RE: Dominas, when do you show your vulnerable side?

RE: Dominas, when do you show your vulnerable side? (Full Version)

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LadyHibiscus -> RE: Dominas, when do you show your vulnerable side? (1/21/2010 8:48:48 AM)
I am a very WYSIWYG kind of person. I don't role play, I don't do a routine, and I that whole "being on my best behaviour" stuff? Well, I can't help being a lady, but I am also a goof of the first order. I get the "you're too nice/sweet/funny/whatever to be a dom" thing all the time. I also get told that I am scary, intimidating, etc. Wha?? Is no one paying attention here? I work hard to NEVER show my vulnerability, that is so deeply ingrained into my persona that no effort or thought is required. I don't let my guard down except to a very small circle of trusted friends. I have made a few lapses which I regretted deeply. I do not trust easily, but I do not go through life acting suspicious. I am myself, and I don't worry about fitting into anyone's box.

Lockit -> RE: Dominas, when do you show your vulnerable side? (1/21/2010 9:07:39 AM)
I believe that someone saying you are too nice, etc to be a dominant, is more telling about the person saying it than the person they are saying it about. It says to me that there is a misconception of what a dominant woman is supposed to be. It is a judgment, a fantasy maybe, a preconceived notion that is based on porn, online presentation of 'some' dominant women and totally untrustworthy if seen in someone. It requires an explaination of what I see wrong with that view and if they are smart and not going to continue to project their concept of a dominant woman, they may do well and I may continue to talk to them. LA... to answer your question or asking for more explaination to what I said... I see the comments of you are too nice to be a dominant are often going hand and hand with the man who wants quick dominantion, to belong, play and get sexual attention. It is all part of the fantasy or how he views all these things. Sometimes the man simply has nothing to go on and thinks things not because he is more interested in play and sex... but because he thinks that is the way of it. But most the time with the men I have experienced to some degree or another, they do think that is what a dominant is supposed to be and that it should nearly be instant. I have had many say... oh... in your time, I understand it isn't all about sex and we need to get to know one another. They say all the right things and yet, what they mean from my opinion is, I will say what I have to say to ease your mind and convince you to give me that play and the bark of a demanding dominant. They are flowing with you because they feel they have to, but their eyes are on the final goal, which is to convince you to do what they want you to do. I know some may think I am cynical about this... but even a cynic get's that cynical from somewhere and typically it is experience. Unless I show signs of it being an unhealthy amount of cynical... there is a sound foundation for that cynical.

Rochsub2009 -> RE: Dominas, when do you show your vulnerable side? (1/21/2010 11:16:19 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: chamberqueen I think that female domination is often even more powerful when it is coming from an unexpected source, such as a shorter woman or one who is extremely feminine. i agree 100%.

VaguelyCurious -> RE: Dominas, when do you show your vulnerable side? (1/21/2010 12:21:20 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Lockit LA... to answer your question or asking for more explaination to what I said... I see the comments of you are too nice to be a dominant are often going hand and hand with the man who wants quick dominantion, to belong, play and get sexual attention. It is all part of the fantasy or how he views all these things. Sometimes the man simply has nothing to go on and thinks things not because he is more interested in play and sex... but because he thinks that is the way of it. But most the time with the men I have experienced to some degree or another, they do think that is what a dominant is supposed to be and that it should nearly be instant. I have had many say... oh... in your time, I understand it isn't all about sex and we need to get to know one another. They say all the right things and yet, what they mean from my opinion is, I will say what I have to say to ease your mind and convince you to give me that play and the bark of a demanding dominant. They are flowing with you because they feel they have to, but their eyes are on the final goal, which is to convince you to do what they want you to do. Are you saying that subs who go 'you're too cute to be dominant!' are more interested in the idea of you as a dominant than in how you actually are, and are therefore only there for the short-haul? If I've understood that right (and feel free to tell me in the bluntest way possible if I'm being dense and have got it all muddled up), then I can see how it might start to feel like that, but I do think that's a little harsh-after all, once they've seen you in proper Femdom mode those assumptions about your adorability stopping you just vanish. Do you not think it's possible for a sub's eyes to be opened by the awesomeness of your domination? (You seem pretty cool and confident, so I am assuming you're a pretty awesome Dominant :P) It doesn't seem fair to write a sub off as someone looking for a quickie just because sthey have a few odd notions at the start; as long as they change their tune pretty fast, they would be ok by me... (edited for gender neutrality; sometimes I forget not everyone is gay, lol.)

