Collarspace Discussion Forums


Home  Login  Search 

RE: curious situation


View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest
 
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> RE: curious situation Page: <<   < prev  1 2 3 [4] 5   next >   >>
Login
Message << Older Topic   Newer Topic >>
RE: curious situation - 3/23/2006 8:04:59 PM   
candystripper


Posts: 3486
Joined: 11/1/2005
Status: offline 		ORIGINAL: MrDiscipline44


quote:

ORIGINAL: petwolf22

to me being told i'm cute when i'm angry means someone isn't taking me seriously.

i've watched grown men as well as women express their emotions in what could be called a "childish" manner, and never thought of any of them as cute.  Better to acknowledge the emotions as being real, and being willing to talk to them about it.  Being laughed at doesn't seem like a way to make a pissed off person any less pissed off.


You know, funny thing, I don't see responding to childish behavior as the better way to treat the situtation. That only reinforces conduct that is unbecoming of an adult. I'll acknowledge the emotions when the other person learns to properly expresses them.


MrDisclipine,
No fair.. Calling a Foul here... lol

Not knowing you personally... how would I.. if pist enough at you to clench my fist.. know.. how to properly express my anger to you... specially is still in the stages of lerning things about each other? And yes, before you ask.... I have met one.. in real.. that during the process of still getting to know each other.. he got me that mad.. LOL


There's such a thing as too picky.  IMHO.
 
candystripper

(in reply to truesub4u)
Profile   Post #: 61
RE: curious situation - 3/23/2006 8:21:23 PM   
truesub4u


Posts: 2949
Joined: 11/17/2005
Status: offline 		lol candy... taking my fun away from me.. Mr D knows I'm picking on him... LOL

_____________________________

Wisdom is knowing what to do next, Skill is knowing how to do it, and Virtue is doing it.

(in reply to candystripper)
Profile   Post #: 62
RE: curious situation - 3/23/2006 8:23:51 PM   
MrDiscipline44


Posts: 1776
Joined: 1/5/2005
Status: offline 		<scht> We have a flag on the play. First down and ten. <scht>

My dear truesub, I wish I could say that this is something we are taught as children but unfortunately that’s not always the case. Communication is the key here. Whether it's before the first argument or during it, I always make sure that the rules of engagement for arguing be known to anyone I'm going to possibly have a close relationship with. I try to make sure that these rules are known before we ever have any argumentative exchange.

_____________________________

If you love somebody, you have to be willing to break them.

Those who can, do. Those who can't, teach.

Have you slapped your slave today?

(in reply to truesub4u)
Profile   Post #: 63
RE: curious situation - 3/23/2006 8:55:12 PM   
truesub4u


Posts: 2949
Joined: 11/17/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MrDiscipline44

<scht> We have a flag on the play. First down and ten. <scht>

My dear truesub, I wish I could say that this is something we are taught as children but unfortunately that’s not always the case. Communication is the key here. Whether it's before the first argument or during it, I always make sure that the rules of engagement for arguing be known to anyone I'm going to possibly have a close relationship with. I try to make sure that these rules are known before we ever have any argumentative exchange.


The refs are talking it over.... I think they're about to make the call... too close to call though....

Oh and It's good!!!!!..... Ok, that play was good... straight up the middle.. no zigzagging. And at least you're willing to say "Hey, IF we argue... blah blah blah" Not lash right out if and when an argument begins. And also if argument breaks out before the blah blah blah.. you don't bite... before you bark a warning.. Kudos..I think that's worth another 10 yards on that call. For my penalty call.

(Sorry about all the edits... my laptops keys hate me)


< Message edited by truesub4u -- 3/23/2006 8:57:24 PM >

_____________________________

Wisdom is knowing what to do next, Skill is knowing how to do it, and Virtue is doing it.

