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RE: "Financially Secure" - 1/21/2010 3:09:19 PM

jj292

Posts: 100
Joined: 2/16/2007
Status: offline

I agree with a lot of what you are saying... Everyone is going to have different views, requirements, wants, needs, etc...

And I dont mean to pick on women over this. Obviously there are dead beats out there, no doubt. And not many people are going to want to be with a dead beat that refuses to work and just sleeps on the couch all day.

But that's not what Im talking about. Im talking about beyond that...
Take a look at a bunch of profiles of female tops compared to male tops. Notice a pattern begins to emerge. You see a lot of keywords in the domme profiles you never see in the male profiles... Keywords like "Spoil me." "Pamper me." "Im so beautiful I shouldnt have to work." etc, etc, etc.... How many male dom profiles have those phrases in it?

I think it it is rooted in social engineering. The traditional gender roles are that a man of the house provides for the woman and she stands under his umbrella. It's been that way for centuries. That's one reason there is tradition that the woman takes the man's last name at marriage. And it is no different in the BDSM community either. The male top provides for the female bottom. The male sub provides for his female top. They are just both in a different context and dynamic.

It seems that in most relationships, the woman is looking for security and the male is looking for companionship. That's obviously a huge generalization. But I think it has some truth to it.

(in reply to EbonyFtshGoddess)

Post #: 221

RE: "Financially Secure" - 1/21/2010 3:23:48 PM

Elisabella

Posts: 3939
Status: offline

quote:

I think it it is rooted in social engineering. The traditional gender roles are that a man of the house provides for the woman and she stands under his umbrella. It's been that way for centuries. That's one reason there is tradition that the woman takes the man's last name at marriage. And it is no different in the BDSM community either. The male top provides for the female bottom. The male sub provides for his female top. They are just both in a different context and dynamic.

It seems that in most relationships, the woman is looking for security and the male is looking for companionship. That's obviously a huge generalization. But I think it has some truth to it.

Very good point.

(in reply to jj292)

Post #: 222

RE: "Financially Secure" - 1/21/2010 8:40:15 PM

EbonyFtshGoddess

Posts: 446
Joined: 1/1/2006
From: Hollywood Hills, CA
Status: offline

i never peruse profiles of other dominants so i can't speak upon what male dominants have in their profiles typically. but i do know one male dom here (i knew him before CM) and he implicitly requires his female subs to work AND give him their paychecks to support the greater good of their poly home.

i don't have a poly home (YET.. i'm workin on it).. but that's precisely what i'd require as well.

i do see your points though... duly noted.

_____________________________

One Man's Phobia is Another Man's Fetish

(in reply to jj292)

Post #: 223

RE: "Financially Secure" - 1/21/2010 8:45:07 PM

LadyHibiscus

Posts: 27124
Joined: 8/15/2005
From: Island Of Misfit Toys
Status: offline

I am too pretty to work, dagnabbit!!

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[page 23 girl]

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Post #: 224

RE: "Financially Secure" - 1/21/2010 8:50:08 PM

WyldHrt

Posts: 6412
Joined: 6/5/2008
Status: offline

quote:

The male top provides for the female bottom.

I've obviously been hanging out with the wrong male tops, lol!
Seriously though, many Doms require their subs to support themselves financially.

_____________________________

"MotherFUCKER!" is NOT a safeword!!"- Steel
"We've had complaints about 'orgy noises'. This is not the neighborhood for that kind of thing"- PVE Cop

Resident "Hypnotic Eyes", "Cleavage" and "Toy Whore"
Subby Mafia, VAA Posse & Team Troll!

(in reply to jj292)

Post #: 225

RE: "Financially Secure" - 1/21/2010 8:53:12 PM

pyroaquatic

Posts: 1535
Joined: 12/4/2006
From: Pyroaquatica
Status: offline

If not, in any situation you could find yourself with Nothing.

Not even Maybe Something.

Dual/Multiple Incomes are awesome, lemme tell ya. They pay off that house that much quicker.

_____________________________

You are what your deep, driving desire is.
As your desire is, so is your will.
As your will is, so is your deed.
As your deed is, so is your destiny.
-Brihadaranyaka Upanishad IV.4.5

(in reply to WyldHrt)

Post #: 226

RE: "Financially Secure" - 1/21/2010 8:53:14 PM

LadyHibiscus

Posts: 27124
Joined: 8/15/2005
From: Island Of Misfit Toys
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: WyldHrt

quote:

The male top provides for the female bottom.

