quote:

ORIGINAL: fastlane

A submissive clenches her fist towards you, because she is mad.....for whatever reason?
How do you respond?  Become physical, become a mediator, whip her back into submission, dump her, talk it out, or decide to go back to sheep, who have big beautiful eyes, are soft and never argue...according to my friend?

Ewe and Peace, Kevin

Then after the discussion the Domm/me can teach through whatever means that physical violence is not an okay way to communicate anger. JMHO

quote:

ORIGINAL: brightspot

quote:

ORIGINAL: fastlane

A submissive clenches her fist towards you, because she is mad.....for whatever reason?
How do you respond?  Become physical, become a mediator, whip her back into submission, dump her, talk it out, or decide to go back to sheep, who have big beautiful eyes, are soft and never argue...according to my friend?

Ewe and Peace, Kevin

 


Then after the discussion the Domm/me can teach through whatever means that physical violence is not an okay way to communicate anger. JMHO
 
*Brightspot

quote:

ORIGINAL: swtnsparkling

quote:

 i get angry. And i express that. I have shaken my fists and a lot worse.
But perhaps im a freak, and the only one on collarme that does express anger, hey ho. Rather that than some fluidly submissive drone.

So a  submissive who feels anger but does'nt express it by shakeing their fists at their Doms  or worst are fluidly submissive drones? did i read that right?
just want to make sure before I respond futher

quote:

ORIGINAL: ownedgirlie

quote:

ORIGINAL: Sirandlittle1

well either you lot are saints, or im a sinner. Coz i get angry. And i express that. I have shaken my fists and a lot worse.
A shaken fist IS communication. Usually loosely interpreted as "you are not listening to me, im getting so frustrated".
But perhaps im a freak, and the only one on collarme that does express anger, hey ho. Rather that than some fluidly submissive drone. I have a array of emotions, ALL are normal human emotions. I would not wish to be in a relationship that banned them. gee!
I do however, have to express them appropriately, which is why, when i leak my fury, i am sent to a cupboard, and whilst im there, i am supposed to consider the error of my ways. Usually, i sit in the dark, getting angrier. Fuelling my original inflammatory thoughts. But im 42, and get angry for god damn good reasons these days. Long gone have been my flighty fiery days. Anger at my 42 usually equates to he's been a asshole and im frustrated. Get real guys.

i was perfectly okay with your decision to throw tantrums when angry and to not say anything until you told "me" (us) to "get real."

1.  i would never call my Master an asshole, or say he has been an asshole.  i respect him far too much for that, and i trust him far too much, to know that either i did not agree with his decision or that perhaps he actually miscalculated.
I respect my Sir also. I respect him to be a man, and as such, he's capable of being a asshole. You say 'miscalculated' i say asshole. Each to their own.
2. Of course i am allowed to be angry.  And i am allowed to express that anger.  But i am expected to do so as a grown up.  Meaning, i tell him of it.  Even if my voice is all crackly and escalated as i try to surpress the urge to scream, i DO surpress it, because that is the boundary provided for me.  It is in my best interest to do so, as it is unhealthy for me to be so out of control that i need to shake fists and be sent to a corner. I wholeheartedly agree with this, it is unhealthy for me, to become so out of control, and a lack of control on his part, that he has not repsonded sooner to his submissive becoming so. However, shit happens, life gets in the way sometimes, and the signals get missed sometimes.

3.  Didn't you just admit in your post that shaking your fist is inappropriate?  "I do however, have to express them appropriately, which is why, when i leak my fury, i am sent to a cupboard..." Okay, so....huh?  You have ranted that it's okay to behave in such a way, and then you admit that you shouldn't behave in such a way. No, ive not 'ranted' that its ok to behave in this way. Im saying that its human. Losing control is a human trait that i have. I lose control when all i have as my resources has been used up. when i lose control.

4. my relationship in no way bans emotions, but there are expectations of how i am to behave, and i meet them. That is not being a saint.  That is being a slave. And i applaud your achievement of this. However i am not a slave, im a struggling submissive, and as yet, have not reached the dizzying heights of perfection in my self control. So occasionally, i am unable to meet the expectations my Sir has of me. I let him down. I let myself down. But thats ok, i can learn. He can learn. We all can learn. You did not enter slavery being perfect, its a process.

For the record, if i ever DID get so angry as to be out of control, Master would walk away and not deal with me until i decided to calm down and approach him appropriately.  Then he would listen to my concerns, decide, and punish me for behaving so poorly. Pretty much same here. However, if i were not in the wrong, id find that punishment VERY hard to take. I have taken punishments ive not considered fair. As that is my role to do so. But there is a limit. And thats the difference between my submissive mentality, and yours of slave. Im allowed them. Thankfully.

