ItsAProcess
Posts: 62
Joined: 3/29/2006
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Warning: I'm going to refer to submissives as She and Doms as He, generally. this is not because I do not believe positions can't be reversed or that Dommes or malesubs are lesser in any way, but simply because it's easier for me. this post, is however, aimed primarily at MaleDoms. Simply because that is where my experience lies.
Sometimes, I don't really understand what is going through the head of so many 'Doms'. There seems to be this pervasive and evergrowing attitude that to be dominant means taking advantage of a submissive as much as you can and then tossing her by the wayside once she catches on to your shenanigans.
Frankly, I'm tired of it.
So, much to the annoyance of many, no doubt, you all get to be witness to my personal little rant on what I like to consider the three Pillars of Dominance.
Honor.
Honor. A word from ages past. A concept and ideal that has spanned thousands upon thousands of years. You can find words meaning and carrying the same inflection in nearly every language upon this planet. I dare you to find me a society in the history of humanity where Honor of some sort or another was not vitally important.
I'll save you the time, you really won't be able to do that. Why? Because it is one of the founding principles of society. The word itself can mean many things. Honesty, Reliability, Following specific protocols of interaction. Generally? I like to think of having Honor as being someone of integrity, someone with the courage to stand up and demand more of him or herself than is easy or popular. It means taking responsibility for your mistakes, it means admitting your faults, it means keeping your word. Honor means putting what is Right before what is Convienent. Honor means holding to a strict code of personal ethics. A code that does not allow much leeway in the way of actions.
Think back with me for a moment, and consider the sorts of people in human history to whom honor is most commonly ascribed as critically important. What sort of person comes to mind first when you think of the word Honor? For me it just happens to be a Knight. A man of strength, a man respected, a man who is honored and given reknown for his deeds and his dedication to a calling higher than himself. Greater than his desires and larger than his purse, his loins, or his comfort. Oft times given great power, because a Knight was supposed to be Honorable that power was given in the trust that he would use that power, that authority for what is good, not for personal gain.
A real Dominant should strive to be similar. Be Honorable, or find a different lifestyle.
Responsibility.
Ah yes. Responsibility. The word so commonly ground into our childlike minds as we grow and learn. The word upon which much of our society is now, supposedly, based. Be responsible and do your homework. Be responsible and support your family. Be responsible and finish your chores. Be responsible and maintain the car. But responsibility is more than this. Responsibility is more than fulfilling a grouping of actions and tasks which most, or many folks consider to be vitally important.
Responsibility means doing what needs to be done, not because it brings rewards, not because it offers comfort, not because it gains you respect. Responsibility means doing what needs to be done because to do otherwise is to bring harm upon yourself and others. Because to do otherwise is to be a less-than-productive member of society. Because to do otherwise is to be a drain upon those who are close to you.
Responsibility means owning up to your faults. It means admitting when you are less than perfect, it means accepting your mistakes. It also means stiriving to repair what damage you have done through inappropriate actions, thoughts, words or attitudes. Responsibility means doing your best to be valuabe and reliable.
Be responsible, or be something besides a Dominant.
Dignity.
Oh boy, here is the one where most folks are going to call me a crackpot. But perhaps I'm just old fashioned. Dignity means comporting yourself in a fashion that is neither embarressing nor inappropriate to the situation at hand. It means having pride in your accomplishments and yourself. Dignity means having respect for yourself. Having respect for yourself, of course, has various meanings as well. Lets address some of them, shall we?
Firstly. Don't be a braggart. Sure, we all find them amusing from time to time. And yes, a good, healthy bit of confidense is an attractive feature to most folks. But when you tend to go on and on about how incredibly awesome you are, how you never fail, make mistakes, or are just generally better than the rest of us poor, less-blessed human animals? People get very, very tired of being anywhere near you. Even the people who call you friend are most likely rolling their eyes when your back is turned. Being a braggart causes others to lose respect for you. I dare you to find a submissive who will gladly and happily submit to someone they don't respect.
That wasn't very easy, was it? I didn't think so.
Secondly? Take care of yourself. That means, yes, bathing regularly. Dressing appropriately when venturing out of your personal abode, and attempting to take care of your health. I ask you, how are you going to Dom your submissive if you're too busy being locked on the couch because you're out of energy due to being overweight/sick/fucking lazy (hint, the last is the worst.) Secondly, and this might be offensive. but for god's sake. Try to get some physical activity in. It's not very fun for the submissive if she's feeling squished when you're ontop of her, now is it? I really wouldn't think so.
Thirdly, and lastly, but definately not least. Don't act like a child. Yes, this means being an adult. Is that really so hard to do? Don't throw temper tantrums, don't be overly judgemental, don't be greedy and selfish. Do your best not to be lazy. None of these things lend towards coming off reliably or with dignity. And dignity is definately important for a Dominant.
Now, just to make it clear, all of this doesn't mean you have to be some perfect manly man robot all the time. But do try to remember that you hold a position of respect and power. Comport yourself like you are someone worth respecting, it'll take you far.
< Message edited by ItsAProcess -- 1/20/2010 9:46:36 PM >
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Honor, Responsibility, Dignity. - 
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