I've obviously been hanging out with the wrong male tops, lol!
Seriously though, many Doms require their subs to support themselves financially.

Wyld is also too pretty to work. I suggest we all go on strike until the universe recognizes this. Or until tomorrow, when we have to go back to work.

Pretty not Stupid Hib

_____________________________

[page 23 girl]

(in reply to WyldHrt)

Post #: 227

RE: "Financially Secure" - 1/21/2010 8:55:04 PM

WyldHrt

Posts: 6412
Joined: 6/5/2008
Status: offline

quote:

Wyld is also too pretty to work. I suggest we all go on strike until the universe recognizes this. Or until tomorrow, when we have to go back to work.
Pretty not Stupid Hib

*smooches Francine* Thankies for that!

I'll consider myself officially on strike..... until tomorrow morning

_____________________________

"MotherFUCKER!" is NOT a safeword!!"- Steel
"We've had complaints about 'orgy noises'. This is not the neighborhood for that kind of thing"- PVE Cop

Resident "Hypnotic Eyes", "Cleavage" and "Toy Whore"
Subby Mafia, VAA Posse & Team Troll!

(in reply to LadyHibiscus)

Post #: 228

RE: "Financially Secure" - 1/21/2010 8:56:13 PM

LadyHibiscus

Posts: 27124
Joined: 8/15/2005
From: Island Of Misfit Toys
Status: offline

YAY!!

(LadyPact is next!)

_____________________________

[page 23 girl]

(in reply to WyldHrt)

Post #: 229

RE: "Financially Secure" - 1/22/2010 1:45:33 PM

jujubeeMB

Posts: 723
Joined: 1/8/2010
Status: offline

Just made the mistake of reading this entire thread in one sitting, and now I feel about twelve different emotions ranging from irritated to thoroughly amused :) I don't want to piss anyone off (although based on the thread so far I'm sure I will) but I thought I'd point out the rather obvious fact that the women on this site CLEARLY have the power in who they want to play with / date. The site just IS that way. You can rant and rage all you want about what women's standards "SHOULD" be, and how "shallow" some women are, and how much you would never touch the "man-hating bitches" (is it really necessary to fling sexist phrases around?) with a ten foot pole, but at the end of the day, all the women on this site have their choice of quite a few men. So why on earth would any women lower their standards or wants/desires?

I don't mean that to be like men have no standards - obviously there are even men on this thread with great poise and standards whose respect I would love to earn - but women getting to have high standards really is just a simple fact that the men on this site might want to accept for their own peace of mind. Perhaps it's an "unfair" double standard, but it just IS THE CASE. So accept that and move on.

Also, as a sub who works but makes less than $20,000 a year (you try being an actress/waitress/typist... when someone mentioned $100,000 "ain't what it used to be" I laughed), I don't expect anyone to support me, but I can't afford to go out to dinner or a movie very often, and I sure as hell can't afford BDSM equipment. I'm also uncomfortable with men who can't afford to take me out, since I just sit there thinking "I should really be contributing to this... maybe if I don't pay the electric bill..." So when I'm looking for a Dom, I'm looking for someone who is financially secure enough to pay when we go places without being uncomfortable with the price, and who will pay for all the ropes, so to speak. This does not make me shallow or lazy, it makes me a young woman in an extremely low-paying job during a recession. So please stop calling people who are poor shallow and lazy. If I didn't date men who could take me out, I wouldn't be able to date at all.

Argh. Sorry. I got kind of annoyed :)

(in reply to LadyHibiscus)

Post #: 230

RE: "Financially Secure" - 1/22/2010 1:53:05 PM

lusciouslips19

Posts: 9792
Joined: 9/8/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyHibiscus

quote:

ORIGINAL: WyldHrt

quote:

The male top provides for the female bottom.

I've obviously been hanging out with the wrong male tops, lol!
Seriously though, many Doms require their subs to support themselves financially.

Wyld is also too pretty to work. I suggest we all go on strike until the universe recognizes this. Or until tomorrow, when we have to go back to work.