(in reply to MrDiscipline44)
Profile   Post #: 64
RE: curious situation - 3/23/2006 9:13:36 PM   
willowspirit


Posts: 164
Joined: 6/20/2005
From: U.S.A.-Minnesota
Status: offline 		Clenching her fist at her Sir....?
A number of things come to mind. Maybe she is not a submissive, a better term might be a "bottom". Or another dynamic could be at work too. Some more Sadistic Tops or Sadistic Dominants want to  -- and even enjoy -- such a response,  and some newer Tops / Dominants perhaps aren't being honest about who they are, how they define themselves, and what emotions they like to provoke in their submissive / bottom.
One other thing to note if it ever arises... There is a type of "subspace" where the submissive (even the most gentle and passive ones) become nearly feral / wild. It's a Good Dominant's job to know His submissive well enough to control the situation.
One idea I have told some wannabes : "You no more have the right or assumption to call Yourself  my "Master" unless You have taken a course of sorts and have 'mastered' me."   Just like the graduate program in the post-university experience, each submissive is unique. Each one is a course of study in which You EARN Your Master's degree.
Clenched fist  ???
Lots of angles to be considered, huh?
"willowspirit" 

(in reply to fastlane)
Profile   Post #: 65
RE: curious situation - 3/23/2006 9:18:21 PM   
DragonNphoenix


Posts: 617
Joined: 8/2/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: willowspirit

One other thing to note if it ever arises... There is a type of "subspace" where the submissive (even the most gentle and passive ones) become nearly feral / wild. It's a Good Dominant's job to know His submissive well enough to control the situation.
"willowspirit" 


I have had this type of thing happen to me in my past.  My Master at the time did not have a clue how to deal with me in that space.  I was horrible for me.  I know that my Dragon would not leave me to my own devices in that space.

1st Girl Phoenix

_____________________________

**Pain is just pleasure with a twist**

(in reply to willowspirit)
Profile   Post #: 66
RE: curious situation - 3/23/2006 9:19:40 PM   
ownedgirlie


Posts: 9184
Joined: 2/5/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DragonNphoenix

quote:

ORIGINAL: willowspirit

One other thing to note if it ever arises... There is a type of "subspace" where the submissive (even the most gentle and passive ones) become nearly feral / wild. It's a Good Dominant's job to know His submissive well enough to control the situation.
"willowspirit" 


I have had this type of thing happen to me in my past.  My Master at the time did not have a clue how to deal with me in that space.  I was horrible for me.  I know that my Dragon would not leave me to my own devices in that space.

1st Girl Phoenix




That sounds so frightening.

< Message edited by ownedgirlie -- 3/23/2006 9:20:16 PM >

(in reply to DragonNphoenix)
Profile   Post #: 67
RE: curious situation - 3/23/2006 9:22:50 PM   
truesub4u


Posts: 2949
Joined: 11/17/2005
Status: offline 		It does Owned... but I can relate to it very well.... being there myself... that's what I was refering to when I said... if my fist are clenched... you (meaning him) put me there...and he needs to handle me... not punish me for what he did. 

< Message edited by truesub4u -- 3/23/2006 9:24:37 PM >

_____________________________

Wisdom is knowing what to do next, Skill is knowing how to do it, and Virtue is doing it.

(in reply to ownedgirlie)
Profile   Post #: 68
RE: curious situation - 3/23/2006 9:27:29 PM   
DragonNphoenix


Posts: 617
Joined: 8/2/2005
Status: offline 		Yes,,, it is a very frightening place to be.  He left me there, left the apt and went to the bar with his buddies.  We split shortly after this event.

1st Girl Phoenix

_____________________________

**Pain is just pleasure with a twist**

(in reply to truesub4u)
Profile   Post #: 69
RE: curious situation - 3/23/2006 9:33:41 PM   
ownedgirlie


Posts: 9184
Joined: 2/5/2006
Status: offline 		i was originally reading the thread as it was about a girl who got angry and was lashing out about something.  i am now enlightened of the fact that this can be a place of subspace.  i hadn't considered that as i wasn't aware.  What a vulnerable place to be left in.

(in reply to DragonNphoenix)
Profile   Post #: 70
RE: curious situation - 3/23/2006 9:44:00 PM   
truesub4u


Posts: 2949
Joined: 11/17/2005
Status: offline 		Owned... sometimes some Dom/mes do not see nor realize this is a form of subspace. They just figure the sub/slave got pist about something... specially when they're trying to figure out what pist them off to begin with. And have no clue. 

_____________________________

Wisdom is knowing what to do next, Skill is knowing how to do it, and Virtue is doing it.

