reasons for someone to avoid posting a picture on the profile. However, I feel that the benefits of including a picture outweigh the disadvantages. I really hate to waste a lot of time "getting to know" someone via nothing but typed words on a screen, and then find out later that we have no physical attraction at all. I'd prefer not to waste that "reasonable amount of conversation" before getting an inkling of physical appearance.

So what are the objections to putting a picture in your profile? If you're reluctant to post your picture because you're afraid it will turn people away, how do you feel after you've built some rapport via online messages, and then they reject you after seeing your picture? Wouldn't it be better to not have them start things in the first place? It would save you both time, as well as some embarrassment. If you don't want someone who cares about physical appearance, then posting a picture won't affect them negatively anyway. Or are you so damn good-looking that you're deluged with people who want you just for your body, and not your mind? Pretty easy to just delete the messages you don't want.

Anyway, this whole line of discussion is digressing from the OP, which is about the checklists. Whether to include pictures is probably best left for another thread.

< Message edited by hardbodysub -- 1/12/2010 11:38:59 AM >

(in reply to VaguelyCurious)
Profile   Post #: 49
RE: Pros and Cons to BDSM Profile Boxes - 1/12/2010 2:00:10 PM   
VaguelyCurious


Posts: 5264
Joined: 12/2/2009
From: United Kingdom
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: hardbodysub

quote:

ORIGINAL: VaguelyCurious

quote:

ORIGINAL: hardbodysub

quote:

The woman off CM (and frikkin Match for that matter) I have dated with no pic were smoking hot.

quote:

I've had much the same experience-I have no complaints about the people I've met off here who had no pics!


I've been seriously disappointed more often than not when someone didn't want to provide a picture. Like the time the domme who described herself as "petite" turned out to be 5'0" tall and 170 lbs. Unfortunately, pictures can lie, too, so there's no guarantee.


There is a difference between someone not having a picture up on their profile, and someone not wanting to provide a picture at all; maybe I wasn't clear enough when I was writing-sorry if that was the case.

The original question hardbodysub was replying to was about whether a profile without a picture would automatically generate assumptions about the attractiveness of the user-if someone was unwilling to trade pictures with me after a reasonable amout of conversation alarm bells would ring...



I know what the original question was, and I know that there was a difference between not putting a picture in your profile and refusing to provide a picture before meeting. My response was specifically to the quotes at the top of my post.

The reluctance to provide a picture, whether in a profile or in a later communication, raises a yellow flag if the person in question is "seeking". I understand that there may be some valid reasons for someone to avoid posting a picture on the profile. However, I feel that the benefits of including a picture outweigh the disadvantages. I really hate to waste a lot of time "getting to know" someone via nothing but typed words on a screen, and then find out later that we have no physical attraction at all. I'd prefer not to waste that "reasonable amount of conversation" before getting an inkling of physical appearance.

So what are the objections to putting a picture in your profile? If you're reluctant to post your picture because you're afraid it will turn people away, how do you feel after you've built some rapport via online messages, and then they reject you after seeing your picture? Wouldn't it be better to not have them start things in the first place? It would save you both time, as well as some embarrassment. If you don't want someone who cares about physical appearance, then posting a picture won't affect them negatively anyway. Or are you so damn good-looking that you're deluged with people who want you just for your body, and not your mind? Pretty easy to just delete the messages you don't want.

Anyway, this whole line of discussion is digressing from the OP, which is about the checklists. Whether to include pictures is probably best left for another thread.


Point taken-I've started a new thread. And apologies, I misread who had said what and put your name instead of RedMagic1 in my last message-didn't get much sleep last night...



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(in reply to hardbodysub)
Profile   Post #: 50
RE: Pros and Cons to BDSM Profile Boxes - 1/12/2010 3:25:29 PM   
NihilusZero


Posts: 4036
Joined: 9/10/2008
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline 		(Edit: Grammatical error.)

< Message edited by NihilusZero -- 1/12/2010 3:26:20 PM >

_____________________________

"I know it's all a game
I know they're all insane
I know it's all in vain
I know that I'm to blame."
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(in reply to VaguelyCurious)
Profile   Post #: 51
RE: Pros and Cons to BDSM Profile Boxes - 1/12/2010 6:02:38 PM   
LadySunn


Posts: 102
Joined: 7/19/2008
Status: offline 		I really like your idea of UN checking the interests boxes.

(in reply to LadyOddsworth)
Profile   Post #: 52
RE: Pros and Cons to BDSM Profile Boxes - 1/12/2010 7:42:44 PM   
sweetsub1957


Posts: 2201
Joined: 4/28/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyOddsworth

I am torn. While I want to meet men who are compatible, I don't necessarily want to talk kink until I get to know them. So here we have those little profile boxes that allow us to list our likes and dislikes of specific BDSM activities. I just "unchecked" all of mine. I think just being on this site tells something about me.
 
Thoughts?
 
Do you find this information instrumental in finding someone? If you view a profile with no BDSM checked info does it discourage you?
 
Thanks

I do have the boxes checked on my profile, for both vanilla AND kink interests.  That way He & I can both tell right away whether our interests will be compatible or not.  There really aren't too many kinks that I would be unable to live without, with the exception of rope.  lol  Still it does let me know whether He's even remotely interested in any of the same things, either kink or vanilla, that I am, so it gives me a starting point to decide whether I want to check Him out or not.  Still, if we're not compatible as people first, then the kink doesn't matter and won't happen anyway, whether it's compatible or not.  All that being said, even though it's listed on my profile I refuse to talk kink until we get to know each other as people first.


