RE: Lame posts: "No, I'm not into that. Sorry" Why bother?

RE: Lame posts: "No, I'm not into that. Sorry" Why bother? (Full Version)

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hardbodysub -> RE: Lame posts: "No, I'm not into that. Sorry" Why bother? (1/23/2010 8:06:36 AM)
I'm going to go against the tide here. I expect to get flamed, but so be it. I'd rather speak the truth, tell it like it is, and catch hell for it if that's the result. The concept that when dommes spout off about not being into a sub's expressed interest, they're doing the guy a favor and educating him, that's nothing more than a rationalization allowing them to bitch and moan about not getting what they want. I'm not saying that it's intentional. A lot of women actually believe that they're helping when they do this. But they're not. What they're doing is dominating the thread with unnecessary negatives, and discouraging positive responses from people who actually might consider responding affirmatively. What they don't seem to get is that silence is a very good negative response. If a guy asks how many femdoms are into X, Y, or Z, and nobody responds, that answers his question just fine, without the self-centered, self-righteous explanations of why someone doesn't like it. If someone asks "How do people feel about X?", then it's appropriate for anyone to respond about whether, how, and why they like or dislike it. If the questions is "Who likes X, and why?", then there's really no good reason for hordes of dislikers to chime in and disparage X. If you think you're providing an educational service, you're just being self-delusioinal.

SolangeRichards -> RE: Lame posts: "No, I'm not into that. Sorry" Why bother? (1/23/2010 8:54:46 AM)
You're making some very valid points hardbodysub. I'm sure some of the Dommes here are mothers, and I wonder how many would advocate their child being hauled before a tribunal of school teachers to be humiliated with snarky comments and smartassed statements just because little Poindexter asked a stupid question.... Yes, I know that we are dealing with adults here, but if the goal truly is to educate, then the self styled and self appointed teachers should at least learn how to do it correctly.

MsHValentine -> RE: Lame posts: "No, I'm not into that. Sorry" Why bother? (1/23/2010 9:42:19 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: SolangeRichards snip: humiliated with snarky comments and smartassed statements just because little Poindexter asked a stupid question.... Yes, I know that we are dealing with adults here, but if the goal truly is to educate, then the self styled and self appointed teachers should at least learn how to do it correctly. Are you referring to the dommes here in this section? You obviously feel upset by some of them. I'm curious what exactly was said to make you feel this strongly against the women posting here. They seem like pretty decent women to me.

LadyPact -> RE: Lame posts: "No, I'm not into that. Sorry" Why bother? (1/23/2010 9:44:41 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: SolangeRichards You're making some very valid points hardbodysub. I'm sure some of the Dommes here are mothers, and I wonder how many would advocate their child being hauled before a tribunal of school teachers to be humiliated with snarky comments and smartassed statements just because little Poindexter asked a stupid question.... Yes, I know that we are dealing with adults here, but if the goal truly is to educate, then the self styled and self appointed teachers should at least learn how to do it correctly. I think there is a huge difference between someone seeking to be educated on an intellectual level and someone who wants to discuss a certain topic because it stirs them up sexually.

MsHValentine -> RE: Lame posts: "No, I'm not into that. Sorry" Why bother? (1/23/2010 9:54:30 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: hardbodysub If a guy asks how many femdoms are into X, Y, or Z, and nobody responds, that answers his question just fine, without the self-centered, self-righteous explanations of why someone doesn't like it. You're essentially silencing the women and their opinions. What exactly makes an opinion a "self-righteous" opinion in your mind? Aren't all opinions based around a person's self-interest making it "self-centered"? How else does a femdom say, "No, that kink turns me off for x, y, z reasons" without you being offended and striking back with "self-righteousness" and "self-centerdness" accusations against her? Femdoms have every right to express their dislike or disgust in something even if some people are too sensitive to handle their expression. I wonder if you carry a chip on your shoulder such that no matter what a femdom says, you won't be able to receive their comments without negativity and judgment.