seekingOwnertoo -> RE: Dominas, when do you show your vulnerable side? (1/21/2010 12:24:33 PM)
On timing .... Always be Yourself. But You know that <smiles> Yet W/we are talking about a Female-Led relationship here ... so it is certainly appropriate to show flashes of leadership. A touch of self assurance, leadership and command do go a long way. For example, i would melt like ice cream on a hot summer day, if i met a Lady at the door of a nice restaurant, found Her slipping Her arm around mine while walking to the Maitre d', then hearing Her say to the Maitre d' something to the affect of "My man and I would like a table ...". Before i could get a word out ... This is similar to Ms. Betty ... quote: be warm but also a bit firm up front, showing just enough tooth to suggest they really, really want to stay on the warm side Earlier You wrote ... quote: I find this works best in as much in a female-led relationship as it does when I'm managing in business. ... then perhaps You might want to think of Your first meetings as You would the first day of a new job as the Manager. You want to establish Your authority ... and get the employee to like You! (Well, in this case, love You! LOL) If You are concerned about appearing vulnerable ... just develop a few little tricks, like the one i mentioned above ... to establish in the man's mind that You are the leader ... and he will follow! :-)

Rochsub2009 -> RE: Dominas, when do you show your vulnerable side? (1/21/2010 12:34:56 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: seekingOwnertoo That said, i would postulate, that what appeals to a man depends upon what he really has going on in his mind. In my case, it is the LTR potential ... and the all encompassing You. But when i was less experienced ... or looking for a booty call ... the cold front or chick with a whip persona ... was all i was interested in. And if i did not see it ... i said there is no chemistry. But that too ... was a reflection of what i really had in mind. Obviously, i'm coming at this from the perspective of a submissive male. Therefore, it's probably not surprising that the post that resonated most with me was the one that i've quoted above, which was written by a fellow sub. i agree with this perspective completely. i've been in this lifestyle for a long time, and i've had initial meetings with quite a few Dommes. Over time, my expectations have changed. Early on, i expected the stereotypical behaviors that one sees in pornography. I expected the whips and leather and 5 inch heels, as well for her to start barking orders the moment she entered the room. Frankly, i think that that expectation is actually appropriate and to be expected from a potential sub who is seeking short-term play (sessions) rather than relationship. In his eyes, you are simply a service provider. You are an instrument to fulfill his fantasy. While he says that you are the Domme, he really sees himself as being in charge. Your role is to serve him. Thus, if you are showing your "soft side", you are not playing into his fantasy and are likely to be rejected. In truth, professional Dommes are more appropriate for this type of sub than lifestyle Dommes are. Lifestyle Domme aren't just into mere role play. They need to be able to be themselves (or to "show their vulnerability", as you you put it). After all, if you are the Domme, you shouldn't have to change your fundamental persona in order to please your sub. If you do change your persona for him, then you are allowing him to top from the bottom. As i matured, i started seeking relationship rather than sessions. And i found that what i looked for in a woman was completely different. Now, i pay more attention to the vanilla aspects of the woman than i do the kink. Does she have a nice smile? Do we have similar interests? Am i enjoying our conversation? Can i picture myself being with her long-term? After all, in a real, long-term D/s relationship, you can't be in play mode 24/7. You have to enjoy one another's company after the whips and latex outfits have been put away in the closet. Despite that, i do think that it is prudent to at least give a glimpse of dominance during a first meeting. But that doesn't mean that you can't be yourself. But throwing in a few "dominant moments" during the evening is probably wise. It allows you to see how he responds to your commands, and it shows him that you really are in charge. i have an example of a great first meeting that i think you will enjoy. However, this message is getting to be a bit long, so i'll stop here.

LaTigresse -> RE: Dominas, when do you show your vulnerable side? (1/21/2010 12:39:11 PM)
Why on earth should she change who she is, her behaviour, just so that some guy can believe she is a dominant woman??? I have been contacted by, lord knows how many, female s-types (questionable of course) on here that end contact with me simply because I don't start bossing them around via email or chat! If they think for one minute that I am going to start typing some fantasy of kink for them, before I even have a clue about the person they are, they are fooling themselves. Quite frankly, they can kiss my ample ass. I am going to continue to be myself and if that means I never have another s-type serving me, I am okay with that. I am certainly not going to play some role just to keep some unrealistic twit's, kinky fantasies going.