(in reply to ownedgirlie)
Profile   Post #: 71
RE: curious situation - 3/23/2006 9:45:06 PM   
GirlwithBoots


Posts: 8
Joined: 1/25/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: willowspirit

It's a Good Dominant's job to know His submissive well enough to control the situation.



There has been much talk about the sub controlling their anger or their responses to those feelings. Fact is the shaken fist is not the first but SECOND incident of lost control in this situation. A Dom/me's job first and foremost is to be in charge of the situation, in control. When a sub becomes angry (assuming that that isn't the sought after response) it is because the Dom/me has pushed beyond the sub's limits in some way, misread the situation or just plain wasn't paying enough attention to the emotional state of the sub. At that point the Dom/me should regain control of the situation as quickly as possible, calming the sub down, finding out what precipitated that response and working in the future to ensure that it does not happen again.

(in reply to willowspirit)
Profile   Post #: 72
RE: curious situation - 3/23/2006 9:59:08 PM   
mylittlesub


Posts: 30
Joined: 6/3/2005
Status: offline 		Having been through many disagreements with my Master over the years, I can certainly say that when he chuckles or seems amused at something I've said in earnest, it feels insulting to me and demeaning.  Now, if I'm saying something flip, sarcastic or facetiously, then it deserves amusement even if its inappropriate (we're both guilty of injecting comic relief into a heated disagreement to diffuse things).

We have outlined rules of engagement that specify acceptable behavior for discussing things that we do not always agree on, so that we can both have boundaries to rely on.  As long as I discuss things respectfully I am given the freedom to speak my mind and share my thoughts.

However, if I am so out of control that I am shaking my fists at him in anger, then I'm out of control.  I NEED for him to remain calm, control his own anger, and realizing that my anger is simply a smoke-screen for some hurt or pain I am having difficulty dealing with.  If he simply reminds me of my place and refuses to allow such behavior while at the same time gently recognizing I have that pain, my anger crumbles every time.  Usually then I am very humbled and ashamed of my behavior, and reminded yet again how lucky I am to have a Master who is so patient with me.

Knowing he has power over me is reassuring - I need him to know it, too, and use it without abusing it.

(in reply to GirlwithBoots)
Profile   Post #: 73
RE: curious situation - 3/23/2006 10:28:15 PM   
Slipstreme


Posts: 817
Joined: 1/1/2006
Status: offline
quote:

There is a type of "subspace" where the submissive (even the most gentle and passive ones) become nearly feral / wild.


I dont know if this has anything to do with subspace per se, but is this similar to theriantrophy in a way? I know there has been a thread on the feral side before including its animalistic connections, but I had missed the post before it died. Theriantrophy is a spiritual condition where the person believes, or seems to be, in some sense not human and often shifts mentally into thier animal form. I am feline, and have noticed the cat can be very powerful and consuming in S&M and other intense situations. I have no control over it when it arises, be it due to being beaten, and thus fear its arousal when I am wielding as it is both protector and predator. At these times I can't even understand spoken word. I'm not sure if this is sort of the same thing or not, as I've noticed that a lot of the feline attributes I have are operating on a 24/7 but usually controllable basis and not connected to space. 



_____________________________

Living the Dichotomy

Painslut? How about "Endorphin Junkie"?

For information about "the furry thing" please check out my profile journal entry for: 1/17/2006

Alpha of a leather family of four. Master to the slave z.

(in reply to mylittlesub)
Profile   Post #: 74
RE: curious situation - 3/23/2006 10:44:48 PM   
xxblushesxx


Posts: 9318
Joined: 11/3/2005
From: Kentucky
Status: offline 		Okaaaaayyy...

didn't want to admit this...but...

visiting the domly one last month, some embarassing moments happened and he said a few things that totally made me live up to my nic (blushes) and...without even thinking of it...my hand reached up and smacked his ...uhm...back area...HARD (for me)

We just looked at each other.

He with a kind of surprised smile...me with an "I dare ya" kind of glare...

(he actually understood why, and was totally there for me during this)

He came into the room I had pretty much banished myself to, and stayed until I asked him if I could be alone. 

After a short while, I wanted him to come back, but...of course, I had to go to him. 

I totally respect how he treated this situation...and have much more respect for him than if he would have tried to 'take over' at that particular time.

