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ORIGINAL: ItsAProcess
I've run into way, way, way, too many submissives who have been abused/harmed due to the selfish, immature, and/or just plain dangerous actions of so called 'dominants'. When 7 out of 10 submissives have a horror story that caused them great damage, I tend to think of that as prevalent, yes.

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ORIGINAL: ItsAProcess

Secondly? A Dominant needs to be held to a higher standard because, quite frankly, the amount of damage that can be done to a person through the power given to them is beyond staggering.

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ORIGINAL: ItsAProcess
Yes. they are principles that anyone, vanilla or kinky, can use. But I believe that as a Dominant one must hold themselves to a standard higher than the common man/woman. That's how it relates.

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It is not about kinky men protecting weak, fragile girls. It is about the highest level of respect for the power one holds. And a Dominant holds power the average person does not. He holds the power over another's mental health and well-being.

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ORIGINAL: ItsAProcess

It's my personal experience. Now, I don't believe I've written a scientific essay, so I'm not about to go providing a referendum or a list of souces, but yes, it is prevalent in the group I used to take part of, and furthermore, I've run into way, way, way, too many submissives who have been abused/harmed due to the selfish, immature, and/or just plain dangerous actions of so called 'dominants'. When 7 out of 10 submissives have a horror story that caused them great damage, I tend to think of that as prevalent, yes.

Yes. they are principles that anyone, vanilla or kinky, can use. But I believe that as a Dominant one must hold themselves to a standard higher than the common man/woman. That's how it relates.

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ORIGINAL: ThatDamnedPanda

First of all, welcome to the forums. Both of you. You've obviously put a lot of thought into this, and you sound like a couple of really nice people. Thanks for sharing this.

Now. Having said that... I understand what you're saying and I respect your intentions. But the way it reads to me, it sounds as though you're overthinking and overromanticizing what's really a pretty basic relationship dynamic. It seems as though you're greatly overstating both the power of most dominants and the vulnerability of most submissives. And not only doing a disservice to both, but to yourself as well because it's blinding you to a reality that's much less complicated than the one you see.

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ORIGINAL: ItsAProcess
I've run into way, way, way, too many submissives who have been abused/harmed due to the selfish, immature, and/or just plain dangerous actions of so called 'dominants'. When 7 out of 10 submissives have a horror story that caused them great damage, I tend to think of that as prevalent, yes.

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ORIGINAL: ItsAProcess

Secondly? A Dominant needs to be held to a higher standard because, quite frankly, the amount of damage that can be done to a person through the power given to them is beyond staggering.

This is where it loses me. This premise is where it falls apart for me, and along with it your whole argument - to the extent that a great deal of your argument hangs from the flawed premise. "Beyond staggering?" "Horror stories" about "great damage" caused by dangerous dominants? Who are these people, and why are they so different than almost all of the dominants and submissives I've met in the 30+ years I've been living this lifestyle?

People are people. Dominants are no more potentially destructive than any other relationship partner, and in my experience, if a submissive is that easily and that frequently damaged that badly, it's not because they're submissive - it's generally because they tend to make bad relationship choices and lack basic coping skills. If they weren't submissive, they'd be the ones regaling people with stories about how badly they were damaged by the vanilla jerk they used to date.  If 7 out of 10 of them have been damaged that badly, they need to ask themselves what it is about them that put them in that position and left them that wounded. They don't need better dominants; they need better relationship skills.

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ORIGINAL: ItsAProcess
Yes. they are principles that anyone, vanilla or kinky, can use. But I believe that as a Dominant one must hold themselves to a standard higher than the common man/woman. That's how it relates.

Isn't that just another way of saying ordinary people are a level below dominants? I see a real arrogance in this, unintended though it may be. I agree with you that dominance is largely about leadership, and leadership is largely about principle and accountability, but I don't agree that there's anything special about dominants. See, the thing is, dominants are common men and common women. Common men and common women who (like many common men and common women) happen to be in leadership roles. People who would certainly be well-advised to aspire to the philosophy you articulate, but not because they're  dominants and therefore of a higher order - simply because they're human beings, and human beings who live their lives in accordance with those principles live more meaningful and honorable lives.

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ORIGINAL: DesFIP

You're missing my point Maria which is that the subs he's talked to who have had all these terrible experiences are very young, and the other doms who are so much less honorable than him are also very young.

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Can there be a mature 23 year old? Of course. How many of the average 23 year olds out there are mature enough to keep a relationship going long term? Damn few. It's a numbers game. Is he probably a little more mature than the average 23 year old? Most likely due to him having been in the military. Are all of his contemporaries going to have had the same experiences of being in danger overseas which makes you see what is and what is not important? Hell no.

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ORIGINAL: allthatjaz
But we don't know he has had young submissives DesFip. He could of had submissives older than himself ?

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It simply means that you have to be better.

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ORIGINAL: ItsAProcess
Warning: I'm going to refer to submissives as She and Doms as He, generally. this is not because I do not believe positions can't be reversed or that Dommes or malesubs are lesser in any way, but simply because it's easier for me. this post, is however, aimed primarily at MaleDoms. Simply because that is where my experience lies.

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ORIGINAL: allthatjaz

Oh pleeeze not the ageist thing again.
the Op is 23 and could of had 5 years experience which is a lot more than many of the 40 year olds on here!
I think his post was well written but he just wasn't seeing the bigger picture but then I don't see that many 40 year old Doms seeing the bigger picture either.

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ORIGINAL: mc1234

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ORIGINAL: allthatjaz
But we don't know he has had young submissives DesFip. He could of had submissives older than himself ?

His current submissive is 31, if my memory serves me from perving her profile earlier.  She seems to have a very romanticized view of the dominant/sub relationship, as do many other women her age and older.  It's not necessarily wrong if it works for them, but I tend to not subscribe to it myself.