Pretty not Stupid Hib

I would like to apply for this job as Bon Bon eater, whilst looking purdy, please!!!

_____________________________

Original Pimpette,
Keeper of Original Home Flag and Fire of Mr. Lance Hughes
Charter member of Lance's Fag Hags,
Member of the Subbie Mafia
Princess of typos and it's my prerogative

(in reply to LadyHibiscus)

Post #: 231

RE: "Financially Secure" - 1/22/2010 2:00:19 PM

lusciouslips19

Posts: 9792
Joined: 9/8/2007
Status: offline

Jujubee,

You're a smart girl. It took me a long time to be able to accept being taken out. When I was younger I did the whole"I want to pay" thing. Now if they want to have me, they pay to take me out. I would not kick someone to the curb for losing his job. But the playing field as far as employment goes is not level for men and woman.

Bottom line, if a man wants me, he has to want to take me out. If he doesnt, hes not the sort Im looking for. You know what, I am ok if they dont beat my door down. I have all the battery and electric boyfriends I need. If the boys dont want to be replaced with something less high maintenance, its best they show us why they are not replaceable.

_____________________________

Original Pimpette,
Keeper of Original Home Flag and Fire of Mr. Lance Hughes
Charter member of Lance's Fag Hags,
Member of the Subbie Mafia
Princess of typos and it's my prerogative

(in reply to jujubeeMB)

Post #: 232

RE: "Financially Secure" - 1/22/2010 3:49:32 PM

submaleinzona

Posts: 77
Joined: 2/23/2009
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: jj292

I agree with a lot of what you are saying... Everyone is going to have different views, requirements, wants, needs, etc...

And I dont mean to pick on women over this. Obviously there are dead beats out there, no doubt. And not many people are going to want to be with a dead beat that refuses to work and just sleeps on the couch all day.

But that's not what Im talking about. Im talking about beyond that...
Take a look at a bunch of profiles of female tops compared to male tops. Notice a pattern begins to emerge. You see a lot of keywords in the domme profiles you never see in the male profiles... Keywords like "Spoil me." "Pamper me." "Im so beautiful I shouldnt have to work." etc, etc, etc.... How many male dom profiles have those phrases in it?

I think it it is rooted in social engineering. The traditional gender roles are that a man of the house provides for the woman and she stands under his umbrella. It's been that way for centuries. That's one reason there is tradition that the woman takes the man's last name at marriage. And it is no different in the BDSM community either. The male top provides for the female bottom. The male sub provides for his female top. They are just both in a different context and dynamic.

It seems that in most relationships, the woman is looking for security and the male is looking for companionship. That's obviously a huge generalization. But I think it has some truth to it.

I've always accepted this as the truth as well. Others have mentioned that, in society overall, men have tended to make more money, hold most of the wealth and consequently, most of the power in the world. In essence, money means power.

I understand the money aspects of it, but it gets a bit confusing when viewed in the perspective of a power exchange. If a male sub still controls the money in the relationship, then would he still have most of the power in the relationship? Someone else in this thread mentioned that women are more powerful because they have the vagina, but does that have more power than money?

(in reply to jj292)

Post #: 233

RE: "Financially Secure" - 1/22/2010 3:52:32 PM

WyldHrt

Posts: 6412
Joined: 6/5/2008
Status: offline

quote:

Someone else in this thread mentioned that women are more powerful because they have the vagina, but does that have more power than money?

Depends on the vagina

_____________________________

"MotherFUCKER!" is NOT a safeword!!"- Steel
"We've had complaints about 'orgy noises'. This is not the neighborhood for that kind of thing"- PVE Cop

Resident "Hypnotic Eyes", "Cleavage" and "Toy Whore"
Subby Mafia, VAA Posse & Team Troll!

(in reply to submaleinzona)

Post #: 234

RE: "Financially Secure" - 1/22/2010 4:01:08 PM

Lockit

Posts: 11292
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline

I don't think I want to compare a vagina and money and see which is more powerful. With some people they may put power to either, but not all people do. To either... I would say... that is pretty fickle and rather disgusting when you think about it.

A power dynamic in a relationship shouldn't be based on either, but should be based on the people involved and what is in their hearts and minds and the life they choose to live.