Lockit -> RE: Dominas, when do you show your vulnerable side? (1/21/2010 1:08:18 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: VaguelyCurious Are you saying that subs who go 'you're too cute to be dominant!' are more interested in the idea of you as a dominant than in how you actually are, and are therefore only there for the short-haul? If I've understood that right (and feel free to tell me in the bluntest way possible if I'm being dense and have got it all muddled up), then I can see how it might start to feel like that, but I do think that's a little harsh-after all, once they've seen you in proper Femdom mode those assumptions about your adorability stopping you just vanish. Do you not think it's possible for a sub's eyes to be opened by the awesomeness of your domination? (You seem pretty cool and confident, so I am assuming you're a pretty awesome Dominant :P) It doesn't seem fair to write a sub off as someone looking for a quickie just because sthey have a few odd notions at the start; as long as they change their tune pretty fast, they would be ok by me... (edited for gender neutrality; sometimes I forget not everyone is gay, lol.) LOL... you are not being dense at all! And actually... those are some very good questions and I don't mind at all you asking them of me because in a sense I could sound harsh. I tend to sum things up... and take many things into consideration and don't always include how I got to my decision. You are correct that I am saying I believe that those who are saying you are too cute/nice/whatever are most often the same guys who want quick dominantion or play and they also are not always in for the long haul or a relationship, even if they say so. Now, that doesn't mean they cannot see things another way or be for the long haul. Some you can talk to and impress them and help them see you are for real. Many though, seem to be hell bent on getting that fantasy dominant and there is nothing at the moment or within a time frame I would be willing to work through... to get them to the other side of that thinking or horniness. As a couple of men have shared here... they viewed things differently at first and then changed how they view dominant's and relationships with them. How long did that take? I dare assume that it wasn't an over night thing. I won't battle some concept of a dominant woman that could take years to evolve or even a year to evolve because there is no assurance that it will work. Typically and especially at my age... I don't want to wait for the good stuff... not in that area anyway! lol In the age group of men I am dealing with, they better have learned a few things in that time or I am going to harshly or laughingly say... no thanks to that! lol Because of most my contacts being online at first... that may be part of where I run into more of this... but, with my posts, profile and journal, plus any contact they have outside those things but still not in person... they ought to be able to see I am very consistant and determined and pull no punches and when I say something, I mean it. In person... I give them about a day to figure out I am very determined as a dominant and there is no question about how I am going to be about being the female lead. Just the way I talk, even when having fun... one can see I am in charge of my world. I don't have to do much of anything in voice change or even expressions there! lol I have worked with some and yet found the success ratio very slim when someone wants to hurry up and get some. Whatever that some is. I do in many ways expect someone to approach in a decent manner from the start. The fantasy I will call in a heartbeat and if there isn't a quick turn around... bye bye... I don't have the time or energy to bust their balls on bad behavior or lack of social skills and train them in things they should know by the age they are that I would be interested in. I really see little excuse for a lot of what I see. If they excuse themselves from growing and maturing... they have excused themselves from other things in life, most likely.

VaguelyCurious -> RE: Dominas, when do you show your vulnerable side? (1/21/2010 1:25:56 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Lockit I won't battle some concept of a dominant woman that could take years to evolve or even a year to evolve because there is no assurance that it will work. Typically and especially at my age... I don't want to wait for the good stuff... not in that area anyway! lol In the age group of men I am dealing with, they better have learned a few things in that time or I am going to harshly or laughingly say... no thanks to that! lol That's fair; thankyou for clarifying for me. I guess I just haven't got used to the formalised way things are done online yet-it's only fairly recently that I've started dominating people I didn't meet in real life. I'm sure I'll be much less optimistic in a few years, lol.