Lockit -> RE: Lame posts: "No, I'm not into that. Sorry" Why bother? (1/23/2010 10:09:13 AM)
We all have lessons in life. When I am snarky or sarcastic, do I think that is a great way to teach a lesson? Am I feeling like a teacher? No. But baby, if I walk down the street and punch someone, they will either have me arrested or will deck me. This is a lesson I taught my children. If they hit, they got hit back somewhere down the line and one day it wasn't going to be fun. I parented. I wasn't raising children and expected adults standing there when my job was done, therefore I was raising adults. If an adult and we assume most on this site are adults, doesn't know how to walk into a place with other adults and get along and show an adult standing there, then they have some life lessons to learn and I have no problem showing them... you get what you give. There is no excuse... even sex addiction and fetish, to come in and treat women as fetish tools or whores there for their satisfaction. They deserve what they get and because they get it, they may learn a lesson. Most who have gotten the snark or whatever deserved it and hopefully they will think again before they come in and act like they did. Now, if someone wishes to speak about how we can ignore them and just walk on... well guess what? Bull shit. Women have been walking on for most of the time mankind has been around and damn it, I didn't burn my bra for nothing! It meant something! It meant, I am not taking it anymore. Funny how most the men would say we dominant's are out of line. Funny they may never had known sexual harassment in the work place or just about anywhere we went. Too bad they never experienced a man just reaching out and touching someone or lower pay and little respect because we were simply women. Now, I am not all feminist and am not angry, but I will be damned if I am going to let some less than smooth talkin man come in and act like a cave man and say nothing about it. Call me what you will... excuse whatever and say I am excusing whatever... but it is what it is and I am not changing. Just like a wayward child... any child... I will correct or shame or slam dunk when I wish to. Until protective services for anyone is needed... tough shit. [;)]

LadyAngelika -> RE: Lame posts: "No, I'm not into that. Sorry" Why bother? (1/23/2010 10:32:30 AM)
FR - Here I think is a good way to deal with requests for information: http://www.collarchat.com/m_3022221/tm.htm Makes for a short thread! - LA

SolangeRichards -> RE: Lame posts: "No, I'm not into that. Sorry" Why bother? (1/23/2010 10:41:09 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: MsHValentine quote: ORIGINAL: SolangeRichards snip: humiliated with snarky comments and smartassed statements just because little Poindexter asked a stupid question.... Yes, I know that we are dealing with adults here, but if the goal truly is to educate, then the self styled and self appointed teachers should at least learn how to do it correctly. Are you referring to the dommes here in this section? You obviously feel upset by some of them. I'm curious what exactly was said to make you feel this strongly against the women posting here. They seem like pretty decent women to me. Sorry MsHValentine, but the thread's not about me. I do not know anyone who has posted to this thread, however, I do appreciate your interest in my experiences on this forum. An underlying theme of this thread has been education. My comment was pretty simple. If one seeks to teach, is humiliation and slamming a correct way to do it? You can make a dog stop barking if you beat it with a stick enough times, but are you teaching it to stop barking or teaching it to fear being beaten with a stick?

LadyPact -> RE: Lame posts: "No, I'm not into that. Sorry" Why bother? (1/23/2010 10:47:33 AM)
I see your point in that, but you also have to look at it from the other perspective. If using that method did indeed get the dog to stop barking, wasn't the same result accomplished?

LadyAngelika -> RE: Lame posts: "No, I'm not into that. Sorry" Why bother? (1/23/2010 10:47:59 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: SolangeRichards quote: ORIGINAL: MsHValentine quote: ORIGINAL: SolangeRichards snip: humiliated with snarky comments and smartassed statements just because little Poindexter asked a stupid question.... Yes, I know that we are dealing with adults here, but if the goal truly is to educate, then the self styled and self appointed teachers should at least learn how to do it correctly. Are you referring to the dommes here in this section? You obviously feel upset by some of them. I'm curious what exactly was said to make you feel this strongly against the women posting here. They seem like pretty decent women to me. Sorry MsHValentine, but the thread's not about me. I do not know anyone who has posted to this thread, however, I do appreciate your interest in my experiences on this forum. An underlying theme of this thread has been education. My comment was pretty simple. If one seeks to teach, is humiliation and slamming a correct way to do it? You can make a dog stop barking if you beat it with a stick enough times, but are you teaching it to stop barking or teaching it to fear being beaten with a stick? MsHValentine, this thread is not Solange. Ok, Solange and I have had our disagreement but I wouldn't say that she is one of the posters that the OP is refering to. There is nothing wrong with stating that this is not something we are into without being rude. On this I agree 100%. I used to be a bit snarkier but I find now that as long as I'm being asked a question respectfully, I'll do my best to answer respectfully. Of course, I have my days where I'm not so patient. I am a huge believer in carrot rather than stick. I do however put my foot down sometimes. - LA