_____________________________

Member: Lance's Fag Hags.

"That's not just a chip on her shoulder, that's the whole potato!" ~Lady Angelika~

In lowering yourself to talking behind my back, you're perfectly positioned to kiss my ass.

An it harm none, do what ye wilt.

(in reply to LadyOddsworth)
Profile   Post #: 53
RE: Pros and Cons to BDSM Profile Boxes - 1/14/2010 12:36:17 PM   
usefulidiot


Posts: 12
Joined: 10/25/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyOddsworth

I am torn. While I want to meet men who are compatible, I don't necessarily want to talk kink until I get to know them. So here we have those little profile boxes that allow us to list our likes and dislikes of specific BDSM activities. I just "unchecked" all of mine. I think just being on this site tells something about me.
 
Thoughts?
 
Do you find this information instrumental in finding someone? If you view a profile with no BDSM checked info does it discourage you?
 
Thanks

To me it tells just that there is someone who *once* took the time to go through all these boxes and check some or all of them. Usually i cant be bothered to do the 'compatibility check'. Whether they are checked or not can mean a lot or almost nothing. How important certain things are and *why* can be better found out talking about it when the time is right to do so.

(in reply to LadyOddsworth)
Profile   Post #: 54
RE: Pros and Cons to BDSM Profile Boxes - 1/14/2010 12:45:19 PM   
NihilusZero


Posts: 4036
Joined: 9/10/2008
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: JBGolden

I do agree that wanting to get to know somebody before talking kink is the way to go.

Maybe it's just because I'm not a fan of steretypical courtship, but this seems self-defeating to me.

Also, I realize many people readily divorce the WIITWD parts of their lives from the rest of it because they view it as strictly "kink" (hobby territory) rather than something inherently theirs (manifestation of personality), but even just as the former, getting to know about someone's kinks is "getting to know them".

I'm not sure why I would want to PG-ify my conversations with someone (when it's clear that's what we eventually would need to know to assess compatibility) just because I'm supposed to entertain a certain amount of chit-chat about other things first.


_____________________________

"I know it's all a game
I know they're all insane
I know it's all in vain
I know that I'm to blame."
~Siouxsie & the Banshees

NihilusZero.com

CM Sex God du Jour
CM Hall Monitor

(in reply to JBGolden)
Profile   Post #: 55
RE: Pros and Cons to BDSM Profile Boxes - 1/14/2010 12:50:48 PM   
LillyoftheVally


Posts: 1826
Joined: 7/22/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: NihilusZero
I'm not sure why I would want to PG-ify my conversations with someone (when it's clear that's what we eventually would need to know to assess compatibility) just because I'm supposed to entertain a certain amount of chit-chat about other things first.



I think it depends how it is done, if on the first conversation a person starts telling me how they like their cocks stroked or tits licked I would back off, because well I would in the vanilla world also. If the discussion is about what they want from a D/s relationship then thats different, I think you learn a lot about a person from the way that they broach things like this.

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Profile   Post #: 56
RE: Pros and Cons to BDSM Profile Boxes - 1/14/2010 1:07:42 PM   
Jeffff


Posts: 12600
Joined: 7/7/2007
Status: offline 		I want to beat them and bang them....... also... tears are erotic.....

None of this is in my profile ladies.............. please make a note!


Jeff

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(in reply to LillyoftheVally)
Profile   Post #: 57
RE: Pros and Cons to BDSM Profile Boxes - 1/14/2010 1:25:06 PM   
NihilusZero


Posts: 4036
Joined: 9/10/2008
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Jeffff

tears are erotic.....

10 points.


_____________________________

"I know it's all a game
I know they're all insane
I know it's all in vain
I know that I'm to blame."
~Siouxsie & the Banshees

NihilusZero.com

CM Sex God du Jour
CM Hall Monitor

(in reply to Jeffff)
Profile   Post #: 58
RE: Pros and Cons to BDSM Profile Boxes - 1/14/2010 2:01:22 PM   
sunshinemiss


Posts: 17673
Joined: 11/26/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Jeffff

I have found that the more compatible people are, the more, flexible the kink is. If all you are looking for is a hot weekend then kink IS your compatibility.

If you are looking for something more, the dynamic will move the kink in the direction that works for both in general, and Me in particular...:)


Jeff


Jeff,
You are going to have to do something about this whole... you know... speaking seriously and succinctly and with intellect.  You are just totally blowing your rep, man.

Helpful Hannah Sunshine

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(in reply to Jeffff)
Profile   Post #: 59
RE: Pros and Cons to BDSM Profile Boxes - 1/14/2010 2:20:58 PM   
WestBaySlave


Posts: 501
Joined: 9/24/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyOddsworth

I am torn. While I want to meet men who are compatible, I don't necessarily want to talk kink until I get to know them. So here we have those little profile boxes that allow us to list our likes and dislikes of specific BDSM activities. I just "unchecked" all of mine. I think just being on this site tells something about me.
 
Thoughts?
 
Do you find this information instrumental in finding someone? If you view a profile with no BDSM checked info does it discourage you?


For me, it's totally irrelevant, unless I see certain relationship preferences chosen ( I'm monogamous, so, if someone is seeking a poly household or looking to make or add to one, I'm not his type ). In general, however, it's only the profile text that matters to me. A great profile text will really make me want to write and know a man, and I have done so even with men who have nothing checked at all.

As it happens, I've mostly left mine blank, too. There are many kinks not covered and some that don't really apply to me, anyhow.


(in reply to LadyOddsworth)
Profile   Post #: 60
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