We are all humans...and sometimes have reactions that surprise even us.

(in reply to Slipstreme)
Profile   Post #: 75
RE: curious situation - 3/23/2006 11:07:50 PM   
dorsaisgirl1


Posts: 156
Joined: 3/13/2006
Status: offline 		hello this is my first time replying to the message bord here. first i want to say that i have a problem with anger and daddy knows it.my problem is that i try to avoid it at all costs i will shut down refuse to discus close myself off walk out of the room or house. i have gotten to the fist shakeing point befor but only becouse i was i was unabel to escape from the arguement and the feelings it brought up daddy is aware of my problem dealing with my anger and will not alow me to escape from it as it must be faced and delt with. anger is a nateral emotion it serves a perpuse it is telling you that there is a perceved thret perceved being the opertive word talking about the anger and what trigered it is importent becouse only then can it be decided if the thret is in fact real .witch in most cases its not but weather it is real or just perceved to be real it is still real to the person who perceves the thret so discuseing it is the only way to get to the bottom of it .daddy has been understanding of this and is compasionit enough to endoure my anger in order to help me work it out .

(in reply to Slipstreme)
Profile   Post #: 76
RE: curious situation - 3/23/2006 11:12:29 PM   
dorsaisgirl1


Posts: 156
Joined: 3/13/2006
Status: offline 		sorry about my spelling i know it sucks

(in reply to dorsaisgirl1)
Profile   Post #: 77
RE: curious situation - 3/23/2006 11:20:57 PM   
ownedgirlie


Posts: 9184
Joined: 2/5/2006
Status: offline 		Rage is a terrible thing to have pent up inside.  i have been there.  i am glad you are with someone you trust, and wish you the best in working through that.

And...welcome to the board :)

(in reply to dorsaisgirl1)
Profile   Post #: 78
RE: curious situation - 3/23/2006 11:23:33 PM   
DragonNphoenix


Posts: 617
Joined: 8/2/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Slipstreme

quote:

There is a type of "subspace" where the submissive (even the most gentle and passive ones) become nearly feral / wild.


I dont know if this has anything to do with subspace per se, but is this similar to theriantrophy in a way? I know there has been a thread on the feral side before including its animalistic connections, but I had missed the post before it died. Theriantrophy is a spiritual condition where the person believes, or seems to be, in some sense not human and often shifts mentally into thier animal form. I am feline, and have noticed the cat can be very powerful and consuming in S&M and other intense situations. I have no control over it when it arises, be it due to being beaten, and thus fear its arousal when I am wielding as it is both protector and predator. At these times I can't even understand spoken word. I'm not sure if this is sort of the same thing or not, as I've noticed that a lot of the feline attributes I have are operating on a 24/7 but usually controllable basis and not connected to space. 




Hello cousin.  I am a cat also, a snow leapord to be exact.  As part of my spiritual path, I have harnessed my inner cat, to shift to that when I want/need to.  But... once, it was brought out while I was in subspace and had no control over the way that I felt.  My FORMER master left me to come out of it on my own.  The anger was overwhelming at being left alone.  I hated him for it.  Still do in some ways. 

I would love to discuss theriantrophy with you in greater detail.

1st Girl Phoenix

_____________________________

**Pain is just pleasure with a twist**

(in reply to Slipstreme)
Profile   Post #: 79
RE: curious situation - 3/23/2006 11:26:06 PM   
DragonNphoenix


Posts: 617
Joined: 8/2/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: dorsaisgirl1

hello this is my first time replying to the message bord here.


Welcome... hope to see more from you.  Most of us wont bite.... unless asked.

1st Girl Phoenix

_____________________________

**Pain is just pleasure with a twist**

(in reply to dorsaisgirl1)
Profile   Post #: 80
Page:   <<   < prev  1 2 3 [4] 5   next >   >>
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> RE: curious situation Page: <<   < prev  1 2 3 [4] 5   next >   >>
Jump to:





New Messages No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages Locked w/o New Messages
 Post New Thread
 Reply to Message
 Post New Poll
 Submit Vote
 Delete My Own Post
 Delete My Own Thread
 Rate Posts




Collarchat.com © 2025
Terms of Service Privacy Policy Spam Policy

0.109