Lockit -> RE: Dominas, when do you show your vulnerable side? (1/21/2010 1:34:48 PM)
Formalized? Damn... I kind of figured it was a free for all for the most part! lol The online thing does have some effect for sure, but I have seen a lot of this in person as well, in vanilla and bdsm or d/s. Some men just wanna getcha some and we are where they look to getcha some! You should have seen the men I had working on my place last spring and summer! OMG! It was fun actually... watching their faces when I called them on things... told one he was a dog!... and then let them know I was a dominant! I still laugh about it! I wasn't just new meat in town, but new dominant meat! Whoa... a whole new ball game! lol One asked after weeks to think about things... how much do you charge for that dominatrix stuff? I laughed heartily on that one. I said I don't charge, I do this to my boyfriends! You should have seen their faces! One was like... I can go with that. The other was dumbfounded. He just said... very interesting woman! lol I can only imagine what they think my bedroom looks like! lol

Lucienne -> RE: Dominas, when do you show your vulnerable side? (1/21/2010 1:40:34 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Rochsub2009 Frankly, i think that that expectation is actually appropriate and to be expected from a potential sub who is seeking short-term play (sessions) rather than relationship. In his eyes, you are simply a service provider. You are an instrument to fulfill his fantasy. While he says that you are the Domme, he really sees himself as being in charge. Your role is to serve him. Thus, if you are showing your "soft side", you are not playing into his fantasy and are likely to be rejected. In truth, professional Dommes are more appropriate for this type of sub than lifestyle Dommes are. In my limited experience, this has been true. I'm very new to what I fondly refer to as "this Mistress business." So I'm just sort of getting my sea legs, not planning to circumnavigate the globe. The numbers being what they are, I could pretty easily get some random but relatively safe guy to practice things on. But it doesn't sound like much fun at all, or a skill that I want to acquire, to go through some pretense of him calling me a Goddess when what is actually happening is service topping. I already know how to be a service top. I'm neither a professional or lifestyle, but I've encountered scenarios where I thought "that just has more of a commercial feel to me." And the funny thing is it is not the physical acts that causes me to feel that way, it's the fakery of the power-exchange. I really have nothing against men who want this sort of "roleplay," I'm just not interested in playing it. If I'm in charge, I'm in charge dammit

VaguelyCurious -> RE: Dominas, when do you show your vulnerable side? (1/21/2010 1:49:49 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Lockit Formalized? Damn... I kind of figured it was a free for all for the most part! lol The online thing does have some effect for sure, but I have seen a lot of this in person as well, in vanilla and bdsm or d/s. Some men just wanna getcha some and we are where they look to getcha some! You should have seen the men I had working on my place last spring and summer! OMG! It was fun actually... watching their faces when I called them on things... told one he was a dog!... and then let them know I was a dominant! I still laugh about it! I wasn't just new meat in town, but new dominant meat! Whoa... a whole new ball game! lol One asked after weeks to think about things... how much do you charge for that dominatrix stuff? I laughed heartily on that one. I said I don't charge, I do this to my boyfriends! You should have seen their faces! One was like... I can go with that. The other was dumbfounded. He just said... very interesting woman! lol I can only imagine what they think my bedroom looks like! lol Haha! I think formalised might have been the wrong word-maybe structured would be better. You're both approaching this with the aim of a D/s dynamic of some kind right from the start, and that isn't something I've had until recently. Before, it was more of an evolution each time. My learning curve for working out how to act around subs I've met online has been pretty steep, but I came to the conclusion that there are subs who like Dommes who are giggly and feminine an have an aversion to wearing latex and painfully high heels, and anyone who doesn't either a) think like that already, or b) convert to the camp pretty fast, can go away and find someone more ice-queen-ish :P (Not that I have anything whatsoever against ice-queens. I just have the face of a fourteen-year-old; I look ridiculous when I try to look cold.)

Lockit -> RE: Dominas, when do you show your vulnerable side? (1/21/2010 1:58:15 PM)
LOL... I had to grow into my face too! hehe I was married and step mother to four and looked twelve, if that! I think I actually learned a lot more by being a parent. I knew by age ten they would be bigger than me and I had better have something that influenced good behavior or they could whomp on my ass!