SolangeRichards -> RE: Lame posts: "No, I'm not into that. Sorry" Why bother? (1/23/2010 10:57:16 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LadyPact I see your point in that, but you also have to look at it from the other perspective. If using that method did indeed get the dog to stop barking, wasn't the same result accomplished? Oh my.... With all due respect Lady Pact, you really need to rethink this line of reasoning, it leads down some very ugly roads, and frankly, it's not worthy of you....

OttersSwim -> RE: Lame posts: "No, I'm not into that. Sorry" Why bother? (1/23/2010 11:37:43 AM)
NM

pyroaquatic -> RE: Lame posts: "No, I'm not into that. Sorry" Why bother? (1/23/2010 11:40:15 AM)
It reminds me of "EW YOU GOTZ KINKY COOTIES" While it would be nice to persuade people NOT to do something people are going to do what they want. Advice is made internally. One cannot control the Horde. -------------- Short defines long, High defines low, Beauty defines Ugly, opposites define each other. If it was no stick-beating discipline of the dog I would expect that there would be no domesticated wolves. I'm not saying that beating a dog is the correct manner to do things but damnit, the way forward may seem like the way backward. </tao> -------------- School is out and we are supposed to be adults with thick skin and even thicker heads. It may appear to be insensitive but it can be the kindest thing any person can accomplish. The worst kind of cruelty can come in a nice ribbon wrapped package. It is the intention of the actions and words spoken that remain important. The tone and style vary from person to person. If you ask, you will receive. -------------- i'm done babbling like a fool aloof.

SylvereApLeanan -> RE: Lame posts: "No, I'm not into that. Sorry" Why bother? (1/23/2010 11:58:28 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: hardbodysub The concept that when dommes spout off about not being into a sub's expressed interest, they're doing the guy a favor and educating him, that's nothing more than a rationalization allowing them to bitch and moan about not getting what they want. I'm not saying that it's intentional. A lot of women actually believe that they're helping when they do this. But they're not. What they're doing is dominating the thread with unnecessary negatives, and discouraging positive responses from people who actually might consider responding affirmatively. I'll give you guys a couple of days to figure out in just what way I find this exceptionally ironic and hilarious.

pyroaquatic -> RE: Lame posts: "No, I'm not into that. Sorry" Why bother? (1/23/2010 12:11:21 PM)
Dominant Ladies should get what they want and be Dominant about it? Biscuit please.

LadyAngelika -> RE: Lame posts: "No, I'm not into that. Sorry" Why bother? (1/23/2010 12:24:32 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: SylvereApLeanan quote: ORIGINAL: hardbodysub The concept that when dommes spout off about not being into a sub's expressed interest, they're doing the guy a favor and educating him, that's nothing more than a rationalization allowing them to bitch and moan about not getting what they want. I'm not saying that it's intentional. A lot of women actually believe that they're helping when they do this. But they're not. What they're doing is dominating the thread with unnecessary negatives, and discouraging positive responses from people who actually might consider responding affirmatively. I'll give you guys a couple of days to figure out in just what way I find this exceptionally ironic and hilarious. Oh my! I love your style SylvereApLeanan! - LA

LadyHibiscus -> RE: Lame posts: "No, I'm not into that. Sorry" Why bother? (1/23/2010 12:27:38 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: SylvereApLeanan quote: ORIGINAL: hardbodysub The concept that when dommes spout off about not being into a sub's expressed interest, they're doing the guy a favor and educating him, that's nothing more than a rationalization allowing them to bitch and moan about not getting what they want. I'm not saying that it's intentional. A lot of women actually believe that they're helping when they do this. But they're not. What they're doing is dominating the thread with unnecessary negatives, and discouraging positive responses from people who actually might consider responding affirmatively. I'll give you guys a couple of days to figure out in just what way I find this exceptionally ironic and hilarious. OMG WIN!!!!