~ 2 cents in the bucket, as i haven't contributed to it in awhile ~
thankyou for your contribution. I do enjoy seeing other's perspectives on how they live 'there' power dynamic. Its never going to match my situation, nor mine there's. But i enjoy reading them. That is why i am at collarme. Im nosy.
littleone

quote:

ORIGINAL: Sirandlittle1

quote:

ORIGINAL: ownedgirlie

quote:

ORIGINAL: Sirandlittle1

well either you lot are saints, or im a sinner. Coz i get angry. And i express that. I have shaken my fists and a lot worse.
A shaken fist IS communication. Usually loosely interpreted as "you are not listening to me, im getting so frustrated".
But perhaps im a freak, and the only one on collarme that does express anger, hey ho. Rather that than some fluidly submissive drone. I have a array of emotions, ALL are normal human emotions. I would not wish to be in a relationship that banned them. gee!
I do however, have to express them appropriately, which is why, when i leak my fury, i am sent to a cupboard, and whilst im there, i am supposed to consider the error of my ways. Usually, i sit in the dark, getting angrier. Fuelling my original inflammatory thoughts. But im 42, and get angry for god damn good reasons these days. Long gone have been my flighty fiery days. Anger at my 42 usually equates to he's been a asshole and im frustrated. Get real guys.

i was perfectly okay with your decision to throw tantrums when angry and to not say anything until you told "me" (us) to "get real."

1.  i would never call my Master an asshole, or say he has been an asshole.  i respect him far too much for that, and i trust him far too much, to know that either i did not agree with his decision or that perhaps he actually miscalculated.
I respect my Sir also. I respect him to be a man, and as such, he's capable of being a asshole. You say 'miscalculated' i say asshole. Each to their own.
To me, "asshole" depends on intent.  If someone intended to hurt, or if he simply did not consider the effects of his own actions (or didn't care), i might be inclined to use your terminology.  If it was an honest error, as we are all human, i see it as a miscalculation of how i might respond, or of how his actions might be received.  i can't bring myself to call anyone an asshole who is doing something with the best of intentions.  So, we differ in our opinions here.
2. Of course i am allowed to be angry.  And i am allowed to express that anger.  But i am expected to do so as a grown up.  Meaning, i tell him of it.  Even if my voice is all crackly and escalated as i try to surpress the urge to scream, i DO surpress it, because that is the boundary provided for me.  It is in my best interest to do so, as it is unhealthy for me to be so out of control that i need to shake fists and be sent to a corner. I wholeheartedly agree with this, it is unhealthy for me, to become so out of control, and a lack of control on his part, that he has not repsonded sooner to his submissive becoming so. However, shit happens, life gets in the way sometimes, and the signals get missed sometimes.
i agree.  Signals get mixed.  And over time i was trained how to deal with those mixed signals.  Shaking a fist is not an acceptable way for me.

3.  Didn't you just admit in your post that shaking your fist is inappropriate?  "I do however, have to express them appropriately, which is why, when i leak my fury, i am sent to a cupboard..." Okay, so....huh?  You have ranted that it's okay to behave in such a way, and then you admit that you shouldn't behave in such a way. No, ive not 'ranted' that its ok to behave in this way. Im saying that its human. Losing control is a human trait that i have. I lose control when all i have as my resources has been used up. when i lose control.
i misunderstood.  Thank you for clarifying.

4. my relationship in no way bans emotions, but there are expectations of how i am to behave, and i meet them. That is not being a saint.  That is being a slave. And i applaud your achievement of this. However i am not a slave, im a struggling submissive, and as yet, have not reached the dizzying heights of perfection in my self control. So occasionally, i am unable to meet the expectations my Sir has of me. I let him down. I let myself down. But thats ok, i can learn. He can learn. We all can learn. You did not enter slavery being perfect, its a process.
No, not perfect.  Nor am i perfect now.  Nor will i (or anyone) ever achieve perfection.  In fact, i struggled as much as anyone being pushed as i was pushed.  It has been hard work and most difficult.  So i do appreciate where you are coming from.  i had a lot of rage buried in me when we met, so i understand what that is like.  He never required me to suppress emotion, however (i think you mentioned that in a different post).  He stopped the behavior and taught me to express differently.  Trust me when i say that was not easy!!!  i ask though, if he errors and lets you down, he is an asshole, but if you let him down, you are human?  i guess i get hung up on someone calling their Dom/Owner an asshole.  Maybe you define that word more lightly than i do and that's where i am misunderstanding.

For the record, if i ever DID get so angry as to be out of control, Master would walk away and not deal with me until i decided to calm down and approach him appropriately.  Then he would listen to my concerns, decide, and punish me for behaving so poorly. Pretty much same here. However, if i were not in the wrong, id find that punishment VERY hard to take. I have taken punishments ive not considered fair. As that is my role to do so. But there is a limit. And thats the difference between my submissive mentality, and yours of slave. Im allowed them. Thankfully.
my punishments would be for the inappropriate way i handled myself, not for being angry about what happened.  It was part of my training to learn that if i express anger appropriately, i am heard - every word and everything in between.  If i go off in a tizzy, i am left in a tizzy, and when things are calm, i am heard and then reprimanded for making myself unaccessable to him by way of throwing a fit.  You are right though, there is that difference in our mentalities (neither better nor worse than the other), and i respect and appreciate who and what you are.  Your "get real" comment, however, i did not, and that's what prompted me to write to begin with.

~ 2 cents in the bucket, as i haven't contributed to it in awhile ~
thankyou for your contribution. I do enjoy seeing other's perspectives on how they live 'there' power dynamic. Its never going to match my situation, nor mine there's. But i enjoy reading them. That is why i am at collarme. Im nosy.
Thank you for this post and clearing up a previous perception that i had.  i appreciate you taking the time to respond. :)
littleone