Rochsub2009 -> RE: Dominas, when do you show your vulnerable side? (1/21/2010 2:16:16 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Lucienne I could pretty easily get some random but relatively safe guy to practice things on. But it doesn't sound like much fun at all, or a skill that I want to acquire, to go through some pretense of him calling me a Goddess when what is actually happening is service topping. .......... I really have nothing against men who want this sort of "roleplay," I'm just not interested in playing it. If I'm in charge, I'm in charge dammit Well, with that type of sub, you ARE in charge (until you step outside of his preconceived dominatrix fantasy, and then he kindly reminds you of how you're "supposed" to act). [8\|]

VaguelyCurious -> RE: Dominas, when do you show your vulnerable side? (1/21/2010 2:43:27 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Rochsub2009 quote: ORIGINAL: Lucienne I could pretty easily get some random but relatively safe guy to practice things on. But it doesn't sound like much fun at all, or a skill that I want to acquire, to go through some pretense of him calling me a Goddess when what is actually happening is service topping. .......... I really have nothing against men who want this sort of "roleplay," I'm just not interested in playing it. If I'm in charge, I'm in charge dammit Well, with that type of sub, you ARE in charge (until you step outside of his preconceived dominatrix fantasy, and then he kindly reminds you of how you're "supposed" to act). [8\|] At which point my instinct would be to say that I'm the arbiter of how I should and should not act here, and that he knows what his safeword is, should he wish to use it. No? (Ok, maybe I wouldn't actually use the word arbiter...)

Lucienne -> RE: Dominas, when do you show your vulnerable side? (1/21/2010 2:45:35 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Rochsub2009 quote: ORIGINAL: Lucienne I could pretty easily get some random but relatively safe guy to practice things on. But it doesn't sound like much fun at all, or a skill that I want to acquire, to go through some pretense of him calling me a Goddess when what is actually happening is service topping. .......... I really have nothing against men who want this sort of "roleplay," I'm just not interested in playing it. If I'm in charge, I'm in charge dammit Well, with that type of sub, you ARE in charge (until you step outside of his preconceived dominatrix fantasy, and then he kindly reminds you of how you're "supposed" to act). [8\|] Lol. I've had one guy try to "No, no, no, no!" me. Claims he's really into feeling vulnerable. We do some stuff together that he's really down with, which I think most men would agree were sort of vulnerable things. Then I tell him to bring me his laptop. He does. I start checking his history. He gets fidgety when he realizes what I'm doing. Starts making excuses, without prompting, for certain sites ("I have no idea what I was doing on that {highly specific kink } page"). At a certain point, he starts saying "no, no, no, no" and reaches over to remove the lap top from my lap. I firmly, but smirking, say "'No' is not your safe word." He says "yeah, but this is just..." and I said "making you feel vulnerable?" He gave up. And my heart had a flare of warmth.

LadyAngelika -> RE: Dominas, when do you show your vulnerable side? (1/21/2010 2:52:13 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LadyPact In all fairness, I think I'm reading the original and having a much different take on it than most. I'm very hung up on the word vulnerable in the original and to Me, that is something a bit different than what many have expressed in reply. I don't associate being our whole selves as Dominant women equating vulnerability. Me neither! quote: Like many who have responded here, I've often received that quizzical look on someone's face, the 'sweet little you' reaction when I've told them that I was a Dominant, and better yet a sadist, and they are hearing this information for the first time. The heartless, cold bitch stereotype so prevalent in porn isn't who most of us really are. I tend to think most of us would be so much better off if we kicked that whole fantasy concept out of the gate and were just ourselves from the beginning. Even as Dominant women, we somehow get the idea that this or that is the image that we're supposed to be. I admit that I had that preconceived notion Myself years ago when I had My first slave and I can't tell you how happy I was when I chucked that whole nonsense and decided I was just going to be Myself. Yeah, I don't cater to that anymore, either. quote: To Me, this is something different than being vulnerable. In saying this, I'm going with the literal definition of the word. Susceptible to being wounded or hurt. In that context, no, someone just entering My life doesn't have that ability over Me. That only is a condition that exists once a relationship has started to form. As was even said in the original, 'timing is everything' and to Me, it has everything to do with time. The time you invest in someone else as you build trust with them. As trust builds in time, I can be more secure in exposing My vulnerabilities. This in turn, deepens the bond that I have with that person. In My opinion, that just makes it all the better when it happens. Agreed. And I'm not talking about opening myself up completely. I think it's more about showing them that I'm human, that I can be vulnerable, not necessarily that I am. - LA