MsHValentine -> RE: Lame posts: "No, I'm not into that. Sorry" Why bother? (1/23/2010 12:45:21 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: SolangeRichards If one seeks to teach, is humiliation and slamming a correct way to do it? You can make a dog stop barking if you beat it with a stick enough times, but are you teaching it to stop barking or teaching it to fear being beaten with a stick? There's been a number of femdoms posting in this thread. I'm a little surprised you feel them to be humiliating and slamming toward other members. For the most part, I find the women posting here to be quite respectful and intelligent. Are you're feeling based on just one or two? All? Most?

SolangeRichards -> RE: Lame posts: "No, I'm not into that. Sorry" Why bother? (1/23/2010 2:59:59 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: MsHValentine quote: ORIGINAL: SolangeRichards If one seeks to teach, is humiliation and slamming a correct way to do it? You can make a dog stop barking if you beat it with a stick enough times, but are you teaching it to stop barking or teaching it to fear being beaten with a stick? There's been a number of femdoms posting in this thread. I'm a little surprised you feel them to be humiliating and slamming toward other members. For the most part, I find the women posting here to be quite respectful and intelligent. Are you're feeling based on just one or two? All? Most? Well now, it appears I've been called out in person! As an old New Englander, if I'm the sand in your clam, I guess we should discuss things... I'm surprised that you're surprised, since we don't know each other. I mean, how have I surprised you by giving my thoughts on this thread on how to educate human beings? For the most part, like you, I find the women posting here to be quite respectful and intelligent. Are my feelings based on just one or two? No. All? No. Most? No. Frankly, the most surprising thing, and I love surprises, has been this whole interchange...

cloudboy -> RE: Lame posts: "No, I'm not into that. Sorry" Why bother? (1/23/2010 3:29:36 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: onlyme32111 Cloudboy, do you make a distinction between a person who is bigoted against crossdressing and a person who simply finds crossdressing unattractive? I am admittedly running out of steam on this subject. All of us have our own inner-fascist, and I think the distinction would be between those who let it out and those who keep it inside. Every person has a strong, negative, maybe angry -- maybe resentful, probably over-generalized response to certain traits or characteristics of others. As a rule, it is very difficult to keep these strong reactions to ourselves, and it is freeing to let them out, and it can be liberating to project this nastiness out of ourselves onto someone else. This way our own inner-fascist is not our own negativity, it is the fault of someone else. I am not driven to CD much anymore, but when I was younger, I was. I can still remember my wife's negative reaction to it. I don't blame her for it, but it was pretty much primordial disgust and disapproval. Imagine someone taking a spoonful of chocolate pudding only to find out it was dogshit. CDing went hugely against her existing sensibilities. As a whole, there is a similar, wide spread reaction that women share in this regard. As I've seen on the boards for the past five years, this negativity is a driver for much of their posting, but they themselves identify their driver as either the rationale Aakasha speaks of in the OP or as a reaction to a CDs who "have it coming," as Ottersswim believes. So, each of us has our own inner fascist, and I agree that we are allowed to use this as our own guide in our own personal relationships -- its just that when we let that devil out as some kind of objective, worldly observation or truth, or helpful "piece of advice" -- when we direct those thoughts at others with whom we do not want a relationship to begin with, that's when we become bigoted people. That's where I see the line existing. (Stef thinks I'm on a bender. All the denials and counter rationales make me question if I've seen the line, but upon review, I do believe I have seen it crossed.) P.S. I agree with what Hardbodysub says here on Page 3 of this thread. I congratulate him, too, for expressing it so well.

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