I've known people with money, those that use it as power and those who don't. Anyone who does is someone I wouldn't be with. I have also known people who put power in a pussy... I don't know how that worked for them, but I wouldn't respect that kind of power.

_____________________________

No matter how old a woman gets, some men will think she was born yesterday! ROFL... I love this place!

(in reply to WyldHrt)

Post #: 235

RE: "Financially Secure" - 1/22/2010 5:03:13 PM

WyldHrt

Posts: 6412
Joined: 6/5/2008
Status: offline

I was joking, Lockit

_____________________________

"MotherFUCKER!" is NOT a safeword!!"- Steel
"We've had complaints about 'orgy noises'. This is not the neighborhood for that kind of thing"- PVE Cop

Resident "Hypnotic Eyes", "Cleavage" and "Toy Whore"
Subby Mafia, VAA Posse & Team Troll!

(in reply to Lockit)

Post #: 236

RE: "Financially Secure" - 1/22/2010 5:13:09 PM

Lockit

Posts: 11292
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline

LOL... I know you were! I was trying to answer the previous poster! I may laugh about the power of the pussy and how special some are... but I won't use it as a life tool so to speak.

I'm sorry... I should have laughed at your comment and then answered his. lol

_____________________________

No matter how old a woman gets, some men will think she was born yesterday! ROFL... I love this place!

(in reply to WyldHrt)

Post #: 237

RE: "Financially Secure" - 1/22/2010 6:51:38 PM

pyroaquatic

Posts: 1535
Joined: 12/4/2006
From: Pyroaquatica
Status: offline

it makes me a young woman in an extremely low-paying job during a recession

quote:

it makes me a young woman in an extremely low-paying job during a recession

it makes me a young man in a no-paying job during a recession. Yay... i suddenly feel better about myself.

i used to get paid. it is a long story.

What I will say is that since the recession has been in swing...
that is how long I have been in the workforce.

destitute and half living on the streets.... half-couch surfing. Finding odd jobs. Barely surviving. From my position Communism seems like a golden opportunity.

But Democracy and Capitalism it is. The way I have been living is something I have grown used to.

I have finally stabilized to a point where I will not starve or die of thirst though. yay.

_____________________________

You are what your deep, driving desire is.
As your desire is, so is your will.
As your will is, so is your deed.
As your deed is, so is your destiny.
-Brihadaranyaka Upanishad IV.4.5

(in reply to jujubeeMB)

Post #: 238

RE: "Financially Secure" - 1/22/2010 7:30:50 PM

submaleinzona

Posts: 77
Joined: 2/23/2009
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Lockit

I don't think I want to compare a vagina and money and see which is more powerful. With some people they may put power to either, but not all people do. To either... I would say... that is pretty fickle and rather disgusting when you think about it.

A power dynamic in a relationship shouldn't be based on either, but should be based on the people involved and what is in their hearts and minds and the life they choose to live.

I've known people with money, those that use it as power and those who don't. Anyone who does is someone I wouldn't be with. I have also known people who put power in a pussy... I don't know how that worked for them, but I wouldn't respect that kind of power.

Well, I didn't really want to compare the two, and it is somewhat crass. But it just struck me when looking at various elements of power that were mentioned in this thread in the context of the overall society in which men have held most of the wealth and power and consequently held the power in male-female relationships, at least in the traditional sense. I was trying to reconcile it with the dynamic of non-traditional relationships. I also agree about the use of such power not being respectable, especially if it's abused or wasted in some way.

I guess what I'm getting at is, some of the profiles tend to mystify me a bit. The message board seems to have a different tone and quality than some of the profiles I've read. But in some of the profiles I've browsed, I've gotten the impression that there are some men of means who are spending a great deal of money on financial domination or whatever. Of course, it's a free world, and people can do whatever they want with their money, but I'm thinking that it's such a waste. I just can't see it myself.

(in reply to Lockit)

Post #: 239

RE: "Financially Secure" - 1/22/2010 8:47:23 PM

Lockit

Posts: 11292
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline

I get you... and understand.

You are right... you will find things a bit different on this side of the site and it is much more to my liking! lol The other side is scary! lol

_____________________________

No matter how old a woman gets, some men will think she was born yesterday! ROFL... I love this place!

(in reply to submaleinzona)

Post #: 240

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