LadyAngelika -> RE: Dominas, when do you show your vulnerable side? (1/21/2010 2:59:55 PM)
quote: For example, i would melt like ice cream on a hot summer day, if i met a Lady at the door of a nice restaurant, found Her slipping Her arm around mine while walking to the Maitre d', then hearing Her say to the Maitre d' something to the affect of "My man and I would like a table ...". Before i could get a word out ... Funny, see I like to train a man to take care of this for me, to get us a table ;-) Ok, I do show signs of being a leader early on. It's not like I hide them. In fact, I get mixed messages such as "are you sure you don't have a submissive side?" and "I find you're pretty set in your ways" in like the same paragraph. So the message I'm getting is "I wish you looked more mean and weren't so set in your ways and cater to my fantasies." Ha!! quote: ORIGINAL: Rochsub2009 Frankly, i think that that expectation is actually appropriate and to be expected from a potential sub who is seeking short-term play (sessions) rather than relationship. In his eyes, you are simply a service provider. You are an instrument to fulfill his fantasy. While he says that you are the Domme, he really sees himself as being in charge. Your role is to serve him. Thus, if you are showing your "soft side", you are not playing into his fantasy and are likely to be rejected. In truth, professional Dommes are more appropriate for this type of sub than lifestyle Dommes are. Rochsub is onto something... - LA

sodsta -> RE: Dominas, when do you show your vulnerable side? (1/21/2010 5:35:44 PM)
I think it would depend on what you were looking for in a man as to whether you feel comfortable displaying your "vulnerable" side up front. If you're just looking for casual, no-strings play, then maybe it would feel safer putting up said cold front. If, however, you need more than that and want to get to know the person on a level that goes beyond just kink, then letting them see your vulnerable side is important. In fact, you should make sure they see it. If you want to get to know them, you're going to want them to get to know you, too. All of you. Personally, I like knowing a domme has a vulnerable side. That she is fallible. I went to a femdom club a few months ago and was watching one particular domme as she made her way across the room. She had a very stern, haughty look on her face and was obviously putting on a front. She crossed the entire hall like this, pointedly not talking to anyone, then got to the other side of the room and tripped on a piece of equipment, stumbled awkwardly on her dress and cracked up laughing, all trace of cold, domineering superiority gone from her face completely. I smiled a huge smile and thought "thank god, she's human" and in that moment she seemed absolutely lovely. :) I adore that kind of thing. It makes me want to submit so much more than any sneer or furrowed brow.

shallowdeep -> RE: Dominas, when do you show your vulnerable side? (1/21/2010 5:38:51 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Lucienne "I'm kind of confused by the OP. Probably because I don't associate a sweet and soft demeanor with vulnerability." I have to agree with this. From my perspective, there really seem to be two separate issues. To tackle the first, about being polite and the perceptions involved with that: If you consider yourself "a kind, sweet and polite woman" then, by all means, be authentic to that. I must be missing something, but if you want to get to know someone in the hopes of developing something lasting with them, I can really see no reason why you would want to hold back on this. I can only speak for myself, but a dominant woman being kind and polite is not going to be at all off-putting. I rather doubt the type of person you seek is going to be bothered by it either. The dichotomy of iron and velvet existing together does not seem at all paradoxical or confusing; I like the complexity of the fusion, in fact. Frankly, a constantly cold facade is far less appealing. Still, from a submissive perspective, dropping a few hints of your dominant facets would be welcome. Ultimately, if those facets are a part of you, they will factor into compatibility as well. The tendency to let a few dominant overtones naturally show in flirtation is something a submissively inclined gentleman is probably looking for. It doesn't have to be overt or constant, but if someone were to go too long without somehow letting me know that, yes, they actually honestly do enjoy leading and playing with their "wicked" side, I would begin to have doubts – doubts not about the capacity of the woman to be dominant, but simply about her interest in being so with me. The second, separate topic I see is vulnerability. While I don't equate vulnerability with politeness or sweetness in any way, I do have some thoughts on the subject. I don't really see showing vulnerability as a weakness. Whether they admit it or not, everyone is vulnerable at certain times and in certain ways. To my way of thinking, being able to share those vulnerabilities actually takes courage. Being on the receiving end of that courageous trust is something I value deeply, and I think it does foster intimacy. I would absolutely want my partner to be comfortable exposing her vulnerabilities to me – to trust me to be supportive, helpful, and strong when she needs me the most. I don't perceive that role as at all antithetical to being submissive, nor the willingness to share vulnerability with me as detracting from dominance. Really, I think it's more about being human in a trusting relationship. Relationships obviously take time to develop, but gradually taking steps to trust each other and expose vulnerabilities is, for me, a welcome part of that development process.

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