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starymists -> RE: What ever happened to service? (3/23/2006 7:49:34 AM)
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ORIGINAL: twicehappy
SERVICE??????????
Service used to be one of the main things a submissive,and especially a slave provided for their Master/Mistress. The submissive or slave did not always enjoy the servitude for itself but normally did enjoy the feeling of pleasing their owners and doing things for them.
Most subs/slaves used to consider it to be part of their role to provide service, that is, of a non sexual sort and gained great emotional satisfaction and even pleasure from providing such. I am speaking of the normal day to day services, bringing a soda, making sure the Master/Mistress has a full box of their favorite tissues by their chair, arranging fresh flowers on the table. Things the owners may not have directly commented on but you, the slave knew made them happy or comfortable. The little things that they gently patted your cheek for.
Used to be? While I tend to think that there have been some shifts within BDSM, I don't think service is a thing of the past. I know a lot of submissives and slaves alike who still enjoy providing services to his/her Master/Mistress. For myself, I handle 90% of the domestics in my current relationship. Not because I have to...not because I was asked to...but simply because I enjoy providing that. Even when I wasn't in a relationship, I would do similar things for friends *like clean his/her house before a first meeting with a new person*. Service is still very much there if you take the time to develop the relationship. That being said, domestics are not something I enjoy in and of themselves. It's pretty much a labor of love. It is a service that reflects how I feel towards a certain person or set of people. Therefore, if you want that from me, be prepared to take the time to earn that service from me.
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Now more and more frequently this seems to have fallen by the wayside.
It seems to me of late, watching my Master and Mistress seaching for another sub/slave to add to this poly house most subs/slaves are either not “into” this aspect of the lifestyle (ie:hard limit-housework) or they want to do it as 24/7 kink (ie:I want to be kept in shackles or a cage all day),or worse yet want to barter (ie:I did this for you,now I want a new ? bought for me).
What I am saying is let’s be real. To those whose hard limits are housework, who keeps your house clean? To those wanting 24/7 kink. If you are in a cage all day how can you be taking care of the needs of your owner? What a pain for them to have to keep unlocking the cage every time they need something. To those wishing to barter. In the long run if they wanted to pay someone for service wouldn’t a maid be cheaper and less stressful?
Just because I keep my own house clean does not automatically mean I will keep your house clean. All too frequently, I have been approached with the following deal: ‘My submissive and I will expect you to take care of the house as part of your service to us.’ Nothing personal, but why should I get involved in a situation where I am strictly a second who has to work and do the housework by myself? I can see if both submissives are caring for the house, but to have one exempted from housework? Get real. After enough of those kinds of offers, I can see exactly why housework becomes a hard limit. I may be a submissive...I may come very close to being a slave...doesn’t mean I have no wants or needs. And if I’ve worked all day and come home at night to take care of the house, how much time am I going to realistically going to have to meet those other wants and needs?
As far as the 24/7 kink, I doubt there is anyone out there who expects to be locked in a cage all day every day for the rest of their lives. There are certainly times and places where it would be appropriate to engage in that kind of kink. And if the Master/Mistress is into that kind of thing *and I know many who are* it’s not a hardship to unlock the cage when it needs to be unlocked. It is also not a hardship to do for yourself if you are getting pleasure from keeping your sub/slave in a cage. Particularly within a poly household, there are others who are available to do what needs to be done when the cage, all day bondage or what have you is being utilized.
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What happened to caring for your owners home, person, possessions out of love? Out of the simple joy it gave your slave heart to be accomplishing those day to day chores that made your beloved Mistress or Master’s life better. What happened to subs/slaves learning their owners needs and desires and anticipating them. What Master or Mistress wants to spend all their time micro managing a sub/slave?
What happened to building a relationship in which the Dominant(s) inspired this level of service from a submissive? When did dominance become an order that is to be blindly obeyed? My Dominant never demands. He inspires my service, every day. He makes me want to please him, to do things for him. He inspires the feelings and the submission that brings that out of me. Submission does not happen in a vacuum. Submission inspires dominance. Dominance inspires more submission. And after 16 years in the lifestyle, I’ve found that it is next to impossible to inspire deeper levels of submission until face to face get togethers start to happen.
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Do what needs to be done to be pleasing. To make your owner’s lives more complete, more relaxing, more satisfying. Do not screw up intentionally to be punished. If you want/need/require a beating why not simply beg for it?
I personally feel I have failed myself if I have to be asked to do something on a regular basis. I take great joy and satisfaction from learning what is required and doing it before I am asked. To mind this is how I serve best.
But then, that smile, that hand holding mine in the dark, that minute laying on their knee while they absently pet my head is my world.
I mentioned earlier that I have seen some changes within BDSM. With the ease of access that the internet allows us to have, we have seen an influx of people into the lifestyle. Some are players. Some are after just the kink. Some are abusers. And that goes both ways. The internet allows us to find others who are looking for the same things that we are looking for. There are people who can match up with someone else, both of whom just want kink in the bedroom and the rest of their relationship is vanilla. That’s neither right nor wrong. Who are you or I to question what someone else is looking for in a relationship or make it less than just because it is not the way we do things? There are also ’Doms’ who are looking for a maid. Plain and simple. Nothing more and nothing less. There are Doms who are looking for the person that will be pushing their wheelchair and wiping their chins as they age. That’s not ~all~ Doms. But it is certainly some Doms. There are those who will take your service and give nothing in return. That is not BDSM any more than being in a cage 24/7 is.
A slave/submissive, in searching for his or her Master/Mistress, has a right to qualify the customer. They have the right to keep themselves safe. They have the right to find someone whos wants and needs match their own. They have the right to find a situation that works for them. We do not have the right to put down a submissive who is honestly saying what he/she wants/needs from a Dominant. He/she, right up till contract/collaring whatever form of commitment is used, has the right to put boundaries on service. He/she has a right to ensure that the gifts of service that he/she has will not be misused, abused and/or simply taken
If someone is putting out less than what you want them to give, you have two choices...develop the relationship because as the relationship develops so will the level of submission...or find someone else. There are thousands of persons out there. Find one that is a better match for what you are looking for. But don’t put down others who are choosing a different path.
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